Lesbian gang bang

[Colleen Thomas]

I kind of wondered about the logistical side of that. Having the minimum of just four characters for this sort of thing seems like it would be as hard for the reader to keep track of as the writer. I could well imagine the exposition would have to be a whole lot longer and more detailed than most erotica just to make character distinctions apparent.

Anyone have any ideas on how to get around this or has anyone already written a story that had an effective way to keep the characters seperate without disrupting flow too badly?

My story Watkins general, has a lesbian foursome in it. The scope is more three pleasing one and I worked pretty extensively on the build up, so the charactrs are well developed enough you tend to have a feel for who is who and who is doing what.

My advice woul dbe a detailed plot and back story, so that you have time to develop your characters and include some history. This gives the descriptive options more opening. For example, the med student, the ex circus star, etc. as well as physical descriptives.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I'd like to steer clear of the cliche demure virgin thing.

Okay so maybe write it from first person or third person limited from the point of view of the "alpha" sorority sister, who has a long time crush on the new pledge. Away from the pledge's ears the sisters use each others normal names (way fewer logistical problems to use names when people are just talking), but in the pressence of the pledge they use the colors.

The colors could even transcend the toys to the girls predominantly wearing clothes that color and during the gang bang maybe even wearing feathered masks matching the color of their toys.

This is starting to come together.

For me, the third person omniscient should be considered. From the omniscient you can flip between characters minds as they become the center of attention and you have the option of longer, fuller, descriptive passages to keep the reader straight on where everyone is and what they are doing.

 

[Frimost]

Okay so maybe write it from first person or third person limited from the point of view of the "alpha" sorority sister, who has a long time crush on the new pledge. Away from the pledge's ears the sisters use each others normal names (way fewer logistical problems to use names when people are just talking), but in the pressence of the pledge they use the colors.

The colors could even transcend the toys to the girls predominantly wearing clothes that color and during the gang bang maybe even wearing feathered masks matching the color of their toys.

This is starting to come together.

It starting to sound very "interesting" (i.e. hot as hell).
I'll bet it (or should I say "they") will all cum together!

 

[MintSoda]

I think I'm going to write a single passage and change the perspectives to all three and post them here. The story may demand one thing, but the author's voice may only be able to tell it well in a completely different way. My writing is strongest in first person, but that doesn't mean a third person option won't go well for me.

I think I'm going to go with the premis of the sorority, the idea of the different colored toys, a long exposition and detailed back story to get the names and personalities developed first, and have the protagonist be the alpha sister in the sorority.

Not to be a tease, but the passage won't be a sex scene; you're all just going to have to wait for that part.

Feedback is always good, let me know which style you like best, tell me whether you like the names, and be kind...this is actually my first attempt at erotica despite having a whole lot of regular short fiction to my credit. My fiance told me the difference comparing erotica to regular short fiction is like comparing apples and pussy.

 

[MintSoda]

Okay so I've written the same paragraph in both third person omniscent and first person. I personally think the third person turned out better, but I feel more comfortable writing from first person, which perspective does everyone else like?

First Person:

I lounged on the railing of our house’s front porch. The sorority held one of the most coveted positions in Greek society at the end of Hawthorne Street, occupying the enormous 19th century brick colonial. The buzzing of the large clumsy bumblebees wandering lazily through the lilacs lining the porch drew my attention. I wore my usual mask of perpetual boredom and apathy, a practice I'd started so long ago even I can’t tell anymore if being aloof is just an act or what I’ve actually become. The entire scene was perfectly planned for the returning Greek society, platinum blonde waves of hair, an ice blue silk blouse, white jeans, and small black sunglasses. Greek society on any campus wants their queen to be perfect, and so perfection was the illusion I sold them. Starting off my senior year I had been selected as Alpha now of the Omega house. Outside of the sisterhood nobody knows much about what goes on in the sorority and we’re very often mistaken for a secret society.

Third Person:

Lisa casually lounged on the railing of the house’s front porch. The sorority held one of the most coveted positions in Greek society at the end of Hawthorne Street, occupying the enormous 19th century brick colonial. She watched the large clumsy bumblebees wander lazily through the lilacs lining the porch; her face adorned with the usual mask of perpetual boredom. She had played the part of detached and aloof so long she had begun to wonder if it’d stopped being an act. The entire scene was perfectly planned for the returning Greek society, platinum blonde waves of hair, an ice blue silk blouse, white jeans, and her eyes covered by small black sunglasses. In her senior year now, Lisa had risen to the rank of Alpha of the most enigmatic sorority on campus, which was often compared to a secret society.

 

[MintSoda]

I hate doing the shameless self-promoting bumps, but I'd like feedback so I'm going to go ahead and do just that.

Bump

 

[Never]

MintSoda:
"Anyone have any ideas on how to get around this or has anyone already written a story that had an effective way to keep the characters seperate without disrupting flow too badly?"

First person story + blindfold.

 

[Guest]

Okay so I've written the same paragraph in both third person omniscent and first person. I personally think the third person turned out better, but I feel more comfortable writing from first person, which perspective does everyone else like?
.
.
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_______

For me, when I'm stuck making that decision, I ask myself what do I want the reader to know.

Third person omniscient provides immense flexibility for a writer, and the reader has the benefit to learn about everything as the storyline progresses, potentially what's on everyone’s minds and reasons for all plot actions (seen and unseen). But does the reader have to know a lot in your story?

There is a “limited” form of omniscient that can pare back some of the complexity of getting inside everyone's head and instead focus on a few, likely the main characters; it's a compromise between omniscient and first person (I’m not a fan of it).

First person, of course, limits a reader's understanding of what's in everyone else's head, and focuses on the outward projections or inner absorbtions of the narrator "I". This first person is made interesting to us because we are like him/her, aware only to the extent that he/she is. But even here, a skilled writing can craft character development and dialogue to fill in the natural gaps in first person more easily explained in third person.

So, still, what to do?

Forget about style, forget about genre for a moment—focusing on how much of the storyline we as readers need to know—and if it's a lot, write in third person.

If the reader needs to have an important affinity for what "you" want to say (so we, as readers, become the "I"), then first person is a better choice.

Based on your limited (but well-written) examples above, you shouldn’t have a problem in either (in which case, don't fret anymore and just get writing).

Good luck, and welcome to Lit.

Manxy

 

[Weevil]

Does anyone know much about Greek life? The university I went to outlawed sororities and fraternities because people kept dying of alcohol poisoning. I do like the idea of each girl having her own colored toys, espcially combined with the sorority idea.

I wasn't in a sorority, owing to having the wrong genatalia, but I was in a fraternity that got fairly involved with the Greek life on campus. If there's anything you want to know about the ins and outs, pardon the pun, of Greek life I can probably fill you in on the sordid details.

 

[MintSoda]

I wasn't in a sorority, owing to having the wrong genatalia, but I was in a fraternity that got fairly involved with the Greek life on campus. If there's anything you want to know about the ins and outs, pardon the pun, of Greek life I can probably fill you in on the sordid details.

I could use any info you've got. Greek life was banned at my university about ten years before I got there because of several alcohol poisoning deaths. So anything you can tell me would be helpful.

 

[MintSoda]

Thanks everyone for the help getting this idea to take life. Last night writing actually kept me up until 5 AM. Being an artist I'm used to that kind of a muse, but being a sleeper I always miss my bed. After a few very pleasant dreams the story is going to take a different direction than I had original intended.

I'm going to go with names, the sorority idea, third person limited, and yes, there will be a blind fold at one point. Look for the story to be coming out in the weeks to come.

I appreciate all the positive input...my writing group doesn't really deal in erotica so it's nice to find that kind of support here.

 

[silverwhisper]

mintsoda: i have to confess, i've become quite curious about the friends you have that such a topic would come up during conversation. :>

ed

 

[MintSoda]

mintsoda: i have to confess, i've become quite curious about the friends you have that such a topic would come up during conversation. :>

ed

Left wing, educated, mid 20's, actors, artists and young professionals. One of the couples in our circle of friends are apolitical swingers, so whenever they get sick of us talking politics they demand a change of subject and that usually ends up leading towards erotica and sex. If you're curious, they've asked, and my fiance and I have said no...their tastes run a little wide of our personal comfort zones.

 

[silverwhisper]

if i were to film a movie in which such a topic of conversation arose, that would be the way i'd cast it. i wasn't going to ask the question, but i have to admit i was wondering, so thank you for anticipating my curiosity. :>

ed