New to MMF 3-some; need perspective

[brian_real]

All,

I am looking for some advice on this situation. Overall I think this is a great idea, but I'm looking for some community feedback on aspects that I haven't considered here that I should consider or watch out for. Also, are there any tips to setting up the situation for this to minimize awkwardness and maximize fun?

Background: My wife and I are both 30. Married 5 years, been together 10 years. Marriage is great in every way; I have no concerns that acting on this fantasy is going to hurt our marriage. We have uncommonly good communication between us, and are very open.

Situation: My wife has had a long time fantasy of sex with two guys at once - specifically sucking one while the other is inside her. Last week she asked me about an old friend of hers joining us. I agreed; she hasn't asked him yet. I met him briefly but don't really know him.

Neither of us have done anything like this before; we've both had vanilla sexual pasts. Never done anything w/ more than another person, never been into group sex, exhibitionism, etc.

Pros:
+ I get to see her in a way I haven't before
+ something new and exciting
+ she fulfills a fantasy she has had for a long time
+ she gets to have fun with this guy who she has liked for a long time
+ sets a good precedent (if I find a woman I'd like to bring in....)

Potential cons:
- somehow strains our relationship (unlikely)
- somehow is too awkward for me to handle when it comes time (I think it's unlikely, but it worries me a bit)
- messes up her relationship with her friend (she says: not likely)


~Bri

 

[TypicalDeviant]

Things to consider:
Will you be okay with her screaming and moaning his name?

Will you/her be okay if it only happens once? Will he?

Can all of you be as discrete as you need to be (depending on your job, families, friends, etc)

Will you feel cheated if she doesn't let you have a threesome with her and another woman? As you said above, it will set a precedent, but you need to make sure that she will be okay with it. A friend of mine and his wife had a male friend watch them and in the time since, he has been a bit irked that she hasn't been willing to a let a female friend do the same.

Will you be jealous of him if he is bigger?

How did she decide on this 3rd guy? She's just been friends with him and kind of wants to fuck him? Is the threesome just an excuse to fuck someone without cheating on you?

This sort of thing can be very emotional for the two of you so it's important to discuss all of the possibilities ahead of time.

Best of luck to you, though, and be sure to share all the details with us if it goes through!

 

[bad_dave]

I think the problem with an old friend is weirdness factor, on all your relationships, was you've fucked theres no going back,

 

[silverwhisper]

brian_real: TD has already posited the questions i would have myself. you mention that you and the mrs have good communication and are open about things, that's good, as that forestalls a lot of questions that might otherwise crop up..

brian quoth:
she gets to have fun with this guy who she has liked for a long time

if you hadn't prefaced your statements as you have, i would wonder if there was something more about this guy as far as your wife's concerned.

brian quoth:
sets a good precedent (if i find a woman i'd like to bring in....)

have you agreed explicitly on this point? because unless you have, i don't think relying upon an inference or assumption is a good idea in this area.

other than those:

1. are your expectations in the same place? is she expecting some male on male action that she can watch post-orgasm? i'm not saying that you should or shouldn't: just that you should have an answer to that question. also, as TD mentioned: is your expectation that this is a one-off?

2. boundaries: would it be OK for your wife and this other man to kiss? for some, that's a line that cannot be crossed. in like fashion: would she also want double penetration, where you and the other man are taking her vaginally and anally?

a threesome can be great fun, but as you rightly guessed, it's also a path fraught with pitfalls. i hope you guys have a great time!

ed

 

[SweetErika]

Pros:
<snip>
+ sets a good precedent (if I find a woman I'd like to bring in....)

As TD said, it's not really wise to count on things like this. If you're fine with bringing another guy in and you want to fulfill your wife's fantasy, great, but view it as a gift/act of generosity with NO strings attached, period. If you give this as a gift, you'll likely get a lot further fulfilling your own fantasies than if you expect something in return, bringing in all the hurt and guilt that can entail.

Potential cons:

- somehow is too awkward for me to handle when it comes time (I think it's unlikely, but it worries me a bit)

Have you considered easing into this and/or having some kind of signal in case you do have a problem when the time comes? That might be something to think and talk about; if nothing else, it may put your mind at ease about being stuck in a situation that's hurting you.

Also, have you talked about the possibility of pregnancy and STIs, even if you use condoms and other safer sex/birth control measures? Are both of you willing to assume the risk of pregnancy and especially STIs that can be acquired through skin-to-skin contact (like HSV and HPV)? In my experience, it helps to have contingency plans for worst-case scenarios worked out. Everything involves some risk and uncertainty, but at least no one will be left wondering why the possibilities were never considered/planned for if something does go awry.

 

[Somehowyou]

brian_real: TD has already posited the questions i would have myself. you mention that you and the mrs have good communication and are open about things, that's good, as that forestalls a lot of questions that might otherwise crop up..


if you hadn't prefaced your statements as you have, i would wonder if there was something more about this guy as far as your wife's concerned.

You make some great points silverwhisper. However, I'm not sure why there would be another reason. If she wanted to fuck this guy wouldn't she tell Brain that she is going to the mall or on a business trip and then just fuck his brains out? I think she would just have him and not tell Brain so this is probably not a concern. I could be wrong.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Also you may want to think about the fact of.. What if she likes what he did for her and wants more? Meaning more often, or on her own.. Ask me how I know this can happen..

 

[benschup]

Ok, How and why do you know?

 

[SassySheDevil]

Ok, How and why do you know?

haha that was sorta sarcastic, but I know cause I did this after my threesome.

 

[benschup]

Sorry. Not meant to be sacastic. Just wondered. Thought it might be the case. If and when I get the chance I,m sure it will have the same effect on me.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Sorry. Not meant to be sacastic. Just wondered. Thought it might be the case. If and when I get the chance I,m sure it will have the same effect on me.

haha no I meant my asking why I knew.. Not your reply.

 

[sugar_shaneh]

haha that was sorta sarcastic, but I know cause I did this after my threesome.

My wife and I have talked quite a bit about this. I am very curious to know more about your situation. What ended up happening, did you go back for more alone? What was it that he did that was different that you wanted more of?

 

[subwannabe]

Go for it and good luck.

 

[SassySheDevil]

My wife and I have talked quite a bit about this. I am very curious to know more about your situation. What ended up happening, did you go back for more alone? What was it that he did that was different that you wanted more of?

well kinda a long story. I'll give you the short version. Yes I went out on my own and met with him. He was a friend of mine before the threesome. I guess it was just attentiveness mostly.
He loved oral so would sit there for a long time (where as god love my husband, but he sorta sucks at oral) he also had extreme staying power and didn't like to stop till he knew I was satisfied.
Equipment wise they were similar in size, but the other guy was thicker and had a different curve, so it just hit me differently. He was very confident and adventuresome so I felt confident as well. So it was a matter of trying new things together.
Yes my husband found out and we've worked through it and passed it and it has actually become a joke in our lives now.

 

[sugar_shaneh]

well kinda a long story. I'll give you the short version. Yes I went out on my own and met with him. He was a friend of mine before the threesome. I guess it was just attentiveness mostly.
He loved oral so would sit there for a long time (where as god love my husband, but he sorta sucks at oral) he also had extreme staying power and didn't like to stop till he knew I was satisfied.
Equipment wise they were similar in size, but the other guy was thicker and had a different curve, so it just hit me differently. He was very confident and adventuresome so I felt confident as well. So it was a matter of trying new things together.
Yes my husband found out and we've worked through it and passed it and it has actually become a joke in our lives now.

That is my wife's worry about a threesome is that she would fuck it up by desiring it more and more. So was he pissed, and was that the last time you had a threesome?

 

[silverwhisper]

somehowyou quoth:
i'm not sure why there would be another reason. if she wanted to fuck this guy wouldn't she tell brian that she is going to the mall or on a business trip and then just fuck his brains out? i think she would just have him and not tell brian so this is probably not a concern. i could be wrong.

firstly: thank you for your kind words!

to answer your question: in all honesty, while i am certainly not suggesting this is the case here, a spouse might theoretically broach the idea of a threesome specifically in order to passive/aggressively gain the spouse's consent to be unfaithful. sadly, it's a meme that's cropped up here on HT in the past.

ed

 

[Somehowyou]

firstly: thank you for your kind words!

to answer your question: in all honesty, while i am certainly not suggesting this is the case here, a spouse might theoretically broach the idea of a threesome specifically in order to passive/aggressively gain the spouse's consent to be unfaithful. sadly, it's a meme that's cropped up here on HT in the past.

ed

OK maybe so. If this is the case, at least she is involving her hubby in the pleasure. I would probably prefer it this way. Or is it the first time to gain his consent and then from there she has "carte blanche" to do what she wants believing she has his consent. Could open Pandora's doors? Maybe, but I would still prefer this. I want a freak in the bedroom!

 

[SassySheDevil]

That is my wife's worry about a threesome is that she would fuck it up by desiring it more and more. So was he pissed, and was that the last time you had a threesome?

Oh yes, he was mad. He was hurt, angry etc.. He went through all the emotions possible. But also discovered that he kinda liked to watch.

we only had the FMF 3some after that We've talked about it again, just haven't really done it. If it happened, we talked about him being more of a watcher then a participant.

 

[duright]

Friends

We have had 6 threesomes over the years. They have all been with friends. They were people we knew well and were confident all involved could handle it well. My wife liked some of the guys more than others but was comfortable with all.

 

[77Cobra]

The wife and I years ago would pretend using dildo's and a lot of dirty talk while having sex,fantasizing about MFM 3 somes and talking about it while we had sex.Then we decided to actually try it.She got on an adult dating site and picked out a guy to meet us in a motel.We went to the motel and when the guy showed up we were both shocked,it was my best friend.So beings we knew him well and knew he was safe we decided let's go for it.We all Loved it.So much in fact for that whole summer we got together at least once a week and sometimes more and when we got together we usually fucked her many times in a night.My wife got very adventurous.We even went as far as to try to find a third guy to join us.But that never happened.We both noticed we treated each other actually better when doing 3 somes and our sex when just the two of us was better.But she finally said she no longer wanted to do them.
Because she said she felt so cheap afterwards and felt she was breaking her wedding vows to me.We still fantasize and watch vids of 3 somes but she say's no to actually doing it.Damn! I would really like to do it again but not with the friend as he was not that great in bed for her and he was kinda limited in the size department.

 

[BBW_Goddess_Anna]

Speaking from the third person's perspective. I have been in a few 3 somes with other couples and that is why I never wanted to have one while I was in a relationship. We all had a great time but afterwords, I noticed guilt between the couples, some hurt feelings, confusion. I found that I enjoyed 3 somes more when it was all casual friends, no one in any relationship and no commitment or ties or feelings to be hurt. I know this doesn't help at all.
I think if you both have talked openly about everything, however, you should be fine. Make sure you ask if you want this to be a one time, or recurring event. Will she want an woman in bed with you two at some point? What parts of the other man's boy are off-limits and what parts on her body are off limits to him? Will you feel left out if she wants to ride him a little longer than you think she should? Will the two males react homophobic (I have found this to be very annoying myself)? The main reason you should go over things (even with the other guy) before hand is that during you might see her so something you might not like. As someone mentioned before, kissing can be too intimate for some. I do hope you have fun and everything is as you expect. Just remember, just because you are getting into a MMF doesn't automatically mean she will be willing to do a MFF.

 

[sugar_shaneh]

Oh yes, he was mad. He was hurt, angry etc.. He went through all the emotions possible. But also discovered that he kinda liked to watch.

we only had the FMF 3some after that We've talked about it again, just haven't really done it. If it happened, we talked about him being more of a watcher then a participant.

I think I would be into being more of a watcher too. This is the situation I think my wife would be more comfortable with as well. I think she would enjoyt he one on one a little more than the 2 on 1.

 

[brian_real]

Thanks for all your posts!

Thanks folks - this was exactly the type of discussion I was looking for. Many of you made some great points that I hadn't thought of, and it led to some great discussions with my wife.

Peeling back the onion, I've discovered a whole new level of rich complexity here...

I'm a lucky, lucky guy



~Bri

 

[SassySheDevil]

I think I would be into being more of a watcher too. This is the situation I think my wife would be more comfortable with as well. I think she would enjoyt he one on one a little more than the 2 on 1.

I didn't mind the two on one part. But I think the idea of him watching will be exciting too.

 

[sugar_shaneh]

I didn't mind the two on one part. But I think the idea of him watching will be exciting too.

Don't mind? You would think you would down-right enjoy it!

You have me very curious about just watching.