Humiliation Key Words

[Say_Oy]

My sub and I are looking for a #2 toy for me. One candidate stated she was a masochist into humiliation. My sub is only into positive reinforcement and my upbringing is to be generally polite. Anyway, while we waited for her to gets her STD tests (It did drag on longer than it should have - waiting for Dr. Appointment etc.) I would play with her a little. Basic gentle spanking, nipple play, face fucking while wearing a condom. I struggled with the humiliation aspect but she helped by telling me she liked being called a fat pig, bitch, slut, cunt. One day I decided to expand the short list and improvised by calling her a Tramp. Whoa! She immediately came out of her sub mode and told me flat out NOT to call her a Tramp. She could not tell me why, but it triggered something very negative in her mind.

OK, back to the "fat bitch pig" litany, but I found it fascinating that some insults turned her on but other insults brought out the real bitch. Playing with her sparked my mild interest in humiliation play. Yet I have to wonder, how many people into humiliation play have a specific vocabulary that must be used? And of course, how many accept anything? Do some words / sexual acts just totally turn you off? (Yes, I know scat is a hard limit for many. I said sexual acts ... )

 

[NancyPan]

Erotic humiliation can be very powerful, both erotically and in very negative, hurtful ways. To do it well, IMO, it requires knowing each other well and considerable trust. This, obviously, makes the practice more difficult in newer relationships. There is no substitute for open and honest communication — both before and after sexual play.

Erotic humiliation should never be mean, must always be done to enhance a partner’s arousal, which means that it pushes the right buttons. Those buttons are very personal. What works for one person will not work for another. Good for your sub for telling you that tramp is a negative trigger word for her. Give it time. Be gentle and thoughtful. Watch for signs of heightened arousal.

For me, and I believe this to be true of many or most subs, timing and tone is as important as word choice. Let your sub teach you how to best erotically humiliate her.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Words are like food, and elicit reactions as varied as people’s experiences. They’re mysterious. Think of foods you despise and the associations with unpleasant memories or people. So yeah, expanding the verbal menu means talking to guests beforehand.

Personally, I draw the line at being taunted for bad grammar or being called a Trump voter.

 

[OddLove]

That's really interesting. She found Tramp extremely offensive, but Fat Bitch Pig was okay.

Completely speculative. But perhaps Tramp sounds too trash to her.

I imagine most humiliation enthusiasts have a line. On one side is humiliating insults, and on the other side is rude/unsexy insults. It's obviously subjective. Some people wouldn't want to be called a Fat Bitch Pig, and would find Tramp to be a sexy and humiliating insult.

For me personally, I have no idea. But I know for sure that I wouldn't call a guy a faggot or call a woman a cunt unless we had a non-sexy blunt equal-to-equal conversation about it first.

 

[MaleProtagonist]

Yeah when I hear "I'm into humiliation play" I would assume most anything and everything is on the menu and I would actually be taken aback and rather miffed if something as innocuous as "Tramp" was a No-Go and there was negative reaction to it. That would then mean that this person hasn't really thought thru or understands fully what "humiliation" means to them, and so they should step back the from precipice a bit and back to the kiddies table more likely and get that all hashed out before going back in head first.

 

[Say_Oy]

... So yeah, expanding the verbal menu means talking to guests beforehand.

Personally, I draw the line at being taunted for bad grammar or being called a Trump voter.

No, No, No! I would never insult her by calling her a Trump voter or implying a relation with Trump. I may enjoy kinky play and with to be a "bad boy", but I am in reality a gentleman.

I think I called her a "fat pig" and "slut" about a minute before while playing bongos on her ass. She seemed happy with it. She had given me specific examples of what she liked and I had used them all that evening. I was trying to get creative because the menu was a bit short.

I did ask why that set her off and she said she did not know. Could not think of anything in her past. I made sure that slut was still ok, called her a slut, then put on a condom and stuck my dick in her mouth. So it was ok, but taught me to be careful about improvising early in a relationship.

 

[Say_Oy]

That's really interesting. She found Tramp extremely offensive, but Fat Bitch Pig was okay.
...
But I know for sure that I wouldn't call a guy a faggot or call a woman a cunt unless we had a non-sexy blunt equal-to-equal conversation about it first.

I've always been into consent - even if it is consensual non-consent. I learned from my friend, Mr. Bill, to always try to negotiate what is allowed and what the limits are. If you don't negotiate sex before starting play then you do not stick things into tempting places, even if the bottom suddenly says "do me".

All the names I called her except tramp were things she flat out told me she liked. The problem was I created a "category" as opposed to sticking to a specific list. I tried to equate slut with tramp. Apparently the two are not the same.

According to AI:
Slut: Primary Focus: Promiscuity and sexual availability (harsher and more aggressive)
Tramp: Primary Focus: Lifestyle, low social class, and perceived "cheapness" alongside promiscuity.

 

[Say_Oy]

Yeah when I hear "I'm into humiliation play" I would assume most anything and everything is on the menu and I would actually be taken aback and rather miffed if something as innocuous as "Tramp" was a No-Go and there was negative reaction to it. That would then mean that this person hasn't really thought thru or understands fully what "humiliation" means to them, and so they should step back the from precipice a bit and back to the kiddies table more likely and get that all hashed out before going back in head first.

Never assume everything is on the menu despite whatever the bottom calls themselves. It's a way to get into trouble. Remember, BDSM is fantasy play, and emotional catharsis for some. It can be hard to navigate but negotiation and consent are key. Otherwise you lose trust as well as the bottom, and you can develop a bad reputation in the local community and be shunned. Worst case, legal charges.

What is fascinating is what triggers either extreme excitement or negative reactions. It can be fun but also a mine field.

 

[BillyWalrus]

With me there are some very specific things she can say that are humiliating and that I like.

One is to refer to my about average cock as her "little friend". Of course her dick is two inches bigger or more.

Ever since the Filipina sausage episode, she likes to ask me if I want Filipina sausage or would I like Filipina sausage. At some inopportune times like last night when we were ordering at a restaurant. Embarrassing but I still like it.

 

[OddLove]

I've always been into consent - even if it is consensual non-consent. I learned from my friend, Mr. Bill, to always try to negotiate what is allowed and what the limits are. If you don't negotiate sex before starting play then you do not stick things into tempting places, even if the bottom suddenly says "do me".

All the names I called her except tramp were things she flat out told me she liked. The problem was I created a "category" as opposed to sticking to a specific list. I tried to equate slut with tramp. Apparently the two are not the same.

According to AI:
Slut: Primary Focus: Promiscuity and sexual availability (harsher and more aggressive)
Tramp: Primary Focus: Lifestyle, low social class, and perceived "cheapness" alongside promiscuity.

I will say in my personal experience of hearing 'slut' and 'tramp' used, they were often used interchangeably, and same with 'whore' 'slank' and a few others. So that seems like a very reasonable and understandable mistake. At that point, there ain't much to be done except for an apology for the confusion, reminding the play partner it was just playful humiliation and not malice, and then like you said, negotiate. Maybe there's other words in the 'tramp' category that turn them off.

Actually, Skank and Trash might be in the same category as Tramp for that woman. Those kind of sound like they fit the the (Primary Focus: Lifestyle, low social class, and perceived "cheapness" alongside promiscuity.) definition you provided.

 

[Devilish_red_65]

I always preferred it as being his..his slut, his cunt. I didn’t find that as offensive. That’s how we discussed it before. I find that I am very affected by words which is how I got to this website to begin with. I like reading the stories and finding ones that turned me on.

 

[NancyPan]

Never assume everything is on the menu despite whatever the bottom calls themselves.

Absolutely. Humiliation play, done well, IMO and experience requires considerable understanding of the sub by rhetorical Domme and sensitivity to negative and arousal triggers. The better my Wife knows me, the more She is able to push those powerful erotic buttons and steer clear of minefields.

What is fascinating is what triggers either extreme excitement or negative reactions. It can be fun but also a mine field.

Agree 100%!

 

[Primalex]

Yes, I think humiliation is one of the most slippery and individual slopes in BDSM. "Cunt" is, in my experience, one of those words that women can be pretty opinionated about.

It's also pretty difficult to unthink a thought. Bruises heal without a trace, but the wrong kind of thought can be the beginning of the end of a relationship.

 

[Allisonlee]

I always preferred it as being his..his slut, his cunt. I didn’t find that as offensive. That’s how we discussed it before. I find that I am very affected by words which is how I got to this website to begin with. I like reading the stories and finding ones that turned me on.

I like that also

 

[P0peye]

Cocksucker. I love being called that!

 

[OralAllOver]

She crazy! Dissociation

Perhaps I am paranoid but I'd be worried that she would (falsely) go to cops
Film everything?

 

[Say_Oy]

She crazy! Dissociation

Perhaps I am paranoid but I'd be worried that she would (falsely) go to cops
Film everything?

Only film or take pictures will full negotiation and permission. Most of the people I know in the scene do not want their images shared. My sub's pictures on Fetlife only show parts that could be almost anyone. Face, scars, moles and tattoos are always covered.
In many states, secretly filming someone or even recording a conversation without outright permission is illegal and could send you to jail. That too needs to be negotiated.

And no, she's not crazy. She is a smart and strong woman but had specific kinks, triggers and boundaries. What she made me realize was that we all have things that trigger emotions, even if we don't realize it until they are triggered AND we take time to think about them. It's interesting to see what other words people like or don't like.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Yes, I think humiliation is one of the most slippery and individual slopes in BDSM. "Cunt" is, in my experience, one of those words that women can be pretty opinionated about.

It's also pretty difficult to unthink a thought. Bruises heal without a trace, but the wrong kind of thought can be the beginning of the end of a relationship.

Is it just me or are there really no acceptable words for this important body part? Pussy is silly, vagina is too sterile or medical/academic… cunt offends many women, but might just be the best in my opinion.

She crazy! Dissociation

Perhaps I am paranoid but I'd be worried that she would (falsely) go to cops
Film everything?

If this is a concern at all, I wouldn’t play with this person. Open communication, trust, and consent go both ways. If it doesn’t feel safe, it’s not.

 

[Say_Oy]

Pussy is silly … cunt offends many women, but might just be the best in my opinion.

Kind of my point in this thread. Different people hear things differently. You think Pussy is silly but I think of it as tender, cute and funny. Reminds me of the joke routine - cat got hot, got shaved, got wet - Hot bald wet pussy... but it's also a term of endearment - "I like fucking your pussy." At the same time "Bring your cunt over here!" is a command when I am feeling bossy.

 

[sammie1]

Bimbo is a good trigger for me

 

[RopePheonix]

I have a tickle torture kink, so I get turned by being made fun of for how helpless I am, and how I get turned on by something so silly. I find humiliation is sort of inherent with this kink though since the appeal is being tied up and made to squirm by the dom.