Lit Homeless Shelter

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I’ve seen lots of posts like those in this thread— someone saying they feel alone and out of place here, or that many here dislike them. Often, I’m so surprised because it seems like they are very well-liked and fit in so easily. I have a totally different perspective than they do.

I feel like there are times when I’ve hit Lit at just the right time- the right mix of people, the right topics, and have time to post, and Lit has been a good fit for me that day or maybe that week. But that is fleeting and there are other times when I don’t click with anyone or the conversation goes too quickly or I’ve bumped into someone I don’t get along with, and then Lit feels very lonely. That’s when it is a good time to either take a step away or to find threads where I just enjoy posting for myself— usually a baseball thread, or music thread, or something like that.

When it feels like more of a chore being here, that’s when my time and energy are better spent elsewhere.

 

[Beholders_Eye]

I come to the Forum boards almost every day. I have a group of Watched Threads that I follow. It has generally felt like a friendly place for several years now. Once in a while I venture into the Chat rooms, but there is too much commotion there for me. The Lit stories are places where I can immerse myself in various fantasies in safety and privacy. I do hope that the owners of Lit keep it going as it is a lovely community commons for me. By the way, in the neighborhood bar analogy, I am the guy sitting alone with the sound canceling headphones on, listening to Pachelbel's Canon...

 

[Harrypalm]

During the time I've been on Lit most of it has been lurking on the GB. Twenty years ago when I joined I had been banned from a Ford truck forum GD board. I was hoping to find a new home. But I never really clicked with this place. I'm still here more out of habit than anything else. Like someone previously said I've watched the ebb and flow of people here but never made any friends. Now I mostly post songs on the music threads. And lets face it, I'm probably just not that interesting. Oh well.....

 

[NRJLIVES4ever]

I basically kick it like Caine from Kung Fu. I wander and have adventures. I've had some bad experiences with flakes and also some great experience with the real ones. I go where it's fun. If it's not fun I split. Just like in real life.

I try to take the punk rock "I don't give a fuck" approach, but I do actually have feelings. And I've learned that's okay.

 

[ImiGirrst]

I too feel homeless, but I also once had a great home. Lit definitely has a different vibe, but hell, I first arrived 20 years ago. Tell me anything that is the same after 20 years? So right now, I'm just popping around to see what threads interest me, shoot my mouth off as I feel like it, leave when I have too much to do. If I find a group, great. If I don't, it's okay, because I don't need a group now, like I needed then. So I'm glad to have had my crazy, amazing, insane group and the amazing fun times we had. No way I would have traded it.
.
I'll find my place, if it's here to be found. I'm in no rush, because instead of a thread, I have found some amazing individuals. So even if they don't all congregate in one place, I'm glad to have them wander into my life.

Lit is like the bar at the end of your street.

When you walk past on your way home, you can look in, and see what's going on and who's in.

Sometimes, the place will feel empty and you'll walk on by.

Sometimes, you'll stop in anyway and try to liven things up yourself. Or maybe just sit and nurse a beer or people watch.

Sometimes, there might be a group of folks. You don't know all, but you know some, and end up joining them. Maybe you listen more than you talk.

Sometimes, there might be a group of your closest friends, and you stay snd make a night of it. Best fun ever, and you're the life and soul.

Sometimes, your special person is in, and after a couple of drinks you're fucking her against the wall outside by the dumpster (unless it's a blazing dumpster fire of drama).

this is dead on. There is always an ebb and flow.

I've been here for decades and it is always the same.

Me too, started in Sept 2001, but I just had to get a different account because mommybrain made me forget my password.

i've always been here. It has always been real and my life. I've met my best friend and found love. Lost love. Had my heart broken. The relationships formed here had bled through into my so called 'real life'. It is all merely a matter of perspective.

This. When I really think about it, I am truly surprised at how many people I've met at Lit who have been so important in my life.

For me I do feel a little homeless on Lit lately bc I don’t have a regular friendship circle that I interact with on Lit. I have friends off Lit and that’s not what I mean. But when I first got to Lit, I had a group (the audio thread at the time) and it’s where I met some of my nearest and dearest. Like everything will, that group slowly faded bc life happens and nothing is forever but it was the MOST fun.

Again this. Pretty much my carbon copy experience. I was one of the ones who faded because real life happened. And so many of my Lit friends were thrilled and so supportive that I was having a baby. And when I came back for a few weeks in 2012, so many were gone. Some had passed away, some had simply disappeared, some were still here. But the thread(s) that bound us together had morphed and changed, just like we did.

The only thing that stays the same is change. We can either be sad bc it's gone or we can smile because it was. I choose the latter.

I've always been homeless at Lit.
No matter how long I'm here or how long I'm gone, there's no place I belong on the threads. No place to come 'home' to.

I am SOOOO sorry to hear that. You logged in three months after I did. Had I know you felt that way, I would have invited you into the little group I had. We were a fun, friendly bunch and certainly pulled many people in during our heydey. *hugs*

Yet, it's the one place I've been able to be myself, without hiding, without fear of disappointing or disgusting anyone with my desires and kinks and person.
Maybe that's the telling part, though... That my self isn't all that great (there have been a few who've been trying to disabuse me if that notion and I appreciate them more than they know). Something I've been exploring the last few days...

I totally get this too. I find myself fighting these negative thoughts the past few days, and I have two beloved Litsters listening and supporting me through it. That I'm fighting tells me I'm changing. And the fighting tells me I'm gaining ground on believing the positive aspects of me. And truly, this is what Lit did for me back in 2001-2004. Litsters saw in me what I could not believe about myself. I learned to love my body, which was followed by embracing my sexuality, which was followed by being unapologetic about it, which then progressed to glorying in me as a phenomenal woman (that's me) and finally it culminated by find that I actually BELIEVED it. It took some time and hard work

I gave up years ago on making female friends here, even though I really wanted some...

Again, Im really sorry I didn't know you back them. I had so many female friends here. Rania, SybilRose, SecretKate, Someplace, just to name a few. Someplace invited me to a Lit together in Houston on a whim - I went when I was in town and had a blast. Rania introduced me to JamesG5, who introduced me to PhotoCat, who was with me when I gave birth. Rania recommended a hotel off the beaten path in Austria that really gave us a sense of the city and some indelible memories.
.
I'll add you to my follow list, now that I know, who knows what we may become. I am traveling plus summer is my busy season, so just know that I'm not making an offer and falling down on it.

 

[Photog1rl]

I know I’m relatively new to lit especially with the decades of experience represented by the posters in this thread but I can relate to what all y’all are saying. There are definitely ebbs and flows even in the time I’ve been here. I’ve gone from feeling isolated and lost, trying to learn to navigate, to connected and like I had a group of folks that were friendly if not friends and then back to someone trying to figure out where I fit in.

I used to see a lot of posts about how much Lit has changed and is it better now or was it better before and folks seem kind of spilt but it does seem like Covid and more folks finding community online may have created ripples still being felt.

I have been lucky and I’ve found some good people(some crap ones too but why focus on that ) but I do not have a place I feel like I fit anymore. I also know I have to be careful that I don’t dominate a space. This can be off putting and I fear makes it harder for me to build community(the exact thing I want).

I’ve started threads to try and make spaces but I think my inexperience at starting/running/managing threads ends up showing and it doesn’t necessarily become the space I am thinking it could be it’s not that they are bad or. It successful or that I don’t enjoy them I’m just not sure how to engage folks. I’ve watched people like @PrettyLilPussy19 and @Justadesperatewifeandmom create threads that really engage and wondered how they do it. To see both of them posting and saying they don’t feel like they have a place really either is soo interesting.

It just really shows that what you think you see isn’t always the reality of what it is.
I’ve also felt like there are clicks on Lit and that integrating into a group can be really hard. There is a thread right now that I am actively not wanted at. The person that created it left another thread and made a new one with the specific hope that I won’t show up. I won’t go there because while I’ll try to fit in most places I don’t go where I’m absolutely not wanted but to me the idea of someone creating a thread in a public forum and thinking they can outright exclude folks makes it feel like junior high.

I guess that is what Lit feels like to me. Less like I’m homeless and more like I’m in junior high navigating the clicks and the shitty folks and the hormone driven highs and crushes with all the sex tinged innuendo. This is not my primary feeling or I wouldn’t be here but as of late it has been more and more the feeling. I keep thinking do I need a break but then FOMO kicks in…it’s a crazy cycle.

I’m choosing to try and build new community and hope I find a place but if not I’ll just keep flitting around and trying to have fun and create a little excitement and mayhem.

@muddler35 thanks for this thread and I hope my post makes sense and a newish persons perspective is ok.

Edited to answer this part cause it wasn’t long enough
Found love-in friendship yes.
Heart broken-it’s been heavily bruised.
I’ve learned not to trust easily and to continue to try to trust and I’m learning so much about myself and what I want and need in the people and spaces I am involved with.

 

[SiFi]

I lurked on here for ages, before I plucked up the courage to actually post, that's just me, very shy at first but once I'm in I can open up.
I sort of feel at home in Playground afterall I'm just a big kid at heart.
In the few threads I follow I seem to have gained a few friends and I feel I sort of fit it, it takes time for friendships to grow, and I've only been posting for a relatively short time.
Have I found love, had my heart broken...
I have had my heart bruised definitely not broken, but that was probably just me being me. Found love, well it's probably a bit early in my Lit life for that to happen but I found a special kind of friendship with someone who I could chat to for hours (and probably have done) and I would really like to sit down with a coffee in RL with, but RL circumstances would dictate otherwise.

So I'm not completely homeless, I just struggle to take the plunge and jump in, I just poke my head in, quietly say hi, and hope someone says hi back.

My shyness also stops me from an initial PM, unless I'm feeling brave, so if you want chat, you might have to make the first move

 

[SiFi]

I guess that is what Lit feels like to me. Less like I’m homeless and more like I’m in junior high navigating the clicks and the shitty folks and the hormone driven highs and crushes with all the sex tinged innuendo. This is not my primary feeling or I wouldn’t be here but as of late it has been more and more the feeling. I keep thinking do I need a break but then FOMO kicks in…it’s a crazy cycle.

I can relate to this absolutely, I tried to take a break, when I broke my brain, but my break only lasted about 18 hours maybe even less.
#FOMO.
seriously nosy about which thread you are excluded from... but don't post it here because of fear of repercussions. I'm just a nosy git.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

I know I’m relatively new to lit especially with the decades of experience represented by the posters in this thread but I can relate to what all y’all are saying. There are definitely ebbs and flows even in the time I’ve been here. I’ve gone from feeling isolated and lost, trying to learn to navigate, to connected and like I had a group of folks that were friendly if not friends and then back to someone trying to figure out where I fit in.

I used to see a lot of posts about how much Lit has changed and is it better now or was it better before and folks seem kind of spilt but it does seem like Covid and more folks finding community online may have created ripples still being felt.

I have been lucky and I’ve found some good people(some crap ones too but why focus on that ) but I do not have a place I feel like I fit anymore. I also know I have to be careful that I don’t dominate a space. This can be off putting and I fear makes it harder for me to build community(the exact thing I want).

I’ve started threads to try and make spaces but I think my inexperience at starting/running/managing threads ends up showing and it doesn’t necessarily become the space I am thinking it could be it’s not that they are bad or. It successful or that I don’t enjoy them I’m just not sure how to engage folks. I’ve watched people like @PrettyLilPussy19 and @Justadesperatewifeandmom create threads that really engage and wondered how they do it. To see both of them posting and saying they don’t feel like they have a place really either is soo interesting.

It just really shows that what you think you see isn’t always the reality of what it is.
I’ve also felt like there are clicks on Lit and that integrating into a group can be really hard. There is a thread right now that I am actively not wanted at. The person that created it left another thread and made a new one with the specific hope that I won’t show up. I won’t go there because while I’ll try to fit in most places I don’t go where I’m absolutely not wanted but to me the idea of someone creating a thread in a public forum and thinking they can outright exclude folks makes it feel like junior high.

I guess that is what Lit feels like to me. Less like I’m homeless and more like I’m in junior high navigating the clicks and the shitty folks and the hormone driven highs and crushes with all the sex tinged innuendo. This is not my primary feeling or I wouldn’t be here but as of late it has been more and more the feeling. I keep thinking do I need a break but then FOMO kicks in…it’s a crazy cycle.

I’m choosing to try and build new community and hope I find a place but if not I’ll just keep flitting around and trying to have fun and create a little excitement and mayhem.

@muddler35 thanks for this thread and I hope my post makes sense and a newish persons perspective is ok.

Edited to answer this part cause it wasn’t long enough
Found love-in friendship yes.
Heart broken-it’s been heavily bruised.
I’ve learned not to trust easily and to continue to try to trust and I’m learning so much about myself and what I want and need in the people and spaces I am involved with.

Feeling like I have a comfortable place was more about time than anything else. For me a “home” here means having some very real friendships that extend outside of Lit and having enough fun banter friends that my sense of belonging isn’t tied to just a couple of people or threads - feeling comfortable to join in or post most places.

I also think everyone has occasional experiences of isolation or loneliness at a minimum and that’s not specific to Lit. I just try to focus on what serves me well and recognize the crappy periods are limited and will pass. Mostly I simply tell myself to put those thoughts or feelings on ice and if I still feel that way in a few days, then I can overthink or stress about it. Once that emotional time out is over, I almost always feel much better and can make any decisions about change calmly and rationally.

All that aside, if anyone ever feels lonely and in need of a friend you are welcome to PM me. Sometimes I’m limited on time (like posting from vacation now ), but I always have room for more kindness and connection and I’ve been told I’m not the worst friend

 

[muddler35]

Interesting posts recently. Thanks guys! I’m loving all the different perspectives.

Special thanks to you to @LadyLascivious1 for a few reasons.
1. Really getting the spirit of this thread. You have an amazing ability to hear what I mean, not what I say.
2. You are the only one, besides me and the friend I mentioned to start this thread, that knows the story behind it. Your support is appreciated.
3. I consider myself lucky to be one of your “outside” of Lit friends. You’re definitely not the worst friend, you’re actually pretty great.

Now, quit screwing around on Lit and go to some Italian shit.

 

[ydahecnot]

“Really getting the spirit of this thread. You have an amazing ability to hear what I mean, not what I say.”

Now I feel as if I failed a quiz, darn it

 

[muddler35]

“Really getting the spirit of this thread. You have an amazing ability to hear what I mean, not what I say.”

Now I feel as if I failed a quiz, darn it

When I used the word “home” to start this thread, I was directly quoting my friend. I think she meant more of a tribe than an actual thread. Everyone’s take on this has been interesting and much appreciated.

@LadyLascivious1 also offered friendship and support to all because that’s just her nature.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Interesting posts recently. Thanks guys! I’m loving all the different perspectives.

Special thanks to you to @LadyLascivious1 for a few reasons.
1. Really getting the spirit of this thread. You have an amazing ability to hear what I mean, not what I say.
2. You are the only one, besides me and the friend I mentioned to start this thread, that knows the story behind it. Your support is appreciated.
3. I consider myself lucky to be one of your “outside” of Lit friends. You’re definitely not the worst friend, you’re actually pretty great.

Now, quit screwing around on Lit and go to some Italian shit.

@LadyLascivious1 also offered friendship and support to all because that’s just her nature.

You are an incredibly kind and sweet friend, Mud. So I took a picture just for you today because it reminded me of you

 

[muddler35]

You are an incredibly kind and sweet friend, Mud. So I took a picture just for you today because it reminded me of you

View attachment 2238777

I see what you did there. Jerk.

 

[crazychemgirl]

I think this place can be hard to get back into if you’ve taken a break … people come and go and so sometimes the group isn’t the same as it was. That can be stressful if you’ve found a group you feel comfortable with. I’ve found that for me, the “chaos” threads seem to be the most welcoming group … though it does tend to move quickly which can be overwhelming. Sometimes if I’m trying to get “back into it” … I’ll find a post that I can comment on, and just go from there and try to just go with the flow.
Also reaching out to someone you recognize is sometimes helpful.
This is a great community, but like any online community it’s fluid and changing.

 

[PlotDriven]

Coming from someone who is on the outside of the various groups, it can be a little intimidating trying to work your way in. Everyone seems very nice, but because they have been together and have all this history, conversations fly by with very little opportunity for someone new to jump in without looking either weird or rude.

 

[ydahecnot]

Coming from someone who is on the outside of the various groups, it can be a little intimidating trying to work your way in. Everyone seems very nice, but because they have been together and have all this history, conversations fly by with very little opportunity for someone new to jump in without looking either weird or rude.

Don’t worry about finding a group, just post in a way that’s true to yourself, and you’ll get satisfying interaction, and hopefully a solid go-to person or two along the way. I have always kept a small, wonderful “circle of trust.” Heck, these days, my “group” is whoever gives me good one-liner openings

 

[muddler35]

Don’t worry about finding a group, just post in a way that’s true to yourself, and you’ll get satisfying interaction, and hopefully a solid go-to person or two along the way. I have always kept a small, wonderful “circle of trust.” Heck, these days, my “group” is whoever gives me good one-liner openings

A three legged dog walks into a bar….

 

[Dribble]

Lit really is not much different from real life...you find friends the same way. Stick your toe in...it doesn't click...you stick it elsewhere. Some days are easier than others to find the click.

I look at it the same as high school. I hung with the same group for near on 6 years. Every day. Every night. I couldn't imagine not being friends. Life took over. I moved on. Communications became less and less. Now I couldn't tell you anything about them. It wasn't personal.

Lit friends from days of yore I still smile about. Most left during the great purge. Do I still consider them friends? No. Yes. Good people really don't change. They are still good people I would trust. But I know nothing about them and the last 10 years. And they know nothing about me. This isn't bad. It is life.

 

[barefootgirl69]

When I first came to Lit, I roamed to different forums. I didn't mind the GB when I ventured in, but the topics were usually something I wasn't interested in. I didn't feel comfortable on the BDSM board. I felt perfectly at home flirting and flitting through the threads on the PG. This was long before the chat threads, chaos threads, etc. Thats when I started hearing about "cliques". Until then, people just talked in threads, sometimes took them over for a 30 min round of fun and went elsewhere. It wasn't ever about 'where I fit in' or 'with what group' because we were all in the same threads, flirting and chatting.

I don't think it was so much about finding a home as finding a community. Like every neighborhood, there's going to be someone or some people you simply don't prefer. Avoid them. Go a different route.
Wild_honey once told me to use my ignore button and curate my Lit experience. So, I am!

There is a thread right now that I am actively not wanted at. The person that created it left another thread and made a new one with the specific hope that I won’t show up. I won’t go there because while I’ll try to fit in most places I don’t go where I’m absolutely not wanted but to me the idea of someone creating a thread in a public forum and thinking they can outright exclude folks makes it feel like junior high.

I watched this unfold in a thread where someone had been from the start and you kept saying you didn't feel welcome and were trying to fit in to be around people you liked. It was obvious you two weren't going to get along, and he left the thread.

It disappoints me to see you complaining now about him starting his own thread and being "exluded". He has a right to start any thread he chooses so he feels comfortable. No one said you couldn't post there, you said yourself you didn't want to...so, why bring it up?

***
Sometimes I think we feel we don't fit in and it has nothing to do with others but it's something in ourselves. Maybe we are sensative or maybe no matter how welcoming others are we are always going to feel like we don't belong. I guess that's okay, too, as long as we recognize it for what it is. As an introvert, sometimes it's just easier for me to stick to the threads I'm comfortable in and not expect to find a "home" in one thread or with one group of people.

~ Wild Cupcake

 

[barefootgirl69]

Don’t worry about finding a group, just post in a way that’s true to yourself, and you’ll get satisfying interaction, and hopefully a solid go-to person or two along the way. I have always kept a small, wonderful “circle of trust.” Heck, these days, my “group” is whoever gives me good one-liner openings

^^^ THIS.

You said it much better than I did!

 

[Photog1rl]

I watched this unfold in a thread where someone had been from the start and you kept saying you didn't feel welcome and were trying to fit in to be around people you liked. It was obvious you two weren't going to get along, and he left the thread.

It disappoints me to see you complaining now about him starting his own thread and being "exluded". He has a right to start any thread he chooses so he feels comfortable. No one said you couldn't post there, you said yourself you didn't want to...so, why bring it up?

I brought this up because this thread was talking about folks not feeling like they had a home whether that was a thread to go to or a group of people or just a sense of belonging. I also brought this up because to me, a person creating a new thread in a public forum simply because someone they don't like also posts in the thread is akin to a toddler picking up their toys and playing somewhere else and it creates feelings of hostility and separation. It in and of itself is creating a click.
I was purposefully vague and did not mention a lot in an attempt to not rehash through he same crap and I will leave it vague except to say that the person you are referencing was not THE reason I did not feel welcome. They were just another reason and my feelings were completely warranted based on the actions and messages I received from that person.
As far as the new thread goes, I have no intention of going there but to be very clear, despite what you may feel, it is not just that I don't feel welcome there. I was told that the hope was I would not go to the thread or interact in anyway.

It was a place created with the hope that I would not be there (just typing that is absolutely ridiculous).

Edited to remove this-this was my feeling from a conversation and not what was told to me.

Maybe you understand now why I brought up a thread designed to be exclusive in a thread about not feeling at home.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in but I feel like that in real life too.
I like slower paced threads where I can clearly express my thoughts but will dip my toe in the chattier ones when I have a bit more energy. I don't really play the game threads but mainly cos they're so fast paced I can't keep up.
I've found a couple of places I'll check in with regularly but then with others I'll wander around and pop my head into if I feel I can add something at that time. Like here for example.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I also brought this up because to me, a person creating a new thread in a public forum simply because someone they don't like also posts in the thread is akin to a toddler picking up their toys and playing somewhere else and it creates feelings of hostility and separation. It in and of itself is creating a click.

So, you don't think people should be able to do things or start threads where they feel comfortable?

Didn't you say before that you've started threads where people can feel comfortable?

I have a thread that I will tell Lancegibs to GTO out of each and every time. Or anyone else who is there to be creepy or thirsty or think it's an place to advertise their needs.

It's a public forum and I, myself, will not go to threads where I'm uncomfortable or where someone I don't like is posting. Hell, I sometimes walk away from Lit if they're all over the board. It's called being an adult and taking responsibility for my own feelings and emotions.

 

[crazychemgirl]

So, you don't think people should be able to do things or start threads where they feel comfortable?

Didn't you say before that you've started threads where people can feel comfortable?

I have a thread that I will tell Lancegibs to GTO out of each and every time. Or anyone else who is there to be creepy or thirsty or think it's an place to advertise their needs.

It's a public forum and I, myself, will not go to threads where I'm uncomfortable or where someone I don't like is posting. Hell, I sometimes walk away from Lit if they're all over the board. It's called being an adult and taking responsibility for my own feelings and emotions.

I think creating a thread with the explicit purpose of excluding someone is rude but freedom is freedom indeed. I just think if the intention is to be hurtful that’s not ok… like why bother? Why not just ignore the person you don’t like interacting with?