omahaman2
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he found out what he is getting for Christmas!! 
http://surpluscitysales.com/images-humor/greatface.gif
http://surpluscitysales.com/images-humor/greatface.gif
MERRY CHRISTMAS playgrounders
- Thread starter omahaman2
- Start date
Broken_Angel
Really Really Experienced
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omahaman2
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Broken_Angel said:
Thank you very much for the wishes for both of us!!
Hopefully,it will be a good one!
I dont know,after receiving this
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b7/L_adybird/Santa2.jpg
omahaman2
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An Attorney's "Twas the Night Before Christmas"
Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a certain dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and
Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St. Nicholas would arrive; and
Whereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; and
Whereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and
Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; and
Whereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrupeds of a species found in arctic regions; and Whereas, a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the aforesaid animals by their appellations, as follows:
"Your immediate cooperation is requested. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen; and collective action by you will be much appreciated, Comet, Cupid, Donder, and Blitzen"; and
Whereas, subsequent to the above, there occurred a swift descent to the hearth by the aforementioned gentleman, where he proceeded to deposit gratuities in the aforementioned tubular coverings.
Now, therefore, be ye advised: that upon completion of these acts, and upon his return to his original point of departure, he proclaimed a felicitation of the type prevalent and suitable to these occasions, i.e.:
Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a certain dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rodent related to, and in form resembling, a rat; and
Whereas, the offspring of the occupants had affixed their tubular, closely knit coverings for the nether limbs to the flue of the fireplace in expectation that a personage known as St. Nicholas would arrive; and
Whereas, said offspring had become somnolent, and were entertaining re: saccharine-flavored fruit; and
Whereas, the adult male of the family, et ux, attired in proper headgear, had also become quiescent in anticipation of nocturnal inertia; and
Whereas, a distraction on the snowy acreage outside aroused the owner to investigate; and
Whereas, he perceived in a most unbelieving manner a vehicle propelled by eight domesticated quadrupeds of a species found in arctic regions; and Whereas, a most odd rotund gentleman was entreating the aforesaid animals by their appellations, as follows:
"Your immediate cooperation is requested. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen; and collective action by you will be much appreciated, Comet, Cupid, Donder, and Blitzen"; and
Whereas, subsequent to the above, there occurred a swift descent to the hearth by the aforementioned gentleman, where he proceeded to deposit gratuities in the aforementioned tubular coverings.
Now, therefore, be ye advised: that upon completion of these acts, and upon his return to his original point of departure, he proclaimed a felicitation of the type prevalent and suitable to these occasions, i.e.:
omahaman2
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omahaman2
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Chet" the Christmas Carol Parrot
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
omahaman2
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As Santa's legal representative, I must inform you of the following:
The EPA (environmental Protection Agency) has ruled that giving out coal is no longer acceptable, due to the environmental damage it may cause. THe CO2 emmisions from it being burnt have been found to be higher than that of natural gas and therefore it has been ruled by the Supreme Court, that handing out of this combustable gift is no longer legal. Anyone caught in the act of handing out this carbon substance (other than in the form of Diamonds, a completly safer version of the substance) will be found guilty in the court of law and will be subject to a $500.00 fine and/ or imprisonment per offense.
Due to this recent development, Santa will no longer be able to hand out coal to the people who have been bad. In Addition. the added lawsuits that are pending due to plantiffs claiming that he has caused "black lung" to those who have received these lumps of coal for so long, has caused my client, Mr. S. Claus, to hand out citations instead which will read : You have been naughty.
This will insure that Mr. Clause will not be indited by the EPA in the court of law, and he will not be liable for any health issues that may be probably due to the accumulation of said lumps of coal.
We hope that this has not caused any inconveniece for you. Please feel free to contact me at the following:
I.Jingle
Attourney at law
1 frostbite way
N.Pole.
The EPA (environmental Protection Agency) has ruled that giving out coal is no longer acceptable, due to the environmental damage it may cause. THe CO2 emmisions from it being burnt have been found to be higher than that of natural gas and therefore it has been ruled by the Supreme Court, that handing out of this combustable gift is no longer legal. Anyone caught in the act of handing out this carbon substance (other than in the form of Diamonds, a completly safer version of the substance) will be found guilty in the court of law and will be subject to a $500.00 fine and/ or imprisonment per offense.
Due to this recent development, Santa will no longer be able to hand out coal to the people who have been bad. In Addition. the added lawsuits that are pending due to plantiffs claiming that he has caused "black lung" to those who have received these lumps of coal for so long, has caused my client, Mr. S. Claus, to hand out citations instead which will read : You have been naughty.
This will insure that Mr. Clause will not be indited by the EPA in the court of law, and he will not be liable for any health issues that may be probably due to the accumulation of said lumps of coal.
We hope that this has not caused any inconveniece for you. Please feel free to contact me at the following:
I.Jingle
Attourney at law
1 frostbite way
N.Pole.
omahaman2
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omahaman2
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M
MsTexas
Guest
Merry Christmas to all of you as well
~hugs~
~hugs~
omahaman2
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omahaman2
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MrFantasyMan
Just Me...Poetry & Prose
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Oh starry night of wonder
Crystalline and clear,
Dream of lost hopes
And everything held dear.
A night so bright as this
Led by the Northern Star,
A joyous time to celebrate
No matter where you are.
Snowflakes that fall
As pure as gold,
A warmth inside
That melts the cold.
A heart so filled
With childish delight,
Praying of dreams
Coming true tonight.
A peace is found
So rare to find,
Serenity blessed
By a quiet mind.
What beholds our joy
Upon this night,
A star of wonder
Oh glorious sight.
Behold, Behold
This peace inside,
Reflecting in
The tears we've cried.
Star of wonder
Full of light,
Bless us all
This Holy Night.
MFM
Merry Christmas... "Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas."
Crystalline and clear,
Dream of lost hopes
And everything held dear.
A night so bright as this
Led by the Northern Star,
A joyous time to celebrate
No matter where you are.
Snowflakes that fall
As pure as gold,
A warmth inside
That melts the cold.
A heart so filled
With childish delight,
Praying of dreams
Coming true tonight.
A peace is found
So rare to find,
Serenity blessed
By a quiet mind.
What beholds our joy
Upon this night,
A star of wonder
Oh glorious sight.
Behold, Behold
This peace inside,
Reflecting in
The tears we've cried.
Star of wonder
Full of light,
Bless us all
This Holy Night.
MFM
Merry Christmas... "Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas."
omahaman2
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- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
'Twas The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, You've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you. So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, You've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you. So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
M
MsTexas
Guest
omahaman2
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- Nov 16, 2001
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from a friend!
The "W" in Christmas
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.
Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."
I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation.
All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise. So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats.
As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.
Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".
Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.
In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:
"C H R I S T W A S L O V E" And, I believe, He still is. Amazed in His presence....humbled by His love. Again, HAVE A BLESSED Christmas!
The "W" in Christmas
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.
Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."
I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation.
All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise. So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats.
As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.
Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".
Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.
In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:
"C H R I S T W A S L O V E" And, I believe, He still is. Amazed in His presence....humbled by His love. Again, HAVE A BLESSED Christmas!
omahaman2
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- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
UPDATED CHRISTMAS SONGS FOR 2006
I Saw Mommy Googling Santa Claus
Have Yourself A Very Little Christmas (and a lot of Commercialism)
Deck the Blogs
Grandma Got Run Over By An SUV
The Little iPod Boy
Santa Claus is Coming to Town (if he clears TSA screening)
Oh Little Target Named Bethlehem
Hark, the Herald Angels Instant Message
It Came Upon A Cell Phone Clear
I Saw Mommy Googling Santa Claus
Have Yourself A Very Little Christmas (and a lot of Commercialism)
Deck the Blogs
Grandma Got Run Over By An SUV
The Little iPod Boy
Santa Claus is Coming to Town (if he clears TSA screening)
Oh Little Target Named Bethlehem
Hark, the Herald Angels Instant Message
It Came Upon A Cell Phone Clear
