Let's tickle the funny bones :)

Question. Whats another name for a push-up bra?

Answer. False advertisement.
 
A man went to buy organic vegetables from the market, because his wife had asked him to. Not finding any, he grabbed a tired looking employee at the store and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" The tired sales guy looked at him and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
 
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.

The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"

The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."

The man says, "And the Viagra?"

"Keeps him from falling out of bed."
 
Question. What's the difference between a young hooker and an old hooker?

Answer. The young hooker uses Vaseline and an old hooker uses Poligrip.
 
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
 
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. "Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."
 
Women prayer


I pray for:
Wisdom, to understand a man.
Love, to forgive him and,
Patience, for his moods.
Because if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death.
 
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

"Have you any last requests? Asked the chaplain.

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
 
Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.

"I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self-righteously, "Did you?"

"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"
 
One day a gay man goes in for his doctor's appointment and asks the doctor, "Do you have anything to make hair grow on my chest?"
The doctor immediately grabs a jar of Vaseline and says, "If you get a friend to rub this on your chest everyday, within a month or two you'll start to see some growth."
The man replies, "Well if that was true, I'd have a pony tail coming out my ass!"
 
A four year old came home from Sunday School one day, His Dad asked him what he'd learned that day.
The boy was quiet for a moment and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?"
The Mom cracked up and told the son, "Yes, my dear Actually the word is circumcised... but either way, the answer is Yes!
 
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