How to Be Satisfied Without Orgasm

[an_angels_wings]

Is this even possible? I'm assuming so, because everyone refers to having fun trying new things even if it doesn't quite work out as expected. However, I find that I get incredibly cranky (read: irritated) if I get all worked up and I'm being touched and stimulated, and then he cums and I don't get any.

I'm perfectly fine with making out and heavy petting and all of that sort of prequel teasing stuff ... but if I get touched the right way or enough, I want more and I'm not really satisfied with not getting any.

Are there any suggestions anyone may have with feeling more comfortable giving and not necessarily getting? I don't want my boyfriend to feel unsatisfied, but at the same time, I want satisfaction, too.

I mean, I love him, he loves me ... and I love being sexually active with him, it's a great part of our relationship and means a lot to me. I think that this is one of the reasons as to why I take it personally when I don't orgasm or feel like it's a priority of his that I orgasm.

Any insight/advice, as usual, would be sincerely appreciated.

 

[Eilan]

I think that this is one of the reasons as to why I take it personally when I don't orgasm or feel like it's a priority of his that I orgasm.

Stupid question, I'm sure, but have you talked to him about this, particularly about the part I put in boldface?

 

[an_angels_wings]

Stupid question, I'm sure, but have you talked to him about this, particularly about the part I put in boldface?

And I know this is going to be a stupid answer ... but no, not yet. I wanted to think about it some more and sort of gather a better idea of how I'm feeling and what to say and suggestions on how to make things better before I brought it up just yet.

 

[SweetErika]

Apart from taking matters into your own hands (quite literally), and masturbating when you're unsatisfied, I don't think you can make it better without talking to him. Even masturbation is going to be a lot easier if you two agree it should be one of the solutions; otherwise you're left with hiding it and/or the possibility of him being really upset when he sees you satisfying yourself.

Your guy probably has NO inkling you're left wanting - just look at the number of guys on here alone who are convinced their cock is the most important tool for pleasure.

Communication should be what you turn to first, not a last resort. In this case, it could be as easy as, "I've noticed I feel really tense sometimes when we're intimate and I don't have an orgasm, so I was hoping we could come up with some ways we could deal with that next time it happens." While his initial reaction may be shock, embarrassment, etc., he'll offer solutions and make changes if he's a good guy.

 

[an_angels_wings]

Thanks for the reply. I ended up bringing it up when we had a few moments alone before going to a friends house. It wasn't that I was leaving talking to him as a last resort, I just wanted to have some solutions and stuff to offer, too, before I brought up the conversation.

As you thought, he was a bit surprised. And, interestingly enough, the time that kind of tipped me into that mood when I didn't feel satisfied because I didn't feel like he was paying attention to how I was feeling sexually while we were having sex and whatnot (just that I wasn't as turned on and ready to go as he was when he was nearly ready to climax, lol) ... he told me that he wanted to go for it again but that I'd gone to use the bathroom and whatnot and he just thought I wanted to sleep or something. So, yeah. But we did talk about it more in depth than that, and we'll see if things improve. I'll just bring it up right away next time.

He is a good guy. =)

 

[SweetErika]

Sounds like you're on the right track.

Solution-wise, we've gotten into the habit of pleasing me first unless there's a clear agreement to go another route. If that doesn't work, we might just get on with it and/or talk about doing something else, like another round right away, later, or assisted or regular masturbation. These solutions arose from another issue, but the results are the same. The main thing is that I'm very clear when I want something, because he's pretty lousy at picking up on even big hints.

 

[Guest]

love yourself

Is this even possible? I'm assuming so, because everyone refers to having fun trying new things even if it doesn't quite work out as expected. However, I find that I get incredibly cranky (read: irritated) if I get all worked up and I'm being touched and stimulated, and then he cums and I don't get any.

I'm perfectly fine with making out and heavy petting and all of that sort of prequel teasing stuff ... but if I get touched the right way or enough, I want more and I'm not really satisfied with not getting any.

Are there any suggestions anyone may have with feeling more comfortable giving and not necessarily getting? I don't want my boyfriend to feel unsatisfied, but at the same time, I want satisfaction, too.

I mean, I love him, he loves me ... and I love being sexually active with him, it's a great part of our relationship and means a lot to me. I think that this is one of the reasons as to why I take it personally when I don't orgasm or feel like it's a priority of his that I orgasm.

Any insight/advice, as usual, would be sincerely appreciated.

It can be a very physical sensation. One minute you are going somewhere, the other, it is all over. Communication is key here, because it is gets worse. If you start *anticipating* that he won't wait for you, you might start getting upset even before things have gone askew. It is best nipping this on the bud...

A possible solution has already been mentioned: lots and lots of masturbation. It takes the edge off. The impatience is a trait to lose - when the books talk of not focusing on orgasm, but on prolonging the pleasure, they are mentioning a very doable thing. Not that you shouldn't expect to orgasm though. Every time, and more than once



Maharat

 

[Straight-8]

You sound like a young woman and you need to learn to express your needs. But before you can express them you have to decide what they are. And be specific! (or at least as specific as you can be). And in my experience they will change as you learn to express your sexual self.

One of the great things about us guys is that we're generally very unself conscious. Most of us assume we are the greatest lovers in the world and it comes as a complete surprise if our lovers aren't totally satisfied. So don't be too hard on him for being insensitive to your unspoken needs.

On the other hand, I think most guys are quite open to 'following directions'. But as I say above, they should be fairly specific. If it is just a general 'make me cum' he won't have many ideas - he's probably already doing the best he can (OK maybe not 'the best' - but he's trying). In other words, you have to decide what works for you. Is it: longer foreplay including tongue work? toys? bondage? role play? 69? Manipulation after sex?.. .and then let him in on the secret(s). You have to confront your fantasies and hidden desires and then be brave enough to share them.

P.S. - if I had to suggest one thing I'd go for 'toys' as it sounds like you need a lot longer sexual experience than he is capable of giving at the moment

 

[jcguild]

if your man can't make you cum, shoot him.

loser