How do you know when you're being unfair to your partner sexually

[Rosamund]

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[Pixie Mischief]

I'm not assertive type lol

 

[Rosamund]

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[Pixie Mischief]

I tried to leave clues LOL he doesnt pick up on them LOL


first night we spent together we stuck to oral. I knew he liked having his nipples bitten and stuff so I was doing that then all the sudden I hear a voice go "Harder!!" LOL geez

 

[Rosamund]

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[Pixie Mischief]

I was rubbing his legs and then I started to rub his ass, I'd think that was obvious lol

 

[Rosamund]

.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

yeah figures he thought it was part of the massage LOL as for different possitions I'm disabled so its a little complicated.

I'm still finding it funny of him demanding him to hurt him more LMAO I was like WTF? I'm not bitting or pinching hard enough? GEEEZZZZZZ

 

[Shadowedge]

leave notes! write down what you want and leave it for him somewhere where he is sure to see it. Pillow, toothbrush, on top of beer in fridge... then ask him, " honey did you get my note?" And see what happens....

 

[Jimbosis]

In regards to a woman being more aggressive in sex, I would have to say that I know exactly what your man is talking about. And Ill bet he would be extremely happy if you just took the bull by the horn, so to speak, one night and while he was watching tv on the couch, walk up to him in the nude, get on your knees, unzip him, pull out his cock and suck it like youve never sucked it before. Any kind of sexual initiation on your part will be very welcome by him. I am absolutely certain of it.

 

[MightyZor]

if something my significant other asked me is really gross then I wouldn't do it,
if because of that she cheated on me, then I would hate her

 

[SexyChele]

Gang

I don't know how philosophical this thread may seem, but my wife and I had a "discussion" last night and while I won't bore you with the details, you can read the police report yourself (JUST KIDDING), I thought I'd use my friends here to give their input

When you're married, or even in a significant relationship. One where you are totally in love with the other and you know there will never be another:

If you're partner asked you to do something sexually or try something new sexually and you weren't completey comfortable with it. You may find it gross or not conventional. Do you still have a responsibility as their life partner to at least give a try without arbirtarily shutting the idea down

More to the point, in that type of relationship, isn't it enough to simply be turned on knowing that what you're doing is turning on your partner. Opening your mind, as much as you've opened your heart and soul, to see what's out there?
or
am is it insensitive to pursue it further once you're partner has said no?

**
Eric

Eric,
You are being a bit vague here. I've read through a couple of your earlier posts, and I have a feeling I know what you are asking of your spouse. Not sure, though, but I will go off of that supposition.

Everyone has sexual limits of varying degrees at different times in their lives. Sometimes a partner asks for something and we reject it outright because it surpasses a limitation we have. To try to push some one past that limit can cause that person to dig in their heels and reject it all the more. At another stage in that person's life, you can ask the same thing, and they will respond favorably.

To ask a partner to engage in a sexual activity and expect them to do it just because it excites their partner really depends on the activity. Asking her to dress up in a corset and stockings (or nurses uniform or as a school girl, etc)? Shouldn't be much of a problem. Easy to discuss and talk about. Engaging in watersports? Whole different ballgame. Your partner might like the idea of dressing up in pretty lingerie and seeing your reaction. Having you pee on her might just make her feel sick to her stomach - no matter how "excited" you are by the prospect.

It sounds to me in your prior posts that you are wanting to explore sexually into the realms of Dominance and submission. If this is true, it can be very tricky - and time consuming. I am a sexual submissive. Therefore, it is part of my sexuality to submit to my partner's desires, many times forgoing my own. But that is not true of most women. I have also been asked by men to play a dominant role. That is difficult for me. It's just not how I'm wired, and I doubt that I would ever be able to do it in a way that would be satisfying to my partner.

In your previous posts, you seem to be wanting to explore a submissive side of you. (Please correct me if I'm wrong) While most women might flirt and tease about tying a man up and spanking him, the reality is much less. Sometimes women view men who are submissive as being less than a man. (I'm talking reality here, not fantasy, k?) Therefore, most women, when their husbands or S/Os tell them they want to be dominated, normally don't want to see their men in this role.

There is a way to introduce your spouse to this, however, in a more erotic context. Ask her to try something very simple, very non-threatening. (in her eyes, not yours!) That might be to ask her to tie your wrists to the bed with scarves while she gives you a blow job. After a few minutes, ask her to release you. What does this do? Well, first of all you won't be totally bound (which would = helpless). Second, knowing you can't touch her, and by encouraging her with your words, she will know that her teasing can illicit a certain response in you. Third, by asking for early release, she still sees you in a "masculine" role. And who knows? She might decide to leave you tied up!

This might gradually work its way into longer and longer periods. Once she discovers that she can still see you as "masculine" and sexual, she may open up to trying other things as well.

If it is her you are trying to dominate, it is best to start off with simple things first. Hold her hands above her head during sex, not letting her go. Run your fingers through her hair (without pulling her head towards you) when she is giving you a blow job. Let her know you have her hair between your fingers (some measure of control), but resist pulling her head closer (giving her some measure of control).

Good luck to you!

 

[Lust Engine]

Chele... as usual, great observation.

 

[Grizabella]

There should always be some give and take, I believe in a healthy sexual relationship. This should ideally carry on to *some extent* for exploring new ideas with your partner. If they are uncomfortable going where you want to, perhaps there is a comprimise that can be reached.
In my case there is one thing my Hubby doesn't want any part of that I've decided is "one of those fantasies that should stay that way" and so we play with it... There is a toy that is specifically for that fantasy, and he's willing to *play* at it with me that way.
Good luck.

~Bella

 

[SouthTampaGuy]

Re: Re: How do you know when you're being unfair to your partner sexually

Chele

It wasn't ONE thing in particular it was just an escalating frustration varying from her not intiating sex, not introducing new ideas, and declining anything I suggest that she feels is "gross" or not "normal"
I don't want to give the wrong impression. Our lovemaking is at 3-5 times a week after 6 years of marriage and I'm not complaining. I just don't want to always be the one initiating or trying to find new things to keep it lively.
I really appreciate your insight and I did find it helpful
MUAH

PS I want to be the pissee NOT the pisser LOL

Eric,
You are being a bit vague here. I've read through a couple of your earlier posts, and I have a feeling I know what you are asking of your spouse. Not sure, though, but I will go off of that supposition.

Everyone has sexual limits of varying degrees at different times in their lives. Sometimes a partner asks for something and we reject it outright because it surpasses a limitation we have. To try to push some one past that limit can cause that person to dig in their heels and reject it all the more. At another stage in that person's life, you can ask the same thing, and they will respond favorably.

To ask a partner to engage in a sexual activity and expect them to do it just because it excites their partner really depends on the activity. Asking her to dress up in a corset and stockings (or nurses uniform or as a school girl, etc)? Shouldn't be much of a problem. Easy to discuss and talk about. Engaging in watersports? Whole different ballgame. Your partner might like the idea of dressing up in pretty lingerie and seeing your reaction. Having you pee on her might just make her feel sick to her stomach - no matter how "excited" you are by the prospect.

It sounds to me in your prior posts that you are wanting to explore sexually into the realms of Dominance and submission. If this is true, it can be very tricky - and time consuming. I am a sexual submissive. Therefore, it is part of my sexuality to submit to my partner's desires, many times forgoing my own. But that is not true of most women. I have also been asked by men to play a dominant role. That is difficult for me. It's just not how I'm wired, and I doubt that I would ever be able to do it in a way that would be satisfying to my partner.

In your previous posts, you seem to be wanting to explore a submissive side of you. (Please correct me if I'm wrong) While most women might flirt and tease about tying a man up and spanking him, the reality is much less. Sometimes women view men who are submissive as being less than a man. (I'm talking reality here, not fantasy, k?) Therefore, most women, when their husbands or S/Os tell them they want to be dominated, normally don't want to see their men in this role.

There is a way to introduce your spouse to this, however, in a more erotic context. Ask her to try something very simple, very non-threatening. (in her eyes, not yours!) That might be to ask her to tie your wrists to the bed with scarves while she gives you a blow job. After a few minutes, ask her to release you. What does this do? Well, first of all you won't be totally bound (which would = helpless). Second, knowing you can't touch her, and by encouraging her with your words, she will know that her teasing can illicit a certain response in you. Third, by asking for early release, she still sees you in a "masculine" role. And who knows? She might decide to leave you tied up!

This might gradually work its way into longer and longer periods. Once she discovers that she can still see you as "masculine" and sexual, she may open up to trying other things as well.

If it is her you are trying to dominate, it is best to start off with simple things first. Hold her hands above her head during sex, not letting her go. Run your fingers through her hair (without pulling her head towards you) when she is giving you a blow job. Let her know you have her hair between your fingers (some measure of control), but resist pulling her head closer (giving her some measure of control).

Good luck to you!

 

[SexyChele]

Re: Re: Re: How do you know when you're being unfair to your partner sexually

Chele

It wasn't ONE thing in particular it was just an escalating frustration varying from her not intiating sex, not introducing new ideas, and declining anything I suggest that she feels is "gross" or not "normal"
I don't want to give the wrong impression. Our lovemaking is at 3-5 times a week after 6 years of marriage and I'm not complaining. I just don't want to always be the one initiating or trying to find new things to keep it lively.
I really appreciate your insight and I did find it helpful
MUAH

PS I want to be the pissee NOT the pisser LOL

I'm truly sorry if I implied your marriage was an unhappy one. From your profile, and the sexy pics you have posted of your "better half", you are obviously very much in love. And from the looks of you and your desire to please, she is one hell of a lucky woman! This doesn't happen every day, and I truly am happy for the two of you.

You don't say how long you two have been together, what her past experiences have been, your ages - all things that can and do play a part in our sexual development. For as much as people might think I'm open-minded and adventurous sexually, I rarely initiate sex unless it is an occasional "I'm horny as hell, what are you gonna do about it?" Not much, huh? And I'm sure I'm much older than you or your wife!

Good luck to you and your wife. Just remember, each day is a new adventure and we never know what a new day might bring!

Oh, and if you want suggestions on how to bring up the idea of watersports to your wife that will be sensual and erotic (I guarantee it!), send me a PM. I'll be happy to share!