References for former subs or Dom/mes

[Mr Blonde]

Time to refresh this topic.

I guess we are left with two issues:

• References for the sake of safety
• References for the sake of compatibility

I respect the comments made in this thread, but when it comes to safety I stand by my old post and when it comes to exploring compatibility I like to work on that one-on-one with the new perspective partner.

Any further thoughts?

 

[James G 5]

Time to refresh this topic.

I guess we are left with two issues:

• References for the sake of safety
• References for the sake of compatibility

I respect the comments made in this thread, but when it comes to safety I stand by my old post and when it comes to exploring compatibility I like to work on that one-on-one with the new perspective partner.

Any further thoughts?

I've mainly looked at them or safety, but I will note that the last time I asked for those for a subbie friend (she asked me to check out a Dom in my area) most of the responses were that he was a safe PLAYER, but incapable of sustaining a relationship for more than a few months...he'd go in all Super-TPE Dom but it would peter out
She didn't listen, convinced it would be different with her, gave up her place of residence & moved all the way across the state, was wonderfully happy for 3 months, and now is living with a guy who has her as a domestic servant basically but barely interacts with her otherwise
So mebbe it would've behooved her to listen to ALL of the reference she got

 

[Mr Blonde]

I started a thread about that subject, James G5. References or not, once we reach a certain age most of us have developed a pattern of behavior for our relationships that seems to repeat itself.

 

[Saint_Sinner]

Wonder if I can get a business card embosed on my paddle so I can leave a calling card.

That is awesome, excellent idea!!!......lol

 

[SwtSouthrnSub]

.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

I was looking through old posts and came across this old thread of mine. It is true you can truly see how far you've grown from looking into the past.

I have given references with last few relationships. I find that now the more open I am with someone the easier to form a meaningful bond. I used to hold everything inside me so very tight. I guess was afraid of it slipping from my fingers and overwhelming me. But by truly surrendering to my heart I've so much stronger and way deeper.

There can be no upper hand in love, even if it doesn't hold true. You can never forget the wonder and magic you felt inside. And truly is a roadmap to what a relationship will be with the one whom you truly have lasting love.

 

[Desdemona]

Snooze

I'd give you a reference any day. You have alot to offer a special lady.

 

[FurryFury]

It is interesting to see how some have changed and benefited from that change! Awesome!

 

[Snoozebutton2]

I'd give you a reference any day. You have alot to offer a special lady.

Well that comes from a great lady herself. As you love like tomorrow never may be and it shows.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

It is interesting to see how some have changed and benefited from that change! Awesome!

Yes was weird seeing my views changed so much.

 

[cherokee_dove]

As someone mentioned, "That little voice" that sits in a subs mind usually can sense if the Dom is really who they say they are.

But there are times when if a sub is meeting (or just met) the Dom for the very first time, and all things seem ok; that a verbal reference would come in handy.

Even with proof of address and proof of identification, in todays world; and we all know how crazy its getting lately, its best to have a safety net.

Just as a way to make sure that:

1. He is interested in the same things.
2. He is really a Dom.
3. He is not TOO sadistic for the level that is within that sub's range.
4. That he isn't just faking being a Dom, just to get a sub in a situation where their lives could be at risk.

IMHO, that would be something that would and does run thru some subs minds; after an initial meeting.

Even if "the little voice" says all is ok so far, its always best to make sure.

 

[Desdemona]

We've both grown over time.

Well that comes from a great lady herself. As you love like tomorrow never may be and it shows.

I just saw what I wrote when you started this thread and at that time, I couldn't imagine feeling any other way. Now that we are dealing with "tomorrow", all I want is your happiness. I want to see you happy in a relationship with another good lady. I believe that will happen.

Before T and I met in real life, he arranged for me to talk with some lady friends of his. It helped validate my sense of who he is and increased my sense of safety when we met. I still had a safe call, though. So, I believe in using references now. I think it really can help.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

As someone mentioned, "That little voice" that sits in a subs mind usually can sense if the Dom is really who they say they are.

But there are times when if a sub is meeting (or just met) the Dom for the very first time, and all things seem ok; that a verbal reference would come in handy.

Even with proof of address and proof of identification, in todays world; and we all know how crazy its getting lately, its best to have a safety net.

Just as a way to make sure that:

1. He is interested in the same things.
2. He is really a Dom.
3. He is not TOO sadistic for the level that is within that sub's range.
4. That he isn't just faking being a Dom, just to get a sub in a situation where their lives could be at risk.

IMHO, that would be something that would and does run thru some subs minds; after an initial meeting.

Even if "the little voice" says all is ok so far, its always best to make sure.

Yes I have learned many things can scare a person. Are you going to fast too far? Is he truly walking the same path as I? There is a balance that comes with time. But there is a small window in beginning to allow that comfort. It all come down to that first meeting. Which is why realized if can lessen the stress in any way it's a good thing.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

I just saw what I wrote when you started this thread and at that time, I couldn't imagine feeling any other way. Now that we are dealing with "tomorrow", all I want is your happiness. I want to see you happy in a relationship with another good lady. I believe that will happen.

Before T and I met in real life, he arranged for me to talk with some lady friends of his. It helped validate my sense of who he is and increased my sense of safety when we met. I still had a safe call, though. So, I believe in using references now. I think it really can help.

We all have grown as now have lives we center on the bedrock of a doable future.Yes I'm so glad you found happiness, I too will find it as I'm just too sweet and innocent not to*angelic look*.

 

[Desdemona]

exactly

We all have grown as now have lives we center on the bedrock of a doable future.Yes I'm so glad you found happiness, I too will find it as I'm just too sweet and innocent not to*angelic look*.

Not gonna comment on the innocent. And that angelic look is deceiving. There's a within.