Is oral stimulation....

[Kajira Callista]

a submissive act or a Dominant act. Does wanting your sub/slave to experience sexual pleasure make you less "Dom"? I didnt wanna hijack the other thread...so help me understand this ppl.
Here is my take... sexual pleasure is actually allowed to be experienced by both Dom and sub, oral sex is not a submissive act to me, giving or receiving.....it is part of the relationship so im trying to understand how others see it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think it depends of the perceptions of the receiver and giver, and the context in which it is performed. That seemed to be the message which came across in my Dominant Kiss thread (https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=224387&highlight=dominant+kiss). some saw it as submissive, some didn't.

Catalina

 

[wolf2002]

Does wanting your sub/slave to experience sexual pleasure make you less "Dom"?

I don;t think being Dominant means that you don;t have to care about your subs pleasure... the point is that you want to control that pleasure... oral stimulation is actually a perfect way to control, to tease, to give and withhold, to reward and punish...

Hell, I'd give up any Dominant activities if it means I can never eat pussy again...


Wolf

 

[Kajira Callista]

I think it depends of the perceptions of the receiver and giver, and the context in which it is performed. That seemed to be the message which came across in my Dominant Kiss thread (https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=224387&highlight=dominant+kiss). some saw it as submissive, some didn't.

Catalina

Im kind of trying to understand the perceptions and how they came about. Im gonna go take a look over there and see. ty

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Is oral stimulation....

I don;t think being Dominant means that you don;t have to care about your subs pleasure... the point is that you want to control that pleasure... oral stimulation is actually a perfect way to control, to tease, to give and withhold, to reward and punish...

Hell, I'd give up any Dominant activities if it means I can never eat pussy again...


Wolf

Do you see kneeling to uhmm eat as a submissive act?

 

[wolf2002]

Re: Re: Re: Is oral stimulation....

Do you see kneeling to uhmm eat as a submissive act?

I don;t think kneeling is an absolute taboo for a Dominant, but I can think of more intruiging positions... the sub could be bending over, or on all fours on the bed, or tied up to a dentist chair, or hanging from the ceiling, tied upside down to a wooden cross... ehh, should I go on?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Is oral stimulation....

I don;t think kneeling is an absolute taboo for a Dominant, but I can think of more intruiging positions... the sub could be bending over, or on all fours on the bed, or tied up to a dentist chair, or hanging from the ceiling, tied upside down to a wooden cross... ehh, should I go on?

No no i kinda got the picture.

 

[ownedsubgal]

it all depends on so many things...i personally do not care to have oral sex performed on me, because it feels unnatural to my deeply submissive nature. yet i do not automatically find it submissive for someone to perform the act. a Dominant for instance, wanting to control the submissive's pleasure, wanting the power of arousing them (for a sub who actually enjoys it), i do not view as submissive in the least. likewise, when a Dominant simply wants to do it because they feel like it, regardless of what the submissive wants or doesn't want. they're just in the mood to taste some pussy, so they will, and that's that. there's nothing submissive about that either. however when someone is performing oral sex for the unselfish purpose of pleasing another (and not controlling another's pleasure)...yes i see that as very submissive. so it's not the act so much as the intentions behind it, but for me, it will never feel natural or comfortable to receive it.

 

[Kajira Callista]

it all depends on so many things...i personally do not care to have oral sex performed on me, because it feels unnatural to my deeply submissive nature. yet i do not automatically find it submissive for someone to perform the act. a Dominant for instance, wanting to control the submissive's pleasure, wanting the power of arousing them (for a sub who actually enjoys it), i do not view as submissive in the least. likewise, when a Dominant simply wants to do it because they feel like it, regardless of what the submissive wants or doesn't want. they're just in the mood to taste some pussy, so they will, and that's that. there's nothing submissive about that either. however when someone is performing oral sex for the unselfish purpose of pleasing another (and not controlling another's pleasure)...yes i see that as very submissive. so it's not the act so much as the intentions behind it, but for me, it will never feel natural or comfortable to receive it.

Why do you feel its unnatural? And what does it have yo do with your submissive nature? What im trying to figure out is where it stems from...not why it is if that makes sense?

 

[ownedsubgal]

Why do you feel its unnatural? And what does it have yo do with your submissive nature? What im trying to figure out is where it stems from...not why it is if that makes sense?

well KC, we're two different breeds of submissives, so you may not understand. first there are the physical aspects...when having oral performed on you, the other person is usually below you, and if they look into your eyes, they must look up. meaning if i want to look into theirs, i must look down. the idea of me looking down on a man, or a man looking up at me, just goes against everything in my inner subbie universe. and then psychologically...usually the purpose for giving oral to someone, esp. in the vanilla world, is to please that other person. make them feel good. drive them crazy. all that kinda stuff. all my life, i have always hated hated HATED for anyone to do anything solely to please me, sexual or otherwise. i am not comfortable when it's all about me. what makes me content is knowing that whoever i'm with is pleased. so although it is different now that i'm a slave, and although i understand that my Master is not likely to ever do anything JUST to please me, mentally i can't forget the major purpose of giving oral sex. if you do not see how this relates to being submissive...well, as a natural submissive, i am most content when i am serving, pleasing, etc. so naturally, it is unsettling for me for someone to have the desire to serve and please me as i would them.

it's funny, when i was first getting into the D/s lifestyle, i thought i would finally come upon other women who could relate to my discomfort of and distaste for receiving oral sex...after all, i assumed it was only natural for a submissive to not desire to receive oral sex....yet to this day i have not met another. so maybe i am just the oddball.

 

[Kajira Callista]

well KC, we're two different breeds of submissives, so you may not understand. first there are the physical aspects...when having oral performed on you, the other person is usually below you, and if they look into your eyes, they must look up. meaning if i want to look into theirs, i must look down. the idea of me looking down on a man, or a man looking up at me, just goes against everything in my inner subbie universe. and then psychologically...usually the purpose for giving oral to someone, esp. in the vanilla world, is to please that other person. make them feel good. drive them crazy. all that kinda stuff. all my life, i have always hated hated HATED for anyone to do anything solely to please me, sexual or otherwise. i am not comfortable when it's all about me. what makes me content is knowing that whoever i'm with is pleased. so although it is different now that i'm a slave, and although i understand that my Master is not likely to ever do anything JUST to please me, mentally i can't forget the major purpose of giving oral sex. if you do not see how this relates to being submissive...well, as a natural submissive, i am most content when i am serving, pleasing, etc. so naturally, it is unsettling for me for someone to have the desire to serve and please me as i would them.

it's funny, when i was first getting into the D/s lifestyle, i thought i would finally come upon other women who could relate to my discomfort of and distaste for receiving oral sex...after all, i assumed it was only natural for a submissive to not desire to receive oral sex....yet to this day i have not met another. so maybe i am just the oddball.

what are the two breeds of submissive??...im at a loss there. I understand all else you are saying but one thing. If it is pleasureable to a Dominant for you to recieve pleasure, why is it a problem for it to be excepted?

 

[ownedsubgal]

what are the two breeds of submissive??...im at a loss there. I understand all else you are saying but one thing. If it is pleasureable to a Dominant for you to recieve pleasure, why is it a problem for it to be excepted?

first, i did not say there are two breeds of submissives. i was saying that you and i are two different breeds of submissives. we are coming from two very different places as far as our submissive natures go, but the same could be said for many of the submissives here. also i don't think you understand...you said, "if it's pleasureable for a Dominant for you to receive pleasure..." first, this could not apply to receiving oral sex in my case because i do not receive pleasure from it. it's not something that is ever going to feel pleasureable for me or arouse me, so it could not be used as a tool to either control my pleasure or stroke the Dom's ego by making me feel good. second, i have no issue with my Master wanting me to receive pleasure. what i have a problem with is someone's sole focus being to please me. them doing something ONLY because they wish to make me happy, or turn me on, or what have you. my Master would never do anything solely to please me because he is just not that kind of man...thank goodness! imo being solely focused, unselfishly, on the pleasure of another is a submissive character/personality trait, and i personally have no desire to be with another submissive. but again, i am uncomfortable with the act regardless of the intention. as to why, i can only say, i am just too submissive to enjoy it. can't explain it any better.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interestingly, there was a point in my life when as osg says, I did not derive pleasure from it and did not see it as being something I ever would..until someone made it clear it was my mindset which just by saying 'I will never enjoy this' alone, was causing a big part of the block. Though he was not a Dominant, he took offence at my denying him the right to derive his pleasure in this way, and set out to show me I could enjoy it if I removed the mental block I had constructed of my own free will because of my own perceptions and fears. It took time and only happened when I smugly felt secure in my knowledge things were not going to change, let down my guard as I lay back for another unsuccessful exercise in showing me why I had no reason or right to block his pleasure, and before I knew it I had lost my battle quite without warning. Was one of the most valueable lessons I learned in what was possible if the mind was not busy trying to keep up the walls, and how wrong I was to try and control another's pleasure by my own misconceptions about whether that pleasure was warranted and appropriate. Now I truely serve to please in whatever way they decide.

Catalina

 

[Caitlynne]

it's funny, when i was first getting into the D/s lifestyle, i thought i would finally come upon other women who could relate to my discomfort of and distaste for receiving oral sex...after all, i assumed it was only natural for a submissive to not desire to receive oral sex....yet to this day i have not met another. so maybe i am just the oddball.

*raises hand, must be another oddball too*

osg, you are not alone in this. I have exactly the same feelings and for much the same reasons. I makes me so uncomfortable to have it be about 'me'. I can get physically so uncomfortable that I get a stomach ache.

However it was pointed out to me, that if I looked at it as a 'difficult service' I might understand it better. Since it did not give me much pleasure because of the discomfort overriding it, it was NOT about me at all. It was more about Him than any other activity, precisely because I did NOT want it.

I suppose for subs like 'us' it becomes an act of submission more than anything else.

~ Cait

 

[Caitlynne]

....... and before I knew it I had lost my battle quite without warning. Was one of the most valueable lessons I learned in what was possible if the mind was not busy trying to keep up the walls, and how wrong I was to try and control another's pleasure by my own misconceptions about whether that pleasure was warranted and appropriate. Now I truely serve to please in whatever way they decide.

Catalina

This is beautifully put. Thank you.

~ Cait

 

[Kajira Callista]

This is beautifully put. Thank you.

~ Cait

I agree also, and overcoming that feeling and realizing its about Him is a difficult step in growing in your submission.
To me it seems that it makes him/her more dominant to be able to push you past your block and get on track with pleasing them. Allowing yourself to not enjoy because you dont feel its a submissive trait is IMHO holding back power that you agreed to exchange.
Are there any Dominants with an opinion on this, i would like to hear yours also.

Edited to add that im still not understanding what breeds of submissives are OSG, if you can i would like to hear your explaination.

 

[sigsauerprinces]

i dont like recieving oral either, although i dont view him giving it to me as submissive. i just...dont...like it. but i dont think any sex ual act is inherently submissive really. Even if he wanted to lay down in the tub and for me to piss on him-i could do that and still feel very submissive-because its what he wants. i tend tto see things as "Dom" when its something done even tho the person doesnt want it.

 

[NCShin]

I enjoy giving oral sex.

I like the taste of a pussy. I like the smell of it, the feel of it, the little wet sounds it makes.

I do not view giving oral sex to be submissive on either side.

I do however think that you can MAKE it submissive in your own mind if you want to.

On the pleasure end of oral, it isn't too hard of a stretch to see your partner as submissive. If you're laying down, she's likely kneeling in some form, bowing down to take you in, then repeating this over and over for your pleasure.

On the giving end of oral, it's not too hard to see it as submissive. I'd either be laying down in a fairly awkward position with my neck all cranked up. Maybe kneeling and beind down, bowing in much the same way a woman might do. Or maybe I'd be on my knees next to the bed with her legs draped over the edge.

I think there are ways you can make it submissive, but alone, I think it's pretty vanilla.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Is oral stimulation....

I don;t think being Dominant means that you don;t have to care about your subs pleasure... the point is that you want to control that pleasure... oral stimulation is actually a perfect way to control, to tease, to give and withhold, to reward and punish...

Hell, I'd give up any Dominant activities if it means I can never eat pussy again...


Wolf

Bingo! What he said.

 

[rosco rathbone]

it's funny, when i was first getting into the D/s lifestyle, i thought i would finally come upon other women who could relate to my discomfort of and distaste for receiving oral sex...after all, i assumed it was only natural for a submissive to not desire to receive oral sex....yet to this day i have not met another. so maybe i am just the oddball.

You aren't alone in this at all. Most of the women I am attracted to feel the same.

 

[s'lara]

All about how the giver/receiver feels about the act itself.

i personally don't see someone as being less of a Dominant person or unworthy of being Dominant if they perform oral sex. As has been stated, sometimes it isn't about how the act may be perceived, but rather what the Dominant wishes to do at that given time. This particular act isn't always about receipt of a gift of some sort ... to some, it's tortuous and unpleasurable to receive oral sex; to others, it is as simple as being allowed to come from oral manipulation as opposed to paddle induced orgasm.

i would be hard pressed to gauge a Dominant by whether they apply their lips and tongue to a genital area for the purpose of making someone orgasm -- the intent behind the act, besides the obvious sought after response, is what is important, i.e., the Dominant's will and desire are imposed upon the subject; it is inconsequential whether the recipient wants it or not.

As Dominance isn't entirely sexual (well, for some), i see this activity as a minor point in what constitutes a Dominant.

lara

 

[emme]

It is submissive for me to receive oral sex. My husband is completely focused on me, I am being driven out of control, total vulnerable and and the most initmate part of my body is exposed and he is getting a very up close study. For a long time I was too worried that I would taste or smell bad, or take to long to climax, so I could never enjoy it. Now I try to relax and know that if my husband didn't want to go down on me, he wouldn't be.

When I give, there is some ego of "Wow, I am doing this to him", but there is much more focusing on what I can do to make it even better for him.

I agree that oral sex can go either way, based on the motivation on the giver.

 

[ownedsubgal]

*raises hand, must be another oddball too*

osg, you are not alone in this. I have exactly the same feelings and for much the same reasons. I makes me so uncomfortable to have it be about 'me'. I can get physically so uncomfortable that I get a stomach ache.

However it was pointed out to me, that if I looked at it as a 'difficult service' I might understand it better. Since it did not give me much pleasure because of the discomfort overriding it, it was NOT about me at all. It was more about Him than any other activity, precisely because I did NOT want it.

I suppose for subs like 'us' it becomes an act of submission more than anything else.

~ Cait

hi Caitlynne

am so relieved i'm not the only one....and i agree with you that receiving oral sex for a sub like me could be a form of difficult service...with the Dominant's intention being to make me as uncomfortable and anxiety-ridden as possible, whether as punishment or simply for his own sadistic delight.

 

[wantasexmuse]

it is very effective to take someone to the point of climax, then tease and refrain, keeping them there but not letting them over the edge or down. Then you can make someone feel very submissive. I have been on the giving and receiving end there. She could make me willing to do anything for her just tobarely touch me

 

[ownedsubgal]

I agree also, and overcoming that feeling and realizing its about Him is a difficult step in growing in your submission.
To me it seems that it makes him/her more dominant to be able to push you past your block and get on track with pleasing them. Allowing yourself to not enjoy because you dont feel its a submissive trait is IMHO holding back power that you agreed to exchange.
Are there any Dominants with an opinion on this, i would like to hear yours also.

Edited to add that im still not understanding what breeds of submissives are OSG, if you can i would like to hear your explaination.

i do not deny my Master anything by not enjoying receiving oral sex...it is not an activity he desires more than every once in a great while, and when he does it has nothing whatever to do with wanting to arouse a woman, he simply just wants the experience, the taste and feel. as Catalina stated, the man who helped her thru her "block" so to speak was not a Dominant. His desires were not that of a Dominant. and i cannot say where Catalina's own problems with receiving oral stemmed from...for myself, it is how i have always felt, long before i ever knew that i was submissive. and i have always been a very sexually open-minded person, so before experiencing it, i had no issue with receiving oral sex. but when it finally did happen to me...everything in me was screaming...this...is...NOT...right. i liken it to my exploration of bisexuality in my college days...touching another female, being touched by another female...is just not natural for me. it's not who i am...is directly opposed to who i am. trying to jam a square peg in a round hole. that is how it is for me to receive oral sex. just the natural order of things in my world going completely upside down.


KC....by "breeds of submissives", i simply meant that we are different in our submission. we are not the same type of submissive. so, you may often not understand how i could feel a certain way about a particular thing, and i may often not understand how you could feel about a particular thing. because our submissive natures are not the same.