How do you, as an author, describe breasts?

I usually use general descriptive terms like “nice handful” “small taut” “expansive cleavage” “large” etc…. The only time I use an actual cup size is if some is bra shopping or looking at someone’s bra tags. The only time I use celebrity comparisons is if it is relevant, such as a couple watching porn together and making deliberate comparisons.
 
In at least two of his series, BreakTheBar gives the characters who become irredeemable villains big, gravity-defying bolt-on implants, and in one of them there's an explicit contrast drawn between character A (implants that look fake, is evil) and character B (implants chosen to mimic realistic sag and shape, is very kind and sweet). So there's an example, at least to me, of ugly boobs being used to mirror an ugly personality.

I really like that idea.

In my series, we're set in the not-too-distant future (next Sunday, AD), and I've got a breakthrough in medical science that lets women get breast enhancements (I call them enhancements, not 'fake' because all boobs are real) that don't cause scaring and can increase size significantly, but is hugely expensive. And I've had to make it clear some of the characters who have the old, surgical kind vs. the expensive kind.

We also cured male pattern baldness in my world, so the guys get something, too.
 
In my earliest stories I usually used a cup size to indicate breast size. I later used more detailed descriptions with comparisons and metaphors, but my more recent stories are rather sparse in the breast descriptions. Here are two examples:

From The Closer, Chapter 1:

Hailey stood up, reached behind her back, unclasped her bra, and tossed it on the pile with her skirt and blouse. She cupped her hands under both breasts, lifted them off her chest, and the let them fall back into place before returning to her seat on the sofa.

* * *
"You have beautiful breasts," Ian said.

"Thank you," she replied. "They're all natural."

"I can see that. No surgeon has ever been so skilled. They are works of art."


So there's one for the perfect breasts camp. But this one from Prison Porn is more minimalist:

Rosa stood naked in the frigid room. She was shivering audibly. Her skin was covered in goose bumps, and her brown nipples stood out like rigid little fingertips pointing straight ahead.

And one more, from Lola Lands the Job:

The synthetic fabric was stretched to the limit, barely containing her curves while simultaneously covering her entire body yet revealing everything. The outline of her bra and panties were visible through the fabric. Alex looked up when he caught himself staring at the hint of nipple protruding through the tight bodice of the dress. By that time, however, he had already taken in her ample bust, wide hips, round butt, and smooth, sturdy thighs.
 
I appreciate @NotWise for doing the homework (an attractive girl in a slightly vacuous kind of way), but I'm always intrigued at the number of writers who seem to think we all know who these people are.

It's no different, I guess, than some of my stories referencing Jim Morrison or Leonard Cohen.

"She had tits like Leonard Cohen" would get my attention as an opening line.

But if you’re writing for men just measure twice and cut once. You can pack so much info into that simple celeb comparison. For example: she was Taylor Swift in height and build and looked me evenly in my eyes. See? You’ve conveyed the woman is a slender 5’ 11” with a A cup and the male is also the same height.

Many men don't have Taylor Swift's measurements memorised. And if somebody reads that story a few years from now, "Taylor Swift's build" may no longer convey what the author intended it to mean, because real living people are a moving target.

What would it mean to readers if I described a male character as "built like Elvis"?
 
Many men don't have Taylor Swift's measurements memorised. And if somebody reads that story a few years from now, "Taylor Swift's build" may no longer convey what the author intended it to mean, because real living people are a moving target.

What would it mean to readers if I described a male character as "built like Elvis"?
I am reminded yet again of the saying, comedy is dangerous. 🤷‍♂️ 😊
 
Many men don't have Taylor Swift's measurements memorised. And if somebody reads that story a few years from now, "Taylor Swift's build" may no longer convey what the author intended it to mean, because real living people are a moving target.
Would anyone born after 2000 know what 'built like Raquel Welch' meant?
 
I describe breasts as the perfect mix of soft elegance and undeniable allure—nature’s way of proving that curves are meant to be admired. Whether cradled in lace, kissed by sunlight, or simply existing in all their glory, they have a way of capturing attention, inspiring poetry, and occasionally making eye contact completely impossible. I couldn't tell what size a woman's cup was if it told me, big or small, as I appreciate the sheer beauty, and when my wife of 31 years walks around without any coverings, my brain short circuits.
 
Of all the descriptions I've ever written, for a wide variety of body shapes, this one is my favorite:

Esther turned more toward the table, resting one elbow on the table, and Ruby swallowed hard. She'd done well not taking too much advantage of the angle, and Esther was always very careful to hold something in front of herself, but the other girl's relaxed, asymmetrical posture was making it very hard to ignore the fact that her chest must have measured somewhere closer to the middle of the alphabet than the beginning.
 
"She had tits like Leonard Cohen" would get my attention as an opening line.



Many men don't have Taylor Swift's measurements memorised. And if somebody reads that story a few years from now, "Taylor Swift's build" may no longer convey what the author intended it to mean, because real living people are a moving target.

What would it mean to readers if I described a male character as "built like Elvis"?

Elvis is going to be a cameo in my next series, and I know I'm going to have to specify that this is "Fat Jumpsuit Elvis" and not "Hot 50s Elvis."
 
Could be a good story challenge. Write a story that prominently features breasts without ever using the word "breasts."
Not much of a challenge at all: boobs, tits, bazooms, knockers, bosoms, udders, love bags... and I haven't even consulted my erotic dictionary yet.
 
Thin Elvis or fat Elvis?
I remember when the USPS was going to issue a stamp for Elvis. There was some controversy about which one to use... the thin Elvis or the fat Elvis. The best suggestion came from somebody who said that there should be two stamps: thin Elvis for first-class mail and fat Elvis for bulk mail.
 
Usually like this:
Her big round tits fell loose and free upon her chest.
This is from Eleanor Winter, my favorite old story I've since pulled down. Pretty small description but it works.
Also includes the terms "luscious" and "heavy" for her tits.

I also like Katarina's from The Gauntlet, another old one:
the bulbous globes of power that were her tits
and
Still, my eyes fluttered up towards her gorgeous, pale, round, fat tits, her most impressive feature.
Even bigger than Eleanor's.
 
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