PSA if you are leaving a control or at all abusive relationship

[Noor]

You're right that women can do damage too. Both sexes can be brutal, let's try not to play favourites.

But at least one thing stands against women, in cases of this type of violence: biologically, men are stronger than women.

Abuse isn't about brute strength. It's about control and conditioning. It's about standing on quick stand and never knowing what is going to happen next despite the abused's attempts to walk on egg shells.

Houses of abuse are not safe spaces for the abused. Men maybe stronger but they are vulnerable if and when they sleep.

 

[barefootgirl69]

No doubt there are all kinds of people who say they are being abused for all kinds of reasons.

That doesn't make any of it true.

For example, how can a guy be abusing you from such a great distance?

Just because one leaves a relationship doesn't mean the emotional abuse stops automatically. Sociopaths, whether male or female, like the control. They know how to 'press your buttons', they've spent years perfecting it.

Putting distance, and other people, between you is best.
Honestly, until you go through it, you might not ever understand it.

 

[jezzilee]

I get what some are trying to say, that the victim can be the aggressor in some cases. I saw this with my sister. She seemed to know just what buttons to push to piss her husband, and later s/o's off. Maybe she enjoyed being the victim, but this is not always the case.

There are instances in which the man is the abused party. Statistics show this to be of a lesser degree and also the degree of violence, chance that it may come to death to the person being abused is usually not as great.

In any case, no one should live there life in fear. I am thankful that there are people and agencies in place in which persons falling victim to abuse can go and get the help they need.

 

[hashtag45]

Query-

Your Smooth alt loves noor, but your hashtag alt is positioning herself against her. Smart move.

Nice joke.
I like noor, even for the mere fact that she was among the very few women who stood up for me when I was being harassed by a couple of male Lit. asholes. And several other things as well.

That doesn't mean that we can't engage in a discussion / debate.

 

[Noor]

maybe in the US, and there might be a bit of a cultural aspect to that too.
I suspect that men tend to manifest their aggression towards women in slightly different ways in Europe.

Sexuality is somewhat different or at least was. America is prudish in comparison or was.
With the current problem s and climate in the EU, I suspect it will be similar or worse soon.

 

[Adjudicator]

Abuse isn't about brute strength. It's about control and conditioning. It's about standing on quick stand and never knowing what is going to happen next despite the abuser's attempts to walk on egg shells.

Houses of abuse are not safe spaces for the abused. Men maybe stronger but they are vulnerable if and when they sleep.

I get what some are trying to say, that the victim can be the aggressor in some cases. I saw this with my sister. She seemed to know just what buttons to push to piss her husband, and later s/o's off. Maybe she enjoyed being the victim, but this is not always the case.

There are instances in which the man is the abused party. Statistics show this to be of a lesser degree and also the degree of violence, chance that it may come to death to the person being abused is usually not as great.

In any case, no one should live there life in fear. I am thankful that there are people and agencies in place in which persons falling victim to abuse can go and get the help they need.

Hashtag, these posts are voices of reason.

 

[Lancecastor]

They know how to 'press your buttons', they've spent years perfecting it.

It takes two to tango.

 

[Adjudicator]

It takes two to tango.

Lance's is not a voice of reason.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

<delete everything I wrote>

Still dealing with my sociopath... even living in two different states... it's never far enough with trying to control me in some way, financial or through the kids.

Lance, some guys say that their wife abuses them as a way to isolate her and further control her. Some guys truly are abused. I hope they get the help they need.

Can you say POLICE records? Defer to evidence. People got mouths and mouths talk shit. Go with the police reports.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Lancecastor]

Lance's is not a voice of reason.

A relationship takes two.

If one crosses the line, inaction/acquiesence by the other is equally as fatal to the relationship.

 

[barefootgirl69]

It takes two to tango.

Yes. One to intimidate and isolate, keep control of money because he doesn't want her working, which keeps control of her, even grocery shopping is a family affair, she's never allowed to be alone and he takes their vehicle to work. There is always just one child with her, so she wouldn't dare think of leaving ... and one to wonder who would believe her, where would she go, and how would she get there?

Relationships are more than cut and dried... they're about emotions and feelings. You know that.

 

[oggbashan]

...

Ogg, G has never tried to donate to any local refuge that I know of, but I do know they welcome gifts of not strictly necessary toiletries and cosmetics. I also think these are probably pretty useful gifts if you are trying to establish yourself in a new life, getting a job.

What our local one always needs is money. They get gifts in kind - clothing, food, baby equipment etc. But they need to pay the bills on their property - utilities, repairs, maintenance - and to pay minimal wages to the few staff who are not unpaid volunteers.

It is frustrating for them to see fund-raising for local animal charities raise sums the refuge could only dream of getting. One local horse charity costs more money to run for a week than the refuge has income for a month.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

You're right that women can do damage too. Both sexes can be brutal, let's try not to play favourites.

But at least one thing stands against women, in cases of this type of violence: biologically, men are stronger than women.

I go with the facts. I go with the results female investigators found.

Based on my experiences restraining violent people 13 year old boys are about the most dangerous for the simple physics of their bodies. They can apply a large force thru their feet. Just like a knife stabs better than a log. A logs gotta fall on you to hurt you.

Youre a clown and I'm done dealing with you.

 

[bronzeage]

jesus!
There are different types of catcalling; some are people just goofing around and having fun, others a lot more serious.
Bronzeage, please come and help me!!

This is a sticks and stones will break my bones situation.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[hashtag45]

1.I go with the facts. I go with the results female investigators found.

Based on my experiences restraining violent people 13 year old boys are about the most dangerous for the simple physics of their bodies. They can apply a large force thru their feet. Just like a knife stabs better than a log. A logs gotta fall on you to hurt you.

2.Youre a clown and I'm done dealing with you.

1.Mine was just a subjective opinion and I'm not disputing your opinion, because I haven't had experience in such matters.

Here's what one gets for trying to stay neutral. First Adjudicator, now you.


2. Yeah right. Till next time.

 

[Lancecastor]

Yes. One to intimidate and isolate, keep control of money because he doesn't want her working, which keeps control of her, even grocery shopping is a family affair, she's never allowed to be alone and he takes their vehicle to work. There is always just one child with her, so she wouldn't dare think of leaving ... and one to wonder who would believe her, where would she go, and how would she get there?

Relationships are more than cut and dried... they're about emotions and feelings. You know that.

Sorry your relationship wasn't a good one.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Locally, a while back, a woman opened a trailer park for abused men, homeless men, and sex offenders with nowhere to go. She used no tax dollars and was self-funded. The park was in an industrial area not close to homes or schools or shopping.

The girls raised hell until the county commission changed the zoning to make the park illegal. The girls were the abuse shelters, Salvation army, etc. The woman closed the park and all the men left. Cool.

Then hell erupted when the cops and mental health and corrections had no where to send men.

The abuse industry eats shit.

 

[Emerson40]

What our local one always needs is money. They get gifts in kind - clothing, food, baby equipment etc. But they need to pay the bills on their property - utilities, repairs, maintenance - and to pay minimal wages to the few staff who are not unpaid volunteers.

It is frustrating for them to see fund-raising for local animal charities raise sums the refuge could only dream of getting. One local horse charity costs more money to run for a week than the refuge has income for a month.

Every deserving charity and cause always needs money, and always will do.

Animals always tug the heartstrings more, and in turn loosen the pursestrings.


https://i0.wp.com/www.inquisitr.com/wp-content/2011/08/sarah-mclachlan.png


Even the squeegy-kids have figured out that a sad, hungry looking puppy tethered to the lamp-post will pull in more coin.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Sorry your relationship wasn't a good one.

Thank you!

 

[Noor]

People don't always recognize they are in an abusive situation until it is too late or if they are very lucky the abuser moves on to someone else. Often they don't realize they are lucky and feel very lost because they have been isolated for so long.

Luckily they usually find old friends step out of the woodwork once they are out of the situation.

Sometimes they don't realize they were in an abusive situation until their next relationship, if they ever want to be in one again.

There is nothing so heartbreaking as to have someone you are involved with ask if it is okay before they call an old friend of the opposite sex who has lost their spouse or open a letter or card they received.

 

[Noor]

By the way, there is a thread on Lit On how to help someone over being abused.
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=119289

 

[Christobal]

The shelter I spoke about takes males as well.

As for the people that don't want help and keep repeating harmful behaviors they will be kicked out. They offer so much help that if you don't take what's offered to rebuild your life you might be allowed to stay 3 months max.

As a shelter they have limited resources. If you don't want to help yourself they let you go for people willing to try.

 

[RoryN]

A friend's daughter was at school to become a vet assistant.

She's pretty, with a good figure and big tits.

She found herself a boyfriend online, a young lawyer from a monied family.

A few months later she quit school.

A few months after that, she's preggers, on purpose, to get him to marry her.

He wants her to have an abortion, and he breaks up with her.

She keeps trying to keep him, including threats to report him for abuse.

Who's the victim?

The baby.

As for the other two, fuck them both.