Is there any hope for my problem?

[Forlorn Hope]

Sorry if I am posting this in the wrong forum but I am just at the end of my rope with my little problem.

I am not sure how testosterone (if that is the problem) or stress (or both?) affect a guy's sex life but as of late I have been masturbating a lot. The only reason this is my conclusion is because I am one of those guys that have not been acknowledged by women and am therefore left to conclude that I am not worth their time.

I usually use pictures of beautiful women or thoughts of local beautiful women to achieve orgasm and I think that has left my mind a bit sharp to beautiful women and am afraid that if I were to let myself fall in actual love as opposed to the "stress/depression/testosterone over-production"-induced self-love frenzy (it seems that bad to me but it is probably a normal thing, then again my right arm and wrist are not exactly in the best of conditions...) that I might get an erection when dancing with them or just being around them. I know I am probably a sad individual and I have only myself to blame for this but I am not asking for your judgment because you should know that you yourselves are not perfect.

Depression has taken a toll on my hair (I lose a lot of hair but I think it grows back enough to compensate for the loss) and on my confidence.

I have obviously never had a girlfriend and because of my aforementioned problem I more-than-likely will never have one.

My right arm is rather weak when relaxed and probably not as strong as it should be when tightened. My right wrist pops a lot when I move it to the sides by holding it with my left hand and kinda twisting it to the right and when I move it left and right without my left hand it kinda pops, sometimes lightly sometimes noticably loud. The muscles under the thumb are kinda sore a lot and there is noticeable tightness on my wrist.

Sigh, if you can help me out I would be very appreciative. If you just read this and have nothing to add to this thread other than derogatory comments that will somehow lower my self-esteem then please just get your kicks elsewhere, I have it bad enough "knowing" that I will never find true love and I am not selfish enough to kill myself.

 

[tisluvbull]

What exactly is your question?

 

[Forlorn Hope]

I am asking for advice from people that might see what is going on with me and could direct me to the proper medical help.

I don't know what is wrong with me that I get so easily aroused, I want to be able to control my erections and not insult a girl on a date by having her think that all I want is sex becasue of something else that might be causing me to give her that impression (stress, testosterone over-production, or depression).

I am pretty sure that I have CTS and seek an easier solution than CTR; will a daily amount of BenGay help at all? I think that my wrist and arm problem seems abnormal but am not in any position to make that call for sure.

 

[SweetErika]

I have to say I'm still a little confused, but it seems you have a few main issues:
1) Do you think your wrist/hand problems are from masturbating too much? If so, give it a rest, or go with the other hand or a sex toy. Look up wrist, hand, carpal tunnel exercises, and do them. If none of that helps, consult a specialist or seek physical therapy.

2) You have erection anxiety. Most semi-mature women understand that guys get erections from arousal and spontaneously. If you're dancing or close enough for a woman to feel it, she'll likely take it as a compliment. After many years, I'm still delighted when my husband gets hard from being close, seeing me semi-naked, or making out. 99.9% of men are just as easily aroused as you are, so this really isn't a problem or something you can control. If a woman is offended by your erection, you probably don't want to be with her anyway. If you're going to be close to women, you might want to consider masturbating before you go out, as it should cut down on the arousal and urgency a tiny bit.

3) You've mentioned depression and stress. Only you and a medical professional can decide how severe it is and how to treat it, but you should talk to a therapist, doctor, or psychiatrist if it's a concern to see if you need therapy and meds. If you do end up on an antidepressant, chances are you'll have some sexual side effects (e.g. less libido and/or problems achieving/maintaining erection).

4) You have low self esteem and lack confidence. This is probably your biggest problem in not getting women. We like confidence, not Nervous Nellies. You can gain confidence by getting counseling, reading up on improving it, and practicing self esteem exercises. There's even a Self Esteem thread in the HT Cafe that has some really great tips and resources.

 

[phoenix1224]

I'd have to say that it is NOT stress that is making you overly horny... Stress usually has the opposite effect on men... Making it very difficult to acheive an erection.

But it DOES sound like you are quite depressed... Which CAN cause an increase in sex drive... Especially if you haven't had sex in a while... If you ARE depressed, there's no shame in seeking professional help for it... But, I would suggest that if the doctor wants to put you on medication, you disscuss the possible side effects before hand... Because, like Erika said, many anti-depressants can cause impotance... I would suggest that you discuss going on Wellbutrin (it's the only one that I've heard of that does't seem to do that) if you're doctor deems it necessary.

As far as your self-esttem and confidence level... To take a page out of the twelve-steppers' manual... "Fake it 'til you make it".

I used to have the same problem... Low self-esteem and a lack of confidence... Women wouldn't give me the time of day... I was miserable.

But, one day, a friend of mine suggested that I 'fake it'... Walk into a room like I owned the place... Walking tall... Shoulders back... Head held high... Make eye contact... Smile occasionally (when appropriate, of course... )... You'd be surprised at how much you probably slouch.

I took his advice, and you know what? People began to respond to me differently... Especially women... Hell, THEY began to approach ME... And the more often I was approached by attractive women, the more REAL confidence I began to build.

Hope I've helped.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

What a loser.

 

[Bluewolfcry]

What a loser.

What a troll.

 

[Ezzy]

A) Seek medical help!
Have a talk with your doctor and get him to run some blood work, to really find out where your hormone levels are!

B) You have low self-esteem, but you are worried about getting erections when dancing with them or being around them?
If you are getting close enough to women to dance with them you are closer than most men get, except for when making love!

Regain some self control by jacking off before you go dancing, and if you start to feel an erection coming on while you are dancing, excuse your self and go give your self some relief in the restroom, wash your hands then go back and dance with her again.


C) Seek medical help!
Depression is a serious illness, treat it as such and speak to your doctor about it. Good psychiatric care is a must in this day and age.

D) Seek medical help!
The hair lose clinics that advertise on the TV may help out; you may also have MPB (Male Pattern Baldness) that has a strong genetic component and is also related to testosterone levels.
If you follow advice A) you will know about your hormone levels and can work out from family pictures if your family is prone to baldness.

E) Seek medical help!
Surrogate sex partners can be obtained at the discretion of your Doctor, so you may find your health insurance will cover a few sessions with a professional, baring for that, you say you can find dance partners and can get close to women, perhaps all you lack is the energy to actually ask one for a date!

F) Seek medical help!
If your wrist hurts, talk to your doctor about it and take his advice, if he recommends physiotherapy go take the instruction, if he recommend seeing an orthopedic surgeon do that. Whatever else you do, take his advice.

G) We find true love in the strangest places and I "know" that is the truth as I have found it myself, and if I can find it then anyone can find it.

H) Seek medical help!
If you don't know where a doctor is, try the yellow pages for the area you live in. Or you local library often has a list of local doctors, or ask some friends or family if they would recommend their own doctor.

I) Seek medical help!
You are not trained as a doctor so knowing what is wrong with you is more difficult than most people can handle, seek the advice of a professional!

J) See I) above!

 

[tisluvbull]

What a loser.

The invasion has begun! ^^

 

[Joe21m]

These are not the root problems; they are expression of the symptoms of something larger, and often over-arching.

Depression is not a cause, it is an effect. Anxiety and sexual frustration are not causes, they are expressions of the cause. Lack of self-esteem and the ole strike-outs with women are...well, you get the point.

I recommend seeking councilling.

You are not trained as a doctor so knowing what is wrong with you is more difficult than most people can handle, seek the advice of a professional!

Ezzy said it best. This is not a path you should be taking alone.

Goodluck.

 

[fntguy]

Pray.

 

[lisasmurf]

A) Seek medical help!
Have a talk with your doctor and get him to run some blood work, to really find out where your hormone levels are!

B) You have low self-esteem, but you are worried about getting erections when dancing with them or being around them?
If you are getting close enough to women to dance with them you are closer than most men get, except for when making love!

Regain some self control by jacking off before you go dancing, and if you start to feel an erection coming on while you are dancing, excuse your self and go give your self some relief in the restroom, wash your hands then go back and dance with her again.


C) Seek medical help!
Depression is a serious illness, treat it as such and speak to your doctor about it. Good psychiatric care is a must in this day and age.

D) Seek medical help!
The hair lose clinics that advertise on the TV may help out; you may also have MPB (Male Pattern Baldness) that has a strong genetic component and is also related to testosterone levels.
If you follow advice A) you will know about your hormone levels and can work out from family pictures if your family is prone to baldness.

E) Seek medical help!
Surrogate sex partners can be obtained at the discretion of your Doctor, so you may find your health insurance will cover a few sessions with a professional, baring for that, you say you can find dance partners and can get close to women, perhaps all you lack is the energy to actually ask one for a date!

F) Seek medical help!
If your wrist hurts, talk to your doctor about it and take his advice, if he recommends physiotherapy go take the instruction, if he recommend seeing an orthopedic surgeon do that. Whatever else you do, take his advice.

G) We find true love in the strangest places and I "know" that is the truth as I have found it myself, and if I can find it then anyone can find it.

H) Seek medical help!
If you don't know where a doctor is, try the yellow pages for the area you live in. Or you local library often has a list of local doctors, or ask some friends or family if they would recommend their own doctor.

I) Seek medical help!
You are not trained as a doctor so knowing what is wrong with you is more difficult than most people can handle, seek the advice of a professional!

J) See I) above!

your so right there are free clinic's if your need one