Husbands - How many men is too many?

[verseandworse2]

Honour killings still exist, sure, and then there are the people who are hooking up without regard to the consequences. And both aren't good.

Absolutely. Some variation of that famous Spiderman movie quote applies in sex matters also, with power comes responsibility.

 

[verseandworse2]

I see. That seems to match what I heard from one of my own friends who's divorced and said that Indian laws are better in divorce. Maybe that is so. I don't agree with child support because both parents should support the child, not a payment from one person to the other due to orders from the courts.

It's heavily skewed against the higher earning partner in the US and EUR. Which are ... mostly men, since women hardly date down.

Yeah sure, women hardly ever date 'down', universal phenomenon Hypergamy is an established sociological principle. Of course both parents should cover child support, but really we men don't mind that part, even if we have to pay the full cost.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Absolutely. Some variation of that famous Spiderman movie quote applies in sex matters also, with power comes responsibility.

The responsibility to put on a condom.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Yeah sure, women hardly ever date 'down', universal phenomenon Hypergamy is an established sociological principle. Of course both parents should cover child support, but really we men don't mind that part, even if we have to pay the full cost.

Hypergamy will never change how much we fight it.

Parents should really cover child support themselves without running to daddy government. SOME men might not mind, it should be a choice though.

If a woman conceives a child from rape, she shouldn't carry it to term. Or if she was tricked into it, etc. by any guy saying that he likes it bareback, or pretending to want to marry her, etc. A man who is lied to about a woman's pregnancy or if a wife sleeps with someone else and tells her husband it's his, and the other cases where she is already pregnant and gets into a new relationship, then pretends to want sex and does it with her new man, convinces him it's his child because they had sex and tricks him into raising the baby, should also never be liable for any child support or alimony costs. Her body, her choice, her responsibility. Even if I become trans I wouldn't be able to birth a baby but I could get someone pregnant. I do mind if I was tricked into getting her pregnant or if she's a cheating whore, and I don't see why I should pay for her cold-blooded, calculated strategy. These things aren't mistakes.

 

[Lotus_Kitty]

The responsibility to put on a condom.

Also the responsibility to discuss with her what to do if it breaks. If she would carry to term, either help support the child resulting from both their actions or don’t have sex with her.

 

[Lotus_Kitty]

Chief, I'm completely out of my depth while discussing the swinging scene, because I have no idea about it. I don't even know if there is such a scene in Indian cities, though I guess there must be. Your experience has been varied and wide, and I admire you for it.

But pure logic, even without first hand knowledge, suggests that you are right about every point you have made above. Unless both partners are equally into swinging, it will damage the marriage. For the average (non swinging) couple, and I think this a universal truth: both men and women are willing to forgive many shortcomings of, and misdemeanours by, their partners, but infidelity is one thing they do not. Cheating gets them furious, and once found out, usually signals the end of a marriage, whether or not there is a formal divorce - so it is much better to put up with a boring marital sex life, or even none at all, than cheat, unless one has mentally given up on one's existing marriage already. Yes, sex with the same person gets boring after a while, no matter how much you love him/her, and there is nothing that can be done about it. (Thanks God for sites like Literotica, which allow safe blowing off of steam! It's really social service Literotica is doing )

Yes, you are dead right, for men to attract women, there is only one way - achievement, achievement, achievement. Good looks, sense of humour, blah-blah-blah matter very little (okay extreme youth, terrific sense of humour, a really well toned body does make some difference, but I tell you if you have written an award winning book, or sing on public stage, or are part of the college football or baseball team, you will get women much more easily.) For women to attract men, good looks are enough. (From this perspective, women are much more sensible, bless them. ) But of course as they get older, the looks have to fade, and attracting attention will get more difficult; men too face this problem, as you have noted, though to a lesser extent than women.

@SPARTAN047

I fell madly in love with my husband in college, before either of us had “achieved” what society so shallowly values (promotion, house, car). Still madly in love with him for the same reasons as before, his personality and character.

Women are not gold diggers getting by on their looks. That’s the poison I keep hearing but all the happy stable relationships I see are based on mutual care and respect. The wives aren’t leaving men for rich studs. The men aren’t leaving for younger trophy wives. That’s the vast majority of people I know. And they’re not settling or staying because there’s no other options. They could attract someone else.

A shared life together can forge a bond and deep love so strong that other people aren’t even in the same league. They may be sexually attractive or rich but neither of those is anywhere near sufficient for a relationship. Do people really think men just want to bang and women just want to be sugar babies? That’s not reality for most people.

I sincerely pity any woman currently married to someone like Musk who trades in wives like cars. I pity him too. He will never know what it is to love.

Edit: As for women not marrying “down”, when we married my family was upper middle class and his was poor. Women aren’t looking for wallets with legs. We want partners.

Maybe it looks different on the dating apps (aka hell) where only surface characteristics can be seen. For women in middle age, it doesn’t help that most of the good men that age are taken already. So they sift through piles of guys who want hookups, send dick pics, or think “hi” is a conversation. I think people would do better dating singles in their friend group but people don’t go out and make friends. Harder to in middle age but if app hell is the alternative…

I should stop as this is off topic. Just couldn’t let that lie there unchallenged. I’ve had quite enough of that in my life. Done caring if I get unfriended or ignored for objecting to mysogist narratives, regardless of source. They’re so damn pervasive and corrosive.

 

[Lotus_Kitty]

Well, maybe mine was a sweeping generalization . But hypergamy is a phenomenon or there wouldn't be a sociological term for it. It's there in all basic sociology textbooks, unless they have been revised totally from what I studied.

Oh I agree hypergamy is a thing. Here too, we have (had?) some saying about how women should marry a "doctor or lawyer" because $$$. So yes, it definitely happenened, still happens, and is probably still common in many areas. I find solace in younger people not putting as much stock in it. Even if someone wants to be a homemaker (a perfectly fine choice), they are going to look for more than someone's ability to support a family financially. Most people, men and women, want care and respect at a minimum. I think it's more our culture being dumb than guys being dumb. Men may well be more visual when it comes to just animal sexual attraction but they are also quite capable of having emotional intelligence, deep relationships, etc., They get punished for showing that, at least where I live. It's gotten much, much better in my life time, so there's that.

My rage button is people (not you) making sweeping generalizations about gender because some people do some stuff or some stuff is culturally orthodox. I don't expect to actually convince anyone online about anything. Just needed to post what I did because somebody's teenage sons are going to be reading this stuff and silence helps poison spread. Forgive my mixed metaphor there.

Again, apologies to all for me still being off topic!

---

on topic stuff

My hubby has never cared about my number of partners before him. It wasn't really a factor in either of us deciding to be together. I didn't care about his number either. I cared about how he treated people, including any past partners, not as much about how many there had been.

I know the thread was for guys to reply but hubby isn't on LitE so this is my attempt to at least be on topic. I'll stop now, for realsies.

 

[Hipshot1554]

Oh I agree hypergamy is a thing. Here too, we have (had?) some saying about how women should marry a "doctor or lawyer" because $$$. So yes, it definitely happenened, still happens, and is probably still common in many areas. I find solace in younger people not putting as much stock in it. Even if someone wants to be a homemaker (a perfectly fine choice), they are going to look for more than someone's ability to support a family financially. Most people, men and women, want care and respect at a minimum. I think it's more our culture being dumb than guys being dumb. Men may well be more visual when it comes to just animal sexual attraction but they are also quite capable of having emotional intelligence, deep relationships, etc., They get punished for showing that, at least where I live. It's gotten much, much better in my life time, so there's that.

My rage button is people (not you) making sweeping generalizations about gender because some people do some stuff or some stuff is culturally orthodox. I don't expect to actually convince anyone online about anything. Just needed to post what I did because somebody's teenage sons are going to be reading this stuff and silence helps poison spread. Forgive my mixed metaphor there.

Again, apologies to all for me still being off topic!

---

on topic stuff

My hubby has never cared about my number of partners before him. It wasn't really a factor in either of us deciding to be together. I didn't care about his number either. I cared about how he treated people, including any past partners, not as much about how many there had been.

I know the thread was for guys to reply but hubby isn't on LitE so this is my attempt to at least be on topic. I'll stop now, for realsies.

Well said!

 

[PapaRomantic]

Oh I agree hypergamy is a thing. Here too, we have (had?) some saying about how women should marry a "doctor or lawyer" because $$$. So yes, it definitely happenened, still happens, and is probably still common in many areas. I find solace in younger people not putting as much stock in it. Even if someone wants to be a homemaker (a perfectly fine choice), they are going to look for more than someone's ability to support a family financially. Most people, men and women, want care and respect at a minimum. I think it's more our culture being dumb than guys being dumb. Men may well be more visual when it comes to just animal sexual attraction but they are also quite capable of having emotional intelligence, deep relationships, etc., They get punished for showing that, at least where I live. It's gotten much, much better in my life time, so there's that.

My rage button is people (not you) making sweeping generalizations about gender because some people do some stuff or some stuff is culturally orthodox. I don't expect to actually convince anyone online about anything. Just needed to post what I did because somebody's teenage sons are going to be reading this stuff and silence helps poison spread. Forgive my mixed metaphor there.

Again, apologies to all for me still being off topic!

---

on topic stuff

My hubby has never cared about my number of partners before him. It wasn't really a factor in either of us deciding to be together. I didn't care about his number either. I cared about how he treated people, including any past partners, not as much about how many there had been.

I know the thread was for guys to reply but hubby isn't on LitE so this is my attempt to at least be on topic. I'll stop now, for realsies.

Thank you for bringing both sanity and reality to this thread!

 

[RjThoughts]

When I met my wife, she was an 18-year-old country girl, a Paralegal Sciences major at a community college. She was curvy, she had eyes that would melt granite, and was shy. After dating three months, she came clean with me: She was with more women than men, and she was with just 3 before me.