Rejected story help

[SanityCheck]

I'm not sure what part of "you have to discuss this directly with the site editor, Laurel, reachable only by Private Message (PM)" you're not getting.

Because if someone can point out where my problem lies, as was done the first time, I won't have to bother her with this and can simply fix it.

 

[SanityCheck]

I hear your frustration.
Have you thought about PMing Laurel to point out to her that no actual sex happens until your character is 18? I've seen other people in similar situation do so. It may be that whether she really is reading it herself, or relying on some kind of algorithm, it's gotten tripped up by the proximity of your character's fifteen and seventeen year old lusting after her to the actual sex at eighteen.

My only other thought is this: "After I turned 18 I got a chance to fuck a woman I'd been thinking about for years. She lived next door, and was gorgeous. In my mind she was a porn star, and always horny. I'd mowed her lawn for a while, and kept up with it even after I got another job, just to give myself the chance to look at her"' {or whatever, but the idea is only mention his age numerically once, after he's 18}

Yes, but if I still had some obvious problem (like the first time) I'd rather fix it myself rather than contacting her only to have her say, "The problem is right here, dumb ass."

When I submit the third time I will ask for clarification of the problem in the notes to the admin section if its rejected.

 

[ElectricBlue]

OK. It's hard to give advice with incomplete information and excerpts. What KeithD said is right: you need to PM Laurel and find out what she doesn't like. The rest of us are speculating just like you are.

I'd say just mentioning the age as fifteen continues to trigger the "nothing under eighteen" rule because there's sexual content, however brief, immediately adjacent.

The kid needs to mow the lawn at fifteen, and if it's essential (is it, really?) see Mrs Robinson with zero sexual wording - have her bring him lemonade in a Snoopy glass, ffs - and then jerk off five-hundred words away when he's very clearly eighteen and a half and is now into Snoop-Dog.

It's the connectivity of the age and the sexual memory that's the issue, I reckon.

 

[SanityCheck]

I'd say just mentioning the age as fifteen continues to trigger the "nothing under eighteen" rule because there's sexual content, however brief, immediately adjacent.

The kid needs to mow the lawn at fifteen, and if it's essential (is it, really?) see Mrs Robinson with zero sexual wording - have her bring him lemonade in a Snoopy glass, ffs - and then jerk off five-hundred words away when he's very clearly eighteen and a half and is now into Snoop-Dog.

It's the connectivity of the age and the sexual memory that's the issue, I reckon.

Maybe.

Immediately before this, as a 33 year old man, an event triggers the memory.

Then there's remembered sex (after he turns 18) to put the hero in an embarrassing/compromised situation so the heroine can stumble onto him. There's not a lot of room to move things around without doing more rewriting than I'd like.

It all makes sense in the context of the story, but I don't think anyone wants the entire 16,000 word story, or even 2 or 3 thousand words for context. I'm confident the problem has to be in those two (now one) paragraphs because that's the only place even remotely related to underage sex. If it's anywhere else, Laurel is confused and I need to make some changes for better clarity to what's going on in the story.

If I have to I will rewrite, but I want clarification from Laurel first before I do that.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Up to you. You asked for opinions, you got ‘em.

Let us know what Laurel comes back with when you ask her.

 

[jaF0]

Maybe.

Immediately before this, as a 33 year old man, an event triggers the memory.

Then there's remembered sex (after he turns 18) to put the hero in an embarrassing/compromised situation so the heroine can stumble onto him. There's not a lot of room to move things around without doing more rewriting than I'd like.

Leave 15 out of it. Leave age out of it. Use something like 'many years back ... ' or 'just after High School ... '.

 

[SanityCheck]

Up to you. You asked for opinions, you got ‘em.

Let us know what Laurel comes back with when you ask her.

I thank everyone for that.

When I posted the first time everyone was pretty certain what the problem was. I fixed that. Now there doesn't seem to be any consensus on what to change.

I've resubmitted with my latest change, and asked for clarification if it doesn't pass. If Laurel doesn't provide it in the rejection, I'll reach out to her.

I'll post the results once I know something so everyone will know where I went off the rails.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I thank everyone for that.

When I posted the first time everyone was pretty certain what the problem was. I fixed that. Now there doesn't seem to be any consensus on what to change.

I've resubmitted with my latest change, and asked for clarification if it doesn't pass. If Laurel doesn't provide it in the rejection, I'll reach out to her.

I'll post the results once I know something so everyone will know where I went off the rails.

It’s a constant learning curve for everyone here. Good luck.

 

[ChasingAnna]

The short answer is that figuring out what gets flagged for "underage" is a miserable slog here. Anything with any coming of age component should probably be saved for another site. One of these days I'll write a parody specifically for this site that's a send up if all the ridiculous hoops we have to jump through

 

[TarnishedPenny]

The short answer is that figuring out what gets flagged for "underage" is a miserable slog here. Anything with any coming of age component should probably be saved for another site. One of these days I'll write a parody specifically for this site that's a send up if all the ridiculous hoops we have to jump through

Straight *****s from all the writers, guaranteed. Do let us know,

 

[SanityCheck]

It passed

I have the new flag and the story will go live in tonight's update.

Lesson learned. From this point forward, all my characters will be born in a vegetative state, only to awaken from their coma on their eighteenth birthday.

 

[SimonDoom]

I have the new flag and the story will go live in tonight's update.

Lesson learned. From this point forward, all my characters will be born in a vegetative state, only to awaken from their coma on their eighteenth birthday.

Hmmm. If that's the lesson learned, then I don't think the lesson has been learned.

 

[loquere]

=== Start of Excerpt ===

I'd started mowing Ms. Ceilo's yard, along with five others, when I was fifteen, and I'd noticed then Tina was hotter than shit. In my imagination she was, or had been, a porn star, and was horny all the time. She certainly looked the part with her big tits, shapely ass, and after I turned seventeen, the way she looked at me gave me a boner every time, a boner I took into the shower with me to paint the enclosure with come as I dreamed of fucking her.

=== End of Excerpt ===

Look at the red, this is sexually explicit and inciting. It sexualizes an underage person.

 

[loquere]

Hmmm. If that's the lesson learned, then I don't think the lesson has been learned.

Agreed.

 

[SanityCheck]

Look at the red, this is sexually explicit and inciting. It sexualizes an underage person.

I stipulate to this. But what about the new/improved version?

The point of my comment was, none of my characters are going to have a past. Their life "begins" at eighteen... or later.

With no past before the age of eighteen, I don't have to worry about tripping over 'underage sex.'

 

[SimonDoom]

I stipulate to this. But what about the new/improved version?

The point of my comment was, none of my characters are going to have a past. Their life "begins" at eighteen... or later.

With no past before the age of eighteen, I don't have to worry about tripping over 'underage sex.'

The tenor of the responses to your comment is that your response is not necessary. You are overinterpreting what the site owner requires and going farther than you have to. You are not the first person to experience this frustration, but the required response is not to throw your hands in the air and treat your characters as vegetables until they turn 18. There are sensible and appropriate ways to deal with the issue that are more sophisticated than the "vegetables before 18" approach.

As I say, you are not the first person to deal with this issue. It seems to flummox a lot of people. It puzzles me, because, while Laurel's rule seems somewhat draconian and unrealistic to me, it's always struck me as understandable and not that hard to follow.

If your new rule works for you, then I wish you the best.

 

[SanityCheck]

The tenor of the responses to your comment is that your response is not necessary. You are overinterpreting what the site owner requires and going farther than you have to. You are not the first person to experience this frustration, but the required response is not to throw your hands in the air and treat your characters as vegetables until they turn 18. There are sensible and appropriate ways to deal with the issue that are more sophisticated than the "vegetables before 18" approach.

As I say, you are not the first person to deal with this issue. It seems to flummox a lot of people. It puzzles me, because, while Laurel's rule seems somewhat draconian and unrealistic to me, it's always struck me as understandable and not that hard to follow.

If your new rule works for you, then I wish you the best.

I made the comment somewhat tongue in cheek. I always understood the no explicit sex under 18 rule, and while I didn't think I violated the no explicit sex rule the first time since there was no description of the act, as everyone says (and I agree) Laurel's site, Laurel's rules.

I was surprised when it was rejected the second time, however. My second submission seemed clearly within the generally accepted bounds. But again, Laurel's site and Laurel's rules.

I've written a good handful of stories for this site. My characters are generally older (30+) and have life experiences, so there's no need to go back to their youth. This story was the one exception.

I'm not a rule breaker. I'm a rule follower. I didn't like my story being rejected. Not because I thought Laurel was stifling my creativity as a writer, but because I broke the rules. I was particularly dismayed that I did it a second time with the same story.

I just as soon not do that again. The easiest way is to keep writing the type of stories I've been writing.

 

[Javahead]

I'm not a rule breaker. I'm a rule follower. I didn't like my story being rejected. Not because I thought Laurel was stifling my creativity as a writer, but because I broke the rules. I was particularly dismayed that I did it a second time with the same story.

I just as soon not do that again. The easiest way is to keep writing the type of stories I've been writing.

Laurel seems to be fairly reasonable in enforcing her policies. When I reposted my older stories here earlier this year, she flagged two. One required a slight rewrite, the other she passed as-is after I explained in the comments why it wasn’t a rules violation. She reread it and agreed - it posted with no changes.

I do try to avoid underage characters, and make it clear - in the story - that any borderline characters are over 18. It helps that I have no desire to write about high school students. Too far in my own past to interest me.

 

[SanityCheck]

It helps that I have no desire to write about high school students. Too far in my own past to interest me.

This...

 

[Nightwaves]

The short answer is that figuring out what gets flagged for "underage" is a miserable slog here. Anything with any coming of age component should probably be saved for another site. One of these days I'll write a parody specifically for this site that's a send up if all the ridiculous hoops we have to jump through

Yep. I've just had two stories rejected this week for underage, which there is none. I've thought of injecting things into the narrative (in all caps for good measure) like WHO WAS CLEARLY 18 OR OLDER, or FULLY OF LEGAL AGE or whatever, just for a laugh.

Of course, I fully agree with those who post that this is Laurel's site, and her rules are the law here. Got a problem with that? Go start your own site.

Cheers!

 

[SouthernCrossfire]

Yep. I've just had two stories rejected this week for underage, which there is none.

I had that happen with my first submittal. I didn't change anything but in the Notes when I resubmitted, I pointed out a single sentence where the character in question stated that she would be 19 in a couple of months. That was all it took and the story was published.

Good luck!

 

[Nightwaves]

I had that happen with my first submittal. I didn't change anything but in the Notes when I resubmitted, I pointed out a single sentence where the character in question stated that she would be 19 in a couple of months. That was all it took and the story was published.

Good luck!

Thanks. I just queried Laurel (or whoever) in regard to my rejected 88-page opus, and I hope she has time to respond with specifics. If there are some hot spots I need to cool off, then fine. I just don't want to slog through all of it with a machete, hacking out parts that are perfectly acceptable.

 

[LaRascasse]

I have the new flag and the story will go live in tonight's update.

Lesson learned. From this point forward, all my characters will be born in a vegetative state, only to awaken from their coma on their eighteenth birthday.

There's scope for a good H&S story here. Literotica-ville where people are born without genitals. Amy and Charlie are excited. After all they are about to turn 18 together, and on the midnight hour, they shall be blessed with naughty parts. After that they can do all that they want including alarming sexual acts and make life choices no 18 year old should ever have to. It's 0 to 100 at the stroke of midnight.

Jokes apart, I do see why Laurel errs on the side of safety in this case. It might be frustrating to us, but she is the one staring at SESTA/FOSTA and a whole host of other such legal ramifications even if one such instance gets by her filter (and some do). Also, this is an area where if you give a inch, people will take a mile. If she does take a less hard-line approach and allows "harmless" references to below 18s... the whole site will be flooded by thinly veiled underage sex and that is bad for everyone.

Personally, I make sure all my characters are adults and there are no children in the same zipcode as any sexual activity. If there are kids in my stories, I specifically mention how they are nowhere near the adults going in flagrante delecto. Krissy always has a suspiciously convenient sleepover any time her heart-broken single father gets lucky. Also, all my characters who have sex have jobs, rent and other such markers to make it clear to anyone they are clearly past 18 (usually well into their 20s or 30s).

My advice... just don't mention age AT ALL. Stay clear of this fifteen/seventeen business. I was mowing the lawn and peeked over and thought she was hot. I spied on her sunbathing nude. That's it. No "I was seventeen" or "I was in high school". Just leave age references completely off the table if you are mentioning someone even remotely teen.

 

[soulhouse]

BTW, “come” is a verb, “cum” is the noun for ejaculation.

Apologies for going off topic, and I'm sure this will have been discussed before on these boards, but it seems wrong to leave erroneous guidance to stand. "Come" is also the noun. In fact, it predates "cum" and is still widely understood to mean semen, I'd suggest. It's a question of style and which fits the aim of your writing best.

This article makes a decent job of explaining: Come vs cum: the seminal battle

 

[KeithD]

Apologies for going off topic, and I'm sure this will have been discussed before on these boards, but it seems wrong to leave erroneous guidance to stand. "Come" is also the noun. In fact, it predates "cum" and is still widely understood to mean semen, I'd suggest. It's a question of style and which fits the aim of your writing best.

This article makes a decent job of explaining: Come vs cum: the seminal battle

If you're being published, it also depends on the publisher's style. Most erotica publishers use "cum" as a noun to clearly differentiate meaning. I don't see "come" winning this battle--not even in the verb form--over time, as the differentiation argument seems a good one. the "still widely understood to mean semen" argument is losing ground, I think.