Let's talk about sex

[tinman069]

Sex?

To talk about sex, you need to get some. For four years my wife hasn't wanted sex. I talk to her and try to explain that it's importent in a marriage. She says,she does't have those thought any more. I love my wife, but a need for sex is getting harder and harder. Any body have an idea to help me with this problem.

 

[TheCentaur]

I have lot of ideas, but not sure if any will work . Can you give us some more background about your situation?

 

[homunculus]

Fatigue

"What is sexual fatigue? Is that getting tired while you're having sex (i.e., tired tongue and jaw) or not wanting to have sex cause you have it too often or too tired to continue after he comes? I apologize, but I just haven't heard the term."

Sexual fatigue is loss of desire from familiarity, sameness, routine behavior in the bedroom, that sort of thing. It can happen when one partner is jealous and doesn't want any outside references in the couple's sex life--like talking about who is sexy that they see or know, or using videos, or even fantasy... It can also be, and obviously I'm speaking from past experience, a matter of being with one partner for many years. The spark can and does come back, but when it is gone it's worrisome. ...Re techniques, no I don't think guys will sit around talking about how to give great this or that to their partner. That sounds kind of queer, in the slang sense. Guys do a lot of 'I'd like to fuck her' kinds of talk. Candid talk about frequency of times having sex, or various things of the sort, is confined to sarcastic remarks in tv sitcoms...

 

[Bobmi357]

To talk about sex, you need to get sometime. For four years my wife hasn't want sex. I talk to her and try to explain that it's importent in a marriage. She says does't have those thought any more. I love my wife, but a need for sex is getting harder and harder. Any body have an idae to help me with this problem.

Tinman, I've been in your shoes.

Sit your wife down and inform her that she is damaging your relationship. Tell her she's hurting you and the relationship. Make it plain that she understands this. Also make it plain that you will not allow the situation to continue much longer. Lack of sex is grounds for divorce in every state in this country. Tell her that you don't want to cheat on her, but she's forcing you in that direction.

Do all of this, but do it nicely. Don't yell, don't scream, don't fight. Offer to help her, ask her what you can do to improve things for her, afterall, this isn't just about her. Your going to need to hold many of these talks. One talk won't fix the problem. Don't expect to see this get fixed overnight. But as long as you see her making a concerted effort to remedy it, give her all the love and support you can.

Tell her how you're really feeling and what her actions are doing to you. If you don't, sooner or later you will come to resent her attitude, then come to hate it and her. I know, I've been there.

 

[Quoll]

Talking about sex...Love it, but it makes my wife uncomfortable, soo frustrating, we were talking about this the other night and she again explained to me why.
She was abused as a child and her abuser took great delight in telling her everything he was going to do to her, how she made him feel.

Now I know she has told me this before, but somewhere in my desire for talk I had forgotten it, so here I am telling her how much I love doing things to her, what I want to do, how she makes me feel.
All this was intended to be good for her, to boost her self confidence etc.
Just goes to show there is a big difference between listening and hearing.

 

[mrstarboy]

A timely thread for where I am with my partner at the moment. I started frequenting this site because it seemed easier than talking to her. The damage done is substantial but repairable - we had some awesome connectedness last night

See below...

Honesty - how NOT to handle it within a relationship
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I thought I would just put a little reminder for everyone here, having had my eyes opened to what I have been doing to my current relationship. I was looking for ways to sort out some issues here rather than with the one who matters most - my partner!

My partner and I have been together for a little over 3 years. We have had our ups and our downs throughout that time, but the downs have almost always revolved around a lack of physical connection. In turn, that lack of connection was stuffing up everything else to varying degrees.

She knows who she is, and she has been very accepting of some recent revelations regarding what I like and don't like. I was too afraid to talk to her about a lot of those things and felt embarrassed about them. Ironically, by chatting to people here about them instead, things became even more internalised and were even harder to talk about. As it turns out, my concerns were unfounded (she was shocked, but far from revolted as I thought she might have been). Part of it was just because she is an accepting person, and the other part is that she is a sexy, kinky, horny minx who loves adventurous games and being close to me and what gets US off.

There will be people on this site like me who took the easy, somewhat selfish option more than once and got tangled up with things online. For those in that situation, I would suggest you talk to your partners sooner than later. I caused my partner a fair bit of heartache by handling things the wrong way, BUT now that she and I have talked, we look forward to using this place together to make things more fun for us both...

And "S", what we did last night was wonderful... Love M.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=11676434

All I can say is that I now look forward to where things will go from here, rather than being afraid of finding out...

 

[Quoll]

Congrats,
Lit is a great sounding board, a great source of information, but like all things it can also cause it`s share of problems.
Glad to see you sorted things out, it is always a relief to get things out in the open.

 

[tsk3us]

I use the blurt method as well! I like to write, too, so sometimes I will actually send an email with specifics. For some reason, maybe cause I don't have to say it out loud, that makes it easier.

LJ, I find this an awesome way to express desires, or an overall "this is what I want to do" and it be an entire lovemaking session from beginning to end. My SO has a little bit of trouble with it, only because he asks "why can't you just tell me?".

That's easier said than done, since I care about him so much, what he thinks, what he feels, his overall opinion of me. Also, as open as I am about sex....he is the only person on earth that can say something and make me blush. The guy standing next to him could say the same thing and not have the same effect.

However, I'm working on this 'verbal communication' skill.

 

[tsk3us]

I've often wondered about masturbating for your partner. Maybe I'm lazy, but if my wife asked me to masturbate for her, somewhere along the line I'd probably ask her to ahhhh give me a hand?

I'm sure its quite erotic, but frankly I think I'd rather give her the orgasm rather than watch her give herself one. It might make a nice teasing prelude to sex though.

Hmmmmm....

My SO and I often have 'mutual masturbation'. I'll masturbate myself while he watches while I watch him masturbate himself. Granted, in the times we've done this, I don't think once we've made it all the way through without assisting the other with a free hand. <grin>

This is, however, a wonderful way to see how one another does it. It has helped me to see (or feel through guidance) what pressure he likes, what speed, any particular angle he likes and vice versa. It's an anatomy lesson specific to one another...he knows where I like to be touched, and I know how and where he likes to be touched.

 

[Lust Engine]

My SO and I often have 'mutual masturbation'. I'll masturbate myself while he watches while I watch him masturbate himself. Granted, in the times we've done this, I don't think once we've made it all the way through without assisting the other with a free hand. <grin>

This is, however, a wonderful way to see how one another does it. It has helped me to see (or feel through guidance) what pressure he likes, what speed, any particular angle he likes and vice versa. It's an anatomy lesson specific to one another...he knows where I like to be touched, and I know how and where he likes to be touched.

Demonstrating is one heckuva great way to communicate exactly what you like too... not to mention pretty hot.

 

[Quoll]

Seems to be a lot of questions about communication at the moment so bump we go.
Don`t be lazy go back to the start and read.