I'm After Men!

[intothefire]

Only for their input on this though Help of the female kind is welcomed too!
I've been with my b/f for a few months and things in the bedroom are great <insert gloating here>. I like to keep things interesting and we're both pretty open minded but he's not quite at the stage where he's entirely comfortable telling me what he wants. Worried about seeming demanding apparently! I'm a fair bit more experienced and I'll tell anyone who'll listen what I like We're getting there and I don't want to rush him or push him into anything.
We're planning a weekend away and I thought it'd be the perfect time to try out some new things. What I need is ideas for things that aren't too intimidating (evidently bringing my spanking paddle along on the first date was a bit optimistic) but that'll be fun and maybe give him a chance to direct things a bit, if that makes sense? I have tons of toys for me, but I want things for both of us to set the mood and inspire. I'm thinking a little shopping trip is in order and my credit card is handily next to me. So far all I can think of is a few different lubes, e.g. warming, tingling, etc, some massage and bath things so we can try out the shower/tub..and that's it! Inspire me!

 

[Chicklet]

something that might be fun could be a trip to a used clothing store to pick out some disposable clothes together that he could tear/cut/rip off of you later

 

[intothefire]

I don't think he's at the tearing off clothes stage yet. I'm going for a softly softly approach!

 

[Llan2193]

You can try one of those sleeping masks as a blindfold. Very soft and inviting, but can add lots to the mix. Dressing up as something is also a excellent way to spice it up, you can also roleplay with it as much as possible.

 

[TK70]

OK....I've got some suggestions

I have the same experience reversed...I've been bringing my wife of over 10 years slowly along a similar path. It took me awhile to work up both my courage, and my judgment of her confidence level to introduce some things. Has he used or been exposed to your toys of any kind....basic vibrator etc.? I surprised my wife with her first ever vibrator a while back, and though she was a little apprehensive, I had chosen my moment carefully. Anyway....

If he hasn't been introduced to basic toys, that's a good start. Most guys THOROUGHLY enjoy using one on their partner...I know I do. Introduce it during foreplay once the mood is already set.

A blindfold (use a regular sleep mask) might also get him to be more expressive.

Those 'love dice' sometimes seem a bit silly and juvenile, but if he needs help opening up they might do the trick. Turn the tables and instead of having to perform the act that the dice tell........you have to instruct where your partner does that thing...(i.e. "Lick" "Someplace Unexpected" would require him to tell YOU where to lick)

Or you can continually try touching him in different ways and ask "How do you like that...etc....and get him to communicate".

Hope this has been some help.

TK

 

[intothefire]

Thanks for the input people!
I have played a little with smallish toys when he's around. I know he likes me using them on myself, maybe it'd be an idea to guide his hand, let him take over with one?

 

[Robert Buckley]

As a married man, I can hardly think of anything sexier than my wife playing with one of her toys, and letting me help out as well. Of course sexy lingerie is great, but for both of you. Buy something for him to wear, maybe with you sharing some of your tamer fantasies it might help him feel more adventuresome. I would also suggest some padded restraints, maybe ask him to tie you up? Maybe also a striptease would open him up more. I am thinking of everything that gets me going. Good luck to you, he's a lucky guy.

 

[sunandshadow]

A feather tickler can be great because they're very fun and natural to use - you tickle him, he goes "Hey!" and tries to grab it, he tickles you back, add in some chasing and wrestling and shedding of clothes and you can have a lot of fun. Similarly a can of spray whipped cream is great if you're not worried about making a mess - have fun getting it all over each other and even more fun licking it off.

 

[KokopelliRises]

A feather tickler can be great because they're very fun and natural to use - you tickle him, he goes "Hey!" and tries to grab it, he tickles you back, add in some chasing and wrestling and shedding of clothes and you can have a lot of fun.

I would caution you on the use of ticklers. The two guys I've been with have both been very ticklish and have/had the tendency to become uncomfortable and threatened when tickled. From what I've been reading this is not an uncommon thing so I wouldn't advise it if either of you is incredibly ticklish.

 

[jerseyman1963]

Thanks for the input people!
I have played a little with smallish toys when he's around. I know he likes me using them on myself, maybe it'd be an idea to guide his hand, let him take over with one?

I don't think you need our help. You're already on the right track. Just go slow with the poor guy. Don't make a big deal of it. Like many here I advocate good communication, but in this instance, too much conversation may just intensify any anxiety he may be having. Maybe wait 'til a key moment during foreplay and say, "You know what I'd like? It would really turn me on if I could do XYZ to you... or if you would do XYZ to me... or with me..." Pay close attention to him at that moment and see how he does with it, and go forth or slow down accordingly. And check with him later in a non-sexual setting to see if he liked it, and was OK with it. Half of good communication is learning when and how to communicate with your partner. Building trust over time so he knows the next time you suggest something new, or say you want to try something, it will be a good and safe experience. That's the key. He's lucky to have a partner who's interested in expanding his and yours as a couple's horizons, but is also concerned about his feelings too.

 

[sav_oli]

I would caution you on the use of ticklers. The two guys I've been with have both been very ticklish and have/had the tendency to become uncomfortable and threatened when tickled. From what I've been reading this is not an uncommon thing so I wouldn't advise it if either of you is incredibly ticklish.

I have to say i agree with that, Im stupidly ticklish, even to the point where wandering hands during a massage can be uncomfortable. Tickle fights are fun however, as long as you know how each other will react. I can be instinctively defensive and kick out if tickled in certian places.

 

[Zen_Life]

On the way to where you are going...tell him that you want this to be a naked weekend. Meaning when you get to the vacation spot th clothes come off and stay that way (unless you have to go out to eat or something of course)

Not only is it sexy, but it's a great icebreaker. I mean sexy with a naked person is one thing, but when you're just sitting around eating dinner naked...that's when you cant' help but feel comfortable around someone (after a day or so)

 

[gottohaveit]

shopping

A trip to a local sex shop should be fun...listen to the comments about the different toys you see there...pick up the vibe.

 

[short_circutz]

As a proud chocoholic I say chocolate body paint.

 

[intothefire]

Well I'm back. A few suggestions were certainly incorporated Obviously it's more of a journey than a destination but he does seem to be relaxing a little and letting me know what he wants. Thanks to the person who suggested talking to him in a non sexual setting afterwards. I did and he was fine, but I feel better for checking I think keeping things light and playful is the key so I may well go for some flavoured body paint next!
He did say that he hadn't realised how good things could be until he met me so I'm taking that as a huge compliment and a sign that I must be making him comfortable enough to experiment.
I know, I know, I worry too much but I just want to make sure he's getting the very most out of our sex life as well as all the other areas of our relationship.

 

[lickwizard]

I agree with the earlier comment. you don't need us. He is a lucky man to have you. With the open and willing attitude you have, he is sure to follow.

Since you have that feeling towards all aspects of your relationship....the limits are endless. exploring what others do here at lit, things that peak his and your interest at a sex shop, watching videos would all be a good way of gaining insight as to his hidden desires....

Let us know how it goes....