Tzara
Continental
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2005
- Posts
- 7,669
Automatic
I have always been shy. That isn't an unusual statement to make. Something like fifty percent of people self-report themselves as being chronically shy. It's why horoscopes and psychics like to tell you things like other people think you're outgoing, but you really are very shy. Most of us go how the hell did she/he know that? and buy into the rest of the reading like trout hitting an especially meaty-looking lure.
I, though, have the numbers to back me up. Chalk it up to luck or my semi-mathematical background, but I got 'em. Real numbers. "The set of all rational numbers and irrational numbers", just to make it formal, like.
In my first semester at university, they gave us a personality test. Probably now that would be considered an invasion of privacy. Maybe not. I don't have kids, so I'm a little outside the loop on what's OK and what's not.
Anyway. Personality test. I scored pretty normal on things, generally. Close to the mean. High on the Autonomy scale, which at the time they said something like it meant I didn't like people to tell me what to do and that I valued independent thought. Could just be me remembering what I want to, though.
The one scale I was really out of whack on was the SE, or Social Extroversion, scale. Scored in the twelfth percentile. That means that a whole 88 percent of you deal better with others than I do, or did at the time. Counts as neurotic, at least. Get thee to a psychiatrist kinda number.
That was years and years ago, and I've gotten better, but not that much better. I won't go to parties, for example, if I don't already know most everyone there. They scare the shit out of me.
The odd thing is that what I do for a living is stand up in front of strangers and talk. So, performance, basically. I've learned to do it by doing lots of prep work, psyching myself up, and going show. Work the audience. Tell jokes. It's very weird.
I was at a show last week with my new salesperson, who is a very outgoing woman, but new at the job. She, oddly, seemed nervous and I ended up controlling the chit-chat with everyone we talked to, whether I knew them or not. So what do you think of that new university campus? The city is sure growing by leaps and bounds, isn't it? I don't know about global warming, but we don't seem to get as much rain as we used to, don't you think?
Fucking scaring myself.
One of the things I like about this place is that I sometimes can just let go and say stuff and if it comes out wrong or stupid or offensive or even hurtful, it's somehow still OK because it's like the one place I can just wing it and be me, however dumb and unlikable that is.
Now no "oh you poor baby" responses are required, people. This is just me as theater. Always wired, but only semi-accurate.
But remember that when I say something you object to, be gentle. I'm really very shy.
I have always been shy. That isn't an unusual statement to make. Something like fifty percent of people self-report themselves as being chronically shy. It's why horoscopes and psychics like to tell you things like other people think you're outgoing, but you really are very shy. Most of us go how the hell did she/he know that? and buy into the rest of the reading like trout hitting an especially meaty-looking lure.
I, though, have the numbers to back me up. Chalk it up to luck or my semi-mathematical background, but I got 'em. Real numbers. "The set of all rational numbers and irrational numbers", just to make it formal, like.
In my first semester at university, they gave us a personality test. Probably now that would be considered an invasion of privacy. Maybe not. I don't have kids, so I'm a little outside the loop on what's OK and what's not.
Anyway. Personality test. I scored pretty normal on things, generally. Close to the mean. High on the Autonomy scale, which at the time they said something like it meant I didn't like people to tell me what to do and that I valued independent thought. Could just be me remembering what I want to, though.
The one scale I was really out of whack on was the SE, or Social Extroversion, scale. Scored in the twelfth percentile. That means that a whole 88 percent of you deal better with others than I do, or did at the time. Counts as neurotic, at least. Get thee to a psychiatrist kinda number.
That was years and years ago, and I've gotten better, but not that much better. I won't go to parties, for example, if I don't already know most everyone there. They scare the shit out of me.
The odd thing is that what I do for a living is stand up in front of strangers and talk. So, performance, basically. I've learned to do it by doing lots of prep work, psyching myself up, and going show. Work the audience. Tell jokes. It's very weird.
I was at a show last week with my new salesperson, who is a very outgoing woman, but new at the job. She, oddly, seemed nervous and I ended up controlling the chit-chat with everyone we talked to, whether I knew them or not. So what do you think of that new university campus? The city is sure growing by leaps and bounds, isn't it? I don't know about global warming, but we don't seem to get as much rain as we used to, don't you think?
Fucking scaring myself.
One of the things I like about this place is that I sometimes can just let go and say stuff and if it comes out wrong or stupid or offensive or even hurtful, it's somehow still OK because it's like the one place I can just wing it and be me, however dumb and unlikable that is.
Now no "oh you poor baby" responses are required, people. This is just me as theater. Always wired, but only semi-accurate.
But remember that when I say something you object to, be gentle. I'm really very shy.
