Ladies: Serious Question for Girlfriends/Wives

[Scrubber]

Maybe you should start a separate thread on the submissive/dominant question.

For myself I would find a completely submissive man a total turn off. A combination of a man who is very attentive to my needs but who will hold me down if necessary is a killer one for me.

 

[NightL]

I am very well built and have a big dick, so I really won’t have a problem dating

?

good on ya

 

[CutieMouse]

So as to my general question, As a woman, is a submissive man in the bedroom more of a turn-on or off? Generally, do women like to submit in the bedroom, be more dominant or a comination of both? Is it like 50/50, or are the women who like the man to submit more of a rarity?

Women who enjoy power exchange from the Top/Dominant perspective, who are into you *as an individual* (knowing you are into her *as an individual*), will be happy/turned on. Women who aren't into things from that perspective, won't.

 

[Lord Pmann]

This thread seemed kind of douchie at first. But it seemed to get better. But I will still keep in some douchie elements, to make my douche cred legit. Now I'm no girl and I haven't been since the early days of being a fetus. But I'm always willing to help out a big dicked brother with some advice. *fist bump*

First, I have to address this... Why do you think that having a big dick helps you get dates? As you can see from my pictures, my dick is roughly the size of Andre the Giant's Leg. But that never helped me get dates. It's my winning personality that worked in my favour, not my baby (elephant) arm. If anything, having a big dick helps you fuck. Not date. Unless you have some unknown ability to ask a girl out and throw that into the conversation. I can hear it now... "You are really pretty and I, along with my massive, veiny bang stick, would like to meet you for coffee or perhaps high tea come tomorrow. Is it a date?" *Fo' shizzle*

Second, I'm not a girl (still), but I think your approach to this is ALL wrong. If I had this desire or some other kind of "weird" desire (and I don't- mine are all perfectly normal and legit), I wouldn't take this approach. You just heard many of the women on here (a sex site, where women are generally more open about this type of thing) say that this is not their thing. So, I have a feeling that springing it on the girl before you've really gotten to know her well would scare her off like a letter from Charles Manson. The odds that this is her thing right off the bat are tinier than Josh123's cock. *pumps fist in the air*

You don't strike me as the type who is really into waiting forever before you're trying to nibble at the bits of a girl. (This is solely based on the big dick comment, but I'll bet my left nut I'm correct) So imagine things getting hot and heavy and you have to stop and say, "I've got this lock and chain on my glockenklang (<----- that's what the athletic one calls his member)." That would likely freak her out. *can I get a 'what what'*

I think a girl would be more receptive to it if you developed it with her, rather than just doing it without her permission or knowledge. It seems to me that you would be sort of expecting sex from her and I just don't see that going over so well. I think something like this takes time to develop. I don't think it is just going to work perfectly for you that first time. I think it is something you will have to develop over time with a person. And, for me, I would have to trust that person a lot. But that's just me. Sometimes I'm a weeping vagina. *don't hate muthafuckas*

I hope that helps. You seem to be taking the advice pretty well, which is not what I expected after the first post. Good luck on your caged tidbits. *peace out yo*

 

[luvnmyboys]

I would first decide what is more important to you right now - a relationship or this fantasy. I think the odds of finding a woman who wants to be dominant 100% of the time is pretty low. If the fantasy is what is important to you, I would look on a dating site that encourages kink which may improve your odds. I like control on occasion but I wouldn't want a man who wanted to be submissive all the time.

 

[fire_breeze]

So as to my general question, As a woman, is a submissive man in the bedroom more of a turn-on or off? Generally, do women like to submit in the bedroom, be more dominant or a comination of both? Is it like 50/50, or are the women who like the man to submit more of a rarity?

That's like asking if all men likes hockey. Some do, some don't. Some thinks all sports are stupid, and some just won't care.

Whether or not a woman likes to be dominant in the bedroom or not depends solely on the woman. Some women find it exciting as hell, some women find it repellant, others will do so on occasion, and some just don't care.

Your best bet, to echo many wise posters, is to get to know the lady that you're interested in as an individual and then go from there. Kink-positive websites and munches are a good place to start to meeting and getting to know people as, you know, people as opposed to faceless beings who can fulfill your fantasy stored in your spank bank.

Also, get to know Dommes, Doms (yes, both male and females; it doesn't mean that you'll bend over and be some guy's sissy bitch, unless that's your thing) as well as subs and develop a genuine friendship with a few of them. Why? Simple. You'll get to know your fellow kinksters as individuals plus be able to talk about your fantasies with those who understand them and can help to guide you if you have any questions.

Good luck.

 

[AthleticOne]

This thread seemed kind of douchie at first. But it seemed to get better. But I will still keep in some douchie elements, to make my douche cred legit. Now I'm no girl and I haven't been since the early days of being a fetus. But I'm always willing to help out a big dicked brother with some advice. *fist bump*

First, I have to address this... Why do you think that having a big dick helps you get dates? As you can see from my pictures, my dick is roughly the size of Andre the Giant's Leg. But that never helped me get dates. It's my winning personality that worked in my favour, not my baby (elephant) arm. If anything, having a big dick helps you fuck. Not date. Unless you have some unknown ability to ask a girl out and throw that into the conversation. I can hear it now... "You are really pretty and I, along with my massive, veiny bang stick, would like to meet you for coffee or perhaps high tea come tomorrow. Is it a date?" *Fo' shizzle*

Lol... Just to clarify, I did not mean to say that having a big dick would get me a date. My point was that I do have enough positive pysical attriubutes to attract a girl. Of course, physical attraction is usually what gets someone's initial attention. If you don't have a personality, then it doesn't matter what you look like (unless of course it's just a booty call). I shouldn't even have mentioned my glockenklang .. since this is a "sex" site, and being my first post ever, I thought I would include that..which obviously was a very bad decision...lol

Second, I'm not a girl (still), but I think your approach to this is ALL wrong. If I had this desire or some other kind of "weird" desire (and I don't- mine are all perfectly normal and legit), I wouldn't take this approach. You just heard many of the women on here (a sex site, where women are generally more open about this type of thing) say that this is not their thing. So, I have a feeling that springing it on the girl before you've really gotten to know her well would scare her off like a letter from Charles Manson. The odds that this is her thing right off the bat are tinier than Josh123's cock. *pumps fist in the air*

I actually agree. BTW, I heard Charlie was quite the ladie's man. After reading this paragraph I forgot all about my fantasy and been overcome with pity for Josh123.

You don't strike me as the type who is really into waiting forever before you're trying to nibble at the bits of a girl. (This is solely based on the big dick comment, but I'll bet my left nut I'm correct) So imagine things getting hot and heavy and you have to stop and say, "I've got this lock and chain on my glockenklang (<----- that's what the athletic one calls his member)." That would likely freak her out. *can I get a 'what what'*

I think a girl would be more receptive to it if you developed it with her, rather than just doing it without her permission or knowledge. It seems to me that you would be sort of expecting sex from her and I just don't see that going over so well. I think something like this takes time to develop. I don't think it is just going to work perfectly for you that first time. I think it is something you will have to develop over time with a person. And, for me, I would have to trust that person a lot. But that's just me. Sometimes I'm a weeping vagina. *don't hate muthafuckas*

I agree, in an attempt to shorten my already lengthy first post (which I thought was so long no one would ever read it), I think I wasn't clear that I want to get to know the person, actually have a long-term relationship, maybe even marriage. I was just trying to get to the point. BTW, I think one of the cucks on here would love to wipe the tears from your vagina.

 

[AthleticOne]

That's like asking if all men likes hockey. Some do, some don't. Some thinks all sports are stupid, and some just won't care.

Whether or not a woman likes to be dominant in the bedroom or not depends solely on the woman. Some women find it exciting as hell, some women find it repellant, others will do so on occasion, and some just don't care.

Intellectually this seems to be common sense. I’m just trying to get a real feel for the women’s thoughts. This board has been extremely helpful. It’s becoming obvious that (at least the girls on here) are generally “normal”, with a willingness to try both sides of the coin. Which means that for someone to want this as a permanent lifestyle would be very rare and odd.

 

[Domesticity]

So as to my general question, As a woman, is a submissive man in the bedroom more of a turn-on or off? Generally, do women like to submit in the bedroom, be more dominant or a comination of both? Is it like 50/50, or are the women who like the man to submit more of a rarity?

Your answers will vary wildly.

Personally, I am a very dominant personality if there's no one to step up and take the dominant role. I am strong in every day life. In the bedroom I like to allow someone to take over. I'm not lazy, I just sometimes get tired of always being in control.

A submissive man actually turns me off. I like a total alpha. Not a macho, or violent guy who's going to kick my ass, just someone who can get me to roll over and show him my tummy (lame, I know)

I know a ton of women who fucking love submissive men, though. Good luck in your search.

 

[bailadora]

Intellectually this seems to be common sense. I’m just trying to get a real feel for the women’s thoughts. This board has been extremely helpful. It’s becoming obvious that (at least the girls on here) are generally “normal”, with a willingness to try both sides of the coin. Which means that for someone to want this as a permanent lifestyle would be very rare and odd.

It's not as rare as you'd think. There are women out there who prefer to be the ones calling the shots within their relationships - sexual or otherwise. You just have to know where to go to find like minded people. The aforementioned munches and sex positive websites are excellent starting points.

That said, take some time to reevaluate your communication style because despite protests to the contrary, you're still coming across as someone more interested in a fetish/fantasy delivery system rather than people as individuals. Since it's been mentioned several times already, you should probably give some thought as to why this particular criticism keeps coming up and what you can do to prevent it in the future.

I shouldn't even have mentioned my glockenklang .. since this is a "sex" site, and being my first post ever, I thought I would include that..which obviously was a very bad decision...lol

When posting on a new forum, I've always found it helpful to lurk for awhile before posting a question. It gives me the opportunity to study the dynamics, to get a feel for the culture/style of the board and to get a better sense of the do's and taboos. I also take the time to read any threads that might have been stickied to the top of the forum. They tend to be there for a good reason. It's not a fool proof plan, but I've found I'm much less likely to put a foot wrong when I stick to those guidelines.

In short, while Ht'ers tend to be sexually open minded, we're not all about the sex.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I've got to say, the Athletic One seems to take advice well and actually reads what people post, as opposed to posting a question, knowing the answer you want and then getting pissed when you don't get the preferred answer.

Good on you, man. And you've seemed to get some really good advice here too.

 

[Scrubber]

^ I agree. And he's taken some fairly pithy comments in good humour.

 

[Emerson40]

I agree. After reading the first post I was prepared to suggest he take his cock cage to a "professional", as he seemed more interested in satisfying the fantasy than finding an ideal partner or putting in the spade work.

As the title was asking for input from the fairer sex, I refrained from comment. At least until I saw what the thread evolved into.

Receiving advice graciously is one thing. Considering the info and taking a different course of action is another thing altogether.

AthleticOne, has anything you read here helped or altered your thinking from your original posting? If so, how? You have received some honest and blunt replies to your initial post.

In particular, I guess I am wondering what your thoughts are on women (in general) now, and what part they play in your fantasy fulfillment, and what new approach, if any, you have about experiencing your fantasy.

 

[fire_breeze]

Intellectually this seems to be common sense. I’m just trying to get a real feel for the women’s thoughts. This board has been extremely helpful. It’s becoming obvious that (at least the girls on here) are generally “normal”, with a willingness to try both sides of the coin. Which means that for someone to want this as a permanent lifestyle would be very rare and odd.

And emotionally, this makes sense as well. The only way you can get a feel for any particular group's thoughts is to accept that there's no such thing as a typical 'woman's' thought or 'man's' thought or *insert your group here*'s thought.

This is a serious pet peeve of mine, to be honest, when people try to paint the opposite gender with a wide, single brush. Each and every woman is an individual, coming from such a wide variety of background and experience, that it's not fair to say, "well, on this particular thread, 68% of women don't like calling the shots". The truth is, as Baila said, some do like calling the shots - it's not uncommon.

Some women would want a submissive as a permanent lifestyle. Some don't. Some are okay with it being restricted in the bedroom only, some would want to exercise control in all areas of a sub's life. It depends on the persons involved and the situation involved.

 

[MsQuote]

I think there's usually one person who's more submissive and one person who's more dominant in every relationship. Personally, I prefer a man who's more dominant, or at least more aggressive or takes more control ... and not necessarily as a Dominant in a BDSM way.

As far as your scenario goes, I would wait until you get to know someone and you're rather comfortable as a couple. It wouldn't be the first fantasy scenario I'd want to hear from a man.

 

[AthleticOne]

I've got to say, the Athletic One seems to take advice well and actually reads what people post, as opposed to posting a question, knowing the answer you want and then getting pissed when you don't get the preferred answer.

Good on you, man. And you've seemed to get some really good advice here too.

Thank you.

 

[AthleticOne]

AthleticOne, has anything you read here helped or altered your thinking from your original posting? If so, how? You have received some honest and blunt replies to your initial post.

Almost everything I've read here has been helpful in some way. My goal was to get all different points of view on the kinky thoughts I have wandering around in my head. It has definitely altered my original thinking and approach and helped refine my thoughts to make them more practical.

In particular, I guess I am wondering what your thoughts are on women (in general) now, and what part they play in your fantasy fulfillment, and what new approach, if any, you have about experiencing your fantasy.

Now this question is difficult to answer. My thoughts on women (or anyone's thoughts for that matter), could take up volumes on the bookshelf. But I'll take a brief shot at it.

First, I have to say this is probably going to sound really corny. I think women are God's GREATEST creation, truly. I am really old fashion in a lot of areas. I am a romantic (when I'm not entertaining the kinkfest in my head..lol). I want to love and cherish a woman (open the door to the car for her, etc), spoil her and treat her like a princess. Despite how my initial post came off, I want to be the MAN outside of the bedroom. Provide for her, protect her, be her hero. I guess that's why I have become so submissive in the bedroom. I want to take my time with her and pay attention to every detail, completely satisfy her.
I know these thoughts of submission in my head are a contradiction. I’m trying to understand them. In the past, during the process of fulfilling her and focusing on her, I have become extremely turned on by her dominating me. The thought of her being completely fulfilled and then denying me are pure ecstasy! I am more than happy to dominate in the bedroom if that turns her on. The more I think about it, I think this fantasy has to do with me as a man being more visual and getting such pleasure out of watching her and hearing the sexy words come out of her mouth. Overall, I think the greatest turn on is having the desire to fulfill her.
As far as my approach, when I meet the right woman, I am just going to court her as I normally would. I will be a man and be dominant in some areas and just incorporate submission into certain areas. As our relationship evolves and we start to get a little more kinky in the bedroom, I’ll slowly introduce her to bits and pieces of my fantasy.