Lit. Jealousy - Do You Have It??

[GiggLeGasm]

This is a perfect example ... Leigh and I said pretty much the same thing (in my eyes) yet you quoted her ... am I jealous that you quoted her or am I upset you quoted her and then I think ... did you quote her over me because she is a her?

There is a lot of redundant thinking to get back to the main topic: ME.

I don't think there is jealousy on here so much as 'what about me' syndrome.

jealousy, by definition, is a self-reflecting emotion. I don't think it could exist independent of ego. They're too intertwined.

 

[boo56]

Yeah, a little. One can't take it too seriously. But, I'm still sore about the lady who used to engage me in serial PM conversations several times a week and then just dropped out of sight. Never learned her first name. Knew her by a number. Sure never met her. But...

Feelings of jealousy, rejection, longing. It's silly, but true.

 

[tolyk]

I have never in my life felt jealousy. I don't even know what it feels like, to help people with their problem. It's a non issue for me. To me, if I am in love with someone, but they aren't interested, I just wish happiness upon them. I wish for them to be loved and in love. Just because I love something(or someone) does not grant me ownership of it after all.

 

[Tiamo15]

I have never in my life felt jealousy. I don't even know what it feels like, to help people with their problem. It's a non issue for me. To me, if I am in love with someone, but they aren't interested, I just wish happiness upon them. I wish for them to be loved and in love. Just because I love something(or someone) does not grant me ownership of it after all.

I'm like this. All my past boyfriends I am always happy to hear about their lives and girlfriends or new wives. I also don't fall in love easily, that might help with not feeling jealousy. I care about people a lot though.

 

[lonelyladyfl]

I get jealous then I realize that there is life outside of the forums. Not very helpful I know but I have enough jealousy issues in RL.

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

I am not jealous by nature. So no.

 

[Giggolo_Joe]

...............

 

[Aquagal]

I'm particularly eye rolly when I read so and so is getting all the action because they are constantly showing their titties.

 

[tolyk]

I'm particularly eye rolly when I read so and so is getting all the action because they are constantly showing their titties.

You used to show your titties Did you eye roll at yourself?


Oh, and hi aquagal *hugs*

 

[Leigh81]

I've experienced jealousy in real life pretty much in one situation. That was bringing a GF into our lives. Thankfully the 3 of us communicate constantly & even then it took time to be comfortable. A couple of times I thought everything was fine, something set it off. It's all me though, when I'm not the center of attention those feelings crept in. This for us is constantly evolving, it could never just start where we are now.
Since starting this thread & seeing different peoples perspectives has helped. Lit is for friendships, not relationships for me, yet this crush that came out of nowhere is baffling. But time will make things more clear as it usually does.

L

 

[Aquagal]

You used to show your titties Did you eye roll at yourself?


Oh, and hi aquagal *hugs*

Hi!

Hahaha no. I did used to, but actually if we are naming names I will say there was a few jealous posts on the GB that Tiamo gets all the action because her titties are everywhere. Holy hell, if I had nips like that too...well, why not?

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I don't understand the jealousy bit towards other women. Especially when the guy is married. This makes no sense.

ding*ding*ding*
We have a winner!

I made the decision a long time ago, that if you're married and your SO doesn't know you play, or I can't get a written permission slip from her.. I just can't. Period.

I've seen single posters get attached to married posters and regardless if who's "fault" it was, I'm sitting back thinking do you also put your hand into the fire and expect it to not get burned?

Not trying to be a bitch or anything, but seriously, that naivete (or is it just plain stupidity?) baffles me.

Everyone can do whatever they want. We're all big boys and girls, but when you lie down on a train track, then get run over, I can be sorry you are hurt, I can't have much sympathy.

As for dealing with jealousy, Leigh, it's a natural, if not unpleasant, emotion. When deciding if you should be jealous of another online, take a few things into consideration.

How have your personal and private interactions gone? Has he/she given you any indication that they want an exclusive relationship? If the answer is not a resoundinf "YES!", then try and put your feelings into perspective. ((Hugs))

 

[Leigh81]

I'm particularly eye rolly when I read so and so is getting all the action because they are constantly showing their titties.

LOL
I'm not an exhibitionist at all. Here or in real life I don't like getting a lot of attention. But I know there are people totally opposite than me & for them that's great. The eye roll for me is all the guys that fall over themselves to those women. I don't have any ill feelings toward gals who post their tits or even full nudity. They hold the power & they like the attention. We're all here for different reasons.
I have different moods on here just like in real life. Yesterday I was in such a kooky mood I was way more outgoing. Last night when we went out I was the same. I liked the attention I was getting, but I like to control it. I like to be able to turn it on & off, same as here.

L

 

[ydahecnot]

Darn, my dog ate my note.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Darn, my dog ate my note.

lmao.. You wouldn't have played with me anyway..

 

[AbsintheFather]

ding*ding*ding*
We have a winner!

I made the decision a long time ago, that if you're married and your SO doesn't know you play, or I can't get a written permission slip from her.. I just can't. Period.

I wondered why you always play hard-to-get with me

I'm married and put that right in my profile. I also find that I seem to click best with women who are also married and of a similar age. We're more likely to be here for the same reasons and have more RL things in common to chat about. Nobody gets hurt.

 

[ydahecnot]

I wondered why you always play hard-to-get with me

I'm married and put that right in my profile. I also find that I seem to click best with women who are also married and of a similar age. We're more likely to be here for the same reasons and have more RL things in common to chat about. Nobody gets hurt.

Cosigned (though not always right at my age)

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I wondered why you always play hard-to-get with me

I'm married and put that right in my profile. I also find that I seem to click best with women who are also married and of a similar age. We're more likely to be here for the same reasons and have more RL things in common to chat about. Nobody gets hurt.

and that^^ I totally get. Attached + Attached have better odds of coming to common ground on what needs aren't being fulfilled in their established relationship. They also have common goals which include not disrupting said relationship..
Attached + Unattached...presents problems that even Stevie Wonder could see, I think that most who engage in that have a whole different perspective on things... And probably also use water to put out grease fires, but who am I to draw conclusions?

 

[Leigh81]

My husband wishes I played on here. Cyber just doesn't do it for me with either sex. I have no problem talking about sex with others, getting or giving advice.
I've learned so much on this site.
I know it's not right but I feel if you keep it strictly here it's not really cheating. I also thought that making out with another woman & getting it on with them wasn't cheating, but yes it is.
I admit I've been dealing with "double standards". I was feeling ok with something I did, but I know my GF would be hurt. I think after the other night along with a great friend here setting me straight, I'm back on track. My thinking was wrong.


L

 

[ydahecnot]

I remember almost two decades ago when I started the walk on the wild side (on Yahoo Blackjack!), I remember I told my first major paramour that I wasn't married. I didn't think that through, of course, so it became tough to keep finding excuses for not having phone contact, not getting together IRL, etc. Obviously, forthrightness about everything except the most private details of your real life works best and is best.

 

[AbsintheFather]

My husband wishes I played on here. Cyber just doesn't do it for me with either sex. I have no problem talking about sex with others, getting or giving advice.
I've learned so much on this site.
I know it's not right but I feel if you keep it strictly here it's not really cheating. I also thought that making out with another woman & getting it on with them wasn't cheating, but yes it is.
I admit I've been dealing with "double standards". I was feeling ok with something I did, but I know my GF would be hurt. I think after the other night along with a great friend here setting me straight, I'm back on track. My thinking was wrong.

L

We all find ways to rationalize our behaviors. We learn best from trying things out. Life is a never-ending learning process.

I suppose I'm not 'proud' of some of what I do. Which is why I don't share Lit with many RL friends or family. But even if I'm not 'proud' of it, I've met a lot of good and nice people and I am glad to have Lit in my life.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

My husband wishes I played on here. Cyber just doesn't do it for me with either sex. I have no problem talking about sex with others, getting or giving advice.
I've learned so much on this site.
I know it's not right but I feel if you keep it strictly here it's not really cheating. I also thought that making out with another woman & getting it on with them wasn't cheating, but yes it is.
I admit I've been dealing with "double standards". I was feeling ok with something I did, but I know my GF would be hurt. I think after the other night along with a great friend here setting me straight, I'm back on track. My thinking was wrong.


L

"cheating " is a loaded term around here. My opinion is that cheating is defined by the two parties in the established relationship. It all hinges on what they as a couple decided together. That's the only reason I draw the line at transparency with your SO. If I have not talked to her, it just feels wrong to me.

But I digress. I don't play online anymore regardless of a poster's status.

Only want to tell Leigh not to beat herself up over it. If it doesn't feel right to YOU, regardless of whether it tickles another's fancy, then, bottom line..for YOU it is not right.
(Except in the case of scat, pedophilia, and humiliation of another person. Those will always be wrong to me, and I'm pretty sure I've got the majority vote on that.)

 

[Leigh81]

We all find ways to rationalize our behaviors. We learn best from trying things out. Life is a never-ending learning process.

I suppose I'm not 'proud' of some of what I do. Which is why I don't share Lit with many RL friends or family. But even if I'm not 'proud' of it, I've met a lot of good and nice people and I am glad to have Lit in my life.

My GF has no idea about me here & I don't want her to know. It's my escape & I'm not sexual with anyone here so I don't feel guilty.
My behavior with my nephews 19 year old GF is a different story.

L

 

[LWulf]

I don't see jealousy as a bad thing, per se. It shows you care. About yourself more than anything else, true, but caring about what you get out of life, to me, is the flipside of not caring about yourself at all, or depression. A little self love is a good thing and quite healthy (and no, I'm not talking about jacking or jilling).

Too much jealousy is a bad thing. You get cynical and spiteful.

Do I get jealous? Noooooo. heh, yeah right. occasionally, but usually from someone saying something funnier or more apropos than what I said or was thinking. I like to be funny, which some people think is flirting. To them, clowns must be the biggest flirts on two legs. I don't really flirt or if I did, I would be as blunt and subtle as a brick which isn't really the definition of flirting. The definition of flirting is "...having serious intention" and I rarely have serious intentions, and if I do, then I'm all serious and not funny.

Generally, I don't get jealous of couples. I might get wistful sometimes and long for what they have, but I've never wanted to take away from someone else what they have. That's spiteful that no good will ever come from. Wanting specifically what someone else has is a waste of effort and energy and I'm quite too lazy to go in that direction.

What you might consider is that jealousy sometimes is not the cause, but the effect. In other words, what you are getting jealous over isn't necessarily what is causing self doubt, but something else entirely. This would be a reason why you ask yourself "why am I getting jealous?"
Answer: it might not be what you are getting jealous over but something else that you have been negligently overlooking about yourself. Something you have been withholding or abstaining from that you didn't realize how much it would affect you until it starts looming like a big bad monster.

 

[ydahecnot]

In a sense, the people who post "ads" saying what they want sexually are more honest about their purpose, if not stark. Maybe it's because the one I posted many years ago got zero responses, but the PG way is more like real life: we want someone who moves us on more than an on-spec level.