How to know if somebody is flirting with you?

[Aphro]

Oh! Sorry bout that!

When I flirt no other female on the planet exists, she's the only one. I'm painfully honest and only compliment what I truly believe is outstanding, so I may say something (outta the blue) like, YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LEGS I'VE EVER SEEN, and I say it with the same sense of wonder I'd feel if I had just got a glimpse of paradise. I smile a lot. And I put people at ease quickly (youll never believe it ,but I can charm people). I look women in the eyes and hold the contact. And I touch them on the arm or shoulder or hand. But mostly I act like I just found the Holy Grail. And I always believe I have!

James...did you really post this, or did your alter ego take over for a second? I am shocked! You may have just risen one notch out of the quagmire I had previously placed you, dearie. Wonders never cease.

 

[Primalex]

How do you know if somebody is flirting with you in real life?

What for?

If you like him, approach him, even if he does not flirt with you.
If you don't like him, why care if he flirts with you?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

James...did you really post this, or did your alter ego take over for a second? I am shocked! You may have just risen one notch out of the quagmire I had previously placed you, dearie. Wonders never cease.

Dear, my range spans several octaves. I do like to wallow in the mire but am known to surprise the crap outta people when I release the beauty in my soul.

My grandmother usta do it, too. I recall one occasion at a family reunion, no one had a clue she knew how to play piano and had years of instruction, all anyone knew was she had been a farm wife with 9 kids. So she parks her butt at the church piano and plays Chopin. It was like witnessing resurrection. No one knew or suspected!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15401

This is for the ladies here.

 

[twister947]

I can't tell you how to know it is happening; I am as obtuse as they come, in these matters.

Hindsight is another matter. When she approaches you on the day when it is unlikely she will ever see you again, holds your face, and kisses you full on the lips, that is a message even I can get. Regrets...

 

[Red_Kiss]

I tend to be a bit clueless about flirting, too. But generally, if a man is talking to you and he's making you feel good and sexy, and vice versa..... that's flirting. Flirting is all about fun and feeling good (and sometimes more)!

 

[summiter1]

Perhaps you should just ask

If you are unsure...ask him for a cup of coffee and then just ask him. It works everytime.

 

[VladHarkonnen]

If we're talking about flirting from some distance and not actually speaking to her...

I play the glance game...look at her until she looks back, then look away...rinse, repeat until I'm sure she's checking me out. I stand up a little straighter. My side facing her. If I get some kind of signal that she's flirting back I'll hold my gaze a little longer when our eyes meet...maybe smile if I'm seeing any kind of sign at all. (honestly I'm kinda shy around women that I'm attracted to so I make damn sure that she wants me to approach before I do)

If we're talking about flirting with someone I'm talking too...lots of eye contact, smiling, I'm interested in everything she's saying and I ask questions to keep her talking...they might be lame questions...doesn't matter. She's still talking to me. I make sure that my body is open...no crossing of arms or legs. I'm almost presenting myself to her to inspect. (I know...sounds a little apish but then...we are, aren't we?)

 

[ttrfanatic]

I'll add that I'm also not an expert about flirting but I did a little research quite some time ago about body language and it can tell you quite a bit about how to tell if someone is interested in you or flirting with you.

It is actually quite interesting in that most people's body language can tell you so much. Everyone has body language and most people aren't even aware that they are doing things that would let others know they are interested.

For example, there are things like when a woman touches her hair or her face when talking to you it means she is interested in you. Or if one person leans towards you versus away from you it means they are interested. And so on... It's definitely worth reading up on if you are interested in being able to tell if someone is interested by the things they (or their body) are doing. Just my 2 cents...

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'll add that I'm also not an expert about flirting but I did a little research quite some time ago about body language and it can tell you quite a bit about how to tell if someone is interested in you or flirting with you.

It is actually quite interesting in that most people's body language can tell you so much. Everyone has body language and most people aren't even aware that they are doing things that would let others know they are interested.

But be aware that not everybody 'speaks' body language the same way. e.g. those of us with Aspie tendencies tend to be uncomfortable with eye contact. If we don't look you in the eye, it doesn't mean we're being unfriendly or evasive. And if we do look you in the eye, it may be as a learned behaviour that doesn't mean quite the same thing as when others do it.

This has led to misunderstandings more than once.

 

[njgirl0863]

There is playful flirting and serious flirting (in other words; with or without further intent). If someone goes out of their way to see & talk to you with no reason to do so I think you can take this as a form of flirting. Now determining if it is playing or showing "intent" of being interested in pursuing something further is another thing. I think you need to read their body language (eyes, hands, general movement & touching). The content of the conversation, moreso where the conversation goes, is probably a good indicator too. Hi how's the weather is one thing; but inquiring about more personal things (such as your hobbies, interests, types of food or movies you enjoy, etc...) is probably more indicative of serious flirting. More often than not, unless they are extremely shy, flirting will be in a laid back manner *(calm but not serious or "stiff"). I have a habit, which I do without knowing, of gently biting my lower lip and I think I definitely speak with my eyes as well as words when I flirt.

I dont know if anyone will find this helpful....it is just my perspectivecon the subject.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

Ok flirting from scientific standpoint. Man flirting with woman.

Touching, especially touching that moves or escalates.

Performing tasks that shows his competency and prowess at acquiring or mastering a situation. Also, does he do things to demonstrate his physical strength(posing or lifting) or his mental edge (talking about building repairing difficult projects, being goto guy at job).

Check for skin flushing and pupil dialation. Bigger pupils are good.

Cock-blocking behavior, does he do things that interfere with other men talking to you.

Mirroring behavior: does he drink when you do? Turn the same direction as you? Tilt his head the same way? Stretch when you stretch?

Does he listen attentively and respond to subjects that bore him to tears? (Yeah, like he wants to go antiqueing, would watch the view, or think anything could ever be interesting in a women's studies class).

 

[Sportsbilly]

my 2 cents worth

Two thoughts
1. If you are unsure if a guy is flirting with you, flirt a little back.
I know a few people on here have said "i am oblivious to it", but i bet many are not. As a married guy, ideally i don't want to get myself in a situation, but at the same time, it is nice when someone flirts with you (good to know you still got it). Me personally, i will be told that "so-so flirts with you all the time", and i will play dumb, but deep down , i know it is happening and you can work it out.

2. Observe their behaviour with others.
I have a woman at work now who I am working out. She is friendly by nature, and has big 'Heather Graham style eyes' which lock you in, so you feel like she is flirting with you, but then maybe you are over reacting? So i look at how she interacts with others to see if her body language is the same, how she speaks is the same, her laugh, mannerisms etc... and if it is different (which i think it is) then they are probably flirting with you...

 

[boutrosboutros]

I get told all the time that I'm a total flirt. I don't really know I'm doing it, but basically it's just because I'm cheeky and I like to say things that are a bit outrageous or wicked, to get a reaction. It's one step up from pulling a girl's hair in the school yard, basically. It works surprisingly well, though.

 

[drtyyoleman]

How do you know if somebody is flirting with you in real life?
I feel kind of stupid for asking, but sometimes somebody will point out to me "that guy was flirting with you" and I just, maybe I don't understand what that entails? How do guys flirt?

A guy will:
Introduce himslef for no apparent reason maybe try a stupid pickup line
Attempt humor
Touch you
Check out your looks and make comments/compliments
Ask about you, what you do, where you're from, interests, etc...
Smile a lot (when he hasn't smiled at anyone else)
Collectively, make you feel like the center of attention and try to win you over one word at a time.

 

[DomKev]

For most of my life I was never very good at flirting (still can't usually tell if a woman is flirting with me though). As I've gotten older I figured out how to do it in a way that I at least enjoy (and some women respond to). Mostly I do it by being funny and pushing the boundries a little. Not so much in touching but with innuendo and joking (at least with the joking). Is it working better? I think so but certainly I'm having a lot more fun.

 

[SirVPL]

Two universal languages

How do you know if somebody is flirting with you in real life?
I feel kind of stupid for asking, but sometimes somebody will point out to me "that guy was flirting with you" and I just, maybe I don't understand what that entails? How do guys flirt?

There r two universal languages, Music & Body.
Read the body language. A disguised motion. Playn with a body part. Like twirling hair. Crossing or uncrossin the legs. Toying with a drink or eating utensil. Gestures w fingers.
The smallest movement should speak volumes.

 

[haha_on_me]

It's Greek to me. .....And I don't understand Greek.

 

[LWulf]

I tend to flirt with all the subtlety of a brick, hopefully just not as painful.

However, I have been told I flirt outrageously with women. A couple of times from co-workers and I was all manner of "....huh!? Whaaa?!"

When I flirt (and mean to), I am usually saying pointed questions and smiling like a Cheshire Cat. ( "Are you seeing someone?" or indirect questions relating to the same. e.g. "May I ask the question most men are not supposed to ask?" = "how old are you?"

My trouble is, I tend to always get responding flirtations back from people I am not flirting with, and get painfully ignored by ladies I have.

Suggestion: You might want to have someone be your "wingman" and nudge your elbow when they see someone flirting with you. My older sister actually asked me questions about this guy who wasn't sure if he was flirting with her. Each day she would tell me what he said, and each day I told her basically how to respond. She eventually got the hang of it herself and soloed the rest.
Thankfully! Gross! heh.

Note: there is ALWAYS a chance of "wrong signals" from someone you think is flirting with you. Don't sweat it if this happens. Having a "perfect response" isn't so important as how you deal with a new situation.
just remember: Accidents make people!
err.. wait! I meant that backwards!

 

[IvyMae]

Flirting varies from person to person.

I had a guy flirt with me today when I was out shopping. He asked me about a tattoo I have on my foot, and he was looking me from head to toe again and again. He was talking a lot, and smiling a lot. I haven't been flirted with that hard in a long time. It was very obvious. I could feel myself blushing at the attention.

 

[Bramblethorn]

There r two universal languages, Music & Body.
Read the body language. A disguised motion. Playn with a body part. Like twirling hair. Crossing or uncrossin the legs. Toying with a drink or eating utensil. Gestures w fingers.
The smallest movement should speak volumes.

Speaking as somebody with Aspie tendencies, living with another Aspie: no, body language is NOT universal. If I toy with my drink, it's because I ALWAYS have the urge to fidget with stuff. (I also make eye contact less often with people I like and trust.)

 

[tonguedancer]

I could never tune in to all this body language and secret signals stuff. How come people can't just say, "I think you're cute/hot/sexy/attractive/whatever and I'd like to get to know you better"? It sure would make life easier.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I could never tune in to all this body language and secret signals stuff. How come people can't just say, "I think you're cute/hot/sexy/attractive/whatever and I'd like to get to know you better"? It sure would make live easier.

We've painted ourselves into a corner because of feminists. But people still manage to connect. I tend be totally clueless to flirting signals, and so I wait for women to come after me, and they do....the self confident ones. And then I give them a little time to lay their cards on the table, and if they don't I go away. I go away because I get the idea theyre stalling for someone better.

 

[TJcurious]

Flirting varies from person to person.

I had a guy flirt with me today when I was out shopping. He asked me about a tattoo I have on my foot, and he was looking me from head to toe again and again. He was talking a lot, and smiling a lot. I haven't been flirted with that hard in a long time. It was very obvious. I could feel myself blushing at the attention.

I can see why he would flirt with you....you are such a cutie....and deserve attention!!

 

[fire_breeze]

We've painted ourselves into a corner because of feminists. But people still manage to connect. I tend be totally clueless to flirting signals, and so I wait for women to come after me, and they do....the self confident ones. And then I give them a little time to lay their cards on the table, and if they don't I go away. I go away because I get the idea theyre stalling for someone better.

What. The. Fuck? It is because of feminists that flirting and body language exists? Dear Gods, man, read up on your history and anthropology. And while you're at it, read up on your Western feminist ideology which many discourage toying and hidden messages and relying solely on body language to get the point across.

Body language is unconscious. Body language is socially constructed. Body language is cultural. Significance of body language within a particular context takes centuries to develop. Coy behaviour existed for eons throughout cultures - hell, just read the true classics written about 700 years ago and earlier.

To put such a claim is blatantly wrong. It's like claiming that 2+2 is 6. *shakes head*

I'll add that I'm also not an expert about flirting but I did a little research quite some time ago about body language and it can tell you quite a bit about how to tell if someone is interested in you or flirting with you.

It is actually quite interesting in that most people's body language can tell you so much. Everyone has body language and most people aren't even aware that they are doing things that would let others know they are interested.

For example, there are things like when a woman touches her hair or her face when talking to you it means she is interested in you. Or if one person leans towards you versus away from you it means they are interested. And so on... It's definitely worth reading up on if you are interested in being able to tell if someone is interested by the things they (or their body) are doing. Just my 2 cents...

Not necessarily. I twirl my hair out of bad habit. I know many who play with their straws out of bad habit or because they are fidgeting (many former smokers do this as well). You can twirl hair or touch your face out of sheer boredom.

To paint X body language as signifying as Y is a very dangerous game. A lot has to be taken into context: social situation, cultural environment and personal ticks. Yes, body language reading is fun, but it's a ridiculously imprecise science.

(for example, someone who is stressed out may exhibit signs that indicate s/he is lying, such as defensive posture, avoiding eye contact, etc)