Question RE: Anal Play For The Guy

[skyjade]

A while back I asked the question of what to expect when my GF started to play with my hole and while she enjoys it immesnely and is convinced I will as well, I really haven't taken to it as she led me to believe. I love the gal with my whole being and very honored and very lucky to be in a relationship with her, but each time she initiates the anal play, I start to cringe. I really want to enjoy it, but for starters, I always feel "not clean enough" there, followed by just simply not being "into it." She does other things to "loosen" me up, as I've told her I'd never done it before, but it eventually just does nothing for me. Any suggestions? I want to enjoy this with her, and obviously feel the great pleasure she claims comes with it, but I need a push start.
Thanks in advance.

 

[SweetErika]

It sounds like your expectations and worries are getting in the way. How about setting aside what you think you should feel, and just going with the moment? Are you taking a bath or shower before play? Are you using a condom or gloves and tons of lube so cleanliness isn't really an issue?

What have you been doing in terms of loosening up and playing? There are tons of ways to do both, and often one thing will do a lot for a person, but might do nothing for another. Both my husband and I enjoy vibes, but others love fingers and dildos.

Generally, if you've had a bowel movement earlier in the day, bathe, and use a condom and plenty of lube, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. I don't feel enemas are necessary, but you two might enjoy making that part of your preparation and play, and it could make you feel more clean/confident.

 

[skyjade]

Well, yesterday she caught me off guard! We were watching football when the subject came up and the next thing I knew she was pulling out the KY jelly and pulling my shorts off! I'm not complaining, i just wasn't prepared. I guess I need to be a little more relaxed and ready for the next time. So far she has only used or tried fingers, so I try to relax and just enjoy the moment.

 

[christian1971]

You need to relax and loosen up, try to enjoy it. Maybe a personal toy for yourself will help, the both of you go to the adult store and find something that will be exciting for the both of you to have fun with. But have it be only yours and when your ready.

 

[SweetErika]

Well, yesterday she caught me off guard! We were watching football when the subject came up and the next thing I knew she was pulling out the KY jelly and pulling my shorts off! I'm not complaining, i just wasn't prepared. I guess I need to be a little more relaxed and ready for the next time. So far she has only used or tried fingers, so I try to relax and just enjoy the moment.

Yeah, I'm thinking that's probably not the best way to go...I'd feel really uncomfortable about cleanliness and would have a hard time relaxing in that kind of situation too.

I'm wondering if you'd feel better with a condom, glove, or condom-protected toy as well. I like anal play, but have a tougher time relaxing if it's just fingers because it's easy to quickly slip a condom into the trash after, but bare skin requires washing, and I just can't get the 'What if...?' thought out of my head, even though it's never been a problem. Toys that can be washed and sterilized and/or used with a condom are more comfortable for me.

As I mentioned, lube plays a huge part. KY isn't a good product to use because it dries out quickly...it was originally intended for one-time insertions in medical procedures, not sex. For water-based, we like Wet Original (very slippery and long lasting), but we're planning on trying a silicone lube because of it's staying power.

So, if you're going to keep trying, maybe plan ahead so you can feel confident in your cleanliness, relax, use a good lube, consider condoms or gloves, and maybe try a small vibrator if you think it'd be more pleasureable and comfortable.

 

[Brainboyz]

Best way to start out if she wants to play with you anally is usually an exterior rubbing during oral. Believe me it feels great.

After doing that a couple times your body won't be so tense about getting near there. Still need to take it slow and start off small with some of the above suggestions though. SweetErika has the right idea.

 

[skyjade]

Thanks for all the help folks.

 

[Chi-Guy31]

And don't ever take your girl's interest in your ass for granted! There are many men who would LOVE to their ass played with by their wife/GF, but the women hesitate...

 

[fabricator]

And don't ever take your girl's interest in your ass for granted! There are many men who would LOVE to their ass played with by their wife/GF, but the women hesitate...

I second that. Not that I've had that many lovers, but NONE of them ever showed interest in stimulating me anally, and many of them were reluctant to let me do it to them. It took my wife almost 15 years of marriage to get into anal play, and now it's a regular part of our sex life. She even laments all those years of missing out. I have to admit, when I was in my teens and experimenting, I felt 'unclean' and reluctant to touch myself there for the longest time before I became comfortable with that part of my body. By the way, if you men out there have not tried an Aneros, you're missing the boat!

 

[Chi-Guy31]

Shortly after discovering the joys of masturbating at age 13, I incorporated ass play for the added fun. I never really worried about the clean aspect - if there was "cleaning" to be done I did and then eagerly got back to pleasing my own ass! This is still my philosophy today, even the anal toys have matured...

 

[misspatiant]

Its prob just a case of chill out and relax, maybe with a couple of drinks or something and just forget the ass question and see what happens, have fun anyway