I tried to bring back the Kink with my wife. She didn't respond so well. What do you think?

[KatieDoes]

Connecting and communication is key, putting her needs first. Women, my wife included, look for VERY different things to feel sexy. Unfortunately, my wife wouldn't/couldn't express to me what that was - earlier in our marriage. I finally got it through my thick skull that it was the little things - not related to sex - that brought her closer to me. It took a LOT of practice to eventually build trust which opened up more, grew closer, better sex etc

This is good advice.

The best way to help a woman feel safe enough to let her freak flag fly with you in bed is to ensure that she feels safe, (emotionally safe, not just physically) valued, and heard in the relationship outside of bed.

If she doesn’t feel like she can be open and honest when it comes to things that don’t benefit your dick, she will NEVER be open and honest with you about the things that will.

 

[NancyPan]

I love much of the advice you have received. Your post, and your attitude in general about sex with your wife, comes off as rather selfish. Focus on her, cherishing her, loving her in and out of the bedroom. Ask what you can do to help her feel more satisfied and fulfilled. Be willing to put yourself second with the confidence that if she is feeling loved, safe, and fulfilled, she will want to give you what you want. Yup Vegas story: Accept that she never wanted to do it. Learn from it.

 

[joefelton]

We've been happily married for 43 years, and we're both in our 70's. Yeah, things do change over time. My wife says she doesn't think about sex, and she does not masturbate, though she will put on a show for me if I ask politely. Since we got married I think she's had three orgasms. I've asked her numerous times to tell me about her fantasies and what she wants me to do for her sexually, she claims there is nothing she wants. She says she's fine with our sex lives. BTW, I am not complaining, we have "date night" every Saturday. She dominates me in bed and ball busts me (slap, kick, punch, squeezing and stretching my balls). None of this would have happened if I didn't talk to her and share what I want her to do to me. I started wearing panties about ten years ago, and that's when I became more honest with her about my needs. it's made a huge difference! And...I treat her like a queen all fucking week!

 

[Jw75766]

I love much of the advice you have received. Your post, and your attitude in general about sex with your wife, comes off as rather selfish. Focus on her, cherishing her, loving her in and out of the bedroom. Ask what you can do to help her feel more satisfied and fulfilled. Be willing to put yourself second with the confidence that if she is feeling loved, safe, and fulfilled, she will want to give you what you want. Yup Vegas story: Accept that she never wanted to do it. Learn from it.

The best feeling I get during sex is watching the pleasure I give my wife. I know I can get me off at any time. Getting her off multiple times is a challenge I make for myself any time she's not in the mood for *just a quickie*. Make your lover feel like he/she is the only thing in the world that matters to you. Strong emotional connections make for very intense sexual encounters.

 

[14ALL]

Getting marriage advice on the internet is baaaaaaad news. That’s my core advice. No one here knows what you or your wife are really going through, or what a healthy version of your relationship really looks like.

If what you’re going through is a big deal to you… you should talk to her and get professional counseling. If it’s not a big deal, Let it go. People change… that’s life. What I would recommend to you and ANYONE else in a marriage, (and it’s been said in this thread already) for those who actually WANT to stay in the marriage:

Earn your relationship with your partner every day and never take it for granted. Little things tell your partner what you think of them… Those little things add up to big things. Simple example, do you deliberately fart in front of your boss? Do you do deliberately fart in front of your wife/husband? If there’s a disparity there, it tells you who you respect more. Your partner should be the person you hold in the highest regard. If you wouldn’t yell at a stranger, don’t yell at your partner… etc. etc. etc…. Your partner should be seeing the best version of you as much as you can possibly present it.

That said… if you feel like you’re earning it and you feel like your partners efforts are too far out of balance (given what you’ll tolerate)… well… then you’ve got some things to think about. Sometimes the grass is actually greener. Life’s too short, you know? Just my opinion.

 

[StrongMaster7]

Here's my two cents on the big picture here.

If you are a man married to a woman and you want more or different sex than your wife does, you have to make some decisions and really understand how much you care about sex and how much you define yourself by the sex you have. I think it's a VERY common condition.

Here's how I 'solved' the equation.
1. I love my wife.
2. I don't want to leave her or have her leave me.
3. The limited menu sex we have for 10-20 minutes once a week is great.
4. Apart from sex, I have a full life that I would not want to have destroyed over sex.
5. As I have since I was 14, I masturbate to porn to relieve my excess sexual energy.
6. I also meditate, pray, and exercise.

Good luck solving yours. Like everything else in life, it's imperfect. If it helps, there are always many people worse off than we are. Be thankful. Peace.

 

[PoetM]

Getting marriage advice on the internet is baaaaaaad news. That’s my core advice. No one here knows what you or your wife are really going through, or what a healthy version of your relationship really looks like.

If what you’re going through is a big deal to you… you should talk to her and get professional counseling. If it’s not a big deal, Let it go. People change… that’s life. What I would recommend to you and ANYONE else in a marriage, (and it’s been said in this thread already) for those who actually WANT to stay in the marriage:

Earn your relationship with your partner every day and never take it for granted. Little things tell your partner what you think of them… Those little things add up to big things. Simple example, do you deliberately fart in front of your boss? Do you do deliberately fart in front of your wife/husband? If there’s a disparity there, it tells you who you respect more. Your partner should be the person you hold in the highest regard. If you wouldn’t yell at a stranger, don’t yell at your partner… etc. etc. etc…. Your partner should be seeing the best version of you as much as you can possibly present it.

That said… if you feel like you’re earning it and you feel like your partners efforts are too far out of balance (given what you’ll tolerate)… well… then you’ve got some things to think about. Sometimes the grass is actually greener. Life’s too short, you know? Just my opinion.

It's humorous that you start by saying how bad it is to take advice from people on the internet and then proceed to give advice lol. So based on your first sentence the reader should stop reading any more of your post ;P If you read above ppl have suggested same as you have said. Also, just because you read someone's suggestions doesn't mean you have to apply that advice.

 

[TonyF862]

Getting marriage advice on the internet is baaaaaaad news. That’s my core advice. No one here knows what you or your wife are really going through, or what a healthy version of your relationship really looks like.

If what you’re going through is a big deal to you… you should talk to her and get professional counseling. If it’s not a big deal, Let it go. People change… that’s life. What I would recommend to you and ANYONE else in a marriage, (and it’s been said in this thread already) for those who actually WANT to stay in the marriage:

Earn your relationship with your partner every day and never take it for granted. Little things tell your partner what you think of them… Those little things add up to big things. Simple example, do you deliberately fart in front of your boss? Do you do deliberately fart in front of your wife/husband? If there’s a disparity there, it tells you who you respect more. Your partner should be the person you hold in the highest regard. If you wouldn’t yell at a stranger, don’t yell at your partner… etc. etc. etc…. Your partner should be seeing the best version of you as much as you can possibly present it.

That said… if you feel like you’re earning it and you feel like your partners efforts are too far out of balance (given what you’ll tolerate)… well… then you’ve got some things to think about. Sometimes the grass is actually greener. Life’s too short, you know? Just my opinion.

I LOVE that you poo poo internet advice then go on for three paragraphs with advice LOL

 

[14ALL]

I know, and I agree…. It occurred to me, too…. I almost didn’t post because of it… but still…. Sorry people.

I’ll delete it if you all think it’s too shitty.

 

[PoetM]

I know, and I agree…. It occurred to me, too…. I almost didn’t post because of it… but still…. Sorry people.

I’ll delete it if you all think it’s too shitty.

Nahh...it's all good man....

 

[TonyF862]

I know, and I agree…. It occurred to me, too…. I almost didn’t post because of it… but still…. Sorry people.

I’ll delete it if you all think it’s too shitty.

not at all....just wanted to point out the irony.