How many of us are 'out of the closet'?Results?

[neonflux]

New queer girl on the block - with a closet turnaround

Hey all! And thank you for the posing the question CuriousNiceGuy!!!

Queer-identified bi girl here.

This is an interesting one for me - am 100% out as a BYKE-lesbian-identified-bisexual - with family, friends and co-workers (actually, I've never defined my sexuality with my family but they've all met or at least known about both my female and male lovers/partners). But having just 4 or 5 months ago made the final breakup with my ex - a woman, monogamous, after a 15 year relationship - am finally getting out again (after 6 years of no sex and always having been a highly sexualized person with no real guilt or shame attached, I feel like I'm coming back to life).

I like how my life has settled but miss sex - don't want to fall in love. I know I could/would do so with a woman so am searching for and beginning to establish "sexual partnerships" with a number of men. Now, the interesting thing is, even though my lesbian and gay male friends know, intellectually, that I'm bi, the only friends with whom I've shared what I'm doing are both trans - one MTF and one FTM. I am afraid of somehow "losing my position" in my community if I'm seen "throwing it" in the faces of everyone else. (and most of my straight friends would not approve of the multiple partner situation - some of my LGBT friends wouldn't either but in San Francisco most wouldn't be willing to say so)

It was very interesting today - went to Good Vibrations to buy some special condoms and lube and was talking to this absolutely drop-dead cute baby butch salesperson about what I needed. All of a sudden it struck me that I was talking about having sex with a man with this incredibly hot dyke and my face turned beet red - I ended up getting finger cots, dental dams and gloves in the hopes of somehow "establishing" a queer identity - after all, could have been buying the condoms for a strap-on, right? Anyway, it was all infiinitely silly.

Thank goddess that a couple of the men I've been connecting with are also queer-bi and understand... and also for my trans friends...

Would love to hear from others experiencing the same dilemna - how did you get over all of this, or have you?

~ Justine

Aaah, the good old closet..
Either gay, lesbian, or bi, we've all been there.
Well, I for one am still in there.But you could say I have opened it juuust a little, to get some more air.

I've only said I'm bisexual to 5 people.4 took it ok, the fifth thought I came on to him when I gave him a massage and kinda tried to cut off..(all the time my friends knew that he thought I liked him, but they said that he was stressed from the exams.One day I learned it from his best friend and then I took the liberty of cutting myself of that person.)

Anyway 4 out of 5 is a good percentage I think
But I still am afraid of telling the parents.All the expectations..all the pride..
I don't give a shit for those things, but I don't want to hurt them.

But I always try to keep in mind people who seem to have become closer to me, and that I think if I tell them they won't mind.(including that guy I like..)

Your tuuuuuuuuuuuurn!

 

[Etoile]

Justine, what a great introduction. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I'm jealous that you live in San Francisco, I have only been once but I stopped in at Good Vibrations!

I definitely agree with you that people who end a same-sex relationship and get into an opposite-sex one get snubbed by the gay and lesbian community, even if they self-identified as bisexual long before the relationship situation changed, and even if they weren't leaving the same-sex relationship "for" the opposite-sex one. I'm not sure what the solution is to this. As with polyamory, I think it's just a matter of how enlightened people are. I know bisexuals who are in opposite-sex relationships and still champion gay rights causes, and these folks are the ones who can see past that belief in "heterosexual privilege."

I look forward to getting to hear more from you.

 

[neonflux]

Hi Etoile!

Justine, what a great introduction. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I'm jealous that you live in San Francisco, I have only been once but I stopped in at Good Vibrations!

I definitely agree with you that people who end a same-sex relationship and get into an opposite-sex one get snubbed by the gay and lesbian community, even if they self-identified as bisexual long before the relationship situation changed, and even if they weren't leaving the same-sex relationship "for" the opposite-sex one. I'm not sure what the solution is to this. As with polyamory, I think it's just a matter of how enlightened people are. I know bisexuals who are in opposite-sex relationships and still champion gay rights causes, and these folks are the ones who can see past that belief in "heterosexual privilege."

I look forward to getting to hear more from you.

If you ever want to come and visit, you certainly have a place to stay!

Re: polyamory - where are the Romans when you need them. Brutal culture but they (and most pre-Christian western peoples) certainly had it right when it came to issues of sexuality. I am actually heartened by the growing fluidity I see in how younger queer folk are beginning to approach questions of not only orientation, but also gender! While it goes without saying that I adore Drag Kings (something never done in my youth, when lesbian separatism was all the rage and we'd turned our backs on the stone butches of the 50's), I adore seeing young men with beards in otherwise full drag... I would absolutely agree that commited-to-the-cause bi folks in opposite sex relationships should be included in our community, even though often they are not.

Thank you also for your very warm welcome.

P.S., not to sound star-struck, but I have to admit to being a fan. I remember your pictoral in "On Our Backs." Also checked out your site - it was aesthetically stunning!

 

[Etoile]

P.S., not to sound star-struck, but I have to admit to being a fan. I remember your pictoral in "On Our Backs." Also checked out your site - it was aesthetically stunning!

You remember it?! Oh my, that was a while ago! Five years now. Thank you so much for the compliments!

 

[neonflux]

Yes

You remember it?! Oh my, that was a while ago! Five years now. Thank you so much for the compliments!

Yes, I do. I am most often attracted to women with a little "curve" but your photos were photos were so haunting, they stayed in my mind for a very, very long time...

 

[dizzylia]

Yes, I do. I am most often attracted to women with a little "curve" but your photos were photos were so haunting, they stayed in my mind for a very, very long time...

Are they still posted?

(hides her newbie card)

 

[Etoile]

Yes, I do. I am most often attracted to women with a little "curve" but your photos were photos were so haunting, they stayed in my mind for a very, very long time...

Wow, that is quite flattering, thank you! I actually am a good bit curvier now. I want to lose a little bit but I have come to love my breasts being the size they are (36C) so I won't be trying to be as small as I was when I was 19!

Psst, dizzylia - check the "naked pictures" link in my sig.

 

[kbate]

Wow, that is quite flattering, thank you! I actually am a good bit curvier now. I want to lose a little bit but I have come to love my breasts being the size they are (36C) so I won't be trying to be as small as I was when I was 19!

Psst, dizzylia - check the "naked pictures" link in my sig.

Stop ruining my perfect image of you.

 

[dizzylia]

Wow, that is quite flattering, thank you! I actually am a good bit curvier now. I want to lose a little bit but I have come to love my breasts being the size they are (36C) so I won't be trying to be as small as I was when I was 19!

Psst, dizzylia - check the "naked pictures" link in my sig.

Wow, those are fantastic. Thank you!

 

[playwithlezli]

Always been bi

I have always liked the person for who they were, not the package they were born into. Therefore I have dated, younger, older, richer, poorer, white, asian, male, female. I like who I like!

Lately though I have been going crazy for chicks and only chicks. Don't know why the sudden obsession, but I have been having fun with it.

I have been polyamorous most of my life, didn't know it had a name, just thought I was a slut *G*

Thanks for a great thread.

Oh, am I out. Yah, sort of, kind of. Have been to myself always, many of my friends once I hit my 20s, then accidently slipped into the closet living in a rural redneck area, with kids, and running a business. But recently talked to some friends as I felt like I was living a lie by keeping my mouth shut when it turned out another friend was homophobic. I wanted to ask, if you hate them, do you hate me?

I would like to be all the way out to everyone, but will likely keep it on a need to know basis. Can't imagine I would deny it if anyone asked however.

We are known as having a gay friendly business (we fly the rainbow flag) and no-one has egged the gate yet, so maybe there is hope yet!

Besides which, how do you hook up when folks think you are straight?

 

[Lady_Prowless]

::raises hand::
i am and ive really never been ashamed of it.some people will deny that they ever even had the thought of being with a woman.i say if you have admired a woman's breasts or pictures of a woman in lingerie or it gives you a throb in your crotch to see a nice wet pussy..then you probably are bi.so i raise it high and say.."aint nothing wrong with bumping crotches all night long."

 

[Lady_Prowless]

I have always liked the person for who they were, not the package they were born into. Therefore I have dated, younger, older, richer, poorer, white, asian, male, female. I like who I like!

Lately though I have been going crazy for chicks and only chicks. Don't know why the sudden obsession, but I have been having fun with it.

I have been polyamorous most of my life, didn't know it had a name, just thought I was a slut *G*

Thanks for a great thread.

Oh, am I out. Yah, sort of, kind of. Have been to myself always, many of my friends once I hit my 20s, then accidently slipped into the closet living in a rural redneck area, with kids, and running a business. But recently talked to some friends as I felt like I was living a lie by keeping my mouth shut when it turned out another friend was homophobic. I wanted to ask, if you hate them, do you hate me?

I would like to be all the way out to everyone, but will likely keep it on a need to know basis. Can't imagine I would deny it if anyone asked however.

We are known as having a gay friendly business (we fly the rainbow flag) and no-one has egged the gate yet, so maybe there is hope yet!

Besides which, how do you hook up when folks think you are straight?

that was on another thread i seen before.im not sure..i dont think anyone is.like one person said..some girls are overly friendly with thier hands ,but then act all homophobic when the subject comes up,or said they have tryed it and didnt like it,or say "well im only into men now"kinda sinks ya boat...well really didnt set sail.lol you never know unless you ask or try that person.but make sure you dont want to lose that relationship as a friend incase it backfires.

 

[Guest]

I'm as out as out can be