How do I get my Husband interested...

[Sweet_Serenity]

My husband is a bit different then most guys. I love him dearly but I desperately want him to be more adventurous. He doesn't like porn, he doesn't masturbate (so he says LOL) he isn't interested in reading erotic stories, he has told me that he isn't interested in anal sex because the one time he tried it, it hurt him. (which I believe because he is well endowed) I have talked to him about how I would like to be tied up and he just looks at me and asks why that kind of thing turns me on. All the things I want to explore seem to be of little interest to him. How do I get him to even think about it? I do talk to him openly but I always end up feeling like a pervert at the end of the conversation and then nothing is accomplished. Any Ideas?

 

[infinity706]

Feeling like a pervert isn't bad. It might just be one of those cases, though, where you'll either have to accept it or find someone else.

 

[cadman7777]

My husband is a bit different then most guys. I love him dearly but I desperately want him to be more adventurous. He doesn't like porn, he doesn't masturbate (so he says LOL) he isn't interested in reading erotic stories, he has told me that he isn't interested in anal sex because the one time he tried it, it hurt him. (which I believe because he is well endowed) I have talked to him about how I would like to be tied up and he just looks at me and asks why that kind of thing turns me on. All the things I want to explore seem to be of little interest to him. How do I get him to even think about it? I do talk to him openly but I always end up feeling like a pervert at the end of the conversation and then nothing is accomplished. Any Ideas?

I've tried to open these things up to my wife and it ain't going to happen.

Some people just aren't interested...plain and simple. It's very frustrating

Is there anything he wants to explore?

 

[Ardeche]

You could write him little notes in which you share your fantasies. Start small and try to convey just how much you want him to be more adventurous. Doing the same thing with a journal and leaving it in a place he'll see, could also work.

Asking for certain things, when it comes to sex can leave you feeling a bit awkward. I've done the little note thing and it worked successfully. Good luck!

 

[SweetErika]

My husband is a bit different then most guys. I love him dearly but I desperately want him to be more adventurous. He doesn't like porn, he doesn't masturbate (so he says LOL) he isn't interested in reading erotic stories, he has told me that he isn't interested in anal sex because the one time he tried it, it hurt him. (which I believe because he is well endowed)

More than likely, the problem wasn't his size, but his partner's lack of relaxation, and quite possibly a lack of lube. Still, the anus shouldn't exert enough pressure to hurt a cock, so I'm guessing he didn't enjoy it mentally, and that made him interpret it as "painful."

Have you asked him if he's ever masturbated? If he says no, he's likely lying. If he said he did as a teen or something, but doesn't now, he may be telling the truth or saying it because he thinks you'll find it offensive/hurtful deep down.

Out of curiosity, what was his upbringing like? For example, was he raised in a very strict or religious home? Did he have partners before you?

I have talked to him about how I would like to be tied up and he just looks at me and asks why that kind of thing turns me on.

Did he ask like he was genuinely curious, or couldn't possibly grasp why that kind of thing would turn anyone on?

Is he willing to try tying you up, for example, enthusiastically, just because it pleases you and (I'm assuming) isn't a hard limit for him? If so, make sure he sees how much you enjoy it and gets lots of praise for pleasing you and trying something new.

All the things I want to explore seem to be of little interest to him. How do I get him to even think about it?

You really can't get him to do something he doesn't want to do.

I'm curious: Is this "prudishness" (for lack of a better word) a new thing, or has he always been this way? If it's the latter, did you know he wasn't open regarding sex before you got married? How long did you date? How long have you been married? How old is he?

I do talk to him openly but I always end up feeling like a pervert at the end of the conversation and then nothing is accomplished. Any Ideas?

That's really all you can do. If he wants to open up, he'll do so, although probably as slow as molasses. That's what I did with my hubby, and eventually he got more comfortable with talking openly and sharing his likes, dislikes and ideas (although he's still more likely to share if I ask specific questions that initiate sharing himself).

What you can't do is allow his hangups to give you hangups, like feeling like a perv for talking about it. Remember that you choose how you feel; neither he, nor anyone else, can make you feel like a pervert for being open, unless you allow them to.

I don't know if he'd be willing to play a game or anything, but if he is, perhaps he'd feel more comfy sharing in the context of a game or something.

My only other thought is that perhaps you two (but especially him) could be helped by a professional. Even if he's unwilling to go to counseling, I bet you would learn some useful strategies by going yourself. So, I'd find a good therapist who specializes in relationships, communication and is open-minded, and see if they think they can help you get him to open up, or him get over his issues surrounding sex.


Good luck! I know this is a very tough nut to crack from experience, so I feel your frustration!

 

[human_male]

It must be hard to have your own partner make you feel like a pervert. Is he interested in regular sex at all? Being in a marriage has certain responsibilities concerning sex. If he's not fulfilling them maybe you should think about looking elsewhere. Maybe he'd be alright with that. It's not ideal, I know. You want to do these things with him, not some other bloke. But he sounds like a total dud. Unless there's something really wrong emotionally that you can help him with I agree with the folks who said there's nothing you can do but accept it or move on. Which is terrible.

I don't normally post here, but your predicament (like all the men who are in the same boat because their partners want nothing to do with them sexually) moves me. I know it would make me feel terrible. And being married on top of that would make it all the worse because it would make me feel so trapped.

I hope something can improve the situation somehow. I wish you well.

 

[Noor]

take really tiny steps and go very slowly. sex with light candles, on a hot night play with some ice in your mouth, when you are on top of him see if you can get him to finger your ass-just touch.
Try a few things, back off, try some later, let it come naturally.
Some guys like control games, tell him not to use his hands or not move while you do stuff to him, see if he is willing to try a blind fold.

Most guys have some kink, often something they don't initially know about, you just have to help them find it.

You have to get him to the point where he starts being curious, like how something would feel to him or how something would make you react, or if he can get to moaning non stop...

You might also build him up and tease him, repeatedly until he'll do anything you ask I would start in the morning when he is just about to leave for work, maybe call a few times, meet him after work somewhere public and stand close enough to him that he can feel the heat off your body, then back a way, keep it up until much later... It would also be a nice build up for you.

Print out the g-spot thing and see if he'll try it on you...

 

[azure1987]

well guys are very visual, so adding some smexy lingerie to the wardrobe couldn't hurt. and lucky you to have a well-endowed husband!

 

[Sweet_Serenity]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I tied and blindfolded him last night. I didn't ask I just told him to strip and lay down on the bed. he replied, "what about you?" I told him not to worry about me yet and told him to lay down and then I tied him up. Afterwards he told me he can see why I like it. LOL so I am finally getting somewhere. I think his problem is more with talking about things then doing them. So that is the next problem. Trying to communicate without words. Aside from leaving magazines with bookmarked pictures (which he won't look at anyways,he doesn't like porn) and leaving notes. Does anyone have anymore suggestions?

 

[infinity706]

Well, if he'll let you tie him up, he probably doesn't mind being dominated a bit. Just tell him, you're in charge for the night and you want him to do what you say. Then, you can give him a night to be in charge if he wants. I know it would work well on me.

 

[NorthCoastBoy]

It sounds like you are really on the right track. Congratulations.

When I first got married, I completely stopped masturbating because I felt it would be being unfaithful to her. Seems screwy now, but that was a long time ago.

I remember the first time I was restrained. She was on top on her knees and had my cock deep in her pussy, she leaned forward and put both hands and most of her weight on my wrists. I was helpless and it was quite exciting. She had trained her vaginal muscles and without moving up and down she massaged and milked my cock. Her tits were hanging down so close, but I coudn't touch them and she kept them just out of reach of my tongue. Wonderful experience.

Sometime when he is on his back you might straddle him wide with your pussy close to his face and say I want you to see how I like to touch myself and give him a show. Yeah, we guys are very visual. You might even lean your knees on his arms or tie them to the headboard so all he can do is watch as you play with your pussy.

You sound to me like you have enough imagination that you do not need much help. Have fun.

 

[Noor]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I tied and blindfolded him last night. I didn't ask I just told him to strip and lay down on the bed. he replied, "what about you?" I told him not to worry about me yet and told him to lay down and then I tied him up. Afterwards he told me he can see why I like it. LOL so I am finally getting somewhere. I think his problem is more with talking about things then doing them. So that is the next problem. Trying to communicate without words. Aside from leaving magazines with bookmarked pictures (which he won't look at anyways,he doesn't like porn) and leaving notes. Does anyone have anymore suggestions?

just try a few things little by little and see what he likes. Once he gets comfortable he may start coming up with ideas. Don't push him to hard, and let him back to his comfort zone in between.

 

[human_male]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I tied and blindfolded him last night. I didn't ask I just told him to strip and lay down on the bed. he replied, "what about you?" I told him not to worry about me yet and told him to lay down and then I tied him up. Afterwards he told me he can see why I like it. LOL so I am finally getting somewhere. I think his problem is more with talking about things then doing them. So that is the next problem. Trying to communicate without words. Aside from leaving magazines with bookmarked pictures (which he won't look at anyways,he doesn't like porn) and leaving notes. Does anyone have anymore suggestions?

That's great. I'm really glad I was wrong.

 

[Primalex]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I tied and blindfolded him last night. I didn't ask I just told him to strip and lay down on the bed. he replied, "what about you?" I told him not to worry about me yet and told him to lay down and then I tied him up. Afterwards he told me he can see why I like it.

Ever considered that he is more on the subbie side?