Quick, Og or Lisa, get yer de-coding books out!!!

[ABSTRUSE]

I love coming in on two pages of a silly thread that makes me larf and larf. P.

(Someone kill the fucking thing while Lou's away.)

I'm getting out the BIG shoe.

 

[sack]

don't kill Brian!!

After all, he was just about to give your latest story a "5"!!






Sack

 

[R. Richard]

1) Take a deep breath.
2) Position yourself face to face with the spider.
3) Blow! (Means exhale rapidly here.)
4) it through fit of coughing and CUT BACK ON THE COFFIN NAILS!

 

[Lisa Denton]

I've got a spider on my keyboard!

He's hovering around the F5 key at the mo. Any ideas?

Lou

I was playin with my puppy in the back yard and missed this, I hope I'm not too late.

Its a good thing you are not arcrsa, acra, angora, fuck it, I mean spiderphobic.

Me and Og figured out the ways these things communicate with humans. Now, the F5 key sends some clear signals. The F part clearly indicates, as I'm sure you've already guessed, that this is a female spider interested in inter-species lesbian sex. I'm afraid the 5 part is where it gets a lil kinky.

Let me splain it in scientific terminology. To a spider who sees everything in 8's, the 5 is critical. If you multiply 8 times 5, subtract 11 and divide by 3 then add 472 times 953 while continuously subtracting 8's, then you prolly see exactly what I'm talking about huh?

Yep, you guessed it, she wants anal. Now, you don't really have any choice in the matter, as a spiderlover, and for the advancement of scientific inter-species communication, you have to bend over and take it, so to speak, like a man (huh?) anywho just back up to the keyboard and spread your cheeks. To get the spider in the mood it helps if you squawck like a chicken, they like chicken noises when they get in a fowl anal mood.

Be sure to film the encounter and write up a complete report as this is prolly gonna be in all the major scientific publications, and National Inquirer, by next week.

Good luck and if you actually orgasm, you are a real fucking spiderlover. i will call the newspapers and tell them to be ready to change the headlines to..........

Tatelou has multiple anal orgasms from inter-species spider sex while squawcking like a chicken!!!

 

[rgraham666]

I walk over to Lou's keyboard with a paper plate. Gently I nudge on to the plate.

Then I take it outside, give the plate a shake and release the spider to the wild.

Do I have to do everything around here?

 

[cantdog]

I do that with red backed voles, too, rg. They actually climb onto the plate, very nicely. Voles are cute ass. they will invade the camp from time to time, though. they raise families of small red backed volekins or vole cubs or whatever they're called, in my woodbox under the draining board. Vole sex is not ordinarily noticeable, but they are, after all, rodents and pests, and they know it well enough to respond to the plate when they can see they've been rumbled.

Lisa is definitely a national treasure and requires protection under the Endangered Species Act. She is cute, too, but I've never heard whether she'll climb onto a plate or not. Why should she? She is no rodent and never a pest. She would doubtless snoot the plate.

cantdog

 

[Lisa Denton]

I do that with red backed voles, too, rg. They actually climb onto the plate, very nicely. Voles are cute ass. they will invade the camp from time to time, though. they raise families of small red backed volekins or vole cubs or whatever they're called, in my woodbox under the draining board. Vole sex is not ordinarily noticeable, but they are, after all, rodents and pests, and they know it well enough to respond to the plate when they can see they've been rumbled.

Lisa is definitely a national treasure and requires protection under the Endangered Species Act. She is cute, too, but I've never heard whether she'll climb onto a plate or not. Why should she? She is no rodent and never a pest. She would doubtless snoot the plate.

cantdog

Huh? You want me to climb on a plate? Is this a serious scientific spider language experiment or are you joshin me?

 

[cantdog]

If I found you raising a family of Lisas in my woodbox, I would certainly proffer a plate. But I believe I said I didn't expect you'd fall for it.

 

[Guest]

Lisa is just about the most precious young woman I've ever encountered. I thank god I met and adopted her. Nothing like a kid who makes her mum laugh at her wit and joy. P.

 

[oggbashan]

This thread reminds me that I haven't finished the story with Lisa, me and the spiders.

I've left the spiders legging together on the picture rail for about two months. One of them must be getting sore.

Og

 

[TheEarl]

I walk over to Lou's keyboard with a paper plate. Gently I nudge on to the plate.

Then I take it outside, give the plate a shake and release the spider to the wild.

Do I have to do everything around here?

You're promoting poor evolution. Let me explain my theory:

If a spider comes anywhere near me, thne I get someone to kill it.
If it's dead, then it can't pass its genes onto the next generation.
Therefore the spiders who breed will be the ones that had the good sense to stay the fuck away from me. They will pass their stay-the-fuck-away-from-me genes onto their children.
Therefore less spiders will come near me.

If you let a spider go, then you're allowing the come-into-the-house-and-sit-on-the-keyboard genes back into the genepool. kill it lest the evil persist!

The Earl

 

[Lisa Denton]

Has anyone heard from Tatelou?

After telling her to have anal sex with that lesbian spider for scientific advancement of course, I started looking through some of me and Og's research papers.

Og handled most of the reproductive extrapolations and possibilities of our experimentations. Also I had to translate his reports into english cause sometimes he writes in pig-latin when he does scientific documentation.

Some of the reseach has revealed some startling relevatiions, depenging on the exact type of spider involved there is a possibility that it could insert a cocoon of human/spider babies in her rectum during anal sex.

While not exactly a scientific term "yuck" comes to mind and I hope she used lots of K-Y.

Also, depending on the type of spider involved there is a possibility that it could rip Tatelou's head off during or after some heated anal sex.

Needless to say my slight faux pax at neglecting to mention these possibilities to her has begun to worry me. My lil head sometimes gets boggled by the serious implications of scientific research, and cajun cooking recipes, a hobby, and sometimes I get the two kinda mixed up.

Her failure to report in could be due to passing out from the repeated blissful orgasms of the first reported anal mating of humans and spiders, or, she could have her head ripped off and be anally impregnated with little monsters, or cajun chile peppers (huh?) gosh all these papers is getting mixed up.

Anywho, if anyone hears from her tell her to report in to Og and Lisa's Scientific Headquarters.

It is a small consolation to me that due to her love of spiders she may have been glad to know that she gave her life, and rectum, to help the little buggers communicate with humananity.



God bless Tatelou and her ass!!!!!!!!

 

[TheEarl]

God bless Tatelou and her ass!!!!!!!!

And so say all of us.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

God bless Tatelou and her ass!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your decoding, Lisa. It was most informative and helpful.

And, yes, I came.

Lou

 

[Guest]

I walk over to Lou's keyboard with a paper plate. Gently I nudge on to the plate.

Then I take it outside, give the plate a shake and release the spider to the wild.

Do I have to do everything around here?

I could've done that! In fact, I could've picked him up in my hand if I'd wanted to. But, I didn't, cos he's my iccle fwend.

I fed him a housefly this morning.

Lou

 

[Guest]

feeding spiders...
*shaking head in confusion*

thats like knowingly passing on the ebola virus.
BAD LOU!
go to your corner!

 

[Guest]

feeding spiders...
*shaking head in confusion*

thats like knowingly passing on the ebola virus.
BAD LOU!
go to your corner!

You like flies, or sommat?

 

[Guest]

You like flies, or sommat?

naw not so much
but thats why spiders should be free...you are unknowingly...or knowingly perpetuating the concept of keeping wild things as house pets...for shame!
outside is where it belongs...
where all the flies belong too.
commune with nature on one hand and hold a can of Raid in the other

 

[Guest]

naw not so much
but thats why spiders should be free...you are unknowingly...or knowingly perpetuating the concept of keeping wild things as house pets...for shame!
outside is where it belongs...
where all the flies belong too.
commune with nature on one hand and hold a can of Raid in the other

LOL!

That's too sensible, though. I'm building up my own wildlife park in my living room. Simulating their natural environments, of course. I have a tree growing out of my desk. It was once a peanut.

 

[Guest]

LOL!

That's too sensible, though. I'm building up my own wildlife park in my living room. Simulating their natural environments, of course. I have a tree growing out of my desk. It was once a peanut.

so basically what youre saying is that you are a nature loving tree hugger extrodinaire. thats fine, ill pack up all the creepy crawlies and send them to you.

ps. do you also grow your own pennicillin inthe fridge? i thought those fridges over there were really super small

 

[Guest]

so basically what youre saying is that you are a nature loving tree hugger extrodinaire. thats fine, ill pack up all the creepy crawlies and send them to you.

ps. do you also grow your own pennicillin inthe fridge? i thought those fridges over there were really super small

Yup, that's me. Friend of nature and nature's friend.

Yes, I have plenty of stuff going on in my fridge. Developing my own eco-system, in fact.

 

[Guest]

Yup, that's me. Friend of nature and nature's friend.

Yes, I have plenty of stuff going on in my fridge. Developing my own eco-system, in fact.

Ladies and Gents, may i introduce to you the next person to enter the biodome, the beautiful twat, Lou.

 

[Guest]

Ladies and Gents, may i introduce to you the next person to enter the biodome, the beautiful twat, Lou.

LOL!

Did I tell you... my skin's slowly turning green and I have odd things sprouting out of my head.

 

[oggbashan]

LOL!

Did I tell you... my skin's slowly turning green and I have odd things sprouting out of my head.

You should have avoided the New Forest in the deer rutting season.

Og

 

[Lisa Denton]

Join Tatelou's Tree Huggers!!!!!!!

http://www.imageshosted.com/images/137943tree.jpg