Puns

[clark_kent]

Not exactly a pun, but it’s still punny.

 

[DickandDoof]

People said the Russians wouldn’t enjoy invading Ukraine. I dunno, I think they’re having a blast.

 

[---E---]

Its a 5 minute walk from home to the bar. Its a 20 minute walk from the bar to home. The difference is staggering.

 

[water_moutina]

 

[water_moutina]

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

 

[EmberCD]

Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance.

Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

cc: @Ratchetman1982

You are amazing

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

 

[investor2020]

 

[VoraciousValue]

"You know what income tax is, don't you? That's a politician's idea of capital punishment!" -- Red Skelton

 

[ohsherrie]

Puns make me numb, but math puns make me number.

 

[investor2020]

Purloined from JJ's thread . . .

 

[investor2020]

Alexander III, king of Macedonia, changed the course of history as one of the world’s greatest military generals. His prowess on the battle fields came from his strategic insight.

In his entourage was a gifted alchemist who sought to create gold from various liquid potions to help fund Alexander’s campaigns. One day, after another failed experiment, the alchemist realized that the cloth that he had used to clean his vessels, when left out to dry in the sun, changed color. And as the sun rose in the sky and the light intensity increased, the cloth actually changed into different shades of color as the day progressed.

When the alchemist showed Alexander his unique discovery, the insightful general immediately recognized it’s potential: he could have such treated cloth torn into strips that his military leaders could tie around their wrists, and based on the color changes, Alexander could co-ordinate his strategic moves on the battlefield by telling each legion to move into battle based upon the changing color of the cloth strips.

Alexander’s subsequent successes have been passed on down thru history. As has the accidental discovery that led to those victories, which became known as Alexander’s rag timeband.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

OMG I love his music! He played a show near us a few months before he passed but we couldn't attend

 

[investor2020]

 

[VoraciousValue]

My answer to that would be:

 

[Speshul91]

.
This made me cry

 

[VoraciousValue]

Here's a really bad one I heard today:

I tried to go to Hyde Park when I went to London, but I couldn't find it.