Increase his interest in foreplay?

[fae_bella]

Our love life is good. I'm not saying it isnt...
Its our foreplay that kind of gets me bummed.
Its just... well... sometimes I think he's being kinda greedy, and as soon as he feels HE's ready, he'll enter.
I, however, might NOT be ready and hurt like hell.
(He doesn't like to use lubes or gels.)
Sometimes I barely even get 2 minutes of him playing around a little before he's trying to get in there. I've even screamed out it hurt too much and thrown him off the bed. He doesn't like to give oral, and is offended if I offer to get one of my toys out. I have lots of fun getting him ready.. I can spend a good half hour just fooling around with him. Oral, toys, teasings... anything I can or he can think of, I love to do it.
How do I nicely ask him to return the favor?

 

[human_male]

Wow, he sure sounds like mr. wonderful.

And I can't get laid.

 

[fae_bella]

He's not like that all the time. I guess he just gets antsy and wants it NOW.
Its usually after we haven't had a chance to do anything for awhile. Once he finds out its ok to do something, its a very fast "warm up". I don't really like that and don't know how to tell him.

 

[Eilan]

How do I nicely ask him to return the favor?

Talk to him about it in a nonsexual setting. Since we obviously don't know your guy as well as you do, we can't tell you the best way to approach him, but you definitely don't want to point fingers and assign blame. He'll get defensive, and that won't accomplish anything.

Frankly, though, it sounds like maybe sometimes he needs to realize that sex isn't all about him. If you need foreplay, lube, a vibe, etc., you should have access to all those things. When it comes to the lube/vibe issue, I don't get why it's such a blow to some men's egos when their partner wants/needs to use them.

You could always cut back on the oral, teasing, etc that you're doing to him. I'm not one for using sex as a weapon, but I think you should get as much foreplay as he does. Maybe he's taking you for granted?

Definitely communicate, though. You don't want this to become a source of resentment.

Good luck.

 

[jaded_pleasures]

Our love life is good. I'm not saying it isnt...
Its our foreplay that kind of gets me bummed.
Its just... well... sometimes I think he's being kinda greedy, and as soon as he feels HE's ready, he'll enter.
I, however, might NOT be ready and hurt like hell.
(He doesn't like to use lubes or gels.)
Sometimes I barely even get 2 minutes of him playing around a little before he's trying to get in there. I've even screamed out it hurt too much and thrown him off the bed. He doesn't like to give oral, and is offended if I offer to get one of my toys out. I have lots of fun getting him ready.. I can spend a good half hour just fooling around with him. Oral, toys, teasings... anything I can or he can think of, I love to do it.
How do I nicely ask him to return the favor?

I am having the same problem with my boyfriend. It's not even that he is greedy I don't think, he just gets sooo anxious and wants it now. And I don't think he realizes how quick he actually starts. I usually don't even get 5 minutes. Mine is willing to use lube, but it's just not the same... I feel your pain. And I don't know how to fix it either

 

[fae_bella]

Oh good, I'm not alone!
You understand then... Its not that they realize they do it... they just get so anxious about sex that they turn into dogs with bones (pardon the rather bad reference) and want it NOW.
Its not that the sex is bad. he still comes up with new things to do, and he's very creative on things if he's involved on it. I mean, he bought a new toy this last weekend that made things easier... one of those cockrings with a vibe on it... and that made for the most incredible night EVER. But before he used it... he didn't do that much.

 

[jaded_pleasures]

Oh good, I'm not alone!
You understand then... Its not that they realize they do it... they just get so anxious about sex that they turn into dogs with bones (pardon the rather bad reference) and want it NOW.
Its not that the sex is bad. he still comes up with new things to do, and he's very creative on things if he's involved on it. I mean, he bought a new toy this last weekend that made things easier... one of those cockrings with a vibe on it... and that made for the most incredible night EVER. But before he used it... he didn't do that much.

Sounds like youre starting to work on it. And I agree with the girl that posted ... say something about it in a nonsexual setting, and trying to be as non-confrontational as possible. (I dont understand the guys having their egos crushed by toys either). My boy and I had a vibe a couple months ago and it quit working. He has yet to replace it. The only orgasms I've had for 2 months have been of the do-it-yourself variety. I can't have an orgasm just to sex. Is that bad?? Because I always wonder if it's just my body being difficult. He seems to think he can get me to climax just by having sex with me... and he can't. Weird? or no?

 

[fae_bella]

Nope, that's my guy's thoughts too.
I think I may need to get those diagrams from high school sex ed and explain it to him using that.

 

[jaded_pleasures]

Nope, that's my guy's thoughts too.
I think I may need to get those diagrams from high school sex ed and explain it to him using that.

That is a fabulous idea! I think the reason they think that is because of the porn. In porn, they always show the girls screaming and moaning just from intercourse with NO clitoral stimulation. I'm sorry but for most of the female population, that's not reality. But guys seem to take lessons from porn and think that just intercourse will do the job. Not so, my friends... hehe. I miss my vibe It's a girl's best friend.

 

[TBKahuna123]

There's something that guys need to learn, sex isn't about us at all. See, if we just forget about what we want and concentrate on what our women want, we get more than we bargained for in the end. All it takes is for a guy to put away his ego, put his selfishness on the shelf and display a modicum of self contral. It's easy, just forget about our pleasure and concentrate on hers. In the end we're gonna get off, but if we take care of her first, she's gonna make sure we get off good.

Trust me, all you have to do is give a shit. What goes around comes around tenfold.

Hmm, how many other cliche's can I throw out?

 

[Eilan]

I can't have an orgasm just to sex. Is that bad?? Because I always wonder if it's just my body being difficult. He seems to think he can get me to climax just by having sex with me... and he can't. Weird? or no?

It's not uncommon or weird at all. Sounds like your boyfriend's been watching too much porn.

edit: fae_bella, you have very pretty eyes.

 

[jaded_pleasures]

It's not uncommon or weird at all. Sounds like your boyfriend's been watching too much porn.

edit: fae_bella, you have very pretty eyes.

Well, he watched a lot of it before me. The only porn we watch now is when we're together, and it's usually homemade Sorry if that's too much info. He was a virgin when I met him, and I was his first and have been his only. She it's not entirely his fault

 

[sunandshadow]

Well there's always the 'fair deal' argument - you won't do oral on him unless he'll do it on you, or something like that. But rather than making it an ultimatim try it as a game at first, like mother may i or mokey see monkey do.

 

[fae_bella]

... No wonder we're in the same boat.
Everything you just said is verbatim to us, too. (Well, except the videos part. He's camera shy.)

I think I just figured out what the problem is.. Our guys really don't know what they're doing...

When we have a dominant session and I'm in charge, he's more than happy to do what I demand of him- even if it IS stuff he normally doesnt do.
However, when left to decide on his own, its usually the same 4 moves then he wants in.


Oh- and thanks for the eyes comment.

 

[eudaemonia]

My boy and I had a vibe a couple months ago and it quit working. He has yet to replace it.

My $.02: Why wait for *him* to replace it?

 

[jaded_pleasures]

... No wonder we're in the same boat.
Everything you just said is verbatim to us, too. (Well, except the videos part. He's camera shy.)

I think I just figured out what the problem is.. Our guys really don't know what they're doing...

When we have a dominant session and I'm in charge, he's more than happy to do what I demand of him- even if it IS stuff he normally doesnt do.
However, when left to decide on his own, its usually the same 4 moves then he wants in.


Oh- and thanks for the eyes comment.

Exactly!! And I dont mind telling him what to sometimes. BUT, there are times when I'd just like to enjoy it rather than be a coach. I don't think its that he doesn't want to do things, it's just that he doesn't know what to do. And it totally takes the steam and heat out of it when you give him a to-do list in bed. (or even when youre not in bed for that matter). ..sigh...

 

[eudaemonia]

I think I just figured out what the problem is.. Our guys really don't know what they're doing...

That could well be.

And, in all fairness, I think it's an unreasonable expectation that they do with none-to-nil input from their partners. Many man voice this complaint, that they're not mind readers. They're right. Both partners must communicate their needs, wants and desires clearly.

Please know I'm not trying to lie blame on anyone in particular; just trying to make suggestions about how to make things better.

 

[jaded_pleasures]

My $.02: Why wait for *him* to replace it?

Very valid point. Hehe. I guess I could just get the money from him and go buy it myself...

 

[eudaemonia]

Very valid point. Hehe. I guess I could just get the money from him and go buy it myself...

That's an even better idea! "Honey, I'm buying something online that we need for the house. What's your Amex number and expiration date, again?"

 

[jaded_pleasures]

That's an even better idea! "Honey, I'm buying something online that we need for the house. What's your Amex number and expiration date, again?"

Nah, I don't even have to explain. I just say "Honey, can I see your check card? I wanna get something online..." He's pretty easygoing about that

 

[fae_bella]

That's an even better idea! "Honey, I'm buying something online that we need for the house. What's your Amex number and expiration date, again?"

If I did that, I think I'd max Lucifer's card out in the first 10 minutes at the adult store...

 

[jaded_pleasures]

If I did that, I think I'd max Lucifer's card out in the first 10 minutes at the adult store...

Hehe. I've never shopped online for toys. Got any suggestions for where to go for them?

 

[fae_bella]

No idea here. I usually go straight to the place in Rochester.

 

[Guest]

 

[kurvy1]

Toys

Hehe. I've never shopped online for toys. Got any suggestions for where to go for them?

Hi Jaded,
They have pretty good selections and prices right here at the lit toy store. I love the vibrating Kong Dong ($63.50) and the Magic Wand ($55) is pretty good. Less expensive options are also available. Good luck and have fun shopping and playing with your new toys.