Let's talk about PM's

[Kinkenglish]

Right??? And the ones who commit the former act, and try to sound oh so shocked that you could POSSIBLY think they would do such a thing! "My pm is totally original and just for you!"

I had someone send me the identical pm 3 times in 1 hour last night.

Come. On.

I thought you liked 'multiples' ?
Or was that something else?

 

[LadyJS]

What really winds me up (among other things) is when I get an unsolicited PM and the guy, who I've never said two words to, comes across as all forward and familiar as if we've known each other for years. Even worse if it comes with the salutation of Dear "babe", "hon", "sweety", or whatever (insert your own adjective here). Maybe I'm being petty, but it comes across as totally disrespectful. Yes, I know that this is a fucking sex site, but that doesn't mean that you check your manners at the fucking door. If I've never talked to you, I'm not your fucking babe, I'm not your fucking hon, and I'm surely not your fucking sweety.

 

[RiverKnight]

What really winds me up (among other things) is when I get an unsolicited PM and the guy, who I've never said two words to, comes across as all forward and familiar as if we've known each other for years. Even worse if it comes with the salutation of Dear "babe", "hon", "sweety", or whatever (insert your own adjective here). Maybe I'm being petty, but it comes across as totally disrespectful. Yes, I know that this is a fucking sex site, but that doesn't mean that you check your manners at the fucking door. If I've never talked to you, I'm not your fucking babe, I'm not your fucking hon, and I'm surely not your fucking sweety.

Hey want to cyber fuck each other's brains out..kidding but, I have had those pm's from ladies before

 

[AKentuckyLady]

What really winds me up (among other things) is when I get an unsolicited PM and the guy, who I've never said two words to, comes across as all forward and familiar as if we've known each other for years. Even worse if it comes with the salutation of Dear "babe", "hon", "sweety", or whatever (insert your own adjective here). Maybe I'm being petty, but it comes across as totally disrespectful. Yes, I know that this is a fucking sex site, but that doesn't mean that you check your manners at the fucking door. If I've never talked to you, I'm not your fucking babe, I'm not your fucking hon, and I'm surely not your fucking sweety.

I totally identify with this - you had me yelling, "Exactly!" as I read it

 

[lowphat]

Okay, so us guys can't use, Babe, Sweetie, Hon, we can't say hello, we can't say hiya or hi.

Nobody wants an unsolicited PM (Which somehow seems to me like PMs would never be sent) We're supposed to be witty and smart. All in the title of a PM? Yeah, I think a lot of people are petty about it.

PMs delete so fucking easy

 

[LadyJS]

Okay, so us guys can't use, Babe, Sweetie, Hon, we can't say hello, we can't say hiya or hi.

Nobody wants an unsolicited PM (Which somehow seems to me like PMs would never be sent) We're supposed to be witty and smart. All in the title of a PM? Yeah, I think a lot of people are petty about it.

PMs delete so fucking easy

I don't necessarily have a problem against unsolicited PMs, or one from someone who've I've never chatted with before. Saying Hello, or Hi is fine (hiya is kinda iffy.. okay I'm kidding on that). Starting your PM with "Hey Babe" isn't witty or smart, especially if we've never crossed paths before.

 

[lowphat]

I don't necessarily have a problem against unsolicited PMs, or one from someone who've I've never chatted with before. Saying Hello, or Hi is fine (hiya is kinda iffy.. okay I'm kidding on that). Starting your PM with "Hey Babe" isn't witty or smart, especially if we've never crossed paths before.

You and I have talked via PMs. I don't remember who PM'd who, and I really don't care. I've never typed a witty title in my life, and all these rules women have about PMs seems so out there.

Send me a PM, just have a reason, even if it's just to introduce yourself.

 

[LadyJS]

You and I have talked via PMs. I don't remember who PM'd who, and I really don't care. I've never typed a witty title in my life, and all these rules women have about PMs seems so out there.

Send me a PM, just have a reason, even if it's just to introduce yourself.

I think that you started (see it's all your fault). Is it wrong for me, or anyone else, to ask that if a guy sends a PM, invited or not, that he can be respectful? Some people won't even read a profile before sending out a PM. Maybe I'm happily married (I'm neither), a lesbian (I'm not) or a Buddhist (not that either). Yes, not everyone fills out their profile, and not everyone completes it to anyone's satisfaction.

I don't know.. I'm rambling now. I feel a mood coming on and I think that I'd better leave for a while.

 

[JennyNo1]

This same question has been the subject of many threads in one form or another. The answers are as varied as the people here. And the people change over time as to what they want out of Lit. I answered PMs when I first joined that I know I would delete right off the bat now. Now I rarely answer anyone whom I haven't already made friends with on the threads. It's more like a continuation of a conversation in private that is begun in public. I appreciate when someone puts in the effort of checking my profile and reading my posts, and usually answer them if they're polite, but it rarely leads to much conversation. I think I've become a curmudgeon.

 

[Backdoor_Bella]

just a bit of a rule for myself, I don't generally respond to PMs from someone I haven't posted alongside in a thread. I think this is true for a lot of people on Lit, that familiarity goes a long way.

I have to admit I'm less of a PMer in general, both sending and answering, since I met someone who I'm crazy about

 

[lowphat]

I would never say its okay to send crude or lewd PMs to anyone without permission

I just see a PM like a letter, and I think letters can start with "Hello" I guess it's weak, but hey, I'm not trying to seduce you with a PM title, or even the content inside.

I think I've only had two PMs go unanswered, so I don't worry too much about it

 

[MaryanneB]

Same scenario is one thing. Being confronted in pm by a rape scenario that has you locked in as the victim? As you very first encounter with a person?

How is THAT fun?

That's a little too creepy for a hi, how are you.
I've been very lucky on Lit. In all the PMs I've gotten, I've only had one bad experience. I enjoy talking to most of the people who send me PMs.
I'm curious to know if other women have had any REALLY creepy experiences with PMs?

 

[AKentuckyLady]

That's a little too creepy for a hi, how are you.
I've been very lucky on Lit. In all the PMs I've gotten, I've only had one bad experience. I enjoy talking to most of the people who send me PMs.
I'm curious to know if other women have had any REALLY creepy experiences with PMs?

Creepy? I just got one about two minutes ago, ranting about how naive and arrogant I was for posting this thread. And then promising to do some rather unspeakable things.

*ignore*

Comes with the territory <shrug>. At least I struck a nerve.

 

[zydrate]

I don't care anymore as I've turned off my PMs

Before...ehh... with the guys, I got bored after awhile...bored or tired of answering the "hey, how's your day going?"

me> Fine and you?

(send)


(receive)
them> Good, thanks
me> ok

(send)

(receive>
them> so, what are you doing today?

---------------

ugh....that was all the men...with the women, it was was a lot more fun, I formed more friendships with females than with males.... those men who are worth it have my email OR my yahoo chat handle...

 

[jameslewis]

I'm wondering if there isn't a direct relationship between the number of posts, and the degree of respect shown to the ladies. I'd guess most asshats flame out and disappear when their methods aren't working; while folks who have been around for some time have learned how to behave properly.
I just know that any PM's from people I've seen on the boards, have all been wonderful and replied to with respect, and/or fun, and/or caring. The only unwelcome PMs have been from people with low post counts and recent join dates.
Another reason it's good to see longtime folks staying around, they help keep up the right atmosphere for us all.

 

[Greeneyedcanadian]

I just turned my pms back on after about 6 months being off.
I was just so saddened by many of the people here and the things that they say in private. Just so you know...No I don't want to be raped by you ...and this said after an initial hello.
what the fuck!!!
I guess that is one reason I am not here much anymore too. I just feel a bit jaded now.

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

I've had some rude/crude PMs from guys over the years and they are not worth answering. I just delete them. I have friends I talk to, some not as much as others, but the friendships I have made on here have been very worthwhile. If people keep it friendly and not be jerks, keep the joking around to the limit that the other person sets, this is a nice place to hang out on.

 

[lacandy]

First - if you don't want unsolicited PMs always be invisible. There are some that troll the list of "who's on" and then just start PMing (that's my theory anyways). Those tend to be the ones that are stupid or crude.

As for answering PMs...I answer all my PMs (for the most part - I think I got the rape one recently too and that one I deleted). But I always try to turn even a mundane or crude (Great tits! Is not a good opening line fellas) into something funny...I always respond with something silly or funny and that often throws them off their game and either they turn on the wit and we talk a bit or they never respond.

And yes, there are a few that I am good friends with now that started out with a "nice tits" opening PM. Just because they think with the wrong head on a SEX site once in a while doesn't mean that they are always like that.

 

[Iceprincess12]

I respond to every pm. I think it's polite. Like the mormons who come to the door univited. I would still tell them no but I wouldn't slam the door in their face.

I get crude pm's, long pm's, poorly written ones, etc but I hate the boring ones most of all. If a person don't accept my polite not interested, then I am direct and ask

"What do you want"

I have gotten 2 recently that are cut and paste. Instead of being as polite as usual I have been responding with

"Sorry I don't like cut and paste spam pm's. Good luck!"

I just had a long conversation with someone where I was trying to explain that he doesn't have any idea what it's like to be a woman on here. Pm's sent out of the blue have one thing in common, they are always what he wants. They have nothing to do with what I want. He wants to chat, he wants to get to know me, he is interested...great, thanks, but what does that have to do with me? Oh that's right, nothing.

People from the boards are different, usually . They have seen me and interacted. I don't mind a hello but I really like chatting on the boards. People tend to behave better in public.

Some random pm people I am still friends with, mainly because they didn't stop writing to me and didn't bore me to death, lol. I like it when people have something to offer. Don't write expecting me to entertain you, that isn't my job. Don't write because you want to get to know me, if I felt the same I would have written to you.

I wish men would keep this is mind. You are writing because you want something, at the minimum be polite and interesting. Smiling at a random pm is always better than making me roll my eyes.

 

[starrynightin64]

All so very true Ice princess. I've had a couple guys that wanted to get to know me but then in 2 pm turned into bullies and critics. Well I have a haters line in real life they can go stand in. Or better yet they could go look in a mirror.

One told me I was negative and self centered, the other told me I'd be alone the rest of my life. Gee like that's gonna be horrible compared to dealing with a bully?? Not a hard choice.

 

[Sweetcurvyred]

Okay, so us guys can't use, Babe, Sweetie, Hon, we can't say hello, we can't say hiya or hi.

I'm with the others on the babe/sweetie/hon front. Those are words I love when used once I know you. Then I read them as familiar....close....warm. Time and place love. (see? I feel you and I have developed a bit of a repore and so I can use sweetie-isms and you'll take them as they are meant to be taken)

Hello, hi, hiya....absolutely. But would it kill you to also say something else? "Hello, I'm Mack. I like trucks." Give a girl something to grab onto.

Nobody wants an unsolicited PM (Which somehow seems to me like PMs would never be sent) We're supposed to be witty and smart. All in the title of a PM? Yeah, I think a lot of people are petty about it.

Unsolicit me baby. Really. Pm's can be fun. And I'll totally take my witty and smart I. The body of the note. you also have to understand what many women, if not all women on Lit get when it's hidden behind the veil of the PM. I'm not easily shocked, but I've had PM's make my stomach churn. I've had violence shoved in my face. I've had it assumed I will fuck everything that wanders in. And if I don't subscribe to their particular kink, I have had wildly angry reactions that leave me shaking.

It's a site we're supposed to have fun with. I'd really like to keep the fun, and shirk the rest.

 

[Timihendrix]

I've always tried to aim for flirty, but fun and respectful.

 

[Sweetcurvyred]

That's a little too creepy for a hi, how are you.
I've been very lucky on Lit. In all the PMs I've gotten, I've only had one bad experience. I enjoy talking to most of the people who send me PMs.
I'm curious to know if other women have had any REALLY creepy experiences with PMs?

Creepy? Absolutely.

Terrifying? Enough to keep me off the site for months? Yes. Definitely.

But I've also met an equal number of...perhaps more...really genuinely nice guys. Maybe not right for my needs, but ones I'd certainly hang out and chat with.

 

[Sweetcurvyred]

I just turned my pms back on after about 6 months being off.
I was just so saddened by many of the people here and the things that they say in private. Just so you know...No I don't want to be raped by you ...and this said after an initial hello.
what the fuck!!!
I guess that is one reason I am not here much anymore too. I just feel a bit jaded now.

Wait...you got a hello pm before the rape pm? Wow. Impressive. /sarcasm font

 

[NeonSubtlety]

There are way too many threads on this subject. And I think it ends up adding too much complexity and creating too much pressure for those who think they need the help. Just be a real human being.

If you end up not getting to talk to someone, it's not because you broke some rule or didn't meet some criteria specific to literotica. It's because people are interesting and everyone has different set of things that draw their attention.