MG's Dubious Dictionary

[damppanties]

Ps. Blame the AV on Quaz. I think he has too much free time.

Can you or Quas close the shirt at least? Pleeeeeaaaassssseeeeeee?

I'm afraid it will affect (effect?) my mental health.

 

[Guest]

I'm afraid it will affect (effect?) my mental health.

Too late, Damp. I think it's an exquisitely sinister plot against all of us.

Actually, it's a great AV, Maths. I do wonder if DurtGurl has kidnapped you and taken over completely.

Perdita

 

[Wills]

Ps. Blame the AV on Quaz. I think he has too much free time.

It's a transvestite Moreno on a night out

What bars does Quasi go to?

Will's

 

[Quasimodem]

It's a transvestite Moreno on a night out
What bars does Quasi go to? Will's

It is a very ancient country inn, deep on The Wold, with a nearly illegible sign.

I think it is "The Shotten Wolfe" but that may be a bullet hole which has obliterated one of the letters.

In that case, it might as easily be, "The Shitten Wolfe."

Further investigation will be necessary. More visits.

I'll shall see what I can pick up.

 

[MathGirl]

ANTRORSE: Turned upward and forward.* E.g. "Hay, Mildred, c'mere quick. Old Edgar's went all antrorse on me. I ain't had a stiffy like this since 1987."

ANUPTAPHOBIA: Fear of staying single.* A condition resolved in certain parts of Australia by marrying sheep.

APAGOGE: Proof by showing falsehood of the opposite.* E.g. "In conclusion, learned colleagues, I have proven that Dr Cosgrove's hypothesis is basically full of shit, and that my postulate is irrefutable. Q.E.D."

APANAGE: Privilege of office; especially one given to younger offspring.* E.g. "Now Jeb, you're just going to have to wait until next year. I promised George W. that he can play President through all of 1989. Yes, Dan, you and General Powell will take your orders from Shrubbie for the next year. Now excuse me, gentlemen. I'm gonna go give old Barbara her semiannual boning."

 

[MathGirl]

APERIENT: Laxative.* E.g. "I'm sorry I accidentally put that aperient in your breakfast, Mr Lindbergh, what with you about to take off for Paris. Here's a case of paper towels and a dozen pairs of clean shorts. Good luck."

APERCU: Fr. Lit: 'Recalcitrant turd.' That small portion of a bowel movement which floats and stubbornly resists repeated flushings. Always happens at a house party when someone else is anxiously waiting to use the facility.

APATETIC: Of an animal's coloration or markings.* E.g. "Gosh, Bambi, it's sure a shame your dad has that apatetic mark in the shape of a bullseye on his side."

APOCATASTASIS: No definition is required. Another of those words, the mere pronounciation of which it gives one a feeling of satisfaction. Ed.

 

[Wills]

Math's

I'm very concerned about the Beagle, apparently he's landing on Mars tomorrow. I thought he was still soiling your lawn!

Will's

 

[MathGirl]

APODOSIS: Main clause in a conditional sentence.* E.g. "I'm gonna give you probation, Cosgrove. There's one condition, though: You can't breathe."

APOSITIA: Dislike of or distaste for food.* E.g. "I'm sorry, Rowena, but I'm afraid I have an apositia towards your radish-rhubarb preserves."

APOLAUSTIC: Dedicated to the search for enjoyment.* E.g. "Cosgrove, as you know, I am apolaustic. What I would enjoy right now is a tender young ewe. I'll be in the barn putting on my wellingtons."

APOPHASIS: Saying something by stating that you will not mention it.* E.g. "Dorothy, I'm not gonna mention the smell of yer B. O. The problem is that it makes my eyes water."


Wills, Only in my fondest dreams is Walter transported to another planet. MG

 

[MathGirl]

APOTRAPSIA: Confusion of similar sounding words, often with egregious results. E.g. "Moshie, you stay away from the sacramental wine at Hanukkah. Last year when it came time for you to blow the shofer and you insisted on doing John the driver ..... well, I don't think your poor mother will ever get over it."

APODYSOPHILIA: Feverish desire to undress.* E.g. "Sorry, boys and girls. I just had a sudden attack of apodysophilia. Let me get these panties back on, and we can resume our arithmetic lesson."

APPERSONATION: Irrational belief that one is another person.* E.g. "I dunno, Doc. Sometimes, on Friday, I get to thinking I'm my gay brother, Julian. Next thing I know, it's Monday morning, and I've got a sore butthole. Think I have appersonation?"

APLANATE: Flat; flattened.* E.g. "Captain Ponosby, I'm afraid your aplanate penis is beyond the help of medical science. Would you care to explain exactly how your dick got run over by a M-1A Bradley armored personnel carrier?"

 

[MathGirl]

Sigh....... Ed's creative and didactic powers seem to be at a low ebb. At the moment, she doesn't know an archdidactalian from an architrave. The output of the Dubious Dictionary may be infrequent and spotty for a while, as Ed recovers.
MG
Ps. Perhaps if Ed were provided with a nice Xmassy AV by a certain Noric person who shall remain nameless ................
Pps. Ed knows this announcement will come as a real disappointment by both regular readers of this column.

 

[damppanties]

infrequent and spotty

I'd like THAT definition. But then, you don't do requests...

 

[Wills]

MG

An architrave is a thing that goes around a door, sorry, can't help you with the other one.

I do trust the Editors condition does not lead to the epicedial demise of the dictionary, perhaps a seasonal palliative will lead to the restoration of Editors creative powers.

Will's

PS Who is the other reader?

 

[MathGirl]

If anyone wants to make a contribution to the Dubious Dictionary, please PM them to me. I'm temporarily sort of out of gas.
MG

 

[MathGirl]

Well, maybe not completely............

APPOSE: To place in proximity or juxtaposition.* E.g. "Mrs Cosgrove, with your permission, I should like to appose my throbbing member to your puckered brown eye."

ARACHIBUTYROPHOBIA: Fear of peanut butter sticking to roof of the mouth.* Another word about which the Committee should be spoken to harshly. Ed.

APOSTROPHOPLEGIA: Inability to use apostrophes properly. E.g. "Is this here dawg your's, Lem? I thank it's laig is hurt." The most egregious form is the dreaded Apostrophoplegia retalis, in which signs on businesses contain apostrophonious errata. E.g. "CAR'S" "HAIRCUT'S" or the apocryphal "CAR'S TOWED AWAY AT OWNERS EXPENSE."

 

[MathGirl]

The Question

I've just submitted a couple of chapters of the DD for posting here on Lit.com. How long does it take for them to appear?
MG

 

[Wills]

Take two sheep and a goat, add the total number of legs and divide by the number of legs on a sheep dog. That's the answer, give or take the legs on a shepherd.

Will's

 

[MathGirl]

ARBUSCLE: Dwarf or shrub-like tree.* E.g. President George W. "Arbuscle" Bush.

ARCHAEOLATRY: Worship of archaic things or old customs.* E.g. "I long for the good old days, Cosgrove. Those halcion days when I could get it up more than twice a year."

ARCHEMANDRITE: Head of a monastery.* In addition to being the CEO of the Order, the archemandrite has his pick of each season's yearling ewes. He also arbitrates the inevitable disputes amongst the monks about buggery of newly arrived novices.

AREFY: To dry up or wither.* E.g. "Dangit, Maudie, thet husband of mine ain't no good at all in bed no more. I thank his johnson's done started to arefy."

 

[shereads]

From the editor's summary of the book, "The Professor and the Madman":

"When the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary put out a call during the late 19th century pleading for 'men of letters' to provide help with their mammoth undertaking, hundreds of responses came forth. Some helpers, like Dr. W.C. Minor, provided literally thousands of entries to the editors. But Minor, an American expatriate in England and a Civil War veteran, was actually a certified lunatic who turned in his dictionary entries from the Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum."

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by shereads Minor, an American expatriate in England and a Civil War veteran, was actually a certified lunatic who turned in his dictionary entries from the Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum."

Dear Sh,
At least he helped.
MG

 

[shereads]

Dear Sh,
At least he helped.
MG

Exactly.

 

[shereads]

AINGONNADICTOHELPIA: Chronic refusal to assist with the compilation of a dictionary or other language resource.

AGORODICTOHELPIA: The fear of assisting with the compilation of a dictionary if to do so might require one to leave one's home.

AINGONNAHELPIMSCARDYA: Refusal to assist with the compliation of an online language resource, due to the fear of having one's assistance scorned or rejected. (2) Refusal to assist with any work of a public-service nature, due to the fear of losing control of one's bladder.

 

[shereads]

ASSOPOLITAPOLOGIST: One who feigns an apology for "getting political" on the asses of others, while in fact not being sorry at all; one who suffers from Assopolitapologia, typically as a result of recognizing that the President is an asshole.

ASSHOLE: President George W. Bush. (2) President George Herbert Walker Bush; see "the vision thing," Appendix V. (3) Less often, a slang term for the rectum.

 

[shereads]

ARACHNIHOLE: An in-ground hiding place, also known as a "spider hole."

ARACHNIT: The subspecies of louse which typically infests the beards and body hair of arachnihole dwellers.

ARRGH!ACHNIPHOBIA: A fear of eight-legged pirates.

 

[shereads]

ARRR!!IGORN: One of the lesser-known J.R.R. Tolkien characters, Arrr!!igorn was the hero of the unpublished novel, "Return of the Pirate King," written while J.R.R. was a student at Oxford Junior High.

 

[MathGirl]

Dear SheR,
Thank you, thank you. Very good. Consider them added to the lexicon. Want a job as an unpaid, badly treated assistant editor?
MG