starrkers
Down two, then left
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2006
- Posts
- 10,427
Last words from me on this
I have received many pms on this issue, and am tired of saying the same things over and over again, so I'll say it once, here. I thought of doing it in its own thread, but there's more than enough about this hoohaa already.
First: Why did I start the thread?
I was worried. I saw what I thought was manipulation of my friends. I also saw someone I thought in need of help, but the kind of help we give (the compassion and care and support) in this case could do more harm than good.
I also saw a whisper campaign developing. I was party to a small portion of that. I saw people posting one thing in open forum, and saying another, totally different thing in pm. And I thought that was wrong and unfair to the person being spoken about.
Yes, I did think long and hard about how Christabel would feel about it. I could only use my own feelings as a gauge - and I would want to know. That people continued to support me, knowing I could be faking would strengthen me. That people thought I could be faking would be amusing, knowing how off the wall this malady has been.
But to find out later that all the wonderful people supporting me publicly, really thought I was a fake and a fraud and were only doing it to keep up appearances - that would hurt profoundly, and unhealingly.
Second: Why am I leaving?
I'm still not sure I am leaving totally. But I am pulling back. Not because people disagreed or were nasty about it. I expected that. You can't bring up any controversial issue here without it going to hell in a handbasket. I'm a big girl and I knew what I was getting myself into.
What I didn't expect was the large support for the notion that it IS better publicly support and privately knife in the back and that anything else is poor form, and downright rude.
Obviously I don't agree with that, or I would not have begun the thread that started all this in the first place and opened myself up to the slings and arrows of outraged forumites.
As far as I see, public support with private denigration is a great way to undermine the forum. It certainly erodes trust in each other. It is not adult, it's teenage-juvenile and shows a lack of moral courage. That some of those who advocate it are some of the forumites I thought the most sincere and honest and strong here is profoundly unsettling.
That is why I am pulling out.
Finally, to those who paint me as some kind of evil, hatefilled monster for attacking Christabel: go back and actually read the first post of that thread.
I handled it poorly, I admit. I stupidly posted late in my day and was sleeping when I should've been directing traffic on the thread. I can't change that.
To anyone who waded through this entire post, Thank you. Be happy, be safe and my the next story you write be all you hoped and dreamed when you began.
I have received many pms on this issue, and am tired of saying the same things over and over again, so I'll say it once, here. I thought of doing it in its own thread, but there's more than enough about this hoohaa already.
First: Why did I start the thread?
I was worried. I saw what I thought was manipulation of my friends. I also saw someone I thought in need of help, but the kind of help we give (the compassion and care and support) in this case could do more harm than good.
I also saw a whisper campaign developing. I was party to a small portion of that. I saw people posting one thing in open forum, and saying another, totally different thing in pm. And I thought that was wrong and unfair to the person being spoken about.
Yes, I did think long and hard about how Christabel would feel about it. I could only use my own feelings as a gauge - and I would want to know. That people continued to support me, knowing I could be faking would strengthen me. That people thought I could be faking would be amusing, knowing how off the wall this malady has been.
But to find out later that all the wonderful people supporting me publicly, really thought I was a fake and a fraud and were only doing it to keep up appearances - that would hurt profoundly, and unhealingly.
Second: Why am I leaving?
I'm still not sure I am leaving totally. But I am pulling back. Not because people disagreed or were nasty about it. I expected that. You can't bring up any controversial issue here without it going to hell in a handbasket. I'm a big girl and I knew what I was getting myself into.
What I didn't expect was the large support for the notion that it IS better publicly support and privately knife in the back and that anything else is poor form, and downright rude.
Obviously I don't agree with that, or I would not have begun the thread that started all this in the first place and opened myself up to the slings and arrows of outraged forumites.
As far as I see, public support with private denigration is a great way to undermine the forum. It certainly erodes trust in each other. It is not adult, it's teenage-juvenile and shows a lack of moral courage. That some of those who advocate it are some of the forumites I thought the most sincere and honest and strong here is profoundly unsettling.
That is why I am pulling out.
Finally, to those who paint me as some kind of evil, hatefilled monster for attacking Christabel: go back and actually read the first post of that thread.
I handled it poorly, I admit. I stupidly posted late in my day and was sleeping when I should've been directing traffic on the thread. I can't change that.
To anyone who waded through this entire post, Thank you. Be happy, be safe and my the next story you write be all you hoped and dreamed when you began.
