Making sense of things....

[watergirl]

Psyche -

YES. I agree.. I want to live and speak as if to say, "and I mean it!" Sarcasm is still a useful tool, of course...

 

[psyche]

Psyche -

YES. I agree.. I want to live and speak as if to say, "and I mean it!" Sarcasm is still a useful tool, of course...

ROFLMAO! Like I said, I love lit and the people that I meet here!

 

[shescurious]

I guess I realized that I didn't have to apologize to other people. Now I realize I don't need to explain myself to them either.

 

[Ange1icflowers]

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!



angel

 

[StevenWill]

age old question

This is an age old question that plaques many of us who are burdened with the ability to think. We all come from a cultural history that says we have sex with the most important people in our lives. So, it is no surprise that sometimes we don't know exactly where "fuck buddies" fit in the picture.
I teach a human sexuality course and many of my students use alcohol to resolve that conflict. They don't use alcohol to make sex better but to make it possible. It suggests a conflict. I tell them that one way to judge sex is to suppose that good sex should make you feel better about yourself and better about your partner. I think that is more likely if both people know going in what the sex signifies to each other. Then you can have great sex within the context of relationship you both understand, without guild or regret. Sadly, I still have many women in my class who really think that they will find love through sex, that someone will like them if they have sex with them. They always get hurt.

But most importantly, be nice to yourself. You have not committed a crime. You are a thoughtful person who is also sexual and, from what I can tell, takes the other person's feelings seriously.
You sound like you would be a delightful partner and one who need not apologize to either past or future lovers.

As I get older I realize that nice people really do make the best partners. You seem like one of those people.

Stay happy.

Steve

 

[watergirl]

StevenWill

I like what you had to say, that makes a great deal of sense.

<smiling>

mmm. nice people are wonderful...

 

[RomanHans]

Why is it that women are "taken advantage of" and men are the ones who are "taking advantage"? Fuck that.........women are able to make decisions about who to have sex with, period. My take is that your friends are just worried that you will have too much fun. Your friend's reactions shouldn't make you censor your enjoyment of your sexuality. And no one can take advantage of you...........unless of course they tie you to the bed and have their way with you...............Mmmmmmmmm...............come to think of it I could use some of that................LOL! Stand in line.........I am ready to be taken advantage of guys..............

This woman is truly amazing

Don't know if a male perspective helps (and I'm perfectly willing to be taken advantage of as well!), but my interpretation is that your intrinsic 'adult' needs are conflicting with the social stigma of 'sleeping around'...and that your friends may be sending the message that you're acting like the town slut...

Although I may not always have the courage of my convictions, I do believe that the way that other people portray you is only valid if you let it get to you. If you're unapologetic, then please don't let self-doubt eat at your self-confidence and your enjoyment. You're not breaking any laws, and you deserve your own enjoyment as long as you're not hurting others (without their consent, at least!).

I also agree that this concept that a woman can be 'taken advantage of' is mostly a cultural construct--you seem like a woman who knows what you want and goes after it, so by definition you're not being taken advantage of...as to whether the guys 'deserve' the pleasure of your company, it's your call to decide who is deserving and who is not--your sex life isn't a democracy, and your decisions about your sexuality shouldn't be dictated by a popular vote.

Hope that this helps--here's one guy who's rooting for you.

Roman

 

[RomanHans]

And what's amazing about this thread is the diverse ways that everyone has found to deliver pretty much the same message--I guess that the lesson is that Literotica Lets U Be U.

Roman

 

[Mysticcal]

mmm, I getcha now, psyche...

I was so happy to find lit and the sense of community and lovely functional and disfunctional family that seems to exist here.

I find it really really amazing, how, once people own up that they like sex, it's great, and we all want it, you can talk about it in a very flirty way, and it's good, instead of being skeezy or creepy..
and how you can also find so many other things to talk about, as well.

Do you ever read Ayn Rand? her characters have interesting views on sex, which are hers, of course - that sexual attraction is the inevitable result of the attraction of two minds, and that a woman should feel she merits the attention she gets...

here's a scenario from one of her books - you can only blackmail people if they want to hide the info you have on them... if you own it proudly and openly, that you are sleeping with someone, then what do you have to lose? the good opinion of others? why should you want it, if they think less of you for taking your joy where you find it?

i'm not sure how coherent that is, I should stop rambling..

I just had to jump in here.....I agree with so much that was said before and wanted to add that I have read Ayn Rand and I embraced her ideas about many things, including sex or maybe especially sex (thinking about Atlas Shrugged mainly).

I was never taught that sex was inherently dirty or bad, but ran across many men that thought so, as well as girlfriends that would never do anything but missionary position and wouldn't even admit (or maybe they really didn't) enjoy it.

I firmly believe that having sex with another person is a sharing of energy, and if you care about yourself, you will choose partners that reflect that back to you, whether it be a casual sharing of pleasure, or a more in depth meeting of spirit.

ok end of ramble

 

[shescurious]

Re: age old question

This is an age old question that plaques many of us who are burdened with the ability to think. We all come from a cultural history that says we have sex with the most important people in our lives. So, it is no surprise that sometimes we don't know exactly where "fuck buddies" fit in the picture.
I teach a human sexuality course and many of my students use alcohol to resolve that conflict. They don't use alcohol to make sex better but to make it possible. It suggests a conflict. I tell them that one way to judge sex is to suppose that good sex should make you feel better about yourself and better about your partner. I think that is more likely if both people know going in what the sex signifies to each other. Then you can have great sex within the context of relationship you both understand, without guild or regret. Sadly, I still have many women in my class who really think that they will find love through sex, that someone will like them if they have sex with them. They always get hurt.

But most importantly, be nice to yourself. You have not committed a crime. You are a thoughtful person who is also sexual and, from what I can tell, takes the other person's feelings seriously.
You sound like you would be a delightful partner and one who need not apologize to either past or future lovers.

As I get older I realize that nice people really do make the best partners. You seem like one of those people.

Stay happy.

Steve

Thank you for your peices of wisdom. I do try my best to be nice to everyone around me and in my relationships always honest. I can be very critical of myself at times though....another thing to work on...(be nice to yourself)

 

[shescurious]

This woman is truly amazing

Yes she is!

Don't know if a male perspective helps (and I'm perfectly willing to be taken advantage of as well!), but my interpretation is that your intrinsic 'adult' needs are conflicting with the social stigma of 'sleeping around'...and that your friends may be sending the message that you're acting like the town slut...

Ummm...no I don't think that is the case...because I know I am not acting that way. Geez what do you think I am......lol

Although I may not always have the courage of my convictions, I do believe that the way that other people portray you is only valid if you let it get to you. If you're unapologetic, then please don't let self-doubt eat at your self-confidence and your enjoyment. You're not breaking any laws, and you deserve your own enjoyment as long as you're not hurting others (without their consent, at least!).

I also agree that this concept that a woman can be 'taken advantage of' is mostly a cultural construct--you seem like a woman who knows what you want and goes after it, so by definition you're not being taken advantage of...as to whether the guys 'deserve' the pleasure of your company, it's your call to decide who is deserving and who is not--your sex life isn't a democracy, and your decisions about your sexuality shouldn't be dictated by a popular vote.

Hope that this helps--here's one guy who's rooting for you.

Roman

Thanks Roman

 

[shescurious]

I just had to jump in here.....I agree with so much that was said before and wanted to add that I have read Ayn Rand and I embraced her ideas about many things, including sex or maybe especially sex (thinking about Atlas Shrugged mainly).

I was never taught that sex was inherently dirty or bad, but ran across many men that thought so, as well as girlfriends that would never do anything but missionary position and wouldn't even admit (or maybe they really didn't) enjoy it.

I firmly believe that having sex with another person is a sharing of energy, and if you care about yourself, you will choose partners that reflect that back to you, whether it be a casual sharing of pleasure, or a more in depth meeting of spirit.

ok end of ramble

Hey Mysticcal,

We miss you on the brig...how are you hon?

 

[StevenWill]

dirty

I was never taught that sex was inherently dirty or bad, but ran across many men that thought so, as well as girlfriends that would never do anything but missionary position and wouldn't even admit (or maybe they really didn't) enjoy it.

I have always struggled with this concept. On the one hand, sex sex can be spiritual, powerful, intimate, loving, affectionate, passionate--on the other hand, we have a history of thinking of sex as base, primitive and, yes, even dirty. However, when we break through and really start to enjoy sex and establish fantastic relationships based on trust and respect, it can be so much fun to be "dirty." If we didn't have our repressive history, then we wouldn't have a lot of the erotica we read and enjoy on Lit. Many years ago I dated a woman who would get into a "bad girl" mode during sex. When she said things like "make me be nasty" it drove me absolutely crazy. But if we didn't have our repressive past, what she said would have no meaning.

Does anyone else think this is a bit ironic?

Just rambling, feel free to ignore me.

Steve

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Pommel]

Re: dirty

... But if we didn't have our repressive past, what she said would have no meaning.

Does anyone else think this is a bit ironic?

Just rambling, feel free to ignore me.

Steve

Ironic? Maybe. But what I really think about it is that it kicks ass! Those taboos effectively partition off a large part of.... let's call it the landscape of human sexuality.... and reserve it for free thinkers, hedonists, amoralists, weirdoes, whackos, perverts, and scum. It's a crazy mix. OK, so maybe it can be a bit dangerous but when you're wondering around in that reserved piece of erotic real-estate, you meet a lot of really interesting people; more than you would at, say, a hockey game.
I say, thank God for the bible-thumpers who have so effectively and selflessly kept so many boring women from ever being interested in a guy like me. I owe them immeasurably for preventing many un-noteworthy, time-wasting relationships I might otherwise have been involved in.

And, by way of responding to the original topic of this thread.... Remember, no matter how clean and discreet you are, word is going to get out; even if none of your partners utters a word. Some day you're going to meet "the one" and (if you really are comfortable with your own actions) will tell him about your sexual history. The question you really need to ask yourself is whether or not you want your future mate to share your relaxed attitudes about sex. If he does, none of this will be a big deal.

 

[shescurious]

Re: dirty

I have always struggled with this concept. On the one hand, sex sex can be spiritual, powerful, intimate, loving, affectionate, passionate--on the other hand, we have a history of thinking of sex as base, primitive and, yes, even dirty. However, when we break through and really start to enjoy sex and establish fantastic relationships based on trust and respect, it can be so much fun to be "dirty." If we didn't have our repressive history, then we wouldn't have a lot of the erotica we read and enjoy on Lit. Many years ago I dated a woman who would get into a "bad girl" mode during sex. When she said things like "make me be nasty" it drove me absolutely crazy. But if we didn't have our repressive past, what she said would have no meaning.

Does anyone else think this is a bit ironic?

Just rambling, feel free to ignore me.

Steve

Ironic, yes but also fascinating. I also think that some people hide behind the "dirty" sex choosing that style instead of the intimate, loving, passionate kind to protect themselves from getting hurt emotionally by their partner. After all if there isn't love involved then who will get hurt. On the other hand to rob yourself of that intimate loving experience is a shame....

Rambling again I suppose.....

 

[shescurious]

Re: Re: dirty

And, by way of responding to the original topic of this thread.... Remember, no matter how clean and discreet you are, word is going to get out; even if none of your partners utters a word. Some day you're going to meet "the one" and (if you really are comfortable with your own actions) will tell him about your sexual history. The question you really need to ask yourself is whether or not you want your future mate to share your relaxed attitudes about sex. If he does, none of this will be a big deal.

I do want him to be as relaxed about sex as I am of course. I can only imagine the things we could experience togetherwith out having to worry about 'what will he/she think if I suggest this.' Things that I could teach him and he could teach me....*dreaming dreaming dreaming*

 

[Pommel]

Re: Re: Re: dirty

I do want him to be as relaxed about sex as I am of course. I can only imagine the things we could experience togetherwith out having to worry about 'what will he/she think if I suggest this.' Things that I could teach him and he could teach me....*dreaming dreaming dreaming*

Then it sounds to me like you don't have alot to worry about. It seems like you're being honest with everyone invloved, even (most importantly) yourself. It doesn't seem likely that you are going to fall in love with someone that is going to be uncomfortable with your past.
Have fun. Somewhere out there, "the one" is probably doing the same thing. Won't it be fun to compare notes?

 

[StevenWill]

dangerous

StevenWill, yes, it's ironic, but also normal, I think. I tend to be attracted to men who were raised in strict religious backgrounds (but no longer are) because they tend to see sex as "dirtiest," and it makes it more fun for me.

Pink Orchid, you are a dangerous woman. I can see you yanking them out of the church pews one by one and making them see the light.

 

[shescurious]

Re: Re: Re: Re: dirty

Then it sounds to me like you don't have alot to worry about. It seems like you're being honest with everyone invloved, even (most importantly) yourself. It doesn't seem likely that you are going to fall in love with someone that is going to be uncomfortable with your past.
Have fun. Somewhere out there, "the one" is probably doing the same thing. Won't it be fun to compare notes?

LMAO! What a naughty thought...I love it...

 

[Kathleencd]

Making sense of things

The title says it all. "Making sense of things" Who knows? You seem to have a brain and you seem to be using it. Which is a rare thing in this crazy world. I make one suggestion - Don't tell about your past experiences. The past is in the past. The person your with needs only to know that you love them and only them.
But what do I know, I'm just a crossdresser.

 

[shescurious]

Re: Making sense of things

The title says it all. "Making sense of things" Who knows? You seem to have a brain and you seem to be using it. Which is a rare thing in this crazy world. I make one suggestion - Don't tell about your past experiences. The past is in the past. The person your with needs only to know that you love them and only them.
But what do I know, I'm just a crossdresser.

I see your point about not telling the past to your present partner however, I do think it would be deliciously naughty to have him tell me a story about some crazy or sexy past tryst he has had or vice versa. Of course we would have to be secure in each other for that not to effect the relationship.

Welcome to Lit...I hope you will continue to share your opinions and you enjoy your time spent here...

 

[Spenser41]

The one thing I think I have learned in my life is to let people know where I am. If you have some male friends that you enjoy being with, then go for it. As far as a small town is concern, you have heard to not let what others think get in your way. But having come from a small town, I know it can cause problems. Try to find people in the next largest city that you can meet and hang out with. Besides, it will give you a chance to meet more people then just the handful you have to pick from. But most of all, enjoy your life, do what you want, and just make sure you are happy with you. No one else can make you happy, only you can do that. Life is too short to worry about what you should have done or could have done. As a friend of mine said, I made the best choice at the time given what I had to choose from.

 

[Mysticcal]

Hey Mysticcal,

We miss you on the brig...how are you hon?

Hey hun, I miss you all too....I will try and get back there this week. Been struggling with a couple things in RL and wasn't in the right frame of mind for the brig....or the pub....but loved where the story was heading

((((((((hugs)))))))))

 

[Mysticcal]

Re: Re: dirty

Ironic, yes but also fascinating. I also think that some people hide behind the "dirty" sex choosing that style instead of the intimate, loving, passionate kind to protect themselves from getting hurt emotionally by their partner. After all if there isn't love involved then who will get hurt. On the other hand to rob yourself of that intimate loving experience is a shame....

Rambling again I suppose.....

That is such a good point SC.....it is easy to fall into the habit of wild, "dirty" sex to actually put distance between yourself and the person you are involved with. I realize I had a relationship like this, and not sure which of us was hiding from the other, maybe both, but it kind of left a sad empty feeling afterwards. Glad I moved on from there