How to get a reply to your PM

[Redhill123]

An Observation

Expect nothing and you will not be disappointed! It has worked out well for me. Plus the added benefit of the sage advice of the 10,000 posters….just in awe!

 

[enigma3]

Thank you Loverskitten for starting this thread and thank you to everyone who has responded – I'm learning a lot. I want to share my perspective, but keep in mind that I’m a newbie girl here so there’s probably stuff I just haven't experienced yet.

First, I think those of us who received a lot of PMs need to recognize that different places have different customs. Some people might be used to sites that are less "literary." On some sites you start with a picture or you start with a/s/l because there's really no point in continuing if there's no interest. So maybe they don't do it to be rude, they just don't know the customs of this strange land called Literotica.

I've gotten some PMs that were really friendly or funny or sexy over the last few days. Thank you! I'm enjoying getting to know a few folks. One guy even straight up said that he was going to break the mold with a funny, conversational PM. I don't expect the people who PM me to have a lot of posts. I don't even look at someone's profile ‘till they've really piqued my interest. It certainly helps though, if they've at least filled in a bit of their profile.

I would echo one of SweetErika’s points:
“- Have a good reason to write me, unless I already know you.”
I think the person who sends the PM needs to either say something that's really responsive to something I've written or write at least a few sentences about themselves. Sorry, the fact that we both live in New York it is not enough to start a conversation when I can't see you or smell your touch you. Most of the PMs I delete without responding to, it's just because I didn't have anything to say.

I agree with most of what’s been recommended, but I have a different perspective on Loverskitten’s number four. She wrote:
“4) Have I expressed an interest in phone sex? No. Ok, don't ask then. Same for web cam sex.”

However, I want people to tell me what they're interested in. It makes no sense for us to go back and forth for awhile if your main point for messaging me is because you want something that I'm not into.

Also, even if I *do* want to cyber or I *do* want phone sex, the "vixen" hasn't quite broken through the "good girl." I am probably too shy to ask for a virtual romp in the hay, but if the right person were to ask me, who knows what would happen.

xoxo Nikki

i've just pm'd you......................only joking

 

[1Wheels111]

I think what your saying is; in order for PM's to be conducive to real sexual communication and avoid frustration, follow these suggestions

 

[badman1985]

I can understand what some are you are saying, but at the end of the day personally I simply refuse to deal with needy women online who have that your wrong and I'm right vibe (ie why i like women who are humble). It's called a opinion for a reason. I have gotten to know a few good women on here, I just be myself, have normal conversations with them. I think the people who really spoil any forum are the types who are always trying to put others in their place all the time. Hopefully i don't get a load of people quoting what I say all mad saying that no no no all wrong i must be right just proves my point.

 

[Pandora73]

.... hell I'm sure you ladies can say whatever you want to get replies lol.

Not always true. I sent a very complimentary PM to a guy once (unsolicited, I was commenting on a post of his) and never got a reply! (And yes, he's still active and posting.) Leave it to me to be the biggest fuckin' loser on Lit.

 

[nikkifromny]

Don't feel bad Pandora, there are a million reasons why someone might not respond to a PM that have nothing to do with the PMer...

1. I'm in a rush, the mailbox is almost full, I empty it all, figuring anyone who really needs to reach me will PM again.

2. I've posted a personal and am only reading the ones that have certain keywords.

3. I'm cross-eyed from spending too much time in the forum and I accidentally delete yours what I wanted to delete the one above you.

Others?

Not always true. I sent a very complimentary PM to a guy once (unsolicited, I was commenting on a post of his) and never got a reply! (And yes, he's still active and posting.) Leave it to me to be the biggest fuckin' loser on Lit.

 

[Eilan]

I'm not sure that "needy" means what some people think it does.

 

[bailadora]

I thought that was what I said ?

You did, yes. But then, IMO, you weakened that when you followed it with "this is a sex-oriented site, after all". To me, it reads that even more sexually aggressive behavior is to be expected from the male population of this site simply by virtue of the fact that sex is openly and (mostly) positively discussed. And I just don't agree with that. If you wouldn't proposition a total stranger face to face, then don't do it here. Just because I enjoy talking about sex in a general sense doesn't mean I'm interested in providing wank fodder for the multitudes of HNG's out there.

IDK what it is with some people. They get on the net and think they can say whatever to whoever and manners be damned. I guess technically they can. But then we get back to being featured on the asshat thread and rightfully so, IMO.

 

[RawMonsterLove]

I don't know about you, but I signed up here to talk about sex, exchange ideas and stuff like that. Not to receive dirty PMs from guys who think I care what their penis looks like.

The difference between Mars and Venus?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Balderdash.

The vehicle for female sexuality is the relationship, and her replying to a PM implies a relationship. Its like us guys sending cock pix to ugly women, aint gonna happen.

 

[fire_breeze]

Balderdash.

The vehicle for female sexuality is the relationship, and her replying to a PM implies a relationship. Its like us guys sending cock pix to ugly women, aint gonna happen.

What. The. Fuck?

Her replying to a PM implies a relationship? How on earth did you come up with that?

 

[sereneone4u]

Sure, there's no rule that says people can't talk about sex and erotica. However, just because a woman likes to post about these subjects with like-minded individuals doesn't mean that she is willing (or obligated) to privately cyber-entertain any Tom, Limp-Dick, and Hairy who wants pics and dirty talk.

This.

 

[Emerson40]

What. The. Fuck?

Her replying to a PM implies a relationship? How on earth did you come up with that?

Aw, crap.

Look what you done did.



http://th06.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/102/7/9/a_brief_tale_of_a_tomato_and_walrus__by_sauceyfellow-d4vz0i8.jpg

 

[sereneone4u]

I can understand what some are you are saying, but at the end of the day personally I simply refuse to deal with needy women online who have that your wrong and I'm right vibe (ie why i like women who are humble). It's called a opinion for a reason. I have gotten to know a few good women on here, I just be myself, have normal conversations with them. I think the people who really spoil any forum are the types who are always trying to put others in their place all the time. Hopefully i don't get a load of people quoting what I say all mad saying that no no no all wrong i must be right just proves my point.

Whatever you have to tell yourself.

 

[Eilan]

What. The. Fuck?

Her replying to a PM implies a relationship? How on earth did you come up with that?

Lots of Lit polyamory going on if that's the case.

 

[NightL]

Emerson40, wonderful - just absolutely wonderful.

Balderdash.

The vehicle for female sexuality is the relationship, and her replying to a PM implies a relationship. Its like us guys sending cock pix to ugly women, aint gonna happen.

What. The. Fuck?

Her replying to a PM implies a relationship? How on earth did you come up with that?

Aw, crap.

Look what you done did.



http://th06.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2012/102/7/9/a_brief_tale_of_a_tomato_and_walrus__by_sauceyfellow-d4vz0i8.jpg

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

What. The. Fuck?

Her replying to a PM implies a relationship? How on earth did you come up with that?

If I spoke Chinese to you, you wouldn't understand it, either; so let it go, let it go like a dream goes just before you wake.

 

[bill3901]

and if we have sex that means we are engaged to be married...lol

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

and if we have sex that means we are engaged to be married...lol

A few here will settle for a kind word. So be careful.

I remember one old girl asked if she could ride along when I went after a load of hay for my horses I JES NEED ONE BALE she said. So I said, OK. At lunch we stopped at a burger stand, and she got pissed off cuz I wouldn't buy her lunch. I THOUGHT WE WUZ ON A DATE, she says.

So yuh gotta be careful.

 

[sereneone4u]

A few here will settle for a kind word. So be careful.

I remember one old girl asked if she could ride along when I went after a load of hay for my horses I JES NEED ONE BALE she said. So I said, OK. At lunch we stopped at a burger stand, and she got pissed off cuz I wouldn't buy her lunch. I THOUGHT WE WUZ ON A DATE, she says.

So yuh gotta be careful.

And because of that one incident, you label all women?

So how about then men that all you do is smile as you pass them and they think you want to fuck their brains out? Or if you make a friendly post on here and you want to fuck their brains out? Or you lose and eyelash and it means you want to fuck their brains out?

See a pattern?

 

[devinity7]

I don't mind a PM if the person is polite and not presumptuous in thinking since I'm on an erotic website, I must need to, "get off." I get quite a few PM's from men that include their stats and also state they love naughty banter. Thanks for the info...ever heard of TMI?

I don't like to be rude and I realize that not answering can appear that way. Sometimes I just say as nicely as I can that I'm not interested in chatting, at least not sexually. I'm not a prude, there are other ways to entice me.

 

[summiter1]

Kitten & Allison.......all great points. Thanks for bring them up and starting a thread on it.

 

[fire_breeze]

Lots of Lit polyamory going on if that's the case.

You mean I'm in a poly relationship without me knowing it?!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

And because of that one incident, you label all women?

So how about then men that all you do is smile as you pass them and they think you want to fuck their brains out? Or if you make a friendly post on here and you want to fuck their brains out? Or you lose and eyelash and it means you want to fuck their brains out?

See a pattern?

A museum in Amsterdam features 2-headed babies preserved in large jars, there are plenty to see, even a few 3-headed specimens. That said, one-headed babies are the rule. I don't bet on 2-headed babies, though I know they exist somewhere.

With that in mind all your examples are sexual signals.

 

[ashk85]

Don't be a dick, show an interest in the person, don't start with "wanna see my cock?".