I want to be shared.

[elsaparker]

I have been fantasizing about other men for years. After spending a few days here on these forums I also want to be shared. There are certain things that I want to try and he is not into them. I want to bring it up with my husband. How did you women go about it?

 

[bailadora]

I have been fantasizing about other men for years. After spending a few days here on these forums I also want to be shared. There are certain things that I want to try and he is not into them. I want to bring it up with my husband. How did you women go about it?

How certain are you of this? In other words, is this your perception of what you think he'd be open or opposed to or has he actually verbalized his opinion(s)?

 

[lynn-23]

What sort of things is he "not into?" And have you discussed the idea of a threesome or sharing with your husband? And finally, do you have someone in mind that you want to be "shared" with?

 

[PapaMIdnite]

I have been fantasizing about other men for years. After spending a few days here on these forums I also want to be shared. There are certain things that I want to try and he is not into them. I want to bring it up with my husband. How did you women go about it?

As a man I can only tell you to be very careful of what you say and how you say it, and I cannot stress this enough. What you say can't be unsaid, ever. Even if you don't go though with it, that will be banging him on the back of his head, forever.

We, guys, are quite stupid when it comes to our women (well, most of us, that's it). After a million years of evolution, there are a lot of guys with a piece of code still engraved on their brains which reads "she's yours. you boss she obeys", or something of the sort. We all think we're great lovers, better than the average, and we definitely don't experience sex the same way you girls do.

I'm sure you know all this already, but I just wanted to lay it as an introduction. Try to think how he thinks, and try to take him there at a slow pace.

I really hope you succeed

 

[Lord Pmann]

^^^
Good advice.

What You are suggesting approaching him with is the female equivalent of your husband approaching you about our weight. The way your original post was worded sort of sounds like he is inadequate. I'm not saying that as a jab at you or him. Not at all. But I want you to know that you may not come across as you want. If it even hints at inadequacy, you can kiss your hopes goodbye. And you've hurt him.

What I would suggest and what would work for me is if my wife proposed a threesome. Or allowing me to be shared. I mean, this wouldn't happen or be my cup of tea. But if my wife came to me and said, "There are things I'd like to do sexually. Different stuff. Stuff we haven't done. Oh, and I want to do this with a different man," I'd be pretty hurt. But if you made him a deal, it's more likely to go better.

 

[lynn-23]

^^^
Good advice.

What You are suggesting approaching him with is the female equivalent of your husband approaching you about our weight. The way your original post was worded sort of sounds like he is inadequate. I'm not saying that as a jab at you or him. Not at all. But I want you to know that you may not come across as you want. If it even hints at inadequacy, you can kiss your hopes goodbye. And you've hurt him.

What I would suggest and what would work for me is if my wife proposed a threesome. Or allowing me to be shared. I mean, this wouldn't happen or be my cup of tea. But if my wife came to me and said, "There are things I'd like to do sexually. Different stuff. Stuff we haven't done. Oh, and I want to do this with a different man," I'd be pretty hurt. But if you made him a deal, it's more likely to go better.

Pmann, I was thinking the same. The way it was worded sounded like she wanted to do this because her husband wasn't good. That may not be what she meant, but that is how it came across. I think the best thing is to maybe make it his fantasy too, make him a part of it. Start by maybe mentioning some dirty thought while having sex with him, see how he reacts to that. Then progress a bit more each time.

 

[subwannabe]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that if you have to ask us then you're already headed for trouble. What I'm trying to say is that you should already know the answer or at least have an idea how receptive he is going to be. To be honest, I don't think we even know exactly what it is you are talking about. Are you talking about some kind of threesome or are you just wanting to have a second person to have sex with (away from your husband) who will do some of the things your husband doesn't want to do? I don't know what your total situation is but if you have been having these feelings for years of unfulfillment with your husband there seems to be a lot of issues here. I'm also going to go out on a limb here and say that your husband isn't going to care for the idea at all. Good luck.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Pmann, I was thinking the same. The way it was worded sounded like she wanted to do this because her husband wasn't good. That may not be what she meant, but that is how it came across. I think the best thing is to maybe make it his fantasy too, make him a part of it. Start by maybe mentioning some dirty thought while having sex with him, see how he reacts to that. Then progress a bit more each time.

Making it seem like it is his idea is the best route. But you better be crafty. We guys are really sharp and aware when we are in the throws of passion. Wait...

 

[PapaMIdnite]

I'm also going to go out on a limb here and say that your husband isn't going to care for the idea at all. Good luck.

when it looks a bit like subwannabe says, I wouldn't be so bold about the whole thing.

I agree with Pmann, you should go around a bit first. Maybe not offering him a threesome with another girl, but asking him if he has any fantasies, for example. In this kind of situation, if you go slow you can't go wrong. If that doesn't work, if realizing fantasies is not his thing, you'll have to think it all over carefully. Being frustrated is not good for you nor for him. If you wanting to be shared involve two guys having sex with you, intead of finding just one more, try to find two more, and leave your hubbie out of it..

EDIT: keep on thinking about it. Your wording is quite eloquent, as lynn pointed out. The idea that comes to mind when I read your post is a situation that I'm afraid your husband is not going to enjoy if he agrees to it. The part where you saying that after being in this forum you wanted to be shared, sounds quite intense..

Have you tried role play it?

 

[lynn-23]

Maybe bring up the fantasy of you two and another couple together. Would you be willing to do that?

 

[PapaMIdnite]

Maybe bring up the fantasy of you two and another couple together. Would you be willing to do that?

Not taking his main role out of the equation may help, yup. I mean, even is she abandons herself to the other man, he'd had the chance to take care of the other woman..

 

[elsaparker]

Well here is the thing. My sex life is getting boring. I am 32 and at the peak of my sexuality. I am also really inclined towards anal sex. After reading a post here yesterday about prostate massage, I didn't understand what it really is. So I watched a video on it. It got me all wet. I want to try that. My husband has made is very clear in the past he doesn't want anything near his asshole. Also, I wanna getting fucked in the ass. Last time I had anal was in college which was a long time ago. I want someone who is willing to pleasure my ass because hubby is unwilling to to so. I want to to get another man, and do this with him while husband watches.

I was thinking about having a serious talk with him at the dinner table. I wouldn't say he is inadequate, but I can see how it can be interpreted. But really, he is not willing to give me what I want.

 

[lynn-23]

I see Elsa, thats bit more clear. I do think you should talk to him about this. Not sure the dinner table is the right place/moment though. Perhaps in bed would be better. You want the conversation to be more of "lets explore some things together and have fun" and not "this is how its going to be". Do you have a guy in mind? Is hubby good in bed other ways?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Well here is the thing. My sex life is getting boring. I am 32 and at the peak of my sexuality. I am also really inclined towards anal sex. After reading a post here yesterday about prostate massage, I didn't understand what it really is. So I watched a video on it. It got me all wet. I want to try that. My husband has made is very clear in the past he doesn't want anything near his asshole. Also, I wanna getting fucked in the ass. Last time I had anal was in college which was a long time ago. I want someone who is willing to pleasure my ass because hubby is unwilling to to so. I want to to get another man, and do this with him while husband watches.

I was thinking about having a serious talk with him at the dinner table. I wouldn't say he is inadequate, but I can see how it can be interpreted. But really, he is not willing to give me what I want.

Seriously, this talk at the dinner table thing is a terrible idea. I'm serious. I know that might be how you would want to be approached. But it is not how a guy wants to be approached. I can't recommend enough to sort of being this up during foreplay or sex. Ask about what his fantasies are. Anything like that. Don't just talk about it at dinner.

On another note, sorry your husband won't give you anal. I'm still baffled at the guys that do not want to do that. It's wonderful. I'm pretty sure an angel gets her wings every time my wife gives in and lets me have anal.

I understand the prostate massage thing. But he should just let go and let you do it. It's amazing.

 

[lynn-23]

My husband was very shy about me touching him "back there" at first. I just did it once and i saw that he got very very hard. He wouldnt admit it but i knew he liked it. Finally during sex i just told him it was ok to admit that me touching him there felt good. I've done a sort of protate massage, i can get him to ejaculate in seconds doing that.

 

[PapaMIdnite]

Well here is the thing. My sex life is getting boring. I am 32 and at the peak of my sexuality. I am also really inclined towards anal sex. After reading a post here yesterday about prostate massage, I didn't understand what it really is. So I watched a video on it. It got me all wet. I want to try that. My husband has made is very clear in the past he doesn't want anything near his asshole. Also, I wanna getting fucked in the ass. Last time I had anal was in college which was a long time ago. I want someone who is willing to pleasure my ass because hubby is unwilling to to so. I want to to get another man, and do this with him while husband watches.

I was thinking about having a serious talk with him at the dinner table. I wouldn't say he is inadequate, but I can see how it can be interpreted. But really, he is not willing to give me what I want.

Well, Elsa.. you can't always get what you want, but sometimes you might find you'll get what you need.

It seems you'll have to compromise..

 

[Lord Pmann]

My husband was very shy about me touching him "back there" at first. I just did it once and i saw that he got very very hard. He wouldnt admit it but i knew he liked it. Finally during sex i just told him it was ok to admit that me touching him there felt good. I've done a sort of protate massage, i can get him to ejaculate in seconds doing that.

I was going to send you a PM about something, but I see you don't accept them.

Yeah, I think if more guys would be over their "gay" stigma and just be adventurous, they'd have more fun. Anything you do with a girl isn't gay. By definition.

 

[lynn-23]

I was going to send you a PM about something, but I see you don't accept them.

Yeah, I think if more guys would be over their "gay" stigma and just be adventurous, they'd have more fun. Anything you do with a girl isn't gay. By definition.

Very true, Pmann. That is essientially what i told my husband to get him to relax about me playing with him there. I told him it didnt mean anything, it was just be doing it with him and I loved him, and besides, no one was ever going to know anyway. I don't play there a whole lot, but just occasionally. And now, when i do, i get a great reaction from him.

So, Elsa, I would talk with your husband, and let him know these are things you would really like to do WITH him. Let him know that its becoming very common now days anyway.

 

[subwannabe]

You know your husband better than any of us but I just don't see this working out well. He obviously isn't going to "come around" and in reality he shouldn't be expected to. Most all of us have things we just don't want to do and this is his thing (he doesn't want to do). This just seems to be like a slap in his face and I don't see him willingly letting some other guy fuck you in the ass or you playing with some other guy's ass. Maybe I'm wrong here but that's the vibes I'm picking up.

 

[PleasePeesMe]

I think what you should ask yourself is, would you be happy if the roles were reversed? Would you be happy to sit in a room and watch your husband fuck another woman? In the arse or not. But I agree with most of the posters; I think you're on dodgy ground.

 

[Eilan]

Seriously, this talk at the dinner table thing is a terrible idea. I'm serious. I know that might be how you would want to be approached. But it is not how a guy wants to be approached. I can't recommend enough to sort of being this up during foreplay or sex. Ask about what his fantasies are. Anything like that. Don't just talk about it at dinner.

I tend to disagree. I think sex/relationship issues should be talked about outside of the bedroom, particularly because so many of these issues have root causes that have little or nothing to do with the sex itself.

Maybe it's not the best idea for the OP to approach this issue literally during dinner, but I'm not sure that during foreplay or sex is the best time, either. Too much vulnerability.

That said, given the OP's other posts, I think that her husband will not be receptive to her suggestions, regardless of when they're offered.

 

[SoloHusband]

Does your husband like or look at porn? If so, perhaps you could both sit down and you take the lead and pull up things that you like or want to try and while looking let him know that what your seeing turns you on. It might let him come to the decision on his own that he wants to go there with you. Coming to it on his own is a bit easier to accept than being told by his wife that she is bored and wants all this *crazy shit done to her

*I don't think it's crazy (I like it in fact) but he may take it that way.

 

[elsaparker]

Does your husband like or look at porn? If so, perhaps you could both sit down and you take the lead and pull up things that you like or want to try and while looking let him know that what your seeing turns you on. It might let him come to the decision on his own that he wants to go there with you. Coming to it on his own is a bit easier to accept than being told by his wife that she is bored and wants all this *crazy shit done to her

*I don't think it's crazy (I like it in fact) but he may take it that way.

This sounds like a good idea. I going to find some realistic anal sex guide and watch it in bed. I am sure I will grab his attention. I am not going to say much on the topic unless he asks. I am going to try this tonight. I am going to go search up a realistic anal sex guide. I have found one, but it was more straight up porn than an actual guide. If anyone can link me to one, I would be thankful. Thanks for all the responses. This is going to happen tonight!

 

[bailadora]

I tend to disagree. I think sex/relationship issues should be talked about outside of the bedroom, particularly because so many of these issues have root causes that have little or nothing to do with the sex itself.

Maybe it's not the best idea for the OP to approach this issue literally during dinner, but I'm not sure that during foreplay or sex is the best time, either. Too much vulnerability.

Seconded. Opening up about fantasies can make you feel emotionally naked and vulnerable enough. For me, trying to calmly and rationally discuss such things during sex would be additional stress.

Elsa, Subwannabe makes an excellent point in that each person has the right to define their own "no fly zones" and expect those limits to be respected and honored by their partners.

That said, I don't think it hurts to have an open and honest conversation about some of the things you'd like to experience with him. Keep in mind that HOW you present something often sets the tone of the conversation. If you can find a way to explain some of the reasoning behind your desire for certain acts (ie receiving anal) and how much pleasure it would give you, he might rethink his previous position. It also helps to try to find out what concerns he might have and discuss ways you can mitigate them. While you might not get your exact fantasy, there might be room for compromise. For instance, if he's worried about coming into contact with fecal matter from you, you could promise to have an enema and a shower prior to any anal play. If he's worried about picking up a UTI from fucking you in the ass, he could always wear a condom. Failing that, if he could always use a dildo or an anal vibrator on you.

If the answer is still no, then you need to decide if that's a deal breaker or not. Believe me, I know how disappointing it can be when some of your fantasies don't exactly mesh with your partner. BTDT. OTOH, the benefit of having my partner know about all my fantasies is that I no longer feel that I have to hide those portions of my sexuality from him. I don't expect him to indulge me in those specific areas, but I no longer feel the need to hide my interest, either. It works for me, but YMMV.

 

[Bramblethorn]

All my opinion, free advice and worth what you paid for it:

Well here is the thing. My sex life is getting boring. I am 32 and at the peak of my sexuality.

There's a Poly Bingo expression: "Relationship broken, add more people". From what I've seen, bringing in a new person as a patch for problems with the existing relationship rarely works out.

That's not an absolute, mind. There are situations where two people really respect one another and communicate well, but don't have completely compatible needs. (She likes the whips-and-chains thing, he's uncomfortable about even play-violence, etc etc). In that case they might be able to come to some arrangement. But making it work takes a LOT of communication, empathy, consideration.

If you feel like your husband isn't listening to you when you tell him what you need, bringing in another person is a recipe for trouble. If I were you (and if I weren't painfully shy about necessary conversations), I'd put it something like this: "I have needs. I want to do X. Are you willing to help me out with X, or can you suggest another solution?"