I think I worry too much

[finaljustice_20]

I'm a 21 year old virgin. I don't consider it a bad thing because I am by choice. I've turned down sex in the past because I didn't deem it to be "right" or that it would have been a mistake. I know that it will happen when it happens. However, in the past when I have turned it down it usually has been quick offers. Examples of this could be a first date with a girl alittle over a year ago.. recently I had a convo with a female online and she wanted to meet for sex.

I know wanting to have sex with someone your attracted to is perfectly normal, and there is nothing wrong with it. In these instances I had my reasons for not wanting to do it (not having a condom at the time could be one of them), but I think there's another reason. When I've got offers after not knowing a female very long, it has made me wonder if that is what she does with every guy she is attracted to. Sometimes I even think if I have sex with them it could be risky, risking the potential of catching STDs. I think I tend to over-analyze, or worry about things when I really should to the extend that I do sometimes.

I know it's normal to worry about these things but I think I'm looking a bit too deep into it. I'm posting this because I'm just wondering if anyone else has done this, or how I can think less while still being protective of myself.

 

[mjl2010]

I don't think you're alone. Not in the majority probably. There's also nothing wrong with waiting for the right person.

Are you worried about it? The day will probably come and you'll be with the right woman and just go ahead. Maybe I'll get criticized for saying so, but there's nothing wrong with that.

It bugs me a lot actually that so many people think you're some sort of alien spawn if you haven't "Done it" by the time you're fourteen or sixteen or whatever.

Making love is a really wonderful part of intimacy. For a lot of people, it is reserved for just that, being intimate with someone you care a lot about. M'sGirl, who's left this site unfortunately for the rest of us, had a lot to say about this. I wish she'd left some of those posts behind, it would be nice to be able to refer to them.

But the bottom line is, don't rush it. When it's right it's right. Wait for that.

Best Wishes.

MJL

 

[finaljustice_20]

I might have not came across clear in my original post.. I'm not really worried about being still being a virgin. Just in the past when I've had chances to have sex, they have been offers where I started thinking "if she wants to have sex this fast, it's possible this could be risky, what if I get an STD" etc. I guess you could say I've had the "what ifs" in my head when I've had some chances that I turned down in the past.

Thanks for your reply though.

 

[Stockingslover72]

These days, it's probably a wise thing that you are cautious. I know I have taking unnecessary chances, but have been okay.

I'd say just go with your gut, it's always been okay with me. Probably wouldn't hurt to bring protection though, in case you ARE ready..

 

[Erosian]

Yeah, that theory of STD on easy girls have ran through my mind a couple of times. But then again, for me, it's just a theory and I've never had your run of luck where girls are just hunting me down for sex left and right.

 

[finaljustice_20]

Yeah, that theory of STD on easy girls have ran through my mind a couple of times. But then again, for me, it's just a theory and I've never had your run of luck where girls are just hunting me down for sex left and right.

Haha, I wouldn't say girls are hunting me down left and right.. *yet*. The examples I listed have just been two instances I've ran into the past year. I've been improving my success with women drastically the past year, so I figure now is the time to ask questions like this.

I guess now I'll ask how much condoms protect against STDs? I know they protect drastically compared to no protection, but don't know what the percentage is around.

 

[emap]

It is a credible theory, not all of us get tested often, and some of us prefer no condom.

Though of course run with your gut, if your gut says no, don't, if it says yes or maybe do.

Of course carry a condom around with you, or three or four depending on how many times you plan on getting it up for her.

Oh and not all early sex girls are easy, sometimes it's more along the lines of god I want this man, put a couple drinks in her and she gets really amorous. A friend of mine was like that, she went through a string of men, took her forever because she dated each and every one, but after she had sex the first time, she was very eager to have it again so would find an agreeable guy and date him. I think half of her boyfriends were simply because they were cute and there when she was looking, well at least half, most did not last past 6 months.

 

[Erosian]

Still, I wouldn't risk it. I would rather be sure that I have no STD, then sleep around and worry for at least three months before I can get tested each time. When the time comes that you do meet "Ms. Right", you can hold your head up high for resisting the temptation and entering her pure and clean.

 

[littlebitshe]

Go with what you feel

I don't think you are over thinking this at all! It's pretty scary out there and it's always good to have a good head on your shoulders and to be aware of the possible consequences of having sex with just anyone. It makes sense to think that a girl who is willing to give it up right away has probably done the same with several other guys and may have an STD. Best to be careful and choosy rather than sorry!

I was 22 when I lost my virginity and that was very much my choice. I had many many offers but it just wasn't right for me so I didn't do it. I'm very happy that I went with my gut and trusted myself. It turned out best for me!

** Always have a condom on you! Never know when you might want it.

Good Luck Sweetie!

 

[finaljustice_20]

I'm not really looking for a "Ms. Right". I'm not even sure if I am looking for a relationship at the moment, just someone that I enjoy being around, find attractive, etc. I just take it one day at a time when it comes to dating/relationships. As of right now I am thinking the safest way to go about things is before having sex with any girl to ask her what her opinion on safe sex is. Depending on what she says, I think that should give me a pretty good idea of what I should do or not do.

I do have a pretty good understanding of female attraction, however. I've read a couple books on female psychology/behavior, and I know that if you really get it you can put a woman in a 5th date frame of mind, on the first date. I guess the trick is knowing if you put her in that frame of mind, or if she gives sex away easily.

 

[mjl2010]

I guess now I'll ask how much condoms protect against STDs? I know they protect drastically compared to no protection, but don't know what the percentage is around.

I don't know the exact answer to your question. I'm not sure there is one. It all depends on the degree to which you are careful and use a condom.

I do know there is a certain failure rate. They can break for one thing and once that happens, all bets are off. Then there is the problem with them coming off. This doesn't happen much if you put them on properly. I'll guarantee you, once you take her to the emergency room because you can't find the damn thing, you'll pay better attention next time.

Condoms DO help prevent against STD s and infection. No reason not to believe that at all. But you need to keep your head on straight too. You can get an STD from unprotected oral. That means you wear a condom (get un-lubricated or flavored) when she does you. You use a thin latex thingie when you do her. Dental Dams seem to be popular.

Generally speaking, STD's get transmitted through the exchange of body fluids. If you have a fresh cut or a scratch on your finger and you put it inside her, you're at risk. Same goes for her.

The bottom line is, there is only one really certain way to not get an STD. Become a monk, move to Tibet and cloister yourself away from the world of sex. Beyond that, use a condom and good sense. Put it on before you get inside her, take it off as soon as you come. Don't keep going. Being in a committed relationship with someone who doesn't mess around on you is good too.

I hope this helps anyway...

MJL

 

[an_angels_wings]

I might have not came across clear in my original post.. I'm not really worried about being still being a virgin. Just in the past when I've had chances to have sex, they have been offers where I started thinking "if she wants to have sex this fast, it's possible this could be risky, what if I get an STD" etc. I guess you could say I've had the "what ifs" in my head when I've had some chances that I turned down in the past.

Thanks for your reply though.

Well, it's definitely something to worried about. I'm not saying you need to get a hazardous materials suit or anything, but you definitely need to use a condom, unless you've gone to get tested with the person and feel comfortable afterwards not using one. But even still, you risk pregnancy.

I don't want you to worry, but I think that many men don't pay nearly as much attention to their sexual health and well-being as they should. Just because the girl says that you don't have to use a condom doesn't mean that you shouldn't. I think a lot of men jump at that opportunity, for whatever reason, so I think you're a step ahead with your precautions. Just be careful; my current boyfriend had an ex-girlfriend who claimed to be on the pill and told him not to use a condom. She ended up getting pregnant and he was 19 while she was a few years older, so he's had that responsibility now for several years (and has been stepping up beautifully, too). But not everyone is prepared for this. And you shouldn't be worried about whether or not you're worrying too much. Taking care of yourself, your health, sexual and otherwise, is an incredibly mature, responsible, and smart thing to do. Don't be afraid.

 

[emap]

The pill just like everything else is not 100% effective at preventing pregnancy. It also has no protection against an STD. So listening to her and not using a condom cause she is on the pill isn't exactly a good idea.

Not to say your boyfriends ex was on the pill angel, just thought that tidbit should pop into the discussion.

Condoms when used properly will negate the chances of getting HIV, Herpes C and another one I can't remember the name of, the rest possibly can be transmitted by touching, licking or actually inserting your protected cock into her pussy. I mention inserting a protecting cock because if say you learn how to use them from porn, there actually for a long while was a trend to not scroll the condom all the way down on him, so you could see it moving in and out of her. Seriously not safe doing that, if you have a cut anywhere on your body that comes into contact with her fluids you can contract whatever she has.

It is rather imperative that you carry around condoms just in case, and listen to your gut, if you fear for your safety int eh STD department with the asker, say no, if your not sure, talk to her, not a no just find out about her. If she comes up to you and says you are so hot, would you like to pop my cherry, sit her down, check her age, feel under her panties to be sure she is not a he and get to know her better.

Not saying that could or would happen, just reminding you that no matter how good she and the proposition sound, be careful. The days of being a safe slut to fuck are long past.

 

[subwannabe]

Don't worry about worrying too much. There are only two main parts of your body - your brain and your penis. Listenening to your brain can be good, listening to your penis could cause you more troubles than you want. At some point your brain will tell you to go ahead - and that will be the right time. Are you missing out on some great fantastic sex? Probably yes, but you could also be missing out on STD's including aids, unwanted babies, marriages, child support, etc. And, you are right, if these people are this easy they are probably easy with anyone they are attracted too.

 

[finaljustice_20]

I've never believed the idea of thinking it's ok to have unprotected sex because the girl is "on the pill". I had an instance alittle over a year ago where a girl wanted to have sex on the "first date" (I put that in quotes because we had lunch a couple days beforehand), and I said no because I didn't have a condom. She said it was ok, saying she was on birth control.. yet she had a three year old.

From all the replies it's sounding like the best bet would be that for any girl that wants to have sex, to ask what her opinion on safe sex is.

 

[emap]

Yep.

Also it is good to read between the lines, if she says I don't like condoms that means I spread my legs for anybody I want and take them bareback. Unless she is Catholic of course, in that instance she could be waiting for Mr I married you.

If she says always, chances are pretty good she does not want kids, ask about that if you do eventually and like her beyond her body.

If she says of course, I am on the pill, caution alert, she is a bar tramp, I was her at one point. We won't go into specifics but suffice to say alot of partners are in her past. Though of course ask, sometimes she is not a tramp and just enjoys a bare cock and feeling him finish.

If she asks what safe sex is, well just get up and walk away, she is one of two things. A hooker or a seriously underage girl trying to have her first.

I am kidding on the last one, though what are you doing talking to an underage girl about sex? Good greif you pervert.

 

[finaljustice_20]

Yep.

Also it is good to read between the lines, if she says I don't like condoms that means I spread my legs for anybody I want and take them bareback. Unless she is Catholic of course, in that instance she could be waiting for Mr I married you.

If she says always, chances are pretty good she does not want kids, ask about that if you do eventually and like her beyond her body.

If she says of course, I am on the pill, caution alert, she is a bar tramp, I was her at one point. We won't go into specifics but suffice to say alot of partners are in her past. Though of course ask, sometimes she is not a tramp and just enjoys a bare cock and feeling him finish.

If she asks what safe sex is, well just get up and walk away, she is one of two things. A hooker or a seriously underage girl trying to have her first.

I am kidding on the last one, though what are you doing talking to an underage girl about sex? Good greif you pervert.

I love how women say one thing and then it has a completely different (or double) meaning, but no one ever said women *had* to make sense.

And hey, it's not my fault the underage girls these days look/dress like they are 20. Haha, I'd actually ask about safe sex whenever it is a girl signals she wants to have sex. I'm pretty sure I'd get slapped if I walked up to a random female asking their opinion on safe sex.

 

[an_angels_wings]

The pill just like everything else is not 100% effective at preventing pregnancy. It also has no protection against an STD. So listening to her and not using a condom cause she is on the pill isn't exactly a good idea.

Not to say your boyfriends ex was on the pill angel, just thought that tidbit should pop into the discussion.

Condoms when used properly will negate the chances of getting HIV, Herpes C and another one I can't remember the name of, the rest possibly can be transmitted by touching, licking or actually inserting your protected cock into her pussy. I mention inserting a protecting cock because if say you learn how to use them from porn, there actually for a long while was a trend to not scroll the condom all the way down on him, so you could see it moving in and out of her. Seriously not safe doing that, if you have a cut anywhere on your body that comes into contact with her fluids you can contract whatever she has.

It is rather imperative that you carry around condoms just in case, and listen to your gut, if you fear for your safety int eh STD department with the asker, say no, if your not sure, talk to her, not a no just find out about her. If she comes up to you and says you are so hot, would you like to pop my cherry, sit her down, check her age, feel under her panties to be sure she is not a he and get to know her better.

Not saying that could or would happen, just reminding you that no matter how good she and the proposition sound, be careful. The days of being a safe slut to fuck are long past.

That's essentially what I mean, though. On the pill or not, you can still get pregnant. And that doesn't prevent STIs. So my safest bet, aside from no sex at all, is both a condom and the pill.

 

[emap]

Don't forget at least one of you not drunk. If your both drunk it may not even go on or not right and break during. If your sober and it breaks no problem easy to tell the difference. If your drunk though you just got into the sex more and suddenly your have whatever he/she had and perhaps pregnancy becomes an issue.

Oh final, they do not dress like they are 20, they dress like sluts. There is a difference you silly man.

Besides it's not like men don't do the same thing. Can't tell you how many times a I want to get to know you better guy turns into I am so going to fuck you hard and leave guy the instant you get alone.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm a 21 year old virgin. I don't consider it a bad thing because I am by choice. I've turned down sex in the past because I didn't deem it to be "right" or that it would have been a mistake. I know that it will happen when it happens. However, in the past when I have turned it down it usually has been quick offers. Examples of this could be a first date with a girl alittle over a year ago.. recently I had a convo with a female online and she wanted to meet for sex.

I know wanting to have sex with someone your attracted to is perfectly normal, and there is nothing wrong with it. In these instances I had my reasons for not wanting to do it (not having a condom at the time could be one of them), but I think there's another reason. When I've got offers after not knowing a female very long, it has made me wonder if that is what she does with every guy she is attracted to. Sometimes I even think if I have sex with them it could be risky, risking the potential of catching STDs. I think I tend to over-analyze, or worry about things when I really should to the extend that I do sometimes.

I know it's normal to worry about these things but I think I'm looking a bit too deep into it. I'm posting this because I'm just wondering if anyone else has done this, or how I can think less while still being protective of myself.

I don't think you're worrying too much or that you're going overboard in that regard. It sounds like you're being very smart and doing what feels right to you, which is something that's NOT going to lead you astray.

I definitely worry about the increased risks of engaging in sexual activity with people I don't know well, and am very hesitant to have sex early on with people who want to fuck without getting to know each other fairly well first. Like you, I've thought, 'If they're willing to do it with me, they probably do it with others,' in regards to indiscriminate sex and safer sex practices (if someone doesn't insist on condoms and communication with me, they've no doubt done the same with others).

Even skin-to-skin contact and oral (both ways) are things I don't do with just anyone because of the health risk. Avoiding penetration and using condoms doesn't mean it's safe - there's HPV, Herpes, and a variety of other diseases and infections to worry about.

So, I wait until I've gotten to know someone as a person, communicated with them about our histories, health status, testing, safer sex, birth control and pregnancy. In the end, I always use condoms and go with what feels right to me. Sex with a stranger can be fun, but it's a lot more fun for me to worry less about negative consequences, stay healthy and feel good about my experiences.

As others have said, don't worry, stay smart and keep doing what feels best for you!

 

[finaljustice_20]

Just wanted to thank all that replied.. good to see I'm not the only one that is a bit overly cautious about this type of thing.

 

[raggedyann]

you don't worry too much you just want it to be right the first time, it will be

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Do these girls who hit on you know that you are a virgin? Put a few drinks inside some girls and they'll see it as a challenge, just like guys do. Also, if you've been pegged as 'the nice guy who doesn't spend his life chasing skirt' they see you as more desirable and more of a catch than the local tomcats. I do think that people (male and female) who want sex on the first date are looking for just that rather than anything more. They also seem to be fairly indiscriminate, which offends me.

I think you have a fair idea of what you want, you just needed a bit of reassurance.

I think you are perfectly within your right to treat every girl you meet as a potential sexual health risk. It's a question of playing the odds and having the self worth to hold out until you feel right and that your first time will be special and a memory to treasure.

You are not quite as far in the minority as you think. If I believed all the boasts guys made when I was in my late teens and early 20s they'd all be giving Ron Jeremy (veteran porn star) a run for his money. Take it all with a pinch of salt.

You're a mature man for your age and will have less to regret than most if you stick to your guns.

 

[glynndah]

I don't know if anyone's given this advice so I will. Be sure to replace that condom every so often to make sure it's "fresh". One that's expired (or close to it) might work, but why take that chance?

 

[PublicAffection]

And make sure you know how to put it on!!