how do I breakup with my gf?

[soxel]

how do I breakup with my long distance girlfriend? we met, kissed on the 3rd date, then I left back to my state. we have went out for around 6 to 8 months online/over the phone, and I dont see anything going anywhere. she is marriage material, but I dont plan on getting married for another 10 years, as I am only 19, she is 20. also... she is in another state...

she is a shy church girl, who doesnt really do much all day, and I think she fell for me hardcore. how do I let her down easy, and over the phone?

 

[SweetErika]

Tell her you've really enjoyed the time you've spent together and think she's wonderful, but it seems like you have different goals and you're trying to focus on school/work right now, plus the long distance thing isn't really for you?

Basically, put the main things you told us in a really nice way and wish her the best in whatever she does, including finding her match. Don't add unnecessary details (like the church thing or "you don't do much all day"), prolong it, insult her or mention other people (if, for instance, you're interested in someone else or want to date locally). Be honest without being brutal or going into much detail, and empathize (i.e. acknowledge her feelings and let her know this isn't easy for you, either, if it comes up).

 

[soxel]

thank you for your advice. this is the first time breaking up with a gf for me, as she is my first girlfriend.

should I suggest helping her get over her shyness? as I used to be that way. at the end of a day. I would tell her stories of random funny stuff I do at the end of the day, and she would tell me nothing of her own. and from what I can tell when I was with her irl, she was very shy.

 

[SweetErika]

thank you for your advice. this is the first time breaking up with a gf for me, as she is my first girlfriend.

should I suggest helping her get over her shyness? as I used to be that way. at the end of a day. I would tell her stories of random funny stuff I do at the end of the day, and she would tell me nothing of her own. and from what I can tell when I was with her irl, she was very shy.

No, I don't think you should give her any suggestions or advice while you're breaking up with her.

Now if you remain friends/in contact, and she asks or mentions shyness as an issue down the road, then you might offer some ideas on overcoming it.

Keep in mind that this break up is coming out of your needs, not her insufficiencies/problems. You're not dumping her because she's shy, boring or in another state, you're breaking up because you don't feel you're a good match, might need someone who's local, more outgoing and active. If you focus on the fact that you're not a good match for her and this is really your problem, it'll likely go over easier because she won't feel as responsible/blamed and can save face.

 

[Down_UnderKid]

just tell her upfront that its not working, and that your not getting out of the relationship that you thought u would.

i dated my current gf for a month then broke up with her because she had no job, was not going anywhere with her life and didnt care. i told her it to her face as nicely as possible.
6 months later, she got her life back together and we started going out again. that was over a year ago now, and we have never been happier.

you will feel like a real bastard, but after a while that feeling will go away. in the end its all about how u feel and what makes u happy

 

[Noor]

how do I breakup with my long distance girlfriend? we met, kissed on the 3rd date, then I left back to my state. we have went out for around 6 to 8 months online/over the phone, and I dont see anything going anywhere. she is marriage material, but I dont plan on getting married for another 10 years, as I am only 19, she is 20. also... she is in another state...

she is a shy church girl, who doesnt really do much all day, and I think she fell for me hardcore. how do I let her down easy, and over the phone?

Just tell her that you see her as marriage material but you don't plan to marry for at least another 10 yrs. She'll probably dump you at that point.

 

[NHPictureguy]

Sweet Erika always gives good advice.

 

[mikado2005]

However you decide to break up with her, make it final. Explain your reasons calmly and rationally why you want to break up, make it about you, not about any faults you may see in her. The long distance aspect is a natural reason why things won't work out. Don't give her hope that you may get back together if that is not your intent. A lot of guys will still maintain contact with their former GF, prolonging the eventual hurt, leaving the poor girl to hope you will become a couple again. Make a clean break, tell her nicely that you won't be taking her calls and why. You have to be cruel to be kind is an old cliche, but can be so true in this situation.

Above all, be as compassionate as you can be, but don't drag the inevitable heartache out.

 

[Irrumatio]

When asked this question, Al Goldstein of Screw magazine said, "Fart while she's blowing you," but I guess that won't work in this situation.

 

[MisterSir]

Call her and repeat after me:

"Now this is a story all about how your life got flip-turned upside down, and I'd like you take a minute just sit right there and I'll tell you all about how I think we should see other people."

Then hang up. By the time she realises what's happened, it'll be too late.

 

[azsprty]

just tell the bitch your done with her...then kick her out

 

[Bystander]

I'd go with Erika's advice. Just wanna add one thing. If she's really into you as you say then don't do the friends things 'k. Just break off and move on.

 

[rosco rathbone]

1. Do it in person if possible, on phone if not.
2. Don't apologize or act sheepish.
3. Be kind, be willing to listen if she has something to say, but on the other hand, there's no need to stick around for hours.
4. DOn't hold out hope. Tell her firmly that it is over.

and most importantly

5. Let her go completely. Cut off all contact with her and let her heal.