need help with a story ending

[caleb35]

I could use a little help/feedback on a story where I'm struggling with its conclusion. Here's the story: summer before college, the protagonist discovers that her BFF is having a relationship with a boutique owner (who's also the BFF's boss). Protagonist asks around about the boutique owner and hears disquieting things. Protagonist confronts the boutique owner to no avail. BFF confronts protagonist and tells her to mind her own business. Protagonist and BFF make up and have a heart-to-heart in which BFF confesses that, while there are some tricky aspects of the relationship, it is something that she's chosen on her own and wants.

Question -- what is the ending? Best idea I can come up with is that BFF mentions that she's meeting the boutique owner at her house that Friday night. Protagonist feels compelled to go there as well later that night, peeks through windows, and sees her BFF in a sexual situation. Protagonist finally accepts that her friend is queer, which she hadn't done prior to that moment. If I go this route, story would go in Exhibitionist & Voyeur category.

Alternatively, is their heart-to-heart chat the actual conclusion to their story, where they reaffirm their friendship and Protagonist accepts BFF's choice(s)? That in some ways might be a better story but also means I don't have any sex scenes (without shoehorning one in and I'd prefer not to) and this goes in the Non-Erotic category.

Anyone with opinions or thoughts on this, I wouldn't mind hearing them. Thanks in advance.

 

[TheLobster]

The first ending does seem to shoehorn the sex scene for no good reason. If you haven't conceived the story while having at least some erotic scenes in mind, don't feel compelled to add them in the last minute. Just end the story where it feels appropriate and if it doesn't have any sex in it — and doesn't fit into other no-sex categories like Romance — chuck it in Non-Erotic.

 

[caleb35]

The first ending does seem to shoehorn the sex scene for no good reason. If you haven't conceived the story while having at least some erotic scenes in mind, don't feel compelled to add them in the last minute. Just end the story where it feels appropriate and if it doesn't have any sex in it — and doesn't fit into other no-sex categories like Romance — chuck it in Non-Erotic.

Yeah, I think you're correct. I have a few stories like this, stories where they're about relationships and the fallout from those relationships but no explicit sex scenes, at least that would appear naturally in the course of the narrative. While I'm okay with those types of stories, unfortunately it does appear that most readers come to Literotica for the sex scenes

 

[If_Only_]

What are the disquieting things?

Just same-sex, or more?

 

[caleb35]

What are the disquieting things?

Just same-sex, or more?

More along the lines of age-gap and power relationship, though same-sex is an element too (I envision the story taking place around turn of the century or a little after, in a community that leans conservative). Specifically, in the story Protagonist asks around about the boutique owner and hears gossip that she's hooked up with other young women in the past (all legal age and above, can't stress that enough).

 

[If_Only_]

Is there any room for the friend to become involved?

 

[IWroteThis]

I'm curious why you left the queer bit out of the initial story description. When you mentioned it in a possible ending, I had to back up and start over on brainstorming.

Besides watching her BFF and her boss making her realize her friend is queer, you could introduce a new tension by having her also realize that she wants to replace her boss in her BFF's bed. That gives you that sex scene, plus a later one between MC and BFF when she achieves her goal.

Of course, you could have her admit her true feelings for her BFF without the peeping Tammy scene. Simple jealousy and dislike for her boss could be the motivation.

Now, as for other directions, you could go the "I told you so" route and have the relationship go south, only for the MC to be there to pick the BFF back up and help her move on. (I guess that would work with the two of them getting together in the end as well.)

Otherwise, a nice epilogue with them both living happily ever after. Maybe have the MC learn that the stories were just bad blood from somebody passed over for the promotion the boss got. The BFF and her boss can become god-parents and spoil the MC's children.

Kind of in that line, but to throw a twist, have the MC unable to have children naturally as well. They can both adopt two out of four orphaned siblings, then use their close relationship to keep all four children as close as possible as they grow up.


Well, now that you've added more details, none of that may work. But, I'll never use it and it seems a waste to delete it, even if it just took a few minutes to come up with, so help yourself to any bits you think might work.

What can I say. Ideas are never the stumbling block that keeps me from posting more stories…

 

[caleb35]

Is there any room for the friend to become involved?

No, and no. I know that's a popular sub-genre/trope, but no, the Protagonist will not be getting involved. I've never had that sense from the character and I have no desire to push that onto the character. I do think that when the Protagonist confronts the boutique owner, the boutique owner will hit on her, but nothing will come of it.

 

[MillieDynamite]

One need not have sex to have something be erotic. Just saying, lead up to, and then an implication, or an unfulfilled longing can be sexy without the sex.

 

[caleb35]

One need not have sex to have something be erotic. Just saying, lead up to, and then an implication, or an unfulfilled longing can be sexy without the sex.

Thank you, and I agree -- I'll still likely have to submit it to Non-Erotic though I don't know if I'm courageous enough to submit it to Lesbian Sex without there actually being lesbian sex depicted in the story. There's also Romance but I don't get any romantic vibes off the story (and I don't write romance, either (at least not yet)). Still, thanks for the comment, it's good food for thought.

EDIT: actually, let's change up the question a bit -- can you have an erotic story with no sex scenes? Can you have a story go in Lesbian Sex category if there no sex acts depicted on the page (only referred to obliquely off-page)?

 

[IWroteThis]

can you have an erotic story with no sex scenes?

Yes, most definitely. Erotic is defined as causing arousal, not orgasm.

Some of the most erotic stories I've ever read were pure tease.

 

[MillieDynamite]

You could write some fantasizing scenes about the girl's attraction.

Thank you, and I agree -- I'll still likely have to submit it to Non-Erotic though I don't know if I'm courageous enough to submit it to Lesbian Sex without there actually being lesbian sex depicted in the story. There's also Romance but I don't get any romantic vibes off the story (and I don't write romance, either (at least not yet)). Still, thanks for the comment, it's good food for thought.

EDIT: actually, let's change up the question a bit -- can you have an erotic story with no sex scenes? Can you have a story go in Lesbian Sex category if there no sex acts depicted on the page (only referred to obliquely off-page)?

 

[Britva415]

Can you have a story go in Lesbian Sex category if there no sex acts depicted on the page (only referred to obliquely off-page)?

If there's eroticism, I wouldn't put it in Non-Erotic.

If the eroticism is between women, I wouldn't disregard the Lesbian category.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Boss' partner(female) catches MC watching. "It's kind of fun to watch isn't it?"

"Um, I, uh..." MC stammers.

"We could go join them... If you'd like, that is."

If that doesn't explode with plot bunnies, well, ...

 

[DEFCOM5]

Thank you, and I agree -- I'll still likely have to submit it to Non-Erotic though I don't know if I'm courageous enough to submit it to Lesbian Sex without there actually being lesbian sex depicted in the story.

EDIT: actually, let's change up the question a bit -- can you have an erotic story with no sex scenes? Can you have a story go in Lesbian Sex category if there no sex acts depicted on the page (only referred to obliquely off-page)?

I wrote a romance story without any sex. I did warn the readers but it was not needed.

I put it into romance because it was a love story.

People are forgiving if you tell them in advance.

 

[caleb35]

I wrote a romance story without any sex. I did warn the readers but it was not needed.

I put it into romance because it was a love story.

People are forgiving if you tell them in advance.

I normally don’t like to put notes to readers at the beginning of my stories. But you may be on to something — sometimes it might be better to than not, depending on the nature of the story.

 

[DEFCOM5]

I normally don’t like to put notes to readers at the beginning of my stories. But you may be on to something — sometimes it might be better to than not, depending on the nature of the story.

You don't want to mislead your reader. If they expect sex but you don't see the need and don't want to put the story in non-erotic, tell them in advance and put it on the tag.
IF they decide to read it, they cannot bomb you for saying, there is no sex in your story.

 

[IWroteThis]

I've never ignored anybody, but it's pretty clear I've been ignored by Caleb35, so I have some questions…

And, since it's at least semi-relevant to the current thread, what with me replying in good faith and those comments being ignored, I'm going to ask them here.

I know that they don't see my actual comment, but do they see a blank placeholder where it was, or is it like it doesn't exist in the thread? If they see a placeholder, do they know I'm the one who commented, or just that it was somebody they ignored? Then, if I posted the last comment, do they see my name on it in the list of threads, or do they see a placeholder, or maybe the last commenter before me?

Now, what if I react to a comment of theirs? Do they get notified? If so, does it say I was the one that reacted? If they look at their post, do they see my name in the reaction list? What if I tag them? I still see them in my list so I can tag them, but do they get notified? If so, does it say it was me, or just somebody they ignored?

 

[DEFCOM5]

If you are blocked, your message does not show up.

If someone quote your message, it will show up as blank

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I've never ignored anybody, but it's pretty clear I've been ignored by Caleb35, so I have some questions…

And, since it's at least semi-relevant to the current thread, what with me replying in good faith and those comments being ignored, I'm going to ask them here.

I know that they don't see my actual comment, but do they see a blank placeholder where it was, or is it like it doesn't exist in the thread? If they see a placeholder, do they know I'm the one who commented, or just that it was somebody they ignored? Then, if I posted the last comment, do they see my name on it in the list of threads, or do they see a placeholder, or maybe the last commenter before me?

Now, what if I react to a comment of theirs? Do they get notified? If so, does it say I was the one that reacted? If they look at their post, do they see my name in the reaction list? What if I tag them? I still see them in my list so I can tag them, but do they get notified? If so, does it say it was me, or just somebody they ignored?

I've blocked a couple of people for a while and their messages showed up with a note saying that I had blocked them and an option to view blocked content. Not sure as that's still the case as my curiosity about the few people I blocked finally won out and i unblocked them.

 

[TheLobster]

I've blocked a couple of people for a while and their messages showed up with a note saying that I had blocked them and an option to view blocked content. Not sure as that's still the case as my curiosity about the few people I blocked finally won out and i unblocked them.

This happens if someone quotes a post from an account you've blocked. Otherwise their posts are invisible, but you get a "Show ignored posts" or however it's worded link at the bottom of the thread.