How to tell my BF i cheated?

[CaliChiklkk]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, and we went to school together, I recently cheated on him with a friend of his and I don't know if I should just keep it a secret or break up with my boyfriend because I can't hold the secret anymore or if I should tell him...i am scared he will go crazy

 

[saintcero]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, and we went to school together, I recently cheated on him with a friend of his and I don't know if I should just keep it a secret or break up with my boyfriend because I can't hold the secret anymore or if I should tell him...i am scared he will go crazy

What was it about his friend that made you want to cheat? Bores? Alcohol? Lack of attention?

 

[Fillingthevoid]

tell him and don’t mess with the friend again

 

[CalBishForNow]

This boyfriend? Good advice was offered to you in that thread, including calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Did you try that, or any other suggestions there?

If you value the health of your relationship and your boyfriend as a person, I'd say tell him. But based on your posting history, I'd say don't tell him.

 

[Britva415]

If you can break up, do break up.

Without telling about the cheating.

Make it about the relationship problems, not about your infidelity.

From over here it looks like you want out, so, you cheated with his friend so that he would find out about the cheating and maybe he would be the one to break up with you. Only he's too unpredictable, so, now you're scared.

Get some help with this. It's obvious you can't stay with this guy, it's obvious you don't want to.

 

[dutifulrose]

There's a couple issues here: (1) whether you want to stay with your BF (putting aside, for the moment, his desire to stay in the relationship), and (2) whether you tell him about your - extracurricular activity (putting aside, for the moment, your desire to stay in the relationship).

I tend to agree with @Britva415 with respect to you already having a foot out the door. The cheating kind of says, "See ya, be ya." When coupled with your (somewhat) strange statement, "...I should... break up with my boyfriend because I can't hold the secret anymore...," the notion you've already left the relationship is only reinforced.

Regarding you telling him you cheated, along with the voiced concern of how your BF might react, I'm wondering how likely would the friend spill the beans (sober or not, angry or not) on your coupling...?

Personally, I'd consider it "better" if he heard it from me than from his friend - even if that didn't occur until after we separated. Keeping it hidden could be viewed by your BF as compounding the duplicity - cheating with my friend and lying about why you broke up. Buuut - like @Britva415 stated, "Get some help with this." Make sure you have someone nearby and in the know, if you do tell him.

Best wishes on the outcome you desire

 

[CaliChiklkk]

What was it about his friend that made you want to cheat? Bores? Alcohol? Lack of attention?

It wasn't me of the above, I think it just happened without thinking, I was stupid to get in the car with him and my bf too dumb

 

[CaliChiklkk]

If you can break up, do break up.

Without telling about the cheating.

Make it about the relationship problems, not about your infidelity.

From over here it looks like you want out, so, you cheated with his friend so that he would find out about the cheating and maybe he would be the one to break up with you. Only he's too unpredictable, so, now you're scared.

Get some help with this. It's obvious you can't stay with this guy, it's obvious you don't want to.

I think that's what I'm going to end up doing is just pretending like there's a different problem

 

[Britva415]

I think that's what I'm going to end up doing is just pretending like there's a different problem

There is. You aren't pretending.

 

[CaliChiklkk]

There is. You aren't pretending.

Ummmm... What?

 

[Britva415]

Ummmm... What?

There is a different problem. You've been talking about it for weeks. The cheating is not why you want to break up.

 

[joclfc]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, and we went to school together, I recently cheated on him with a friend of his and I don't know if I should just keep it a secret or break up with my boyfriend because I can't hold the secret anymore or if I should tell him...i am scared he will go crazy

Do you think it would finish your relationship , or would it be better to be honest with them?

 

[CaliChiklkk]

Do you think it would finish your relationship , or would it be better to be honest with them?

It will definitely finish

 

[joclfc]

It will definitely finish

Do you love him or are you unsure yet to your conviction towards him?

 

[CaliChiklkk]

Do you love him or are you unsure yet to your conviction towards him?

I don't know I just have a million things in my head

 

[Asilverfox23]

I don't know I just have a million things in my head

@CaliChiklkk break up with him in a public space so you’re safe. No sense in trying to keep the relationship

 

[CaliChiklkk]

@CaliChiklkk break up with him in a public space so you’re safe. No sense in trying to keep the relationship

I know I'm just a little worried that he tries to get me back because I want to make sure when we break up he's not angry

 

[Asilverfox23]

@CaliChiklkk i get it but at this point, I don’t think you can control what he will feel. Best to just let him go through the various stages of grief and move on

 

[CaliChiklkk]

I know but I just want to go through though craziness and abuse, and he has a few pictures of me that I have to make sure I delete off his laptop

 

[Asilverfox23]

Well, deleting the photos should be easy enough…


If you want to through the craziness and such, that’s your choice

 

[CaliChiklkk]

Send me on private

 

[Asilverfox23]

Send me on private

You can send me a message describing your thoughts and I’ll try to give you feedback later

 

[Don_private]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, and we went to school together, I recently cheated on him with a friend of his and I don't know if I should just keep it a secret or break up with my boyfriend because I can't hold the secret anymore or if I should tell him...i am scared he will go crazy

Depends…if he enjoys hearing about sex in your past life…then you might be able to tell him. Sounds like you aren’t really seeing him as a long term love anyway as you both cheated AND are willing to break it off. If you really regret cheating …and he is THE ONE…then DO NOT TELL HIM

 

[Don_private]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, and we went to school together, I recently cheated on him with a friend of his and I don't know if I should just keep it a secret or break up with my boyfriend because I can't hold the secret anymore or if I should tell him...i am scared he will go crazy

Sounds like you’re pretty young(er)…here is a piece of wisdom from someone who has been with a lot of people including couples…if I had it all over again…relive my life…I would find a woman who was definitely more experienced and loved sex with both men and women. Too many relationships break up over infidelity or money…if I was in my 20’s or 30’s and unmarried…and a woman, I would look for a guy who had sex with lots of women…but as a guy…I would now look for a woman with a good career who was bisexual and has had sex with a lot of guys. Why?…Men and women are not (in most cases) meant to be monogamous. My wife and I separated for a long time…mostly due to my desire to have sex with more women…I hooked up with this divorced single mom and we had LOTS of sex…AND, we hooked up with lots of couples and singles. I loved watching her get fucked, and she enjoyed watching me…she eventually took a job in another state which ended us…but it really made me think that, her attitude about sex is what I SHOULD HAVE been searching for when I was younger. She also loved straddling me…lowering her pussy on my cock in cow girl…and would fuck me while telling me about sex she had with other men and women before we met.
Sounds like you are a little wild…you need to find a guy who is just as wild (but stable) as you are…have THE TALK early when dating that YOU do not think you could remain monogamous your entire life…and test their reactions …one cock or one pussy for 30-50 years is a bummer…although lots of people pull it off…I am just thankful now that I had that long separation where I did EVERYTHING I wanted with whomever I wanted and got it out of my system

 

[num1scamp]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, and we went to school together, I recently cheated on him with a friend of his and I don't know if I should just keep it a secret or break up with my boyfriend because I can't hold the secret anymore or if I should tell him...i am scared he will go crazy

Don't tell him. You just want to relieve your own guilt and it will definitely hurt him. If you want to fuck multiple men, then be honest about it, and find a partner who approves. I met my husband swinging so, we don't have a problem with jealousy.