I might be going through a serious depression... please help

[Kardon]

First off, the reason why is because I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago due to reasons I dont really want go get into other than to say that it was something that required me to end the relationship and there really was no way around it. No she didnt cheat on me or anything like that but either way I had to end it.

Anyway I dont think I have ever been depressed before, at least this bad. I think I might have been depressed in high school (im 21 now) alittle bit but nothing like this. Basically these days im to the point where I dont have any motivation to do anything productive and I just basically sleep all day just so I can pass time until the next day... where I sleep all day again just to pass time....its to the point where the only thing I look foward to is going to school and work. Pretty sad isnt it? Its really bad now because I am on winter break so no school for a month and I can only work part time at work.

The reason I am depressed is because I was in my relationship for 2 years and I spend the majority of my time with my girlfriend and I still like her very much to this day but at the same time hate her. I dont want to get into why like I said before but thats the way it is.

I have a lot of friends to hang out and do stuff with but I dont know I have been trying to do stuff with my friends and kinda hinted at I'd like to hang out with him more to help me get over this (cause before, we didnt hang out much, you know how it is when you have a girlfriend) but I dont know they dont really seem that interested in kicking it alot so I just basically sit at home on the computer or playing video games every night. For example last night (friday) I just sat at home and did nothing all night. Tonight is saturday and its the same thing, I havent done anything all day but wake up, eat, sleep, and nothing else. Constantly thinking about my situation and getting more and more depressed by the hour. I have never been like this and I dont know what to do.

I thought I would NEVER be posting this kind of thread ever, my life used to be full of excitement and I always had something interesting going on, but now its the exact opposite. I dont even know what the point of my life is anymore. Right now I just sleep and work, with no point in my life what-so-ever. Its strange because when I was with my girlfriend before, I had strong ambitions like you wouldnt believe. Wanted to finish school, start a business, etc. Now I couldnt care less about any of that. I'm just "alive" with no purpose.

I have no clue what to do or how to fix it. I want to get back with my girlfriend and I know she would get back with me in a second but for reasons I dont want to explain there is just no point and im really mad at her and the whole situation anyway.


Sorry for the long read, just had to get this stuff off my chest. It didnt make me feel better or anything but hopefully you guys will never go through what I'm going through right now.

 

[razon]

Yikes. Hold on. It will get better. I know it's hard to get motivated when you feel like that. Been there, done that. But hang on. It will get better with some time.

It sounds more like the breakup blues rather than true depression. It will pass. Slowly. But it will pass.

Find a friend who can help. Somebody who will listen and who will come over at 10:00 at night to talk. You must have such a friend. Female friends are good for that. Even if it's just somebody to watch a movie or play a game.

If you don't have that or don't feel you are getting better, get professional help. You can develop a serious depressoin under the right cirucmstances and a doctor can help you through the low times.

I wish I had more to tell you. I can only relate thorough my own experiences and experiences of my friends. And let me say that maybe some time you may feel that your life has no meaning but it does. There is always someone who loves you more than you know and will help you if you reach out.

It is best to do this without the counsel of the girlfriend since you sound done with her. There is no need to prolong a relationship that is obviously over.

Chin up. It gets better.

 

[Noor]

okay this sounds like a few things but mainly a break up thing.

You are young and some of these things are worth learning now rather than you are say 50ish and find yourself alone.

start developing some interests that are not girlfriend dependent and keep them up even after you get another girlfriend.

start taking walks, 45 mins a day to help with any depression, in malls if you live somewhere cold. Join a gym or club too where you will meet some new people who do not know your former girlfriend.

If you are constantly thinking about her, the relationship, what you would have liked to said, how things could have been different, ect... get yourself a journal and write it down so you don't keep having to think about.

Someone on lit suggested I keep a slam journal earlier this year and it really helped. Actually the front of it I wrote things I would have normally told him like I saw the cutest baby white rhino today and starting from the back I wrote down everything I was mad about, slam stuff and let my anger out. When you are all done with this period you can send it to the ex, burn it or just shred it. Mine is floating around the livingroom floor somewhere and I have thought of hand delivering it at times. It really helps because you don't have to waste time and space in your mind with these things. This also make keep you from actually getting violent or say things to the ex or friends that you later wished you hadn't.

Every day get up, shower, dress like you are going to do something important or meet someone special, be ready because you never know what might happen and you would not want to meet the girl of your dreams not looking your best.

I know you feel pretty bad but if you go through the motions of feeling okay, often after a bit you begin to feel it for real. Take good care of yourself, eat right, get an appropriate amount of sleep, keep a schedule and you should pull out of this.

hope this helps,

Noor

ps. People in relationships can do some pretty dumb, hurtful and thoughtless things but there are not many things between two people that they can't overcome if they both wish, it takes time and hard work but usually it is possible.
I know it feels that things can never work out but maybe they can somehow, when you get a bit a distance. the hardest things to deal with are pride, taking responsiblity for your actions, and finding a way to regain trust and believe in each other.

 

[herecomestherain]

Kardon you're already on your way "back" just by acknowledging your feelings and talking/posting about them. Well done. There's some great advice posted here. Your job is to take it on board and act. When you're in the middle of a big upheaval it can be hard to have perspective, it's almost like you have to step outside of yourself and your situation to actually see what needs to be done. My own style is to generally have a wallow in my misery for a while, acknowledge that's what's happening and then fight my way back.
I'm not religious, but we have a cartoonist here in Australia called Michael Leunig ( I won't post the image re copyright) but he has a little book called a A Common Prayer, my two favourites that have given me focus in the past are:

Dear God
These circumstances will change. This situation shall pass. Amen.

God bless the lost, the confused, the unsure, the bewildered, the puzzled, the mystified, the baffled, and the perplexed. Amen.

That's just about got all of us covered most of the time!

Good luck!

 

[Kardon]

Thanks for being so supportive guys, you words have really helped me.


The thing is, I have and have had tons of interests/hobbys in alot of things, the only problem is I've lost my will to do most of it now.

And about having friends to talk to... I have no female friends besides my girlfriend and co-workers (and i dont wanna bring personal problems into work), and my friends are sort of the "manly friend" types that would find it rather gay if I called them at 11pm because I need to talk about my emotional problems with my girlfriend.

I rather not seek professional help yet unless I am still depressed months from now or I am thinking about suicide or something (which im not).

I already belong to a local gym and trust me that place is NOT a good place to meet people and meet new friends. I dont live in a small town where everybody is friendly, the gym is huge and at any given time there are 100's of people in there and everybody keeps to themselves.

I also have the problem where I still talk to my ex about stuff pertaining to our previous relationship and I know I need to stop it, I just cant. Im always confronting her daily about problem we had in the relationship before, and she doesnt stop me from confrontin her so I just keep doing it. I have no self control over it.

Another thing, when I wake up in the morning, I feel refreshed, I do things, and then I slip back into the depression after a few hours or so... I need to figure that one out and stop it somehow.

 

[snickertease]

I wish I had good advice for you... I suffer similar troubles...

Best of luck to ya!

 

[Astrum]

I really do think it's just the breakup blues. It helps to talk to people though, anybody. Post on here or talk to whomever you think will respectfully listen. Otherwise you end up thinking about it so much that your mental state degrades into depression.

 

[ChromeCollar]

Life is what you make it Kardon. Sounds like you need to sit down and do some serious soul searching. Figure out if you want to stay stuck in this rut, or if you are going to suck it up and make a life for yourself. There are tons of girls out there, and if your relationship didnt work out, it just wasnt meant to be.

Something I have discovered, and actually take pleasure in now, is that there is nothing wrong with doing things by yourself. Go to the movies, go work out, do the things that interest you. It will give you some quality time away from your den of comfort to think about the things that need to be changed to get you out of your rut. As long as you stick around home... doing the same thing day after day, you wont find the determination and the want to get yourself back on track. Its to easy to sit around and be miserable, thinking of all you had and could have had. Take the hard road, get up, get out and make things happen.

"You can do it" ;]

 

[lilpriss]

Sounds to me like you could work it out.

Keep in mind that when the going gets tough and the tough overcome it, the tough get tougher together.

I think when selfish pride and defeat are on our side we lose, lose, lose.

If you really and truly wanted it to be over, you'd be sad, yes, but you would have resolve.

Don't look back in a year and wonder if you guys could have worked it out.

 

[sheath]

The reason I am depressed is because I was in my relationship for 2 years and I spend the majority of my time with my girlfriend and I still like her very much to this day but at the same time hate her. I dont want to get into why like I said before but thats the way it is.

<snip>

I thought I would NEVER be posting this kind of thread ever, my life used to be full of excitement and I always had something interesting going on, but now its the exact opposite. I dont even know what the point of my life is anymore. Right now I just sleep and work, with no point in my life what-so-ever. Its strange because when I was with my girlfriend before, I had strong ambitions like you wouldnt believe. Wanted to finish school, start a business, etc. Now I couldnt care less about any of that. I'm just "alive" with no purpose.

I have no clue what to do or how to fix it. I want to get back with my girlfriend and I know she would get back with me in a second but for reasons I dont want to explain there is just no point and im really mad at her and the whole situation anyway.

I have to disagree...I think this is more than just the 'breakup blues'. I read through this post and had to double-check the name a few times, because it sounds so much like the Music Man that is made me want to cry...

Are you in counseling? I know you say you don't want to get professional help, but perhaps it would be a good idea. Even finding someone to talk with, on an anonymous level, would help you get a lot of things off your chest and perhaps give you some perspective you didn't have before.

Secondly...stop calling the ex-girlfriend. Confronting her only makes things worse. I know, I've been there with that one. What would help is telling a friend exactly what you have told us...and making a pact that whenever you feel the urge to call the ex, you call that friend instead. I have a friend like that. (Thank you, Ang!) It really does help...and that friend will help calm you down and make you feel more rational.

Please...most of all, take care or yourself.

And check your PMs. You have one from me.

S.

 

[watergirl]

oh, hon

I went through a break up a year and a half ago now... I called my ex a LOT - to talk about us, to talk about what I'd done that day, what I was upset or frustrated about in my life, all the things you'd normally want to call your best friend about. Finally I threw away his house phone number, which I never memorized, and deleted his cell # from my cell phone, so that in order to call him, I actually had to punch in all the numbers and really consider if it was a good idea to call him or not. I think Noor's idea about a slam journal is really fucking fantastic, and I wish I had done that instead.

Do take care of yourself - physical activity will boost you up and give you something to do and get the blood moving... maybe if you normally only go to the gym to lift weights, try a kick-boxing or cycling class, something where there is an instructor to yell at ya/motivate you/keep your mind on following his/her directions instead of just you on your own... it would also get you around a group of people to talk to. And, if it costs you more money, maybe that'll be motivation to get off your ass & go do it, rather than skipping out on a monthly paid for gym membership to go do whatever you want, lift, swim, etc.

I guess you have the right of it - not bringing your personal problems to work is something I wish I was better at! But go ahead & ask your guy friends to let you talk about her, they might be more help than you think... just spread it around - when you always dump all your sadness on one listener, it wears on them.

Counseling... never tried it, I hear it can be really helpful to some people - so don't be afraid to go for that...

good luck, keep up posted around here!

 

[sweetnpetite]

It may be relationship blues or it may be something more.

there is a thread going that may be of help to you, it's on the Authors Hangout- but you don't *have* to be an author to go there. Many very friendly folks hang out at the AH.

Here is a link.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=7070337#post7070337

 

[webber1998]

Just my opinion here...

Breakup blues can be troubling, cause you health problems, sleepless nights and the like. Real depression is when these things cause problems or difficulties in your everyday life and they last for a long period of time.

Take my word for it. If you still have problems that last more then a couple of weeks, PLEASE get some help.

I think you have a great start in admitting somethings is wrong, realizing that it isn't right and that it might be depression. Seriously, if it lasts more then a couple weeks.....

Don't be like me, OK...lose 35lbs, couldn't work, sleep or eat...can make you VERY VERY sick. I dropped to 132 lbs... And I'm normally 165....

Do something for yourself. Something you love to do....

Seek out friends and family for support.

 

[Sybarist]

My depression was caused by the death of my father. It must have started right away, but it took me two years to do anything about it. I finally broke down and talked to my family doctor. She was able to ask the right kinds of questions to help me decide what to do. I got some medicinal help and went to councelling. If you think you need help you should go and find out from someone who can help you, and not rely on the voices of people who are not present in your life. (I know there are lots on here who truly care and try to help as much as possible, but you really need someone who can look at you, listen to you, and knows what you are like when you are 'normal') There is no shame in letting someone help you in your real life journey.

I didn't even realize my problem was as large as it was! I had cut myself off from friends and most of my family, I never went out, and was angry and hurting all the time... I tried for so long to ignore it, tried to find the "best way" to deal with things from friends advice, and to just move on with my life. It didn't work. I tried the journal thing at first, and that may have been why it took so long for me to realize I was depressed, because I had that outlet for a little while. Then it became "stupid". Everything was "stupid" and therefore "not worth the bother" I was so full of rage and hate and pain I wasn't me anymore, and I hated myself for that too..

It's a viscious cycle, and it can mask itself as many things. If you honestly think that you are in trouble, that you are in a rut a little deeper than the "breakup blues" then go and find some help for yourself. Denying yourself professional help is silly, what would the reasons be? They might actually be able to help and then you wouldn't be able to wallow in your pity pool anymore?? Gee... How horrible for you!! Think honestly of your reasons, could be your fear of actual help is a big part of the problem

One thing I don't get though is that you say that it was you that had to breakup with the girlfriend, but yet you are confronting her about things that happened in the relationship. If you are the one that broke it off, why are you bitching at her?? She was not the one that caused the painful breakup, it was you- if you were unwilling to stick with her through whatever painful events happened and work together to deal with things then you should be confronting yourself and not her! That makes no sense... Leave the lady alone to deal with the breakup for herself, she shouldn't have to deal with her grief and carry yours as well!!

I hope things work out for you, I really do.
Please remember that depression is not always about wanting to kill yourself, there are many other ways to destroy yourself that do not involve ending your physical existance. And also the longer you let things go, the harder they are to climb out of on your way to recovery.

Good luck!
Syb.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I think sometimes the most dangerous kind of depression is the kind that starts out for a good reason. Because you don't take it seriously and neither does anyone else. They say, "it's understandable that you should be unhappy right now- it will pass" If you feel that you have a problem, then you do. Make an appointment with your regular doctor to make sure that you haven't endangered your health adn to get a referal, or call a hotline if you have noone to talk to.

 

[Sarah_C]

I understand you don;t want to see a councellor, and I guess I can accept that, wth the provisos you put in.

However.

This is just a little thing, but it has helped me in the past.

Every morning, during your alert period, wash, dress carefully and nicely and go outside for a 30 minute - 1 hour walk.

Don't wear sunglasses.

Acting as though you are OK can help you to be OK, and Sunlight is good for treating depression (or anyway, lack of sunlight can lead to depression, anyway).

Every person you see during your walk, greet with a word or a phrase. No matter who they are. Just lift your hand, or nod and smile and say "Hi" Work up to saying "Lovely day" or "Terrible weather"

Force yourself to do this every single day.

It won;t work miracles, but it will help somewhat.

*hugs* Hope you feel better soon.

 

[English Lady]

I had a very similar experience a whole back, I am not sure what caused my little down patch but I think it might have been post natal in my case. Anyway basically i had no motivation,I just wanted to sleep, I was easily angered yet found very little to smile about. Anyway in the end my hubby confronted me about it and I just told him i didn't know what was happening.

I went to my GP and she could see I was not my usual self, she prescribed a very low dose of an anti depressant to me(I can't remember what it was now) but just going to her,admiting i wasn;t 100% myself helped me and about 4/5 months later I had come off the anti depressants and felt much,much better.

I'm not saying you neccessarily need to go and see you're doctor but it might help. I think admiting to yourself that you're not feeling 100% yourself is probably a good start.


I think there has been alot of good advice given to you on this thread already. One other thing is I suggest you talk to someone about the relationship that broke up and why it broke up. Maybe you need to get that out of your system.

I find that there are alot of people online willing to listen to you and with the whole typing thing it is quite anonymous...I happily volunteer my listening(well reading really) skills to you if you'd like.

do a little each day....you know i found cleaning very theraputic..tidying up and throwing things out did me the world of good!


Yes get out and do something,anything really! Go see a movie,go for a walk,go get a newspaper form the local shop..anything to get you out in the fresh air


hope you feel much refreshed soon

 

[Imi]

I know I need to stop it, I just cant. Im always confronting her daily about problem we had in the relationship before, and she doesnt stop me from confrontin her so I just keep doing it. I have no self control over it..

A couple of observations here. You don't want to talk about your problem here, but you keep going back to the source. It strikes me that part of your depression is that you're not adequately purging your anger and hurt. The source is NOT going to give you the answer you want. The only thing you will continue to do is amplify the emotion. So, you just need to make up your mind and realize this fact. Stop TALKING TO HER ABOUT IT!

But yes, you still need to talk. Find a friend or three that you can confide in and talk it through there. If you don't want to burden them, then find a professional. Pay someone to listen to you. Not necessarily to medicate you, but to provide an unbiased ear, who won't be overburdened by your intensity (which sounds like you have) and to act as a resource for activities and techniques to help you bounce back. If you wait for several months, you might have made the problem that much worse that it takes more time to get out of it.

Think about getting yourself to a CODA meeting. You might find some good stuff there and people who understand why you keep going back to your ex.

Lastly, fake it until you make it. Keep getting out, keep doing your hobbies and sooner or later, you will want to for the sake of doing them. Distraction is a good thing. Don't feel like having something to occupy your mind so that it doesn't brood is a bad thing. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The only way out is through.

 

[lovechild27]

I rather not seek professional help yet unless I am still depressed months from now or I am thinking about suicide or something (which im not).

face it...this is not normal. You are not happy. there are things about your last relationship causing you much grief. None of your friends will listen...you have no motivation...go see a shrink already. Your wasting precious life not doing a damn thing about it. All the advice in the world we give will do you no good if you just read it and then counter it with I refuse to do this or that but I am willing to do this...just go get some help. NOW. There are no magic words to fix this or special steps to take. Do you enjoy feeling like this? It seems not. So why wait months to see if it sticks around? Detach yourself from your ex and get on with life...first step finding some real help.

 

[warrior queen]

try this site for support through depression.

while i can see yours has been triggered by a break-up, it is nevertheless real, and as such you need support and help to overcome it.

depression has an insidious way of eating us up, and this place has been absolutely enormous help for me.

good luck.

 

[CelticFrog]

Re: Re: I might be going through a serious depression... please help

I have to disagree...I think this is more than just the 'breakup blues'. **snip**
Secondly...stop calling the ex-girlfriend. Confronting her only makes things worse. I know, I've been there with that one. What would help is telling a friend exactly what you have told us...and making a pact that whenever you feel the urge to call the ex, you call that friend instead. I have a friend like that. (Thank you, Ang!) It really does help...and that friend will help calm you down and make you feel more rational.
**snip**
S.

Aw, geez... you made me all watery-eyed.

K,
I want you to understand that even 'breakup blues' that do this much damage to you really can be a precursor to serious depression. And by 'sucking it up' and pretending it'll all get better on it's own is, I'm sorry, flat out bullshit. There are scars on my soul from a friend who I told that to (not necessarily in those same words, but as nicely as possible) once, while I was in highschool. I told him he could make it through and it would be all right if he would just come out and hang out with his friends. He did, and it didn't help. Two weeks later I had to attend his funeral. Kelly was an amazing guy, and I failed him by not realizing the true depth of his depression. I'm not the only one, either. But the point here is NEVER EVER belittle your own worries about yourself. If you feel you may be falling into a serious depression, do me a favor and call a professional. There are 800 number hotlines out there, I'll try to find a few and PM them to you. You can call them and remain totally anonymous. These people are professionals and can help you decide for yourself what kind of help you need, and what kind of counselor/therapist you want to look for. I've gone through a great many before I found the one person who was the right combination of sympathetic and blunt.

Okay. That rambled. Please, please take yourself seriously. I don't care if you're not suicidal -- the fact is that at some point it might jump out at you and if you're not prepared for it, the worst could happen. I've been there. And I was lucky I had warned J to lock the gun cabinet.

Ang

 

[Jenny0069]

I've went through the same exact thing about a month ago, too. It's tough...I'm STILL depressed and catch myself crying over him. It had gotten to the point to where I had a knife and was prepared to kill myself......that's when my son woke up early from his nap and came into the room trying to hug me. I knew then that I had at least one person in this world that loved me for who I was and always would. That I had responsibilities in this world that I just couldn't bail on when i didn't want to deal with life issues. You probably don't have children, but you should have a friend or relative that you think of in this way. Keep them in mind, and You'll get through it. I didn't have a single friend in this world except for my ex, which made it even more difficult. Sometimes, you just gotta pull through on your own. My mom always said "nobody can get you out of depression but you". Now I know what she meant. My son helped, but it was my selfrealization that really set me straight. Just remember that there are lots of things/people in this world that you care for, and that you wouldn't want to hurt by drifting away. It will help to keep you in the swing of things until the spell passes. Good luck.

 

[freddyandeddy]

You're doing just what any normal person would do. "Time heals all wounds" is a very cliche statement that will prove to be true in your case. These things have a way of taking care of themselves in day to day living and, who knows, you may bump into Ms. Right walking down street! I don't know if you work out, but going to the gym and lifting weights can be a great way to perk yourself up.