How do you, as an author, describe breasts?

[Actingup]

Thanks very much for this thread. Back when I was a naive young author (ok, last year), I put in a snarky comment about breast descriptions in my first story. This was before I knew that there was such a thing as an author's forum.

"Her head was partly hidden by a floppy hat and sunglasses, but I could see that she was a brunette with tanned skin and a long ponytail. Not that this particularly mattered to me at the time -- her hair could have been green and she could have been an 80 year old man for all I cared right then, but I know some readers will want to know. I draw the line at estimating her bra size at this point in the story though, because frankly that's a bit creepy and any guy who claims to be able to do that at first glance is not somebody you want to be around."

(for completeness, later in the story I said "Her gorgeous, teardrop shaped breasts tumbled out, with compact, brown aurorae and small nipples that seemed to stiffen and stand out slightly under my appreciative gaze.")

Anyway, much to my surprise, people picked up on it in the comments:

I was a instant fan of yours from “I draw the line at estimating her bra size at this point in the story though, because frankly that's a bit creepy and any guy who claims to be able to do that at first glance is not somebody you want to be around.” I knew I was going to like the rest of the story, and I was not wrong

I really became a fan when reading your statement about the bra size. I wish more authors had the same insight. Most women don’t even have their own ones correct. And I frequently read stories here depicting ladies who look like Bulgarian pole vaulters from the 1970’s judging by the bra sizes

I might add that like others I was enchanted by your masterly takedown of the bra size brigade.

Right, so the lesson was validated there, but I'd never really thought about the positive things to do with breasts (so to speak). In avoiding discussion of bra sizes, I just haven't talked about them as much as I could have. As I should have. I'm going to try harder. Thank you for the prompt.

 

[Trionyx]

This:

Looking back over the last few stories, it appears my approach is highly dependent on the narrator, or the point of view that the narration occupies.

 

[HobokenSweat]

I try to write in a kind of South Philly street thing. So, tits when it's more street... breasts when I'm trying to tone it down.

 

[Trionyx]

I was berated once when I had an older FMC with two children look in a mirror as she was getting dressed for a date with a new guy and think happily to herself that her breasts didn’t ‘sag’ very much.

“Sweet story. Lose the word "sag". It is rude and insulting.”

I guess I should have written that they ‘still defied gravity to a large extent’ or ‘weren’t very pendulous.’

 

[SimonDoom]

I was berated once when I had an older FMC with two children look in a mirror as she was getting dressed for a date with a new guy and think happily to herself that her breasts didn’t ‘sag’ very much.

“Sweet story. Lose the word "sag". It is rude and insulting.”

I guess I should have written that they ‘still defied gravity to a large extent’ or ‘weren’t very pendulous.’

That's the kind of comment I pay no attention to. The fact is, it's realistic for a character like the one you described to think "sag" when she's appraising her body. It doesn't matter whether it's "insulting" (insulting to whom?). The character in the position you describe would be much more likely to think "sag" than the other phrases you suggested as possible replacements.

Some words just turn people off, but there's not much you can do about that. I had a reader berate me for using the word "greasy" in a sex scene. I shrugged, because the word fit the scene.

 

[Nightscream89]

I think I use specific cupsizes more than most writers if I'm reading this.

I often throw in things like.
"She pressed her perky B-cups against his naked back."
or
"Her generous D-cups were swinging freely underneath her."

For me it feels like an easy reference to the size of the character's breasts without it being static like "Oh she has D-cup chest size."
It sort of replaces the word for breasts used, for me it sounds natural (I hope for my readers as well), and is just a nod to their size to remind the reader of this physical trait, most of the times I add another word as an extra description though, like I did here with 'perky' and 'generous'.

 

[TheLobster]

For me it feels like an easy reference to the size of the character's breasts

That's exactly what it is.

The "problem" with cup sizes isn't that they are trope; it's that they are a very explicit trope. It is one that blares a loud siren whenever it is used, signaling to everyone within eight blocks that YES, THIS IS PORN, MOTHERFUCKER!

And this is precisely the reason why so many people hate it. If it didn't have all this baggage attached, it would be a very useful shorthand indeed.

A cup? It means very small, practically flat.
B cup? Small to average.
C cup? Average, maybe going on large.
D cup? Definitely large.

But you simply can't use cups this way without triggering hordes of faux-sophisticated connoisseurs that immediately start to scoff about your grave offense against basic female anatomy, and your total misunderstanding of how bra sizes AcTuAlLy WorK, and your evident inexperience in handling actual real female breasts, and how character introductions in erotica invariably include those stupid measurements, and how you should learn to write properly rather copy-paste from lingerie labels.

Well, at least those very sophisticated critics can pat themselves on the back for how genre-savvy they are and how deftly they can spot all those amateurs writers. It likely doesn't occur to them that authors could be using the trope cups deliberately, as the coded language that they are, evoking whatever exact mental image each reader has associated with A/B/C/D/etc.-cup in the same way his brain responds to words like "big" or "perky".