Husbands - How many men is too many?

[Cardinal]

My wife was only with the one guy who she lost her virginity to and I’ve tried to ask about their experiences before but she gets mad and refuses to tell me anything.

 

[verseandworse2]

My wife was only with the one guy who she lost her virginity to and I’ve tried to ask about their experiences before but she gets mad and refuses to tell me anything.

The world is diverse, women are different... my wife was a divorcee, and kept giving me gory details of her earlier marriage, how she fell ill with high fever during her honeymoon and her ex-husband's disappointment, what he said and did. Most embarrassing and yet fascinating, I did not want to know but I also wanted to know, I could have changed the subject but did not

 

[SPARTAN047]

Got it, minor detail, not the immigration guy but the security guy, sure. But it is all about people abusing the minor powers they have.

They really do that a lot and I still hate it.

I hope Congress wins the next general election of 2029, Modi will be 79 by then and don't know what his physical and mental capacities will be like then - though Trump's victory seems to suggest that even 78-79 is just a number. I just hope Congress doesn't blow its chance again if it does win... BJP will continue to have influence in the states where it has its own government, definitely, even if it loses the Centre, how it engineered the 2002 Gujarat riots... And gained from it instead of being punished, where is Karma? Doesn't really happen.

Politicians still get better healthcare than the general populace. And actors, cricketers, etc. Healthcare is better outside but still would favour the rich.

No, your Hindi is better, though maybe my vocabulary is wider since I live in India and keeping hearing Hindi all around me...

Yes, that makes sense, my parents and siblings speak better Hindi due to still being here.
I'm sure that's the case for you too.

Cheers!

Have a good one!

 

[verseandworse2]

They really do that a lot and I still hate it.

Politicians still get better healthcare than the general populace. And actors, cricketers, etc. Healthcare is better outside but still would favour the rich.

Yes, that makes sense, my parents and siblings speak better Hindi due to still being here.
I'm sure that's the case for you too.

Have a good one!

The funniest - actually not so funny - thing was that when my mom passed away, I had to get cards printed and delivered to friends and relatives announcing it, plus giving the dates for her post-death ceremonies, using English on one side of the card and my regional language on the other. (It is a tradition.) The language in the regional version had to be a specific, formal, flowery kind, including highly Sanskritized words - not the straightforward, regular usage we have. I couldn't do it! I finally used Google Translate along with a card I found relating to someone else's death (which by pure chance I had not thrown away) and thereby managed . So you see how 'Indian' I am. Actually, English is my first language (though it is not the language I learnt first as a child), I should call it my mother tongue, though of course it is not.

 

[SPARTAN047]

The funniest - actually not so funny - thing was that when my mom passed away, I had to get cards printed and delivered to friends and relatives announcing it, plus giving the dates for her post-death ceremonies, using English on one side of the card and my regional language on the other. (It is a tradition.) The language in the regional version had to be a specific, formal, flowery kind, including highly Sanskritized words - not the straightforward, regular usage we have. I couldn't do it! I finally used Google Translate along with a card I found relating to someone else's death (which by pure chance I had not thrown away) and thereby managed . So you see how 'Indian' I am. Actually, English is my first language (though it is not the language I learnt first as a child), I should call it my mother tongue, though of course it is not.

Sorry to hear about your mum, RIP. And yes, it's a tradition everywhere to do it in the regional language too, like signs, information and so on.

That's a pretty good jugaad (life hack to anyone else reading this) so well done, you. I wouldn't have thought of that. Life hacks are very Indian so you're a better Indian than I am.

I'm actually the same way! I learned Hindi as a first language and was pretty good, but we went to the UK when my dad had to go on official business. They wanted me to learn English to get on in the world, so I did. And I lost command over Hindi.

I'm sometimes typing on my phone which has a Hindi transliteration keyboard and on my laptop which doesn't for now, so I'm not always able to type in the Devanagari script for Hindi words. There's a Hindi transliteration KB for laptops, sure, but it sometimes messes up my own layout and I can't seem to find it online for now. I don't use standard QWERTY (Sholes) at all, so I'm worried in case I mess up what I use in its place.

 

[verseandworse2]

Sorry to hear about your mum, RIP. And yes, it's a tradition everywhere to do it in the regional language too, like signs, information and so on.

That's a pretty good jugaad (life hack to anyone else reading this) so well done, you. I wouldn't have thought of that. Life hacks are very Indian so you're a better Indian than I am.

I'm actually the same way! I learned Hindi as a first language and was pretty good, but we went to the UK when my dad had to go on official business. They wanted me to learn English to get on in the world, so I did. And I lost command over Hindi.

I'm sometimes typing on my phone which has a Hindi transliteration keyboard and on my laptop which doesn't for now, so I'm not always able to type in the Devanagari script for Hindi words. There's a Hindi transliteration KB for laptops, sure, but it sometimes messes up my own layout and I can't seem to find it online for now. I don't use standard QWERTY (Sholes) at all, so I'm worried in case I mess up what I use in its place.

I think our discussion has shifted into a very different orbit from what the thread is all about . Any others reading will get quite pissed off. It is more appropriate to carry on our chat on this subject through PM. Let's do that in future.

Well, yeah, you are very right about jugaad . I managed the jugaad, I guess. I don't have Devnagiri on any of my devices. I write in Roman even if it is a response in Hindi....

 

[SPARTAN047]

I think our discussion has shifted into a very different orbit from what the thread is all about . Any others reading will get quite pissed off. It is more appropriate to carry on our chat on this subject through PM. Let's do that in future.

Well, yeah, you are very right about jugaad . I managed the jugaad, I guess. I don't have Devnagiri on any of my devices. I write in Roman even if it is a response in Hindi....

Sorry, you're right, yeah, it wasn't supposed to go this far — I assumed we'd stop at some point when our discussion seemed to be losing traction. PM is fine, NP. Nothing wrong with Roman script because so many Indians do that, we don't want to re-learn the keyboard with Hindi.

Back to the topic at hand — many responses here are STILL from non-monogamous people. I don't mean it's a crime, but despite how tempted I also am to be a slut all my life, I don't see proof that being polygamous is stabilizing most marriages. Probably a few of them, just like using a mild amount of a different venom can neutralize other venoms.

I can understand why it happens. I know sex gets boring and a lot of older couples, including desi ones, are actually very into swinging because so many of them would contact me about it years ago when I was a young sapling. It's exciting to share your spouse with someone else and see your husband enjoy a younger chick, or your wife getting a younger stud who's enthusiastic in bed. It could also be an mature man or woman who knows what they're doing with their tongue or fingers. It might make your sex life better after seeing how else sex can be done.

All fun and games until your spouse enjoys sex as long as it's not with you. This doesn't always happen, I know, and some couples still enjoy very healthy sex lives even if it's not always with each other, but they do have sex. Not the tendency I note in most of them. A lot of them love the freedom of having sex but also a stable marriage in case a date goes wrong and they have someone to vent to (or so they think). It nearly always goes too far when one spouse thinks the other is controlling because they don't approve of a certain date, or they feel they're not getting enough attention.

I've heard a story of a woman on Reddit who found that her husband was very happy with getting to sleep with trans women when they opened their marriage and she was straight, so she couldn't find men to meet her standards or the ones who were interested in her. It's not that simple even for women. You could be fat and obese to be a slut, basically less attractive, but you'll need to have no standards at all. I see enough women who shoot way beyond their league when they're not that attractive. The hypocrisy they have is as stupid as old and balding men with no prospects who think a young 18 year old waitress should be begging to lick their asses, these land-whale women also think an Adonis with eight-packs should suck their toe jam and thank them for it. Hilarious.

If you want to be a popular slut, you have to have a sexy body, either slim or muscular and perhaps even a slightly intimidating personality to weed out guys you don't want in your pussy. If you want to be a popular stud, you'll most likely need money and gruelling years in the gym to get a body you'll need to slap women's hands away from, and the ruthlessness of a gang member to stop them preying on what you killed yourself to earn. Sadly, they're the people who are most likely to get away with being polygamous. Being that hot is a privilege and sometimes it's just good genetics, yes, but that's rare. I honestly think even they deserve it for the work they put in. And sorry to straight guys, but you'll have a very hard time having sex right and left unless you're exceptional. The average woman can potentially get more attention, but it's not as easy as they think — a flirtatious nerdy girl who knows how to use her sexuality and dress a bit slutty will do much better even if she has buck teeth. If you want to attract men or women like iron to lodestone, you need to be in the top 1%.

What does this mean for the average people with less options? Trouble. That includes me. I'm less than average looking, introverted, and really awful at talking to other people. Fortunately I'm not obese but I'm definitely fat too, and I still have some skin issues due to my oily Indian skin, plus a few pockmarks I got from acne I used to have years ago. I'd be much better off being monogamous even if it gets boring later. It's better to hold on to what you have now than risk running off with someone else who might not be serious about being with you.

You'd be very lucky if you're a person who's very attractive and are able to get someone else without much trouble if your current lover leaves you. If you're not and your spouse is much more attractive, you'll lose them when you go swinging. Because they'll most likely try to find someone much more attractive than you. What's the point of having sex outside a relationship otherwise? It's a basic criteria of finding a partner and even a lover outside marriage — looks, which potentially mean better genes to have a baby with someone else.

It's no wonder these relationships can be so unstable. An example I quoted before was yogahotwife who got a divorce some years after documenting her cuckolding experiences. I don't think it's too hard to guess why. She was quoted saying she wouldn't do this anytime again.

 

[MasonDixonCpl]

The ex wife claims to have only ever been with me. I proposed that she try other men, but she refused. I do know that she previously blew multiple men, was finger banged and eaten by at least two dozen men before me (she was 20 and I was 17 when we started dating). Dani was engaged several times before we got together and had long term bf's for years. However, she has admitted in her most vulnerable moments that her body count is in the 30's. It is such a turn on to hear her tell in detail her sexual past!

 

[verseandworse2]

Sorry, you're right, yeah, it wasn't supposed to go this far — I assumed we'd stop at some point when our discussion seemed to be losing traction. PM is fine, NP. Nothing wrong with Roman script because so many Indians do that, we don't want to re-learn the keyboard with Hindi.

Back to the topic at hand — many responses here are STILL from non-monogamous people. I don't mean it's a crime, but despite how tempted I also am to be a slut all my life, I don't see proof that being polygamous is stabilizing most marriages. Probably a few of them, just like using a mild amount of a different venom can neutralize other venoms.

I can understand why it happens. I know sex gets boring and a lot of older couples, including desi ones, are actually very into swinging because so many of them would contact me about it years ago when I was a young sapling. It's exciting to share your spouse with someone else and see your husband enjoy a younger chick, or your wife getting a younger stud who's enthusiastic in bed. It could also be an mature man or woman who knows what they're doing with their tongue or fingers. It might make your sex life better after seeing how else sex can be done.

All fun and games until your spouse enjoys sex as long as it's not with you. This doesn't always happen, I know, and some couples still enjoy very healthy sex lives even if it's not always with each other, but they do have sex. Not the tendency I note in most of them. A lot of them love the freedom of having sex but also a stable marriage in case a date goes wrong and they have someone to vent to (or so they think). It nearly always goes too far when one spouse thinks the other is controlling because they don't approve of a certain date, or they feel they're not getting enough attention.

I've heard a story of a woman on Reddit who found that her husband was very happy with getting to sleep with trans women when they opened their marriage and she was straight, so she couldn't find men to meet her standards or the ones who were interested in her. It's not that simple even for women. You could be fat and obese to be a slut, basically less attractive, but you'll need to have no standards at all. I see enough women who shoot way beyond their league when they're not that attractive. The hypocrisy they have is as stupid as old and balding men with no prospects who think a young 18 year old waitress should be begging to lick their asses, these land-whale women also think an Adonis with eight-packs should suck their toe jam and thank them for it. Hilarious.

If you want to be a popular slut, you have to have a sexy body, either slim or muscular and perhaps even a slightly intimidating personality to weed out guys you don't want in your pussy. If you want to be a popular stud, you'll most likely need money and gruelling years in the gym to get a body you'll need to slap women's hands away from, and the ruthlessness of a gang member to stop them preying on what you killed yourself to earn. Sadly, they're the people who are most likely to get away with being polygamous. Being that hot is a privilege and sometimes it's just good genetics, yes, but that's rare. I honestly think even they deserve it for the work they put in. And sorry to straight guys, but you'll have a very hard time having sex right and left unless you're exceptional. The average woman can potentially get more attention, but it's not as easy as they think — a flirtatious nerdy girl who knows how to use her sexuality and dress a bit slutty will do much better even if she has buck teeth. If you want to attract men or women like iron to lodestone, you need to be in the top 1%.

What does this mean for the average people with less options? Trouble. That includes me. I'm less than average looking, introverted, and really awful at talking to other people. Fortunately I'm not obese but I'm definitely fat too, and I still have some skin issues due to my oily Indian skin, plus a few pockmarks I got from acne I used to have years ago. I'd be much better off being monogamous even if it gets boring later. It's better to hold on to what you have now than risk running off with someone else who might not be serious about being with you.

You'd be very lucky if you're a person who's very attractive and are able to get someone else without much trouble if your current lover leaves you. If you're not and your spouse is much more attractive, you'll lose them when you go swinging. Because they'll most likely try to find someone much more attractive than you. What's the point of having sex outside a relationship otherwise? It's a basic criteria of finding a partner and even a lover outside marriage — looks, which potentially mean better genes to have a baby with someone else.

It's no wonder these relationships can be so unstable. An example I quoted before was yogahotwife who got a divorce some years after documenting her cuckolding experiences. I don't think it's too hard to guess why. She was quoted saying she wouldn't do this anytime again.

Chief, I'm completely out of my depth while discussing the swinging scene, because I have no idea about it. I don't even know if there is such a scene in Indian cities, though I guess there must be. Your experience has been varied and wide, and I admire you for it.

But pure logic, even without first hand knowledge, suggests that you are right about every point you have made above. Unless both partners are equally into swinging, it will damage the marriage. For the average (non swinging) couple, and I think this a universal truth: both men and women are willing to forgive many shortcomings of, and misdemeanours by, their partners, but infidelity is one thing they do not. Cheating gets them furious, and once found out, usually signals the end of a marriage, whether or not there is a formal divorce - so it is much better to put up with a boring marital sex life, or even none at all, than cheat, unless one has mentally given up on one's existing marriage already. Yes, sex with the same person gets boring after a while, no matter how much you love him/her, and there is nothing that can be done about it. (Thanks God for sites like Literotica, which allow safe blowing off of steam! It's really social service Literotica is doing )

Yes, you are dead right, for men to attract women, there is only one way - achievement, achievement, achievement. Good looks, sense of humour, blah-blah-blah matter very little (okay extreme youth, terrific sense of humour, a really well toned body does make some difference, but I tell you if you have written an award winning book, or sing on public stage, or are part of the college football or baseball team, you will get women much more easily.) For women to attract men, good looks are enough. (From this perspective, women are much more sensible, bless them. ) But of course as they get older, the looks have to fade, and attracting attention will get more difficult; men too face this problem, as you have noted, though to a lesser extent than women.

 

[verseandworse2]

The ex wife claims to have only ever been with me. I proposed that she try other men, but she refused. I do know that she previously blew multiple men, was finger banged and eaten by at least two dozen men before me (she was 20 and I was 17 when we started dating). Dani was engaged several times before we got together and had long term bf's for years. However, she has admitted in her most vulnerable moments that her body count is in the 30's. It is such a turn on to hear her tell in detail her sexual past!

I don't know why women would want to hide their past from their boyfriends. The only reason could be that they fear the boyfriend will react badly. In that case, the fault lies with the boyfriend - whose attitude to women having past affairs is still early-mid 20th century (or even older), and has not evolved at all.

I have never found out anything about any of my girlfriends that she had not already told me about earlier.

 

[Playwithmee]

No limit. I want someone very sexual, open and experienced. There is a price for that.

 

[Justfantasies]

No limit. I want someone very sexual, open and experienced. There is a price for that.

Certainly no limit, but I am not sure there is a price -- think of all the tales she can tell

 

[van_delay]

Certainly no limit, but I am not sure there is a price -- think of all the tales she can tell

Love my wife's occasional story from her past

 

[Justfantasies]

Love my wife's occasional story from her past

As we get older, my wife reveals more

 

[van_delay]

As we get older, my wife reveals more

Same.

 

[Playwithmee]

Certainly no limit, but I am not sure there is a price -- think of all the tales she can tell

I guess I was referencing that you can’t expect that a women thattenjoyed so many to be happy with just one man, and you have to accept that. But it’s it’s possible, and if important to a man he can certainly have hope. But I’d rather accept that she probably won’t change completely and be open about her needs.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Chief, I'm completely out of my depth while discussing the swinging scene, because I have no idea about it. I don't even know if there is such a scene in Indian cities, though I guess there must be. Your experience has been varied and wide, and I admire you for it.

I don't know that much about it and I've only been involved in some swinging scenes, mostly over here. The number of Indian swingers who seem to pop up online are surprisingly numerous. Maybe they're curious but afraid to take the plunge. I could drop in a whole list of places I've chatted to them but I know that's not proof of real time encounters.

But pure logic, even without first hand knowledge, suggests that you are right about every point you have made above. Unless both partners are equally into swinging, it will damage the marriage. For the average (non swinging) couple, and I think this a universal truth: both men and women are willing to forgive many shortcomings of, and misdemeanours by, their partners, but infidelity is one thing they do not. Cheating gets them furious, and once found out, usually signals the end of a marriage, whether or not there is a formal divorce - so it is much better to put up with a boring marital sex life, or even none at all, than cheat, unless one has mentally given up on one's existing marriage already. Yes, sex with the same person gets boring after a while, no matter how much you love him/her, and there is nothing that can be done about it. (Thanks God for sites like Literotica, which allow safe blowing off of steam! It's really social service Literotica is doing )

People can go a bit crazy deprived of sex unless they're asexual. Some of the threads on Literotica are about actual cheating wives and husbands. They seem to stay together due to not spoiling the family name or kids. I don't know if it's sad or practical. Anyone can lose half their assets just like that in divorce, maybe they think it's better to put up with the cheating and get the chance to cheat themselves.

Yes, you are dead right, for men to attract women, there is only one way - achievement, achievement, achievement. Good looks, sense of humour, blah-blah-blah matter very little (okay extreme youth, terrific sense of humour, a really well toned body does make some difference, but I tell you if you have written an award winning book, or sing on public stage, or are part of the college football or baseball team, you will get women much more easily.) For women to attract men, good looks are enough. (From this perspective, women are much more sensible, bless them. ) But of course as they get older, the looks have to fade, and attracting attention will get more difficult; men too face this problem, as you have noted, though to a lesser extent than women.

Achievements are certainly a better way to attract women if you're interested. They look at what you accomplished and how you can improve your quality of life and theirs. And it's a better lasting way to get them. Women complain about how much harder it is to get attention in their 30s or 40s when their looks fade, and it's true. An attractive enough woman in her 50s could still do well though maybe not at much as an accomplished man of that age. A cougar could attract younger men but older men with money will possibly do better with younger women. Young and fertile women in their 20s will do the best.

Men who take care of themselves will of course do well enough, such as a rich bald man vs a rich man who has all his hair and works out.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I don't know why women would want to hide their past from their boyfriends. The only reason could be that they fear the boyfriend will react badly. In that case, the fault lies with the boyfriend - whose attitude to women having past affairs is still early-mid 20th century (or even older), and has not evolved at all.

I have never found out anything about any of my girlfriends that she had not already told me about earlier.

I honestly sort of see why. Because they know they'll be judged - even by other women.

I think it's a 19th century move to judge a woman's past stable relationships, but if she slept around everywhere and wouldn't stop attention whoring it's better to judge her. Same for a player who kept banging cheerleaders. At the same time we've to be very careful about men and women who are hung up on exes even if it was a stable relationship. They'll compare you with them forever and neither of you will be happy.

 

[verseandworse2]

I don't know that much about it and I've only been involved in some swinging scenes, mostly over here. The number of Indian swingers who seem to pop up online are surprisingly numerous. Maybe they're curious but afraid to take the plunge. I could drop in a whole list of places I've chatted to them but I know that's not proof of real time encounters.

Some of them must be telling the truth. It is unlikely all of them are lying. India is very diverse in this respect as well, I think - there are mental islands in which people still believe in honour killings, and islands where sexual liberation has gone to extremes. From what you tell me, it must be happening

 

[ADIDAS00]

I don’t think there is a limit. I love women who love sex. If a woman is a little slutty, it’s even hotter. It’s not a a bug, it’s a feature if a woman sleeps around.

My wife had a super sexual past and I didn’t care at all

 

[verseandworse2]

People can go a bit crazy deprived of sex unless they're asexual. Some of the threads on Literotica are about actual cheating wives and husbands. They seem to stay together due to not spoiling the family name or kids. I don't know if it's sad or practical. Anyone can lose half their assets just like that in divorce, maybe they think it's better to put up with the cheating and get the chance to cheat themselves.

Umm... that's true. But here, despite fairly pro-women laws, judges do take into account the wife's income too in divorce cases. If the wife is earning well, she doesn't get alimony. This I know from the experience of friends. (I don't know what it is like in the US, Europe and elsewhere.) But of course child support, yes. And that's okay, because most decent divorced men do want to do their best for their children, irrespective of whether they have custody or not.

 

[verseandworse2]

Achievements are certainly a better way to attract women if you're interested. They look at what you accomplished and how you can improve your quality of life and theirs. And it's a better lasting way to get them. Women complain about how much harder it is to get attention in their 30s or 40s when their looks fade, and it's true. An attractive enough woman in her 50s could still do well though maybe not at much as an accomplished man of that age. A cougar could attract younger men but older men with money will possibly do better with younger women. Young and fertile women in their 20s will do the best.

Glad you agree with me.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Some of them must be telling the truth. It is unlikely all of them are lying. India is very diverse in this respect as well, I think - there are mental islands in which people still believe in honour killings, and islands where sexual liberation has gone to extremes. From what you tell me, it must be happening

Honour killings still exist, sure, and then there are the people who are hooking up without regard to the consequences. And both aren't good.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Umm... that's true. But here, despite fairly pro-women laws, judges do take into account the wife's income too in divorce cases. If the wife is earning well, she doesn't get alimony. This I know from the experience of friends. (I don't know what it is like in the US, Europe and elsewhere.) But of course child support, yes. And that's okay, because most decent divorced men do want to do their best for their children, irrespective of whether they have custody or not.

I see. That seems to match what I heard from one of my own friends who's divorced and said that Indian laws are better in divorce. Maybe that is so. I don't agree with child support because both parents should support the child, not a payment from one person to the other due to orders from the courts.

It's heavily skewed against the higher earning partner in the US and EUR. Which are ... mostly men, since women hardly date down.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Glad you agree with me.

I do.