My Girlfriend & Fellatio

[Final_Testimony]

Okay, I need some advice on a particular issue between me and my girlfriend. It's not necessarily a problem, but it is a touchy subject that I want to make sure I'll be able to handle right.

Anyways, I'll start off with some background information. Me and this girl have been dating for about two months now. As of this point, we are very much head-over-heels in love with eachother. We have already engaged in sexual acts, notably intercourse, mutual masturbation, and oral sex. I have performed on her; however, we come to the dilemma - she has never given oral sex to a man before.

For all intents and purposes, she literally does not know how to perform fellatio, and as a byproduct, she is stricken by the fear that she won't be able to pleasure me. In her own words, she feels that I am a "mastermind" at oral pleasure, while comparably, she is not. I mean, obviously she can't possibly be masterful at it if she's never tried it before. But she's so afraid to even attempt it, thinking she'll make an ass out of herself, that she won't even give it a shot.

I've tried explaining to her that I'll enjoy it no matter what, because I love her and anything she does will pleasure me. However, that went in one ear and out the other. We have made some headway with her using just her hand, but even then she gets very red in the face (embarrassed) and doesn't feel she is getting me off. It's very disgruntling to know that she won't even believe me when I look straight into to her eyes and tell her she is doing a good job.

Now, I've taken steps on my own to try and coax her into being more comfortable with the act. I used many of my friends advice (even my father's) and tried suggesting that she practice on popsicles and whatnot. However, that only made her more embarrassed with the idea of performing on me. I've also enlisted the help of her gay bestfriend to share some insight with her, although I've yet to see the results of that yet. And just today, I forwarded these two Literotica How-To articles (link and link) to her hoping that non-personalized knowledge and insight on the topic will ease her qualms. Aside from that, I'm out of ideas.

Sorry if this is all too wordy, I wanted to divulge everything so that my situation can be better understood. My ultimate goal is to see my needs met, make it an enjoyable experience for both of us, but while making that leap as least awkward for her as I can.

Thank you.

 

[SweetErika]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like you've tried leaving the subject be for a while. I mean, you've only been dating for two months, which may not be enough time to develop the true intimacy needed to feel comfortable, so why not give it a rest and see if time increases her comfort level?

I can see where my partner giving me tons of info and having friends and family encourage me (even if indirectly) would make me feel even more embarrassed and pressured. Believe it or not, your "help" is probably making it A LOT worse for her than if you'd left it alone.

So, I'd advise you to stop what you're doing and tell her you'd like to wait with no pressure whatsoever. If she becomes more comfortable in time, great; if not, you can decide if it's a dealbreaker for you or not.

 

[Ashleigh_C]

I agree with the above poster. Dont pressure her, just drop the suggestion and when you two get in the heat of the moment, who knows...

 

[principessa07]

I also agree. Women especially can be very sensitive about these kinds of things.

But here's a little bit of hope for you, if you're starting to feel frustrated...the first time I performed oral sex on a man, he was considerably more experienced than I was. But he was very patient with me, and told me exactly what did and didn't feel good for him. Usually he would let me do my thing, then afterwards we could cuddle and he would tell me what he really enjoyed (emphasizing the best parts). This really helped build up my confidence, and soon after the initial encounter he was telling me that I give the best blow jobs he's ever had. We eventually broke up, but stayed close friends. Two years ago, though, we got back together and are getting married. And I've always remained the best blow-job giver in his eyes (he actually once asked me if I would give advice to his girlfriend, and I politely declined)

So, be patient and work with her. It will pay off in the end. If you teach her what you like than it will be good for you every time.

 

[SummerSun15]

All of that is really good advice! My boyfriend put absolutely no pressure on me for either sex or blowjob. He told me he'd wait for me till whenever I felt ready... even if it took 5 years! Feeling no pressure was really nice, it made me feel much more comfortable with him. And as a result, he got it much sooner than he would have if he had have pressured me. We have been together for 2 and a half years now and if he hadn't been so good about it he probably still wouldn't have gotten it.
Remember, girls are very hard headed when you try and force them to do something, so just let her know that you will wait for her and let her make up her own mind. I guarantee you she will be much more willing!

 

[Sherry Hawk]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like you've tried leaving the subject be for a while. I mean, you've only been dating for two months, which may not be enough time to develop the true intimacy needed to feel comfortable, so why not give it a rest and see if time increases her comfort level?

I can see where my partner giving me tons of info and having friends and family encourage me (even if indirectly) would make me feel even more embarrassed and pressured. Believe it or not, your "help" is probably making it A LOT worse for her than if you'd left it alone.

So, I'd advise you to stop what you're doing and tell her you'd like to wait with no pressure whatsoever. If she becomes more comfortable in time, great; if not, you can decide if it's a dealbreaker for you or not.

Thank you!

If all I heard was "blowjob, blowjob, blowjob," it'd be the last thing I'd consider doing, especially if I was as inexperienced as she is.

 

[Final_Testimony]

Thanks for all the advice, although I should probably mention that I am not constantly shoving all this down her throat (no pun intended). In fact, I rarely bring the subject up (probably only once ever few weeks, while we're in the heat of the moment). I can completely agree to the negative effects that would exist as a result of pressuring her, which is why I do no not do that.

The only reason this is important to me is not just because I want to see my needs met, but in all respects I am an equalitarian. I feel that if I perform on her, she should perform on me. And not necessarily in that manner, because I feel bad performing on her knowing the guilt she'll feel of not being able to perform on me, et al. It's a tricky situation.

 

[Ashleigh_C]

Hrm. Well, I guess when you go down on her you could sort of position yourself so your torso is near her on the bed. Sort of like 69, but yanno, not poking her in the eye or anything. Maybe she'll be inclined to explore a little once you've got her all worked up.

I only say this because I find arousal to be a de-inhibitor in of itself. She's probably afraid to take charge an make the first move, so make it easier for her while at the same time not forcing or pressuring her.

But yeah, if she's downright neurotic about it, it is a touchy situation.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for all the advice, although I should probably mention that I am not constantly shoving all this down her throat (no pun intended). In fact, I rarely bring the subject up (probably only once ever few weeks, while we're in the heat of the moment). I can completely agree to the negative effects that would exist as a result of pressuring her, which is why I do no not do that.

The only reason this is important to me is not just because I want to see my needs met, but in all respects I am an equalitarian. I feel that if I perform on her, she should perform on me. And not necessarily in that manner, because I feel bad performing on her knowing the guilt she'll feel of not being able to perform on me, et al. It's a tricky situation.

I think you may be missing the other point that the utter newness of your relationship could very well be causing problems as well. If you bring it up every few weeks, you've been doing it since, what, 2-3 weeks into the relationship?

Even 2 months isn't long enough for many very experience people to feel comfort with very intimate activities - that's to say nothing about the inexperienced. Comfort and confidence usually increases over time, as we get to know people well, so by mentioning it at all, you're likely impeding the development of her comfort.

In other words, your expectations of egalitarianism in this realm are unrealistic at this stage in the relationship with this person. I'd even say cut out sex altogether, then work back up to it slowly, after you two have a solid foundation and comfort level to go on (which takes time - a lot in some cases).

 

[tanyachrs]

I think she's got performance anxiety. I'm like that myself. I don't like trying new things because I'm afraid I won't be good at them. There's really only one cure, which is to try them and get good at them. It's like my Grandmother who never learned to pump her own gas. She's smart and agile and all she needed was someone to insist that she learn and by now she'd be doing it like it was nothing. Instead here she is all these years later still afraid of it like it's somehow beyond her.

If your girlfriend is at all a sensible girl and not one that cries at the drop of a hat, you might just point out to her that she's never going to get good at it without practice and you're willing to be her practice dummy. Tell her it means more to you that she try than how good she is but that you've noticed she's a smart girl and a quick learner and good at almost everything else she does (if these things are true which they probably are if she suffers from performance anxiety) and that you've got a lot of faith in how well she'll catch on.

 

[Final_Testimony]

SweetErika, I haven't been bringing fellatio up since two weeks into dating her. And regardless, I don't feel that two months is too early for our relationship. We almost literally fell in love-at-first-sight, if you will. Everything regarding sex and other forms of intimacy have come upon us at lightspeed, and with no regrets along the way. We couldn't be happier with our level of intimacy, and she is for one, very outspoken about what makes her comfortable or uncomfortable. So I don't feel that cutting sex out of the equation will solve anything meaningful, because that simply isn't the issue here.

I think it may be more along the lines of what tanyachrs has said - performance anxiety. But even then, I don't want to tell my girlfriend, "Oh, you'll never get better unless you try" because that will place an unfair stigma on her. I don't want her to feel guilty that she's not attempting it, I just want her to believe me when I say that she'll do good (and in fact, has done good thus far).

Perhaps I'll try the approach of demonstrating to her how she is a fast learner, at a later date when the time is right, and see where it goes from there.

 

[Lakewoody]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like you've tried leaving the subject be for a while. I mean, you've only been dating for two months, which may not be enough time to develop the true intimacy needed to feel comfortable, so why not give it a rest and see if time increases her comfort level?

I can see where my partner giving me tons of info and having friends and family encourage me (even if indirectly) would make me feel even more embarrassed and pressured. Believe it or not, your "help" is probably making it A LOT worse for her than if you'd left it alone.

So, I'd advise you to stop what you're doing and tell her you'd like to wait with no pressure whatsoever. If she becomes more comfortable in time, great; if not, you can decide if it's a dealbreaker for you or not.

this is the best advice.....
My wife of 7 years now was about the same way. she probably didn't do any oral sex for about 7/8 months. I just let her do her thing and I would do mine. she eventually wanted to try fellatio and she liked it but she thought she done it wrong. but after that it almost a everytime thing now.

 

[weazzell]

Now, I've taken steps on my own to try and coax her into being more comfortable with the act. I used many of my friends advice (even my father's) and tried suggesting that she practice on popsicles and whatnot. However, that only made her more embarrassed with the idea of performing on me. I've also enlisted the help of her gay bestfriend to share some insight with her, although I've yet to see the results of that yet. And just today, I forwarded these two Literotica How-To articles (link and link) to her hoping that non-personalized knowledge and insight on the topic will ease her qualms. Aside from that, I'm out of ideas.

It's only been two months and in that short time frame you have done all of this already... you are probably being way more pushy about it than you realize. Hell I feel pressured by you just by the posts... Give it time and drop it... Or take the risks of what could happen if you keep pressuring her... You asked for the advice dude... and so far everyone has said the same thing... Take it or leave it...

 

[SummerSun15]

I believe you that your not pressuring her. But I do think she can probably tell you really want it and is feeling pressured even though you don't want her to. So really just try not to think about it anymore and just focus on what she does do. If your not thinking about it anymore she won't catch the hint that you want it.
When my boyfriend wanted it, he told me that it didn't matter, whenever I felt comfortable. He said he was more than happy with what I did already. It really paid off for him too. Within less than a month I was thinking of the best way to surprise him with a blowjob. I came up with an elaborate plan to surprise him as much as possible, and thus, make him extremely horny... and let me tell you... it really worked! He couldn't believe it when I turned from a hand job to a blowjob! He said he wasn't expecting it for at least another few months.
So to make a long story short, if you let her take her time, she might come up with a really good plan to reward you for being such an awesome boyfriend, and it may be sooner than you think. Hope that helps!

 

[SubNebGuy]

don't get too hung up on it. i dated my wife for like 4.5 years, and we were married 4 years after that before she learned how to give a good BJ.

i wish i had the video that i showed her, because it wasn't porn oriented.

ahhh! I found it. http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=/watch?v=nycfvnbcyNI

you need to have a youtube login, but that's the video.

in a nutshell, its a blowjob, but most of her mouth is just rubbing your head...her hand should be doing most of the squeezing. if she uses her mouth, her jaw will be worn out in 2-3 minutes...and not quite enough friction to get you off.

 

[cloudy]

don't get too hung up on it. i dated my wife for like 4.5 years, and we were married 4 years after that before she learned how to give a good BJ.

i wish i had the video that i showed her, because it wasn't porn oriented.

ahhh! I found it. http://www.youtube.com/verify_age?next_url=/watch?v=nycfvnbcyNI

you need to have a youtube login, but that's the video.

in a nutshell, its a blowjob, but most of her mouth is just rubbing your head...her hand should be doing most of the squeezing. if she uses her mouth, her jaw will be worn out in 2-3 minutes...and not quite enough friction to get you off.

I'm sorry, but....just what he needs, yet more "instructions" for the poor girl.

*sigh*

 

[Ksb]

I was similar with my first (aaand still current ) guy. Very very inexperienced, and very hesitant.

He basically told me to just play with his cock, do whatever I felt like with my mouth, my hands, my tits... whatever and gave me lots of positive reactions when I did something he liked. It took a good 30 or so blowjobs before I perfected my techniques and actually made him cum totally on my own (well, he was there too... ), but where he obviously enjoyed what I was doing even if I didn't make him cum I gained more confidence in pleasing him and ended up being quite the cocksucker.

I'm pretty sure she feels like theres too much pressure on her to make you cum - which I doubt is anyones 'fault'. Keep going with the baby steps, lots of positve encouragement during the act- maybe try a different kind of positivity if saying outright isn't working. Be more vocal with moans etc, talk dirty and more expressive with your face... over-exaggerate every good thing. I know thats what worked for me personally.

 

[mnwerewolf]

OH MY GOD, take it from me get off it. Blowjob hmmmm well is a point of teasing her. I find it is easier that if when I have pleasured her in turn she will find it in her to return the favor. As with my love now she gets mad at times when I keep my cock from her. Pleasuring her orally and making love with her she pushes to get my cock in her mouth. Give her time for relationship of only two months and back down enjoy the time you have now and it will come when the time is right.

 

[SubNebGuy]

I'm sorry, but....just what he needs, yet more "instructions" for the poor girl.

*sigh*

hey, nobody automatically knows how to suck dick. i couldn't even explain to my wife how to be 'better' at it.

but that video did.

IF his girl wants to be better at it, then what's the big deal about showing her something educational??

 

[angelinab]

this is such a difficult area isn't it? i will approach this from a slightly different angle but i hope it helps. the first time i went down on a guy, was not my choice. there was no choice. as such i was so completely petrified i couldnt ever even think about it until 2 years later. my 1st proper bf decided that aversion therapy or whatever was the best way and guilt tripped me into doing. he didnt care if i was crying my eyes out told me the only way i'd learn to do it was to do it. funny that such a method didn't work. it was only until i met someone new and it took many months for me to try it. i had wanted to but i was scared to talk about it, and he didnt bring it up. one day he did and i told him my views and experiences. he said he didn't want me to do it if i was scared. maybe that gave me a challange but i went for it. i told him he had to tell me what to do as i just didnt have a clue. and he was so good, just telling me what he liked, never telling me i was doing anything wrong. i'm still not the best, and it's not my fav thing but i enjoy it because he does.
I think it's the best method, just leave her for a bit don't talk to her about it. she will get curious or just summon up the guts to try it. even if she's rubbish leave her to carry on ( unless she's hurting you!!) and then suggest things she could do. make sure you always talk to her while she is and hopefully it will work out!!!

 

[cloudy]

hey, nobody automatically knows how to suck dick. i couldn't even explain to my wife how to be 'better' at it.

but that video did.

IF his girl wants to be better at it, then what's the big deal about showing her something educational??

Please reread his post. It's not that she wants to get better at it, but that he's putting an awful lot of pressure on her to do it, ie getting her friends to talk to her, sending her links to how to articles here at lit. If she wanted to "get better at it," don't you think she could have found any info she needed herself?

I really don't mean to be harsh, but if I'd only been in a relationship only two months, and was getting that kind of pressure applied to me, I'd be gone...like at the speed of light.

Who needs that crap...there are more considerate guys out there. I'd find one.