How to get a reply to your PM

[boredVAwife]

I'll have to remember this before I just hit the delete.

Not related to this thread but hell, ill share.
Today I got...

Are you as sweet as you look in your pic?
Me: not at all

Thanks for your honesty Mrs. Bitter
Me: no problem

Yah I know that feeling too, I try to be honest with most dudes and let 'em know up front I am probably not gonna play with them because I am far more into girls. Still there are a few that hit my switch and make me crazy but some still are gonna get all pissed and let the asshat in them come out. I have just as much bitch in me but I try to keep her under wraps if at all possible.

 

[bailadora]

I was gonna suggest the asshat thread, but I see Eilan has already beaten me to the punch.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

If you don't like a PM then don't respond to it and just delete it. It is that simple. What you are talking about is creating rules or a set of guide lines for what is appropriate on this forum.
The lack rules and ability for people to come here and express their desires is what makes this forum so unique. If everyone is has to start following your rules for PMs because you're offend than lets start making rules to not offend everyone.

I see lots of threads on here that are about fantasies such as incest. If everyone should follow your PM rules than lets remove all the incest threads because that is something I am not into. Why stop there is someone is offended by anal sex lets make a rule that no one on here can talk about anal sex anymore.

What's pm rules got to do with threads?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Thanks for the bump and your support (most of you) Not surprisingly, I've gotten some PMs from guys unhappy with my post. I guess I'll just HAVE to cry myself to sleep... Hehehe

Because you pointed out their lameness in front of their buddies!

 

[Wife of Bath]

I'm actually terrible about replying to everyone. I can't help it. If they send me a PM even if it's straight from a copy/paste or really graphic I will at least acknowledge reception. I will, though, tell them that I am not interested in further messages and if they disrespect that then my claws come out. Sharp claws.

It would be a lot easier if I could just...not reply. I should take notes from you ladies .

 

[LordMhoram]

Okay sports fans, let's recap.

OP topic = How to get a reply to your PM

Translation - "How to..." is the key phrase here. It indicates this is a piece of advice on improving your chances to get a response to your PM.

Since we all understand that this is primarily about men PMing women, and here a woman is offering advice on improving your chances, I am baffled as to why any male would be offended in any manner at her words.

As for me, I cast my eye over her list to see if I could pick up some new ideas.

Hi, like many of you I found the forums after reading erotic stories and poems and am here to learn, share and meet new friends. I appreciate PMs but reply VERY infrequently. Here's why...

Ah, now here is further clarification of the OP's intent. It is in fact her personal appeal. I get the impression that she welcomes PMs that show even a glimmer of respect for her as a person.

There is some pretty kinky stuff on this site, so I imagine there may well be some women who like to get messages like, "hey bitch suc my cok" as a warm, first time greeting. However, I am rather confident they are in the minority.

More to the point, Loverskitten has stepped out and clearly stated that if you would like her to reply to you, she has some things she would ask you to consider.

I know how irritated I get when there is so much spam in my email inbox it makes it almost worthless because of the effort of wading through piles of crap to retrieve the two or three message I am actually interested in.

Gentlemen, consider that the women here deal with that problem in their PM Inbox here, with the added slap in the face of being talked to like they are worthless. Show a little respect and courtesy. Or not, but understand that most women will then ignore you, and who could truly blame them?

Ladies, remember human nature is human nature. Men are programmed to be sexually aggressive. I would defend my gender and state for the record that not all are stupid or crass about that pursuit. There is no real answer to your dilemma other than to get practiced with that delete/ignore routine. This is a sex-orientated site, after all.

That said, within the narrow definition if this thread, men might fall into three categories:

1. Those that do not need your list,
2. Those that will never understand your list, and
3. Those few who maybe just needed a small reminder.

Good luck.

 

[serpentwrap]

This is strictly my personal perspective. There has been so much of ridicule and mocking the PMs (most deservedly too, I may add) that it has totally inhibited me from sending PMs to anyone. Not that I haven't been tempted. There are times when one feels like making a tongue-in-cheek remark on some post that might fall into bad taste if said publicly. At other times, one would just seek some clarification on a point being made by a poster. Of course there are equal number of times when one is tempted to flirt innocently with someone. Not all PMs are meant to seek physical proximity. But PMs by definition are personal. And unless one develops a comfort with a poster, I find PMs akin to intruding into someone's room without being invited. I know its a bit of a catch 22: unless I post more, how on earth would I develop that comfort factor. And if there's no familiarity, why should I send or expect a PM?

Its entirely my own confusion and my own responsibility. But yeah, there sure are times when I feel like complimenting a poster genuinely on some post or explaining some aspect of a poster's quandry rather personally, but fear of being mocked or rebuffed makes me tuck my tail... So even normal, inquistive PMs are left unsent lest they be misconstrued as "asshat" or "fucktard: or some such nomenclature currently in rage.

Is it only me, or are there a few others in the same boat?

 

[Loverskitten]

But yeah, there sure are times when I feel like complimenting a poster genuinely on some post or explaining some aspect of a poster's quandry rather personally, but fear of being mocked or rebuffed makes me tuck my tail... So even normal, inquistive PMs are left unsent lest they be misconstrued as "asshat" or "fucktard: or some such nomenclature currently in rage.

Is it only me, or are there a few others in the same boat?

I am certain that a PM compliment on a post (not just a pic) would be welcome and appreciated.
Unless it went something like this...
"I really like the point you made in your "How to" thread, wanna watch me shoot my load on cam?"

 

[Boundlife]

This is strictly my personal perspective. There has been so much of ridicule and mocking the PMs (most deservedly too, I may add) that it has totally inhibited me from sending PMs to anyone. Not that I haven't been tempted. There are times when one feels like making a tongue-in-cheek remark on some post that might fall into bad taste if said publicly. At other times, one would just seek some clarification on a point being made by a poster. Of course there are equal number of times when one is tempted to flirt innocently with someone. Not all PMs are meant to seek physical proximity. But PMs by definition are personal. And unless one develops a comfort with a poster, I find PMs akin to intruding into someone's room without being invited. I know its a bit of a catch 22: unless I post more, how on earth would I develop that comfort factor. And if there's no familiarity, why should I send or expect a PM?

Its entirely my own confusion and my own responsibility. But yeah, there sure are times when I feel like complimenting a poster genuinely on some post or explaining some aspect of a poster's quandry rather personally, but fear of being mocked or rebuffed makes me tuck my tail... So even normal, inquistive PMs are left unsent lest they be misconstrued as "asshat" or "fucktard: or some such nomenclature currently in rage.

Is it only me, or are there a few others in the same boat?

Intent is what makes the PM annoying. If you are unsure about messaging you are part of the never needed this group. If I'm not sure about someone, I'll ask what lead them to PM me and if they don't have a good answer...

This thread is about venting about the dolts looking for a woman to ooh and ah over their cock.

Here are the basic Do's (If you think Of course PM away)

-say hi, hello, bonjour...take your pick
-write to one user
-keep the first message closer to a G rating than XXX(With some questions it moves on the rating)

If you want to practice I'll be gentle
That's the problem about complaining about asshats, It goes over their heads and makes nice guys nervous

 

[StrayKat]

Ladies, remember human nature is human nature. Men are programmed to be sexually aggressive. I would defend my gender and state for the record that not all are stupid or crass about that pursuit. There is no real answer to your dilemma other than to get practiced with that delete/ignore routine. This is a sex-orientated site, after all.

But men are not programmed to be careless, incoherent, illiterate and plain boring stupid, are they?
I dont think anyone here complains about aggressiveness if it goes hand in hand with wit and respect. I for one love aggressive men on more than one level

 

[Eilan]

What's pm rules got to do with threads?

Yeah, really. I'm not a fan of every topic on the boards, either, but unless a thread breaks the forum rules, I'm not going to say that it shouldn't exist. I can control whether or not I enter that thread. However, unless I adjust my PM settings accordingly, I'm not going to have control over the leg-humping cyberdrivel that makes its way into my inbox. I absolutely have a right to decide for myself what kinds of private messages I would like to receive. My inbox, my rules. Don't like it? Then PM someone else.

I accept messages only from people on my Buddy List because I found that simply saying in my profile and sig that I'm not here for cyber, sexy chat, or pic swaps didn't stop me from getting those requests. I'd get messages saying, "I know you said you don't do cyber, sexy chat, or pic swaps, but [insert request for cyber, sexy chat, or pic swap]."

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I accept messages only from people on my Buddy List because I found that simply saying in my profile and sig that I'm not here for cyber, sexy chat, or pic swaps didn't stop me from getting those requests. I'd get messages saying, "I know you said you don't do cyber, sexy chat, or pic swaps, but [insert request for cyber, sexy chat, or pic swap]."

At least you know they read your profille/sig/etc though?

 

[Eilan]

At least you know they read your profille/sig/etc though?

There is that silver lining, I suppose.

 

[bailadora]

I am baffled as to why any male would be offended in any manner at her words.

You answered that question yourself:

This is a sex-orientated site, after all.

Some men seem to believe ipso facto a woman's presence here, she is/should be willing to engage in [insert cyber sex act here] with anyone who demands it.

Even though this is a "sex-oriented site", courtesy and respect need not be left at the door. Unless someone WANTS to be featured on the asshat thread....in which case, carry on!

 

[StrayKat]

Some men seem to believe ipso facto a woman's presence here, she is/should be willing to engage in [insert cyber sex act here] with anyone who demands it.

And if demanding doesnt work they will coerce, pester or beg.
Poor guys... this site really helps me to remember one of the reasons why I am happy to be a woman.

 

[StrayKat]

duplicate

 

[LordMhoram]

Even though this is a "sex-oriented site", courtesy and respect need not be left at the door...

I thought that was what I said ?

 

[gregy70]

I don't know about you, but I signed up here to talk about sex, exchange ideas and stuff like that. Not to receive dirty PMs from guys who think I care what their penis looks like.

That made me laugh! Hmm note to self. Kidding lol!

 

[nikkifromny]

Yes and No

Thank you Loverskitten for starting this thread and thank you to everyone who has responded – I'm learning a lot. I want to share my perspective, but keep in mind that I’m a newbie girl here so there’s probably stuff I just haven't experienced yet.

First, I think those of us who received a lot of PMs need to recognize that different places have different customs. Some people might be used to sites that are less "literary." On some sites you start with a picture or you start with a/s/l because there's really no point in continuing if there's no interest. So maybe they don't do it to be rude, they just don't know the customs of this strange land called Literotica.

I've gotten some PMs that were really friendly or funny or sexy over the last few days. Thank you! I'm enjoying getting to know a few folks. One guy even straight up said that he was going to break the mold with a funny, conversational PM. I don't expect the people who PM me to have a lot of posts. I don't even look at someone's profile ‘till they've really piqued my interest. It certainly helps though, if they've at least filled in a bit of their profile.

I would echo one of SweetErika’s points:
“- Have a good reason to write me, unless I already know you.”
I think the person who sends the PM needs to either say something that's really responsive to something I've written or write at least a few sentences about themselves. Sorry, the fact that we both live in New York it is not enough to start a conversation when I can't see you or smell your touch you. Most of the PMs I delete without responding to, it's just because I didn't have anything to say.

I agree with most of what’s been recommended, but I have a different perspective on Loverskitten’s number four. She wrote:
“4) Have I expressed an interest in phone sex? No. Ok, don't ask then. Same for web cam sex.”

However, I want people to tell me what they're interested in. It makes no sense for us to go back and forth for awhile if your main point for messaging me is because you want something that I'm not into.

Also, even if I *do* want to cyber or I *do* want phone sex, the "vixen" hasn't quite broken through the "good girl." I am probably too shy to ask for a virtual romp in the hay, but if the right person were to ask me, who knows what would happen.

xoxo Nikki

 

[more_snow_plz]

I might send one PM a week, usually in regards to someone's post on a thread. I usually get a reply back.

I do admit that I wish it was easier to strike up PM or chat friendships more often on here. Sometimes it's just fun to get to know someone new!

 

[badman1985]

I say be yourself... even in pms don't go out of your way to come off too sexy or horny (for a guy at least).... hell I'm sure you ladies can say whatever you want to get replies lol. The way I look at it is if someone doesn't talk to me then whatever move on and find someone who likes what I have to say. Since this was started by A women and her wants i thought I would add what I as A man look for. Humble women who understand I am here for fun. Honestly i think some people over think things aren't we all here to feel sexy or get off some how.

 

[StrayKat]

Also, even if I *do* want to cyber or I *do* want phone sex, the "vixen" hasn't quite broken through the "good girl." I am probably too shy to ask for a virtual romp in the hay, but if the right person were to ask me, who knows what would happen.

I am probably much less of a "good girl" but I never worry about cyber or phone sex. If I get to the point I might want it with someone its always sure we like/arouse each other enough to start something without anyone having to particularly ask for it. You just let it happen and go with a flow.

 

[Loverskitten]

I might send one PM a week, usually in regards to someone's post on a thread. I usually get a reply back.

I do admit that I wish it was easier to strike up PM or chat friendships more often on here. Sometimes it's just fun to get to know someone new!

I find it far easier to get to know people by participating in the forums, instead of PMing.

 

[Etaski]

Since this was started by A women and her wants i thought I would add what I as A man look for. Humble women who understand I am here for fun.

Humble...that's quite an adjective to be the only requirement.

Honestly i think some people over think things aren't we all here to feel sexy or get off some how.

Well...yes, we are here for that, but not in the way that you think.

Now you imagine getting pms that contain pesky wheedling, begging, guilt-trip attempts, vague statements with nowhere to go, lack of understanding of how to converse, back-handed comments about your gender....

And bear in mind that you have other things you'd like to do on here (ahem, discuss writing....)

Oh yes, that makes me feel so very sexy and gets me off. Thanks!

Over-thinking it indeed...I didn't even think about it at all until it started happening.

Perhaps the only point here is that a few (fair number) spoil it for everyone else.

 

[SweetErika]

Honestly i think some people over think things aren't we all here to feel sexy or get off some how.

Not really, no. And when men PM indiscriminately with that kind of assumption in mind, they will often get unfavorable responses.

I'm here because I enjoy the specific dynamic this community provides. I love the open discussion, education and camaraderie. There are so many smart, creative, caring people here. Sexuality is certainly a factor, but it's primarily the free conversation about it that I enjoy. So, while I get off on the intellectual stimulation, I'm here to learn, share, be entertained, and in the process I've been fortunate to forge some great friendships.