Looking for that frisson again

[EnglishAgain]

Entschuldigen Sie bitte?

Hello back to you katze. I muss frage, warum is diene name katze? Aber bitte nict auf deutch anworten, es ist viele jahre seit ich habe deutch benutz!

Mein Deutsch is nicht gut, so what did you say?

 

[EnglishAgain]

IRS? DNA? Mott the hoople?

ooops pardon me, They didn't teach the alphabet til 3rd grade and I still get my letters mixed up. Seeing as I never made it past 2nd, (though I did spend 11 years there before they carted me off to jail as an adult offender), I had to teach myself. Kinda cute lil' song but I'm still confused at times thought your were INA.

No problem, we won't judge you. Why do you offend adults?

 

[EnglishAgain]

pics

Oh...Wings darling, lovely clevage in your profile picture.

Now here I am, torn between two others; feeling like a fool....

Whilst Wings does have an amazing cleavage, you also have a profile pic to die for. There can be no choosing or favouritism, I shall have to be awed by you both!

Yum

 

[EnglishAgain]

Life stories?

Having read through my potted life story I can see that I have only told you of all the unfortunate things that have happened to me. It makes my life sound like a train wreck. This is not the case, it's just that right now I am in a hole that I need to climb out of. Anybody got a ladder?

Of course there is more to me than divorces and depression. I have much in my life that I am proud of. I am slowly starting to see that I am at the start of a long road now, where the road goes is for me to decide!

I stand here now, map in hand. I can go anywhere I want to! It may take me a while to figure out whether to go north or south but I will get there soon.

Friends that I meet along the way can only lighten my load.

I should say so! Ask him about rewiring houses in war torn Bosnia, or travelling to Columbia to set up new power plants. Ask him about his desperately funny sense of humour, and why we are referred to as the Kray twins, or poor Joe's leg. So many many stories. How little you all know. If I were schizophrenic, I'd end up being him on the good days.

Not that I admire him at all, or respect his judgement, or anything. Of course, now he's flirting with all of you I may have to have him "taken care of" but it's a small price to pay...

 

[EnglishAgain]

Arse

Ya missed "ARSE!!!"

No he didn't. I'm over here!

mwah

kiss arse!

 

[ItNeverSets]

Mein Deutsch is nicht gut, so what did you say?

Roughly translated: For you Ea ze thread is over now... Vorsprung durch Technic!

 

[ItNeverSets]

Prolific Terrific

I can't believe how prolific EA has been today. He abandons us all for days and then thinks he can bombard his way back into our lives, how rude.

I read an article earlier this week on how women keep score in a relationship. They prefer a little gift or gesture often rather than a ton of expensive presents once in a while. Perhaps somebody could learn something from this... I'm not refering to anybody in particular of course!

 

[jhe1950]

Well t'iant sure I'm your daddy, as momma, grandma, aunt, niece second cousin was servicing the entire trailer park that afternoon, but did check around and as noone else claims ya guess I might as well. That bein' the case I wuz $10 bucks short of my weekly quota o' PBR so could you wire the ole man a little cash son.

Now I'm begginin' ta believe indeed you're my son, as it seems like ya had too much fun at your boadin' school, and like animals so much, (rather fond of sheep myself). I also, remember M'Buto, and I'm glad you speak kindly o' him as he too might be your pappa.

Oh an' your mamma's fine. I'll send your fond regards as soon as she stops servicing the Hog Waller coed softball team. Seasons over but she's been in her back bedroom with 'em for trhee weeks now, and as she doesn't seem to be in any hurry to scoot 'em out I t'aint quite sure how soon that will be...

Anyway be de fault o' de fact no one else 'round here will own up to ya, all my lovin' regards,

Your Dad
John

P.S.

Don't forget the $10

 

[Wings27]

Now here I am, torn between two others; feeling like a fool....

Whilst Wings does have an amazing cleavage, you also have a profile pic to die for. There can be no choosing or favouritism, I shall have to be awed by you both!

Yum

 

[RuneBlade]

I read an article earlier this week on how women keep score in a relationship. They prefer a little gift or gesture often rather than a ton of expensive presents once in a while. Perhaps somebody could learn something from this... I'm not refering to anybody in particular of course!

*scribble, scribble*

I'd hate to see your hard work go to waste!

 

[jhe1950]

Distance? Ha, I smirk in the face of a few thousand miles. I just bought a large barrel of dynamite from a nice guy I met in town. Osama told me all I have to do is sit on the top, light the fuse and it will take me straight to Heaven, which I now realise is Cecil's truck stop where InRhapsody will be waiting for me in ..well Rhapsody I guess. All I have to do is find the right launch pad, which is something to do with cubans. Osama told me it was for use in Fidel's.

Charm? Have at thee, sirrah, I have no charm, but I do have some charming friends. Glad to have met you too

Hey how is Osama, if ya see him tell him we miss him down at the still. Actually he learned that dynamite trick there one fine day when Hiram lost his glasses and mistakenly used about 40 sticks he'd pouched from a dead revenue agent to fire the damn thing up. Impressd the Hell out of Osama.

 

[Wings27]

I read an article earlier this week on how women keep score in a relationship. They prefer a little gift or gesture often rather than a ton of expensive presents once in a while. Perhaps somebody could learn something from this... I'm not refering to anybody in particular of course!

I truly don't think I've ever kept score in the way I took this to mean. While it's true I'm a female who prefers gestures to actual sparklies, I don't expect them. Maybe my expectations are too low, but I find that loving and being loved is actually a pretty damn good reward. That being said...bring on the sparklies baby!

 

[Inrhapsody]

I can't believe how prolific EA has been today. He abandons us all for days and then thinks he can bombard his way back into our lives, how rude.

I read an article earlier this week on how women keep score in a relationship. They prefer a little gift or gesture often rather than a ton of expensive presents once in a while. Perhaps somebody could learn something from this... I'm not refering to anybody in particular of course!

Oh, I am keeping score...believe me.

 

[Inrhapsody]

Well t'iant sure I'm your daddy, as momma, grandma, aunt, niece second cousin was servicing the entire trailer park that afternoon, but did check around and as noone else claims ya guess I might as well. That bein' the case I wuz $10 bucks short of my weekly quota o' PBR so could you wire the ole man a little cash son.

Now I'm begginin' ta believe indeed you're my son, as it seems like ya had too much fun at your boadin' school, and like animals so much, (rather fond of sheep myself). I also, remember M'Buto, and I'm glad you speak kindly o' him as he too might be your pappa.

Oh an' your mamma's fine. I'll send your fond regards as soon as she stops servicing the Hog Waller coed softball team. Seasons over but she's been in her back bedroom with 'em for trhee weeks now, and as she doesn't seem to be in any hurry to scoot 'em out I t'aint quite sure how soon that will be...

Anyway be de fault o' de fact no one else 'round here will own up to ya, all my lovin' regards,

Your Dad
John

P.S.

Don't forget the $10

Do what??? I think I have ten dollars in pennies some where...need it?

 

[jhe1950]

No problem, we won't judge you. Why do you offend adults?

Try my damnest to offend adults, children, everyone. And if I can't so it by my behavior then the fact I 'taint washed in a year and never brush my gums usually does the trick.

 

[jhe1950]

Do what??? I think I have ten dollars in pennies some where...need it?

Well darling, the $10 I'm having EA send me is for your spendin money on the bus here, remember? Don't want ya to be starving on the way, and $10 can buy a lot of pork rinds.

 

[Inrhapsody]

Now here I am, torn between two others; feeling like a fool....

Whilst Wings does have an amazing cleavage, you also have a profile pic to die for. There can be no choosing or favouritism, I shall have to be awed by you both!

Yum

EA & INS,
Help me then...I ain't no Walmart girl. I have clevage too!!! Help me or your daddy is gonna hold me in his basement as his sex slave. I want to live in the Buckingham trailer park, not Hog Waller. I ain't fond of hogs. I drink tea, granted it is iced but...

I promise that I will learn how to spell correctly too.

 

[jhe1950]

EA & INS,
HElp me then...I ain't no Walmart girl. I have clevage too!!! Help me or your daddy is gonna hold me in his basement as his sex slave. I want to live in the Buckingham trailer, park not Hog Waller. I ain't fond of hogs. I drink tea, granted it is iced but...

I promise that I will learn how to spell correctly too.

T'aint no cellar you'll be in my precious rather a crawl space 'neath the double wide. An Betsie Lou makes a fine iced tea, though she seems ta do so out o hemp. Tastes a lil funny at first but after a pitcher who really cares....

 

[jhe1950]

EA & INS,
Help me then...I ain't no Walmart girl. I have clevage too!!! Help me or your daddy is gonna hold me in his basement as his sex slave. I want to live in the Buckingham trailer park, not Hog Waller. I ain't fond of hogs. I drink tea, granted it is iced but...

I promise that I will learn how to spell correctly too.

Oh and as far as cleavage, 'taint no problem here, mama, sis, wife , niece, cousin has 'em 58HHH hooters, sit well on her massive middriff, 'specially after I insisted she wear only them home sewn halters, (dang ya know how 'spensive barzziers that there size is), figured pump her full of PBR and her waist would expand to support her as well as anything we'd find at K-Mart. An I'm not that cheap either, siphon 'nough gas and we can find a Target not 30 miles from here, just don't expect ta get in barefooted.

 

[Inrhapsody]

Oh and as far as cleavage, 'taint no problem here, mama, sis, wife , niece, cousin has 'em 58HHH hooters, sit well on her massive middriff, 'specially after I insisted she wear only them home sewn halters, (dang ya know how 'spensive barzziers that there size is), figured pump her full of PBR and her waist would expand to support her as well as anything we'd find at K-Mart. An I'm not that cheap either, siphon 'nough gas and we can find a Target not 30 miles from here, just don't expect ta get in barefooted.

Oh wait..Target..the crawl space is looking better. I do like a man with a purty accent though. And it is a posh trailer park.

EA/INS..so what do you have to offer me? Take a good look at my AV before you decide what to do. LOL

 

[jhe1950]

Porked by a lardy in the county jail,
the prison band was there and they began to wail...and no wonder really.

We don't drink coffee we take tea, my dear, and we don't have barbeques at all. How frightfully new worldly and progressive of you. Being such a small nation we simply sit around and lament the loss of empire as we sip a nice cup of Twinings from the porcelain grandmama left us. What no-one admits is that we stole the fuckin'ham, but we're far too well bred to admit it.
Having run the gamut of gammon on this one, I shall move on! You're very original John, have you written elsewhere?

Ok, stepping out of or into character, (depending on your perspective), I have posted very little on lit, and certainly no stories. I have a propensity to start several and finish none. I have enjoyed good banter on occasion, as you might have already guessed and am very good friends with inrhapsody and now noor. The former speaks very highly of you, and I finally ventured here and found your wit extremely entertaining. I feel badly I ursurped your space and might actually move my Hog Waller postings elsewhere on the personals....

If you'd like more information about me I'd be happy to provide it sans the parody just pm me or better yet ask inrhapsody

I'll certainly be back, as unworthy as I might be of your banter....and thank you for a delightful thread...

 

[RuneBlade]

I'll certainly be back, as unworthy as I might be of your banter

Lies!

Slander!

Untruths, even!

 

[EnglishAgain]

ecoute et repete

Ok, stepping out of or into character, (depending on your perspective), I have posted very little on lit, and certainly no stories. I have a propensity to start several and finish none. I have enjoyed good banter on occasion, as you might have already guessed and am very good friends with inrhapsody and now noor. The former speaks very highly of you, and I finally ventured here and found your wit extremely entertaining. I feel badly I ursurped your space and might actually move my Hog Waller postings elsewhere on the personals....

If you'd like more information about me I'd be happy to provide it sans the parody just pm me or better yet ask inrhapsody

I'll certainly be back, as unworthy as I might be of your banter....and thank you for a delightful thread...

Whoa, big fella. Hi John, good to talk to you out of the banter. Don't feel that you've usurped anything, you've really brought some smiles to lots of the folk here and your imagination is awesome. It's good to see you.
I'm flattered inrhapsody speaks well of me, I on;y wish I had more chance to speak to her at all! Alas, had we but time enough and worlds enough, there would be wonder between us I think. I've had a quck look at your profile, as I'm sure everyone else has done, and whatever you want to tell is enough for me.
Writing stories on here is not for the faint hearted it seems. I've had a few published that scored really well, and a couple that were really rubbish, and my last one was rejected out of hand! (It did deserve it though, there was no feeling in it really). I was initially here just to discover if I actually had anything original to say, now I stay for the wit and the charm of the company. Now I must go and respond to some of the other posts, but please don't feel you have to go take your HogWaller ideas elsewhere for my benefit. I think you might attract a lot of interest if you start a thread of your own, as I'm sure we'll all follow you anyway, so perhaps you might do both? Just a thought.

Have fun

 

[EnglishAgain]

so says he

Lies!

Slander!

Untruths, even!

Hi Rune,

I notice you come on here every morning at the moment. This can only lead me to one or two conclusions. Either you have a laptop which you use in wireless mode to type to us whilst you sit on the lavatory, or perhaps you are on the way to work packed aboard a steamy commuter train in downtown Huddersfield, techtyping on your Blackberry.

Surely you aren't getting to work and sitting in an office somewhere avoiding contact with your colleagues in order to write to us? Perhaps you shouldn't be ignoring that big flashing "Reactor core temperature" light in front of you?

 

[EnglishAgain]

decisions decisions

Oh wait..Target..the crawl space is looking better. I do like a man with a purty accent though. And it is a posh trailer park.

EA/INS..so what do you have to offer me? Take a good look at my AV before you decide what to do. LOL

Wow, what do I have to offer? Well, the sequence of events would be something like this.

1. Turf INS out of the spare room and have him exported to Guam in a box marked "Bananas" because he is.
2. Meet you from the plane, kiss your hand, escort you to the waiting car. Drive you to a marvellous and intimate restaurant, perhaps Marcus Anthony or Marco Pierre Whites. On the way I would begin to regale you with witty stories but they would tail off as I simply gazed into your eyes, those wondrous, delicious, utterly captivating eyes.
3. We would eat sensuous, sumptuous food, brushing hands, feet and skin together, we would laugh and then we would giggle, it would be a shared time of illicit, intimate and very private fun.
4. I would admit that I cannot wait to see you posed in elegant glory on a bed, that my body yearned for you, that the rush of desire in me was a pounding in my ears and a narrowing of my focus so that my entire world was just you.
5. I would then find out that you were using your Blackberry to post a message on Literotica saying "Dear John, please send Greyhound ticket and pork rinds, EA is so ugly he has a banning order to stop him going out in daylight"

Happens all the time