Question.. porn/chatting.. cheating?

[xssve]

Ankle biting. For all practical purposes religious belief is indistinguishable from fantasy - when it doesn't resemble paranoid schizophrenia.

The original question was: at what point does sexual fantasy cross the line into "cheating" which I think I eventually defined as "emotional abandonment".

I haven't gotten any feedback on that yet, since you used that moment to start browbeating me with your subjective "logic".

Go ahead, take another nip.

 

[raphy]

I'm glad you guys are stil debating this, for lack of a better word.

I've thought about it some more. I never had huge popularity with guys in real life, even though I'm cute as can be. But seriously, I didn't. It's because of my weight I'm sure. Who wants a fat chick?
So now I've got a guy, and have had one, but it's like..... I'm afraid of something 'better' coming along, even though he says he's more than completely happy with me. Which I don't doubt for one minute, but ya never know.
There was a comic on some show.. she was a big girl, and she said that those skinny women let their men run off, but them big girls fight for their men.. it took 'em too damn long to get 'em. It was funny as hell.. but I guess I relate.

And so we come to the root of all evils - insecurity. Fear of losing him.

It's yet another glib, pithy phrase from me, but "The one man who's worth crying over will never break your heart"

You say:

I want to marry him, get a house, have a dog, maybe get a minivan one day.. the whole thing. Maybe I am just scared he'll find someone better than me.

and..

But what if he likes her attitude better... what if she likes the exact same shit as him.. what if she'll go out and party all the time and he'd find that appealing.. etc. That's the crap that gets to me.

Then I'd say to you, if that comes to be, then you weren't right for each other and what you feel for him now is nothing compared to what you'll feel for the man who you *are* right for. If it never does come to be, then you were both perfectly suited for each other and it doesn't matter that he may meet someone younger, slimmer, prettier, whatever-er than you. In his eyes she'll never be "better".

People have this mistaken attitude that you can "fight" to keep your significant other, like a relationship is some kind of tug-of-war with the person in the middle as some kind of prize.

No one's worth demeaning yourself that way for and besides, even if they were, how do you actually "fight" to keep someone in a relationship?

You can't force someone to love you any more than they already do, or force them to love you any differently than they already do. You have to just accept it and move on and find the person who *will* love you the way you want to be loved and who you can love the way *they* want to be loved.

Sometimes finding that match can take a long time, and we, as humans and creatures of society's ebb and flow, get washed up on the beach of Being Single entirely too many times for our own liking.

But I've always, always felt that way about love, relationships and partnerships. If whisp decided tomorrow that she'd found some guy who she felt more of a connection with than me, I wouldn't be down on my knees begging her to stay with me. I think more of myself than that.

Would it hurt? Sure it would. I love her. I don't want to lose her from my life.

Would I try and keep her? Of course not. What would be the point? If she doesn't love me as much as she loves him, then I'm keeping her purely for my own selfish reasons, and if I love her as much as I claim to, then I would not ever want her to stay in a situation where she was not 100% happy.

Partnerships are all about compatibility. If you can't make your partner happy without changing who you are fundamentally, then the problem is not with you, it is with compatibility. Find another partner who you *can* make happy just being who you are.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

Ankle biting. For all practical purposes religious belief is indistinguishable from fantasy - when it doesn't resemble paranoid schizophrenia.

I disagree. Fantasy is fictional, it is possessed of a different truth-value and modality than Religion (as a potential fiction). As such, for practical purposes, the discussion of one and the discussion of the other are going be different.

The original question was: at what point does sexual fantasy cross the line into "cheating" which I think I eventually defined as "emotional abandonment".

I haven't gotten any feedback on that yet, since you used that moment to start browbeating me with your subjective "logic".

My logic is objective. That is the nature of logic. A "subjective" logic would be one that is based on assumptions particular to a subject--like emprical evidence or science or the Bible. You are not actually participating in logic so much as trying to rationalize your view--there is a big difference there.

Go ahead, take another nip.

Hey, I /still/ invite you to address my points as I made them. You seem to not want to do that, but as often as you'd like to bring up the conversation, I'm more than willing to point out your avoidance of an actual intelligent evaluation of anything I asserted.

 

[raphy]

Oh ya, I forgot to add this. I wrote this a while ago. It's called She Don't Love Me.

She Don't Love Me
-----------------------

She came round the other day
Said she had some things to say
I'd always known this day was gonna come.
I listened to her words
But it wasn't me they hurt
'Cause I know it's true, she don't love me like you

There was nothing I could say
When she said she felt that way
And I looked at her with tears in her eyes
But when all is said and done
You're the only one
'Cause I know it's true, she don't love me like you.

She don't look at me quite the way that you do
I don't see that light shining in her eyes
She don't understand the way I feel about you
And I know there ain't no question in my mind

I know you've been concerned
About the time I spend with her
But there ain't no way she's stealin' me from you
And though she wants to be
All I'll ever need
I know it's true, she don't love me like you

So let me take you by the hand
And make you understand
There's no one else on earth that's right for me
'Cause she might be beautiful
And she might be wonderful
But I know it's true, she don't love me like you

 

[impressive]

Interesting article on this topic in today's SF Chronicle:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2008/07/17/violetblue.DTL

 

[Tom Collins]

Heyla, Em.

I chose other, and here's why.

I wouldn't consider flirting with people online, or even looking at nudies of said online persons cheating, but I would suggest that it's not a good idea. Cybering definitely is cheating, though. People covet that which they see. If they're looking at tit shots of someone they could easily meet due to living in the area they'll be much more likely to. I would think of it as a gateway to cheating for someone who would never normally even think about stepping out on thier SO.

I'm not saying blinkfold the poor bugger, but I think he could find a place to make friends that doesn't make you, his loved one, uncomfortable. Relationships are all about compromise, give and take, and this is one situation where he needs to give, not you. No one should be happy doing something that makes their partner unhappy.

That just my opinion. Pay no attention to the porn writer behind the curtain.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

I'm involved with someone in a serious relationship. I trust her. She trusts me. If she wants to wank over someone online or talk dirty via YIM or whatever, that's her business. As long as it doesn't cause me problems, I don't really care.

 

[fifty5]

Talk about it!

The rules I and my wife worked out between us are not just none of your business, but may well not work for you anyway.

Don't use anyone else's rules - which almost certainly don't apply, or work, for the two of you. Instead, work out your own rules between you, then be happy with what you did.

Someone who loves you will want you to be happy, content with what you need. "Have faith in them" is very little different to being faithful to one another.

After you talk it out, you may come to a new position - or not - that doesn't matter. It's what happens after that that is important. If your partner agrees to some rules, then breaks them, that's important. The rules themselves are up to you two to make up for yourselves.

Like I said, talk about it...