Non-erotic poetry (that is, Poetry)

[Angeline]

No no...this is the kind of feedback I needed! Thank you!

I did wish to keep a distant speaker, like an observer who watches, and like everyone else, goes about their day. but yes, I see that perhaps, the fact that he noti ces it, sets him apart..

Thank you, something to keep wotking on. This will help me find my voice again!

I'm glad it helped!

 

[42BelowsBack]

. And that gets to my second point, what I think is really missing. I feel like something personal about the narrator, something that clarifies *why* this frail flower struggling to endure in an unlikely environment is so important to him. I feel like making that connection, putting the humanity into the poem, would be really good. To me it's beautiful writing but without the personal connection it ultimately feels sterile.

In my big assed opinion…

(Acknowledging this is a draft. Not a finished poem). I agree with Angeline in the sense that a serious poem should read like it matters to the poet (so says Star Wars Conan).

Having said that, I use Lit forums to post explorations of voice. I love reading poems like this. Nothing beats seeing the explorations of a theme.

Now for the promised Big Assed opinion… … consistency composes a poem.

 

[42BelowsBack]

On Porn Poems

A summary of porn poems; I fuck like this, I fuck you like that.

 

[42BelowsBack]

On feedback

These three things I know to be self evident, read, write, receive and give feedback.

Steven King once a aspiring author drove a nail into his bedroom wall. To impale all his rejection letters. Similarly, I enjoy writing rejection letters to my rejections letters.

Every word in a poem should put in work especially titles. Especially important in poems like Fragment with Petal and Pavement. Is there space for the title to unlock the stylistically clever word smithery? A title acting as a key?

I subscribe to the idea; a well wrought poem is entirely consistent in theme, tone, and tense. And, every word must put in work. Example, ‘The sidewalk splits like an age,‘ vs The sidewalk splits an age.

Like SpermFactory I am a fan of Fragment with a Petal and Pavement. However, I feel Fragment with a Petal and Pavement is best served as a stand alone poem. Not part of a triptych.

Thank you NivKay for sharing your essay. If we’re not sharing what are we doing here? The greatest developmental gift poet to poet is getting to ignore the other poet. Or not.

 

[Angeline]

On feedback

These three things I know to be self evident, read, write, receive and give feedback.

Steven King once a aspiring author drove a nail into his bedroom wall. To impale all his rejection letters. Similarly, I enjoy writing rejection letters to my rejections letters.

Every word in a poem should put in work especially titles. Especially important in poems like Fragment with Petal and Pavement. Is there space for the title to unlock the stylistically clever word smithery? A title acting as a key?

I subscribe to the idea; a well wrought poem is entirely consistent in theme, tone, and tense. And, every word must put in work. Example, ‘The sidewalk splits like an age,‘ vs The sidewalk splits an age.

Like SpermFactory I am a fan of Fragment with a Petal and Pavement. However, I feel Fragment with a Petal and Pavement is best served as a stand alone poem. Not part of a triptych.

Thank you NivKay for sharing your essay. If we’re not sharing what are we doing here? The greatest developmental gift poet to poet is getting to ignore the other poet. Or not.

A poet once told me that after I write a poem I should take out ten words that don't add anything to the poem. Then go back and cut more and keep doing it until there's nothing extraneous left. I am not always so effective in that being a wordy biotch but I try. That's my (moderately sized ass) opinion.

 

[ThatIrishGirl]

On Porn Poems that matter to the poet.

Mouth Melting Moments
Irish ice cream loving sun,
those twin views are ice,
sweat, trickling diamonds

@ThatIrishGirl
my eyes come
tongue tribute
you in a poem.

Thanks @SpermFactory for sharing your effusiveness. I think all would agree, it’s the act of composing porn poems that really matters.

love this although I don't think I'm deserving of such a tribute lol

 

[_Land]

A poet once told me that after I write a poem I should take out ten words that don't add anything to the poem. Then go back and cut more and keep doing it until there's nothing extraneous left. I am not always so effective in that being a wordy biotch but I try. That's my (moderately sized ass) opinion.

My Moderately Sized Ass Opinion
(a poetical protest in cheeky defense)

A poet once told me—
cut ten words.
Then ten more.
Then your soul.

Soon all that's left
is a sigh
in a haiku
wearing minimalist pants.

But here’s
my moderately sized ass opinion:
I like words
the way a raccoon likes trash—
with fervor.
With fingers.
With zero shame.

I want adjectives
that sparkle like disco balls in church,
adverbs that prance in stilettos
across lines too long for sonnets,
and metaphors so bloated
they need Spanx
and a forklift.

You want spare?
Go date a monk.
I want poems
with meat on their bones,
hips that knock over furniture,
and clauses that wander off
mid-thought
to flirt with the margins.

Yes, I know—
brevity is the soul of wit.
But sometimes
a bitch needs
an extra stanza
and a sassy footnote.

So cut if you must.
Trim your verbal bush
to a respectable haiku.
But I’ll be over here,
with my rhymes
my run-ons
and my rococo commas—

shakin’ my moderately sized ass
in full poetic protest.

 

[_Land]

I miss discussions like this..... I was hoping to get better engagement in the new poetry thread.... But if I'm being honest there is not a lot of great poetry being submitted to lit anymore ......

 

[_Land]

My Moderately Sized Ass Opinion
(a poetical protest in cheeky defense)

A poet once told me—
cut ten words.
Then ten more.
Then your soul.

Soon all that's left
is a sigh
in a haiku
wearing minimalist pants.

But here’s
my moderately sized ass opinion:
I like words
the way a raccoon likes trash—
with fervor.
With fingers.
With zero shame.

I want adjectives
that sparkle like disco balls in church,
adverbs that prance in stilettos
across lines too long for sonnets,
and metaphors so bloated
they need Spanx
and a forklift.

You want spare?
Go date a monk.
I want poems
with meat on their bones,
hips that knock over furniture,
and clauses that wander off
mid-thought
to flirt with the margins.

Yes, I know—
brevity is the soul of wit.
But sometimes
a bitch needs
an extra stanza
and a sassy footnote.

So cut if you must.
Trim your verbal bush
to a respectable haiku.
But I’ll be over here,
with my rhymes
my run-ons
and my rococo commas—

shakin’ my moderately sized ass
in full poetic protest.

Response from a Slim Poem in Tight Jeans
(minimalist revenge)

Too many carbs.
Too much sass.
This poem
needs
a salad.

Adverbs?
Gone.
Your metaphors?
Evicted.

You wrote a buffet.
I came for tapas.

Less is more.
Except your ass.
That’s
just
enough.

 

[_Land]

Don’t be a peninsula. I hate this line. Every poem ever written was loved by someone.

I'm not a particular fan of how I feel about the poetry either but I can't change the way I feel

A long time ago there was an amazing amount of poet submitting poetry and there was a lot of great poetry being submitted but when you go and look at the new poems now there's very few poets submitting new poetry and some of the poetry that submitted well go read some of it yourself...........

I read the poetry that submitted almost every day


And when you want to review a poem you want something that has meat something that has quality to it,

Something that captures your imagination.

Not a lot of the new poetry submitted right now is doing that for me.

I would encourage you to do some reviews yourself that's an open forum and open for all of us to review poetry that inspires us

The goal is to help others find poems and is well to learn about form and what makes poetry great


And I agree every poem written was loved by somebody but that doesn't necessarily mean it's me or you.....


or that we should find appreciation for every poem written. If it doesn't speak to us it doesn't speak to us

 

[_Land]

My Poetics Review

Poems are like ice cream, there is a flavor for everyone. And like poems some poets are vegans. That’s the beauty of poetry. It is everything and nothing. A fellow poet’s enjoyment is a wonder to behold, beating down a poem is not.

And this is why I'm encouraging you to do a review or two in the new poetry section


I will never beat down poetry although I will review honestly and on occasion offer suggestions....

But I'm not going to take a poem that I'm gagging on and post it there LOL

I'd love to see the new poetry thread have everybody involved again and talking about the poetry that inspires them

 

[42BelowsBack]

Speaking of gagging or more aptly choking, Oh 42Below s back what about that Jazz refrain of Angelines… still waiting buddy for your blow back!

hey buddy gott fuck yourself, no with the other hand Yeah yeah yeah SpermFactory Shuddup.

 

[42BelowsBack]

And less SpermFactory.

I Love this line (haha).

 

[NivKay]

Oh my!

I'm on the road...hadn't checked in for a day, and all you people...! such joy...thank you all!

 

[NivKay]

I miss discussions like this..... I was hoping to get better engagement in the new poetry thread.... But if I'm being honest there is not a lot of great poetry being submitted to lit anymore ......

What new poetry thread?

 

[_Land]

What new poetry thread?

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/new-poem-recommendations.904458/

 

[_Land]

What new poetry thread?

I reviewed one of your poems recently

 

[NivKay]

What? did you really? Oh jeez...why on earth did you do thaT??? on that thread...*gulp* I'll have to check it out...do I dare...? ...Disturb the universe...?

Do you have a link...? no never mind...I'll find it myself...I hate this...! God damn you @_Land

 

[NivKay]

To be honest, I'd rather be reviewing poems I've discovered from poets I've read elsewhere rather than on Lit. I mean, there is no point reviewing you or Angeline or any of the better poets here, because you are already known...and the whole point of that thread is to review poems that are new? I'm in a quandary...

 

[_Land]

To be honest, I'd rather be reviewing poems I've discovered from poets I've read elsewhere rather than on Lit. I mean, there is no point reviewing you or Angeline or any of the better poets here, because you are already known...and the whole point of that thread is to review poems that are new? I'm in a quandary...

It's not about the poet, it's about the poem

 

[Tzara]

To be honest, I'd rather be reviewing poems I've discovered from poets I've read elsewhere rather than on Lit. I mean, there is no point reviewing you or Angeline or any of the better poets here, because you are already known...and the whole point of that thread is to review poems that are new? I'm in a quandary...

_Land is referring to the New Poems section of the main Literotica site (https://www.literotica.com/new/poetry), not something here in the forum. The part that is in the forum is the New Poems Recommendations thread, where people post, unsurprisingly, recommendations and mini-reviews of poems recently posted to the main Literotica site (i.e. the New Poems section mentioned above). There used to be, a long time ago, a regular rotation of forum people who would read the new poems and make recommendations of the newly posted poems that they thought merited interest.

Over the years, most of the forum regulars stopped posting to the main Literotica site and just stuck to the forum. Also, in part because there were a lot fewer people posting over time, the general quality of the New Poems on the main site perhaps got a little sketchy, so that there were fewer poems being posted that the recommenders found interesting enough to mention. I think _Land is trying to restart the tradition of recommending poems from the main site New Poems page, which is commendable.

As for reviewing or commenting on poems by non-Lit poets, there have been various threads to do that over time. For example, each April (well, most Aprils) I've tried to talk about different poems I've found interesting for National Poetry Month (here, if you're curious). I'd find a general thread where people can comment on poems they liked of interest, if you want to start one.

 

[_Land]

Blood is Trending

Blood is trending.
It scrolls faster than mercy,
a red hashtag pulsing between
sniper scope and sidewalk chalk.

Feeds drip with sirens—
babies with no names
buried beneath fallen ceilings,
brothers turned rubble,
sisters erased mid-sentence.

Votes are cast in calibers now.
Borders redraw themselves
in shrapnel and shame—
every nation a trigger,
every faith a fuse.

We livestream the crucifixion.
Again.
And again.
And again.
The algorithm favors agony—
it knows
blood gets clicks.

Skies split open like warnings
ignored.
Grounds open their mouths
to swallow headlines whole.

There are wars that look like invasions,
wars that dress like peacekeeping,
wars that happen in homes
where love turns into lawlessness
with a fist.

This is not news.
This is not breaking.
This is not new.

This is history hemorrhaging—
through Gaza, Ukraine,
Chicago, Sudan,
your neighborhood corner store.

Blood is trending.
Truth’s been shadowbanned.
And justice?
Just another voice drowned
beneath the scroll.

But listen—
can you hear it?
The heartbeat behind the horror?

It still wants to live.
It still dares to beat.
Even as blood
keeps
trending.

 

[_Land]

@Angeline

No Black Veils
(for Laura Nyro)

Death ain't a shadow—it’s a chorus.
It claps offbeat in basements
where soul and gospel
make slow love in the dark.
She didn’t whisper elegies—
she spat them through piano teeth,
each chord a molar cracked
on the jawbone of God.

She wrote death young—
before rent,
before heartbreak had furniture—
and still managed to dress it
in tambourines and afterbirth.
“Take me early,” she said,
“but sing me out loud.”
And the world did,
but too damn late.

Her notes weren’t polite.
They kicked down
the cathedral door of pop,
lit candles with menstrual fire,
baptized lovers
in sweat-slick crescendos
and the ache of unfinished prayer.

She taught us—
the afterlife is a bridge
between gospel and horn section,
between soul food and funeral marches,
between a mother’s hush
and a daughter’s scream.

She didn’t go gentle.
She modulated.
She bled out
in a velvet riot of harmony,
wailing:
“I’m not afraid to die—
but don’t you dare
bury me in silence.”

 

[_Land]

I Am New York Tendaberry
(For Laura Nyro)

My name is not Manhattan.
It is moan.
It is marrow in a minor key.

I do not glitter.
I flicker like a match
held too long
between shaking fingers.
I don’t light rooms.
I burn silence
into the walls.

You touched me once
beneath the L-train moan—
your palm trembling
on my thigh of concrete.
You asked if I was safe.
I said nothing.
I just opened.

I am fire-escape lullaby
and third-floor abortion.
I am the cracked soprano
in the church of no pews.
I am every black shoe
that walked away
from a woman crying
on the corner of Avenue D.

You do not live in me.
You haunt me
with your dreams of escape.

My alleys kiss
with broken glass lips.
My pigeons
are prophets
choked on soot.

Laura tried
to play me clean,
but I stained her—
her voice a gauze
on my bleeding brick.
She sang what I couldn’t:
That softness survives
even here.
That love
can rot beautifully.

I am New York Tendaberry—
not tender,
not sweet.
But if you love me
long enough,
I will peel you
like an orange
in winter,
and let your juice
run warm
down my frozen throat.

 

[Angeline]

Oh my _Land, you know what I love.

Fire escape lullaby.

Thank you

Laura
my doo-wop princess
married jazz and poetry
campfire songs in girl
group harmonies, crashing
chords through three-octaves,
her mezzo-soprano soared
over New York's clattering
cacophony, neon proud or whisper
soft that silken range worn close
to the skin, a weaver's lover,
born for the loom's desire*



Quoted end phrase from "Emmie," Eli and the 13th Confession