How to explain a 'lost toy'?

[sweatinganal]

I remember something that happened to me 11 years ago. One night I was playing with a dildo and really getting into some deep anal fucking with it, and there it went! I couldn't get it out, and went to the emergency room of the hospital in my hometown. Having a big name there (parents run a large real estate firm) didn't make it any easier.

Anyway, I remember one of the girls asking me what kind of symptoms I was having, and sitting there trying to think of a way to answer with an internal buzzing sound that I know I could hear. She didn't seem to notice. After a bit, a male doctor came out and led me to his room where he had me lay in a pretty 'dirty' position while he lubed me up and probed my inner heavens until he was able to retrieve the toy.

Of course, it wasn't without some mess but wow WHAT A MOMENT! I'm very sure this won't ever happen again, but for the beginners with toys here how would you recommend they approach the emergency room?

All kinky or more politically-correct suggestions welcome!

 

[phoenix1224]

Tell the doctor the TRUTH... It's not like they don't already KNOW how it happened...

Besides, if you lie about it, it just gives them a humorous story to tell to their colleagues...

 

[Lynxie]

Frankly getting a dildo or vibe stuck inside you is probably a lot a lot easier to explain then some of the other objects people substitute when they don't have proper sex toys handy. If it had to happen, I think I'd rather go to the emergency room with a vibrator that needed removing versus say, a zucchini or god knows what.

But I must agree with Phoenix on this one - if it happens, just be up front about it. If you act confident about your sexuality, they're probably less likely to make fun of you afterwards. Though I must say I'd recommend taking caution with anything you're using internally. Prevention sounds like a much better solution

 

[Eilan]

I have to agree with everyone else--honesty IS the best policy. I figure most medical professionals have seen it all anyway.

 

[Vixandra]

As a medical para-professional, I'll tell you now, we do swap patient stories, especially if they're funny or something like this.

Tell the dr the truth and things will go a lot smoother. And it'll be easier for the staff to keep a straight face.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

A guy I use to work with previously worked as a nurse at a doctor's office. He scored a copy of an X-Ray of a man's pelvis. The X-Ray showed a soda can in the man's rectum, and upon a closer look we were also able to see the faint letters of the brand name on the can.

Yup. He had his daily dose of V8 up in there, but according to the X-Ray he forgot to open the can first.

ew!

 

[Different Guy]

Ha ha ha I watched a show on TV once where they described someone who went to hospital with a bottle of wine up his arse, wanna know what his story was?

He was on his way to his darling wife and the shopping and some wine for a meal that night and he'd forgotten his keys... doh! So he was climbing up the drainpipe to an open window upstairs when suddenly he fell down and... oh no he landed on the wine bottle and the neck went right up his bum bum!!

Oh my the docter said! That must have been awful he said but I don't understand something... what that's the man replies... well, what happened to your trousers? Shit the man thought, and he comes out with "They got caught on the drain pipe when I fell down!

So after some time the bottle is dislodged and he goes home thinking he's avoided an embaressing situation but the doctor is still curious... "what is it?" the nurse asks and the doctor replies... "Why does a man go through all that just to avoid the obvious scenario, I mean the condom is still attached to the top of the bloody bottle!"

I was in creases when I heard that... I think it might have been Ricky Gervais and his stand up shows but I don't know!