I'll call you tomorrow...

[carsonshepherd]

Okay then, let me judo this conversation in a slightly different direction.

Guy has a date with this girl, and he has a pretty good time, but he wants to think it over before committing to another go.

What should he tell her?

"Maybe I'll call you."

"Let me think about calling you."

"I had a moderately good time. Let me think it over and then I'll call you."

"I'll call you for sure, and then I'll lie to you."

"We should do this again some time."

"Had a great time. So long."

Or should he have to come to a decision about seeing her again right then and there?

This is what we always said back at home and it worked out okay - low expectations but with the vague hint of something hopeful.

"Hey... maybe I'll call you and we can hang out sometime."

Notice the seemingly careless use of "maybe" and "sometime", as well as the deliberately vague non-date "hanging out."

Beauty.

For extra points, instead of asking for her number, say "So-and-so has your number, right? Okay, cool."

 

[Liar]

It's not just a dating game thing.

If I promise to call tomorrow, write an email tomorrow, submit a reort at work tomorrow, do the dishes tomorrow or wake up tomorrow, chances are pretty high that I'll forget to do it.

So "Call me" seems to work just fine.

#L

 

[shereads]

This is why so many adults dread dating. It turns us into teenagers, analyzing every word and gesture. There is no graceful way in the English language to say, "I don't dislike the idea of seeing you again, but I'm not exactly breathless with anticipation, either."

If I had to plan something for him to say, it would probably be, "Let's talk soon." That's the most harmless non-commitment I can think of. When the call doesn't come right away, maybe she can convince herself that he was waiting for her to call and that she's the one who's not over-eager.

"I'll call you," if it's not followed right away by a call, will be understood as exactly what it is: "You're not a priority of mine." If she's been brought up on fairytales like the rest of the female population, she'll take that to mean she disappointed him in some way.

Would he take it any differently if she waited a few days to return his call?

I don't envy men the responsibility of initiating relationships and deciding how to leave things after a sort-of-successful date. But it's just as awkward on the other side, when she's less interested than he is. Honesty is less cruel than giving someone unrealistic expectations. But in the heat of the moment, honesty means having to face the person's disappointment when you admit you're only semi-breathless with desire for him/her.

Isn't the real issue here not his promise to call or how he phrases it, but that there's a mismatch of desire/eagerness/expectations? Anyone who's been consumed by the thrill of a new relationship knows how addictive the adrenalin rush can be. If both people feel it, there's no question of how soon he'll call and how eagerly she'll accept. Nothing short of a death in the family or a cold blast with a garden hose could keep them apart.

If one of them is getting that adrenalin dose and the other one is looking forward to his poker game with the guys, hurt and humiliation are unavoidable.

It might help if he faked his death and changed his identity. Unless she's in love, not just lust, in which case she'll lose the will to live.

Dating sucks, no two ways about it.

 

[elsol]

*burp*

Hate to break it to the ladies.

"I'll call you tomorrow." is something I say to my friends; male or female.

So congratulations... this is the friend-zone, I hope you didn't like him too much.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[rgraham666]

I have nothing to say.

Don't date much. And I don't lie to my dates.

I've also learned not to use the word 'date' on a date. It seems women don't like dating. Too much commitment involved.

 

[Seduce]

I just laugh when a man says he'll call me tomorrow.
Because he won't.
It's not something most men say if they're really going to call...

A woman who knows that is escaping lot of misery...... I got it when I was about 20, and stopped hanging on the phone and biting my nails for days...... it is great once you find out men just say those things and they dont mean them.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I was talking to a bunch of people, and one girl was just about in tears because she'd had a date the other night with a guy she really liked, and he said (& I quote): "I'll call you tomorrow."

Of course he didn't. It was the day after and she was still waiting.

It broke my heart to hear how she and her girlfriends parsed and analyzied those four words: "He definitely said 'tomorrow'," "He definitely said 'I'," "Did he say 'tomorrow night'? Or evening?" "Did he say he'd call on your cell phone? Does he have your number?" "Maybe he was in a car wreck." "Maybe he hates me," "Maybe he doesn't want to look too eager?" &c &c

Having been on the male side of the "I'll call you tomorrow" thing, I know how cavalier we men can be about such things. "I'll call you tomorrow" can mean what it says, or it can mean in a day or two, or a few days, or someday. We just don't take it as legally binding, or even literally binding. I couldn't make her believe that though. She was crushed.

I think it's one of those mars/venus things. Anyone have any opinions?

I found out some time ago that this thing happens with entire cultures.

A friend of mine was working for a year in Finland, and in order to save money, she would bring a sandwich from home to eat for lunch at the workers' hall. The first day there, as is polite to do over here when you are about to eat something when there are other people near by, she asked if anyone was served. Everyone knows that the proper thing to do then would be to smile, say no, and let the poor starving woman eat in peace. But what did it happen? They each took a bite and ate her entire lunch. Apparently, they have the habit - as a people - of saying what they mean, and of taking what they are told seriously. So, if you tell them that it's ok to take a bite of your lunch, they will; if you tell them you'll call them tomorrow, they'll be expecting it; and if you tell them to drop in whenever they want, you can bet they will show up at your doorstep unannounced, one day.

 

[CharleyH]

I was talking to a bunch of people, and one girl was just about in tears because she'd had a date the other night with a guy she really liked, and he said (& I quote): "I'll call you tomorrow."

Of course he didn't. It was the day after and she was still waiting.

It broke my heart to hear how she and her girlfriends parsed and analyzied those four words: "He definitely said 'tomorrow'," "He definitely said 'I'," "Did he say 'tomorrow night'? Or evening?" "Did he say he'd call on your cell phone? Does he have your number?" "Maybe he was in a car wreck." "Maybe he hates me," "Maybe he doesn't want to look too eager?" &c &c

Having been on the male side of the "I'll call you tomorrow" thing, I know how cavalier we men can be about such things. "I'll call you tomorrow" can mean what it says, or it can mean in a day or two, or a few days, or someday. We just don't take it as legally binding, or even literally binding. I couldn't make her believe that though. She was crushed.

EDIT: A sure sign of no calling back is no number exchange. If she gives hers, and he does not - BYE, and vice versa. If there is no exchange in the beginning with a simple phone number, then how could there possibly be in a relationship? Think of it that way: SHE IS SAVED. Be happy fo her Doc.

I think it's one of those mars/venus things. Anyone have any opinions?

I am not sure men or women say it anymore infrequently or frequently than the opposite sex. It is, to me, an indication of "yeah, whatever." If they call maybe I think it is great, if they do not, maybe I think that is great, too. Did she not get his phone number? In which case she could call. Still there is a confusion on how soon or not to call.

My theory is 3 - 5 days. If one calls on the first day after, it seems desperate. The second day, depends on how much you like the other person. 3 - 4 days is a good, had time to reflect, and want to see you, hope you want the same, frame of time, 5 days is pushing it, 6 days makes me think you want to get laid, and anything beyond that? Go get the 2am chick, babe.

EDIT: A sure sign of no calling back is no number exchange. If she gives hers, and he does not - BYE, and vice versa. If there is no exchange in the beginning with a simple phone number, then how could there possibly be in a relationship? Be happy your friend did not get an asshole. She should be relieved, too.

 

[minsue]

It's the 'tomorrow'. If someone says, "I'll call you," it doesn't mean a damn thing. If someone gives specifics, though, and says, "I'll call you tomorrow," then yeah, I'd expect a call.

 

[Seattle Zack]

From Swingers, (1996), written by Jon Favreau and starring Favreau and Vince Vaughn (Sue is a male character in the movie, by the way):

-----
Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like the industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, maybe I'll wait three weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we fucked. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: (In unison) Six days.

 

[sincerely_helene]

I have never experianced a man saying he would call, and then not doing it. However, it usually isn't the next day, but rather 2 days to a week later. I always assumed they either just didn't want to appear too eager or they were penciling me in for ideal 'booty call' time.

I'm kind of that way too, I suppose. I never give out my number no matter how much I like the person unless they request it, and even then I refuse to be the first to pick up the phone.

 

[CharleyH]

It's the 'tomorrow'. If someone says, "I'll call you," it doesn't mean a damn thing. If someone gives specifics, though, and says, "I'll call you tomorrow," then yeah, I'd expect a call.

Yet if he/she does not give an exchangeable number? Only you do, and then says, "Yeah. I will call you tomorrow?"

Surely, you do not believe it (no offence to anyone, but ...) Isn't that naive?

 

[Boota]

Apparently I'm one of those rare men who does exactly what he says he's going to do. If I say I will call then it will happen, within whatever time frame I mentioned, if any. If I don't intend to call her back I tell her right then. I think of myself as honest. My mother says I'm just tactless. Either way, you know where you stand with me at all times.

Speaking of tactless, I do have a friend who is MUCH worse than I am. We'll call him Pig, and it goes like this:

GIRL: "Will you call me tomorrow?"

PIG: "No."

GIRL: "Why not?" (pouting)

PIG: "I already fucked you. Later."

 

[minsue]

Yet if he/she does not give an exchangeable number? Only you do, and then says, "Yeah. I will call you tomorrow?"

Surely, you do not believe it (no offence to anyone, but ...) Isn't that naive?

I don't give my number to anyone I don't already trust so yes, if someone says they'll call at a certain time I expect a call. Yup, quite naive, but honest. I couldn't be any other way if I tried.

 

[minsue]

Apparently I'm one of those rare men who does exactly what he says he's going to do. If I say I will call then it will happen, within whatever time frame I mentioned, if any. If I don't intend to call her back I tell her right then. I think of myself as honest. My mother says I'm just tactless. Either way, you know where you stand with me at all times.

Speaking of tactless, I do have a friend who is MUCH worse than I am. We'll call him Pig, and it goes like this:

GIRL: "Will you call me tomorrow?"

PIG: "No."

GIRL: "Why not?" (pouting)

PIG: "I already fucked you. Later."

I think I may have met him, though our conversation went a little differently...

GIRL: "I'm not going to fuck you tonight."

PIG: "Come on, baby, etc, etc, etc" (Hey, I was drunk, it was late, I can't recall what he said. Same ol', same ol'. )

GIRL: "I'll tell you what - here's my number. If you call me, I'll fuck you." (the one time I gave out my number knowing there was no chance in hell of getting a call and enjoying it)

 

[DrFreud]

Okay then, let me judo this conversation in a slightly different direction.

Guy has a date with this girl, and he has a pretty good time, but he wants to think it over before committing to another go.

What should he tell her?

"Maybe I'll call you."

"Let me think about calling you."

"I had a moderately good time. Let me think it over and then I'll call you."

"I'll call you for sure, and then I'll lie to you."

"We should do this again some time."

"Had a great time. So long."

Or should he have to come to a decision about seeing her again right then and there?

How about "I'll send you an email and schedule a time when we can talk"

Geekily,
DrF

 

[shereads]

I never give out my number no matter how much I like the person unless they request it, and even then I refuse to be the first to pick up the phone.

My shameful confession:

I ran into a newly divorced male acquaintance and was taken by surprise when he asked for my phone number. This is someone I know professionally and am drawn to like a pencil is drawn to a can opener. I had always assumed the boredom was mutual; go figure. He's a nice enough guy, though, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. So I

<ducking and protecting my head from expected blows>

gave him my old number. Even repeated it so he could write it down correctly.

I know it was a horrible thing to do. It just popped out. And I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same thing again, if caught by surprise that way.

I'd have no problem saying to a stranger, "I don't give out my number." But with someone I've known for years, that line would imply that I suspect him of having a secret Dark Side or that I have amnesia.

The honest reply would have been, "I'm involved with someone." But that implies that I think he wants to become involved. Wouldn't he prefer to leave other possibilities open in case there is a need to save face? ("I asked for your number because I'm obsessed with numerology." "I asked for your number because the suicide hotline might be busy when I call." "I asked for your number because there is a one-in-a-thousand chance that we have more in common than can be exhausted in thirty seconds of conversation in the produce aisle.")

I'm a social coward.

I wear a fake wedding band when I travel alone. Wedding bands are a remarkably effective shield against come-ons by strangers, as I learned when I wore a real one. But the wedding band ploy doesn't work with acquaintances. So when my handyman started getting uncomfortably chummy last year, I invested $15 in a fake diamond engagement ring to wear when he's here. It worked. But now there are two Rings of Deception, and it gets confusing. If I slip up and wear the wedding band to have the deck pressure-washed, the handyman will think I've been married and abandond in the space of three weeks, since the last time he was here. I don't want his pity! I have a dog for that.

QUESTION: What's the best way to tell a man you know that you don't want to know him well enough to exchange phone numbers?

 

[minsue]

QUESTION: What's the best way to tell a man you know that you don't want to know him well enough to exchange phone numbers?

No thanks.

 

[shereads]

No thanks.

What am I thanking him for?

 

[minsue]

What am I thanking him for?

Fuck if I know. Asking?

 

[TheEarl]

QUESTION: What's the best way to tell a man you know that you don't want to know him well enough to exchange phone numbers?

"I'm seeing someone."

Best solution all around.

The Earl

 

[minsue]

Good god, Earl. You'll put an eye out.

 

[TheEarl]

Good god, Earl. You'll put an eye out.

With what?

The Earl

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

. . . QUESTION: What's the best way to tell a man you know that you don't want to know him well enough to exchange phone numbers?

There is the Cary Grant line from Bringing Up Baby – “I just suddenly went gay!”




Early on I realized that time flows differently in the male universe.

“I’ll phone you tomorrow,” doesn’t mean the day after today, as it does in our world.

It means the first evening when there isn’t an important sporting event on TV, no friend is having a stag, a group from work doesn’t stop by a bar on their way home and he loses an evening, it will be tomorrow, and he might call.

Meanwhile, men are like buses.

The five-fifteen is convenient, and gets me home early enough for me to cook before the hunger pangs hit. But, if I miss the five-fifteen, or it is late, there will always be another bus in ten minutes. I won’t have to walk home, and even if it did, walking home won’t kill me.

 

[sincerely_helene]

My shameful confession:

I ran into a newly divorced male acquaintance and was taken by surprise when he asked for my phone number. This is someone I know professionally and am drawn to like a pencil is drawn to a can opener. I had always assumed the boredom was mutual; go figure. He's a nice enough guy, though, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. So I

<ducking and protecting my head from expected blows>

gave him my old number. Even repeated it so he could write it down correctly.

I know it was a horrible thing to do. It just popped out. And I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same thing again, if caught by surprise that way.

I'd have no problem saying to a stranger, "I don't give out my number." But with someone I've known for years, that line would imply that I suspect him of having a secret Dark Side or that I have amnesia.

The honest reply would have been, "I'm involved with someone." But that implies that I think he wants to become involved. Wouldn't he prefer to leave other possibilities open in case there is a need to save face? ("I asked for your number because I'm obsessed with numerology." "I asked for your number because the suicide hotline might be busy when I call." "I asked for your number because there is a one-in-a-thousand chance that we have more in common than can be exhausted in thirty seconds of conversation in the produce aisle.")

I'm a social coward.

I wear a fake wedding band when I travel alone. Wedding bands are a remarkably effective shield against come-ons by strangers, as I learned when I wore a real one. But the wedding band ploy doesn't work with acquaintances. So when my handyman started getting uncomfortably chummy last year, I invested $15 in a fake diamond engagement ring to wear when he's here. It worked. But now there are two Rings of Deception, and it gets confusing. If I slip up and wear the wedding band to have the deck pressure-washed, the handyman will think I've been married and abandond in the space of three weeks, since the last time he was here. I don't want his pity! I have a dog for that.

QUESTION: What's the best way to tell a man you know that you don't want to know him well enough to exchange phone numbers?

It's funny you confessed that, because I almost included a similar confession in my previous comment, but then deleted it because I thought it made me look like a horrible person.

On more than one occasion, I'm guilty of tweeking just one digit of my actual phone number so that if I ever run into the person again, I can ask why they never called. They will say something like "well, I tried, but kept getting a message saying out of service," and I will respond with "what number did you dial?" Once they see it was just one digit off, they assume they must have miswrote it.

Then, for the next 3-4 weeks I screen my calls causing them to think I'm never home and finally give up.

Anyway, the trick is to arrange it so that they are the one writing down the number. I know it's a all big fat lie, but some lies are ok if it spares another persons feelings.

Oh, and if I'm caught in a situation where I have no choice but to write the number myself, I "accidently" make the fours look like nines.