Is honesty the best policy

[Travler99921]

I think I am safe in saying most bi married guys have not come out to their wives. This question is addressed to you, but all are welcome to comment. If your wife asked you point blank if you were having gay sex, how would you respond?

 

[parrot454]

It would be a no from me. She does not know nor will she. My ex wife did know and was more open sexually .

 

[Fred2575]

I'm out to my wife, I'd tell her the truth.

 

[cdstefi]

Mine knows I occasionally meet guys. She doesn't want to know all the ins and outs (so to speak) but just that I'm vetting carefully to avoid diseases and psychos.

 

[kLangleybi]

Mine is aware that I want to suck cock. That doesn't gross her out, but she doesn't offer consent. She is unaware however that I have sucked some cocks and that one of those cocks buggered me soundly. A while ago now, but this man has bottomed and loved it.

 

[saintcero]

Mine must never know. She would not take the news well at all.

 

[onefourall]

My wife made it quite clear she would not tolerate anything kinky, no interest whatsoever.
I know honesty is the best policy but I'm thinking of setting up a fake email account and start chatting with her, I'd take it slow and I'd hope overtime to maybe bring up her sex life and see where it goes. The Best outcome would be to rekindle her appetite for sex again, worse case she doesn't reply. I hope you don't mind me hijacking your thread.

 

[Jerrybi]

i have tried to bring up bisexuality a few times but have felt she isnt interested in hearing anythin about it.

 

[klippert]

My wife knows I’ve been with me. She chalked it up to experimenting. She Never brings it up

 

[TallOne]

Told her back on our 3rd date 26 years ago. Every time that I've been with a man she's been right there with me so...

 

[Fred2575]

Here's my thing and I've mentioned this on other threads.

We are men that are on some level sexually attracted to other men. Enough so that we have a never ending desire to act on it.

I'm sure we all love our wives very much.

Why would it be better to hide this part of ourselves?

Yes, it's an uncomfortable and scary conversation to have.

Yes, the possibility of it being a negative life changing conversation is there.

But I think it's worse to lie, especially to the one that is supposed to be your ride or die. For better or for worse.

If we can't be honest about our sexual desires with our wives, then what does that say about us, our wives and our marriages.

 

[jchtlit]

Told her back on our 3rd date 26 years ago. Every time that I've been with a man she's been right there with me so...

You are very lucky to have a understanding partner.

 

[TallOne]

You are very lucky to have a understanding partner.

I wouldn't have even considered marrying someone who would reject me for who I was.

 

[kLangleybi]

My wife made it quite clear she would not tolerate anything kinky, no interest whatsoever.
I know honesty is the best policy but I'm thinking of setting up a fake email account and start chatting with her, I'd take it slow and I'd hope overtime to maybe bring up her sex life and see where it goes. The Best outcome would be to rekindle her appetite for sex again, worse case she doesn't reply. I hope you don't mind me hijacking your thread.

How does that work? How do you kick it off? Surely she would want to know how you got her email address. Do you expect that she will open up about her sex life and fantasies to an out-of-the-blue stranger? Not sure that you've thought this through.

 

[bobb_sledd]

I told my wife a couple of days after I sucked my first cock. He was a friend of ours whom we had discussed inviting into our bed for a threesome, when she revealed to me, he had previously come out to her as gay.

That was thirty-five years ago and the last time we ever discussed my newfound pleasure. We’ve always had something of an open relationship; she knows I’ve ventured out (before that and since) but has never confirmed or denied that she has.

 

[onefourall]

How does that work? How do you kick it off? Surely she would want to know how you got her email address. Do you expect that she will open up about her sex life and fantasies to an out-of-the-blue stranger? Not sure that you've thought this through.

All very good points, she's involved in a number of organisations which means her email address is out there. It would be a slow process but it just might work. I'm obviously not expecting results over night but considering we don't really have a sex life at the moment what have I to loose apart from her finding out and having a fit.

 

[dingdongditchding]

not just NO more like FUCK NO

 

[liqueur]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: there are certainly conservative exceptions, but both from personal experience and from what I've read (a lot!) about other men's experiences: in most cases, it doesn't seem to be the man's bisexuality that's the issue, but his monogamy.
a.) The woman feels (quite rightly, it would appear) that most bisexual men would find monogamy impossible.
b.) Unless she accepts open marriage, most women feel very threatened by non-monogamy on their partner's part.

So (if it's not an open marriage): If you reframe the question, not as “can she accept your bisexuality?” but as “how does she feel about you cheating on her?”, you can see how it's not likely to be received well.

 

[Britva415]

All very good points, she's involved in a number of organisations which means her email address is out there. It would be a slow process but it just might work. I'm obviously not expecting results over night but considering we don't really have a sex life at the moment what have I to loose apart from her finding out and having a fit.

God, this sounds absolutely shitty.

Not only a shitty thing to do to her, but, zero chance whatsoever of getting you any sex.

If your attitude really is "what do you have to lose," you shouldn't be afraid to just talk honestly to her face and say what you have to say.

Maybe lawyer-up first, though. That would be my advice no matter which of these ways you might go.

 

[PinkPanties4me]

Been married 50 years…had a great sex life…now my wife is not quite as interested..I have found that I am most likely bi…I have joking told her about sex with a man. She would laugh. Also, I have introduced a dildo in our sex adventures (when we do have it) . She is okay with that. But….I have told her I would never go behind her back with another man… Too much to lose after all these years..

 

[Britva415]

I have told her I would never go behind her back with another man

Same here. It isn't behind her back, it's with her consent and blessing.

 

[PinkPanties4me]

Same here. It isn't behind her back, it's with her consent and blessing.

I would like to PM you sometime..

 

[JackWilson0715]

in most cases, it doesn't seem to be the man's bisexuality that's the issue, but his monogamy.

I think this is exactly right. In my case though, my wife has made clear to me that monogamy involves sex with one more person than she is willing to have sex with, so anything bi that happened has the dubious distinction of being both cheating, and monogamous.

 

[klippert]

I think I am safe in saying most bi married guys have not come out to their wives. This question is addressed to you, but all are welcome to comment. If your wife asked you point blank if you were having gay sex, how would you respond?

""If your wife asked you point blank if you were having gay sex, how would you respond?""
I would first ask why she's asking. even though she knows I've been with men..

 

[sandybrooke]

It was part of our role play in bed and we found a playmate. She was an active participant in this and enjoyed it as much as I.