Just lonely and in a sexless marriage

[KeenVoyeur]

Im a fully paid up member of the sexless marriage club. Its frustrating as all hell. I understand why she doesn't want sex, we have talked about it. But that doesn't help me. So I guess ive just got to live with porn and masturbation.

Ive come here to chat to ladies who are in the same boat. But theres like 10 guys to every woman so theres virtually no chance of that happening!!!

Unfortunately there is a shortage of female presence on Lit (as probably on all adult sites) but most of them are very nice people who will chat with (almost) anyone - just don't expect them to meet you in a dodgy motel any time soon!
Some of us "straight" guys are open to the possibility of meeting another guy just for some mutual fun so you might want to consider that option - I didn't think I would have got to that point but now, if it was to happen, I'm more than happy to ...

I feel very unwanted and yet men and women come on to me daily. I don't understand it. It's painful and lonely.

Why wouldn't you want men and women to come on to you? If you're getting noticed by them and not your husband, maybe you should take the plunge? Or is that too clinical? Just enjoy the moment and perhaps ease some of your pain and loneliness.

 

[AussieGeek]

I'm in a poly situation, so you'd think I had it on tap, wouldn't you? Nope! My wife is interested, but her personal hygiene has deteriorated over the years (mostly due to many health-related issues) and I cannot get past that hurdle. We've discussed it, and she knows that it's an important factor for me, but nothing has changed. So I don't have sex with her. We still laugh and interact in a positive fashion, but nothing intimate. And our 3rd is virtually asexual, so even if I let it be known that I'm keen, it is rarely acted on. She never initiates intimacy.
In the meantime, I do almost all of the housework, all of the yard work, take care of bills, take care of the family, etc. They both express how much they appreciate me and my efforts, and they both still address me as "Daddy" (D/s kink was the original cornerstone of our poly arrangement), but my sexual needs are not being met.

 

[T_2K_59]

Yep roommates is a great description....

That is what my wife tells me that we are. I try (often) to initiate sex, giving her oral, or even just touching her, but she shuts me down every time. It's frustrating, but at least I have this and other sites as an outlet for what I'm not geting at home.

 

[Bulldog88]

I'm right there too, I feel the pain

 

[Jonnymc]

Step one get rid of any skin Care lotion in the house, I mean all of it, say you don't like the smell it give you a headache,,,,,,,, this will be a big argument but instead of the lotion get body wash with skin care lotion as a combination,
Step two get rid of all batteries for any type of toys or massager.
Step 3 see what happens when she don't get any from herself she will want you

 

[Njexecutive973]

Same life and almost the same wife! haha

Regrettably I too share the same situation.

 

[OralAllOver]

I have been married a long time. I get that people can grow apart. It certainly has happened in my marriage. My wife has no interest in sex or intimacy. It has been over a year. I get that, in that I am certainly not the man I was in my 20's. In 30 or so years we all change.

But I have needs that shee seems to not care about. We talk about it, and she gets it, but she never wants to address it physically, or in any manner that would make me feel like her husband or even a man. I am not sure what to do.

My life now is all masturbation in terms of intimacy. I still have a strong libido. What I do not still have is my 30 year old self. I feel that if you are in love at 30 you can also be in love at 50 or older, but you cannot expect that 30 year old man and body you were into........we grow older, and our love should too.

So I am lonely and depressed. I have to get myself off, but it is getting harder to do as i am not only feeling bitter, but really abnormal and guilty. Online pictures, videos, and stories have become my intimate life. Maybe I need to give into that.....I don't know. But I am looking for anything that would help.

Thanks!

Ask not how others can satisfy you,
But how you can satisfy others


Make a list of wife's friends, neighbors and others she interacts with regularly

Oldest first, youngest at end of list

 

[Series 6]

It is so sad when we lose the intimacy from our marriages.

 

[babyface23]

See this right here is what ticks me off ! When one denies their partner sexually yet dares them to even think about getting it with another ! It’s so selfish !

Get this one. Married a long time. Wife and I have had sex once in last 20+ months. (She came three times. I didn’t at all.)

Not only would she lose it if I was with someone else, she believes masturbation is cheating.

Seriously

 

[babyface23]

It can be done . I’ve done it .

I agree with this. But you have to choose very carefully.

 

[Series 6]

she believes masturbation is cheating.

Seriously

That is just awful. That is a bit narrow minded.

 

[babyface23]

There’s very few as narrow minded about sex.

 

[Series 6]

There’s very few as narrow minded about sex.

My ex wife was narrow minded about sex. Our lack of intimacy became the springboard for other issues that eventually caused us to divorce

 

[babyface23]

My ex wife was narrow minded about sex. Our lack of intimacy became the springboard for other issues that eventually caused us to divorce

Sorry to hear that

 

[Series 6]

Sorry to hear that

Thanks. Divorce was the most difficult and painful thing I have gone through in my life, but I ultimately realize it was the best thing for us as a couple. Unfortunately I have basically been single for the past 13 years. I'd love to find a fun companion/partner but dating at this age is so very difficult.

 

[RozayTrell]

Sheesh I didn’t know it could get that bad going through a marriage without the sex

 

[Series 6]

Sheesh I didn’t know it could get that bad going through a marriage without the sex

I think a lot of us go into marriage very naive and not really understanding what we are getting into. Sometimes we make assumptions about sexual compatibility going into marriage, only to find out we were wrong. That lack of sexual compatibility takes a toll as time goes on.

 

[RozayTrell]

I think a lot of us go into marriage very naive and not really understanding what we are getting into. Sometimes we make assumptions about sexual compatibility going into marriage, only to find out we were wrong. That lack of sexual compatibility takes a toll as time goes on.

Heard I’m still in my 20s so just hearing and seeing that I feel for the ladies and fellas going through that

 

[Live4themoments]

It can be done . I’ve done it .

It can be done. May take some patience where both discuss where each stands on their current relationship and what they expect in this one. If both correlates then it might be fine, if someone has a different idea then for me a warning. Sex to help each other physically is good as long as love doesn't pop up. It has for me and luckily it worked out.

 

[Series 6]

Heard I’m still in my 20s so just hearing and seeing that I feel for the ladies and fellas going through that

I don't know if you are married now. If you get married, I encourage you to meet with a relationship coach for ore-marital counseling. It can help initiate conversations to make sure that you are both truly compatible. When you are newly in love, there are a lot of things you don't realize you need to be prepared for.

 

[RozayTrell]

I don't know if you are married now. If you get married, I encourage you to meet with a relationship coach for ore-marital counseling. It can help initiate conversations to make sure that you are both truly compatible. When you are newly in love, there are a lot of things you don't realize you need to be prepared for.

Heard and I’m newly single

 

[Live4themoments]

That could get pretty interesting lol

Many years ago on a different chat site someone arranged a room get together (in Vegas). It was a particular room where we used to hang out in so maybe 20-25 of us were familiar with each other many months/years. I and about 14/15 others met just to put a live face behind the screen name. Nothing sexual was planned, just friends meeting for the first time Overall it went well, some at first were shy, others the opposite. After a few hours the group split up into 2, one going to a night club, the other to see a comedy show. Not sure if anyone hooked up that weekend, I didn't really have it on my agenda. Many of us remained friends throughout the months/years after that. It was a fun weekend for me.

 

[zysmith]

The last time I had sex was in July of 2001.

I've mentioned in a similar thread it's been 12/13 years for me. There have been periods of chat sessions with a woman that were excellent, until she found her forever partner and that ended. Had a couple of short conversations here and am always open to some sexy chat.

 

[lustylikes]

I have been married a long time. I get that people can grow apart. It certainly has happened in my marriage. My wife has no interest in sex or intimacy. It has been over a year. I get that, in that I am certainly not the man I was in my 20's. In 30 or so years we all change.

But I have needs that shee seems to not care about. We talk about it, and she gets it, but she never wants to address it physically, or in any manner that would make me feel like her husband or even a man. I am not sure what to do.

My life now is all masturbation in terms of intimacy. I still have a strong libido. What I do not still have is my 30 year old self. I feel that if you are in love at 30 you can also be in love at 50 or older, but you cannot expect that 30 year old man and body you were into........we grow older, and our love should too.

So I am lonely and depressed. I have to get myself off, but it is getting harder to do as i am not only feeling bitter, but really abnormal and guilty. Online pictures, videos, and stories have become my intimate life. Maybe I need to give into that.....I don't know. But I am looking for anything that would help.

Thanks!

Well you're here and I relate. Hard meeting people, everyone in a shell seems. What are ya lookin for. I was in sexless relationship with wife long time and got to some pretty wild changes in desires. Sensuality is important , connection on sensual intimacy is strong contributor to committing to touch. After that lust have at it.

 

[curioustxn]

I have been married a long time. I get that people can grow apart. It certainly has happened in my marriage. My wife has no interest in sex or intimacy. It has been over a year. I get that, in that I am certainly not the man I was in my 20's. In 30 or so years we all change.

But I have needs that shee seems to not care about. We talk about it, and she gets it, but she never wants to address it physically, or in any manner that would make me feel like her husband or even a man. I am not sure what to do.

My life now is all masturbation in terms of intimacy. I still have a strong libido. What I do not still have is my 30 year old self. I feel that if you are in love at 30 you can also be in love at 50 or older, but you cannot expect that 30 year old man and body you were into........we grow older, and our love should too.

So I am lonely and depressed. I have to get myself off, but it is getting harder to do as i am not only feeling bitter, but really abnormal and guilty. Online pictures, videos, and stories have become my intimate life. Maybe I need to give into that.....I don't know. But I am looking for anything that would help.

Thanks!

I suspect that your wife is just as lonely and depressed as you are. Both of you have changed over the years!!!!

I suspect that both of you need a change. Talk to her, not about sex, but what you and she can do to bring some happiness and excitment back into your humdrum marriage. Leave sex out of the conversation!!!!

Consider:

Perhaps a change in lifestyle.

Don't put limits on ideas, and listen to her feelings.

You both have changed, get to know each other again.

When you bring bring fun and excitement back into your marriage/relationship, intimacy will follow. It always does.